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Orgasm Denial: The Types & Steps for Women and Men to Withhold & Explode

If you want to have the most mind-blowing sex ever, perhaps you should give orgasm denial a try. In the end, all the waiting will be worth it! 

orgasm denial - male and female

There are so many myths floating around orgasm denial. Why would you want to be denied what is one of the most pleasurable feelings on the planet? Well, there are some major benefits to it.

Of course, the biggest benefit is that when you do climax, it’s so strong that you’ll never have felt anything quite like it.

However, there are many misinterpretations of the practice and it can be different for men and women. To bust those myths and help you see the truth, let’s dig into orgasm denial 101. [Read: Male sexual fantasies – 16 top dirty desires every guy has in mind]

What is the difference between edging and orgasm denial?

Essentially orgasm denial is when you’re not allowed to orgasm. This is performed in a dominant and submissive relationship where the dominant brings the submissive to the edge of having an orgasm, and then denies the submissive permission to orgasm.

You then might wonder about edging. It’s very similar, but not quite the same. Edging can be done alone, you bring yourself to the very edge of orgasm and then stop until you calm down. Then, you start again.

The main difference between edging and orgasm denial is that orgasm denial is often done with a partner and it’s up to the dominant whether the submissive gets to orgasm or not.

Of course, if you care that much about your partner, you’ll let them come in the end, but the key is the unknown element. [Read: Female fantasies – the top 17 thoughts that arouse almost all women]

You might wonder about the benefits of edging and orgasm denial. Well, they’re pretty impressive.

1. Helps people, especially those with vaginas, to achieve orgasm more easily.

2. Reduces feelings of embarrassment by building body awareness and confidence.

3. Removes the emphasis on penetration for more holistic partnered sex.

Why are so many people into orgasm denial and why can it feel great?

Lots of people enjoy dominant and submissive play. If you think you might like to try it, give it a go! Giving someone control over your pleasure means you don’t have to think about it, and it’s surprisingly freeing.

With orgasm denial, it’s the intense thought of “will they let me come this time?” and the unexpected can make everything extremely heightened. The stop/start of edging included in this means that when you do come, it will be very strong and probably last longer than usual.

Who doesn’t want to feel extreme pleasure? [Read: Your guide to having submissive sex]

Orgasm denial is connected to an exchange of power

Orgasm denial is connected to a power exchange between the couple. For many couples, they choose to practice orgasm denial by allowing one person control over the other. 

The submissive must follow their partner’s rules. 

Of course, everything is spoken and agreed upon before sex and everyone knows the limitations of the dominant’s control. [Read: How to be a dominant – steps to take control and lead in bed]

Think about 50 Shades of Grey and you’re close to the mark. It’s control over one partner by deciding whether or not they deserve their orgasm at that time. 

The person desperate for release has no clue whether or not their partner is going to grant them the chance to enjoy their orgasm at that moment or not, and the anticipation can be totally overwhelming – in a good way. [Read: Why do orgasms feel so good? 21 whys and ways to make it way better

Types of orgasm denial

And you thought this was going to be a walk in the park! Anything involving sex is always layered. Naturally, when it comes to orgasm denial, there are various forms.

You have three types of orgasm denial. It really depends on what arouses you and provides you with the highest level of satisfaction as to which you choose.

1. Complete denial and chastity

Some of you may frown at this option… Why would you want to prevent yourself from orgasming altogether? But before you cross this option out, just listen up first. Complete orgasm denial means there’s no stimulation of the genitals.

People last anywhere between a couple of weeks to a couple of months. But when you start, try it for a couple of days first. Usually, people wear a chastity device which increases the need for sexual intercourse.

This allows one person complete control of the other. If you’re highly dominant or submissive, this may be great for you to try out. [Read: Master-slave relationship – 23 rules, how it works and ideas to play your part]

2. Edging

Think of a glass of water that’s just about to tip over the edge of a table. That’s exactly what edging is. In edging, the submissive is prohibited from having an orgasm. Though, unlike complete denial, the submissive receives genital stimulation through sex.

The submissive is taken to the tipping point of having an orgasm and then the sex stops. This takes perfect timing and control for the dominant.

Sometimes edging is also done while tying the submissive, making the feeling more intense. [Read: What is edging? Find out how to orgasm harder and better than ever]

3. Ruined orgasm

This method actually allows the orgasm to occur and through techniques the dominant ruins the orgasm. So, the dominant stimulates the submissive past the point of no return and then stops all stimulation. Usually, a submissive feels discomfort and the sense of being blocked.

If you want to try it out, you need to test these different methods out. It’s the only way you’ll be able to find the one that best suits you and your partner.

There are no rules when it comes to this, you can like edging or all three—whatever floats your boat. Though, most importantly, you need to communicate to your partner how orgasm denial makes you feel and what you like and do not like.

However, you should always have a safe word for you and your partner to use whenever one of you no longer enjoys the experience. Make sure it’s something completely non-sexual. Like the word tomato or spaghetti. [Read: Everything you need to know about orgasmic meditation]

How to know when to stop your edging process and come

This is a question many people wonder about. How can you tell when it’s time to stop? Otherwise, you could go on for hours!

Well, the truth is there is no set time. You simply have to go with what feels right. Basically, when you can’t take it anymore.

If you’re practicing orgasm denial with a partner, they have total control over when you come. That means they need to read your body language and know when your wall has been reached. [Read: What does an orgasm feel like? The answers-cum-guide to the big O]

The elusive female orgasm & orgasm denial

If you’re a woman, do you regularly orgasm? Be honest. Not every woman does, in fact, most women don’t. 

Many women struggle to orgasm through penetration alone and need a little extra clitoral stimulation to get close. Other women can’t orgasm with a partner but can hit the high notes when they’re on their own.

The problem is that the female orgasm needs the right conditions and it also needs time to build. 

If your mind is somewhere else or you’re just not in the right mood, it’s not going to happen no matter how hard you try. Also, many women need a good period of manual stimulation before they feel an orgasm building. [Read: Orgasm during sex – surprising reasons she’s not having one]

In that case, experimenting with new ways to reach your climax is a good idea. So, why not give female orgasm denial a try and see if it can help you to achieve stronger and more regular orgasms? [Read: Clitoral stimulation – sexy ways to please the clitoris]

Male orgasm denial, should you try it?

This thrill of tantalization is similar to what adrenaline junkies, erotic asphyxiation fetishists, and shoplifters get from doing the things they do.

The thrill of something dangerous, and the gratification of narrowly missing harm. But despite this, male orgasm denial packs more than just cheap thrills.

Male orgasm denial is as straightforward as it sounds. You or your partner stimulates you until the point of orgasm then ceases stimulation moments before you reach the peak.

The action subsequently moves you back to your relaxed arousal state and the process is repeated again as much as you or your partner wants until they finally allow you to blow your load. [Read: 15 ways to make sex better and take sex up a notch]

As such, male orgasm denial allows you to practice control over your orgasms, therefore, prolonging your arousal state. You can use it in role-play scenarios, especially if the man plays the submissive role.

Reaching the brink of orgasm gives off a different sense of pleasure, doing it many times over feels much better. If the denial already feels good, imagine how good the final moment of orgasm will be. [Read: 20 hot sex ideas to blow your lover’s mind]

Be sure to start slow and build up carefully

If this is your first time trying orgasm denial, our suggestion would be to take it nice and slow. 

This isn’t a competition. Plus, it’s new for both of you. You and your partner need to figure out what you both like and dislike, altering the rules as you go. 

The first couple of times may be awkward, but that’s only because you try to figure out what works for you. If you’re the submissive, you need to know how your body works.

Take some time on your own to figure out which masturbation technique suits you the best, if toys help, or if you prefer fingers. You also need to know where the edge is when you’re about to cum.

So, get to know your body and the feeling of just when you’re about to orgasm. [Read: Intense orgasms checklist – moves to guarantee one all the time]

Put in the effort to start controlling your orgasms

This is called orgasm denial for a reason. If you’re submissive, you need to be able to control your orgasms. Your partner helps you get to the point where you’re about to edge, but you’re really the only one who knows when you’re going to orgasm. 

So, when you’re alone and masturbating when you feel yourself about to orgasm, stop. [Read: Sizzling ways to control your orgasms]

In the beginning, you may not be able to control your orgasm which is perfectly normal. It’s very hard to do and you need a lot of discipline and concentration. But your goal, as you continue to practice, is to get to the point where you deny yourself an orgasm two or three times.

Of course, your partner also needs to be able to recognize the signs, especially if they’re going to be the one in control.

Play together and let your partner know when your orgasm is about to hit. Then, they can observe the signs and know when you’re about to climax. [Read: How to push the right buttons to achieve multiple orgasms?]

Learn to communicate in bed for a powerful experience

If you’re not bothered about who’s dominant or the submissive in bed and just want to experience female orgasm denial as a couple, learn to communicate.

Just as you feel a wave of an orgasm building up, let your partner know so they can slow down the penetration or stop moving altogether while you control your breathing and calm yourself down. 

Once the wave of an impending orgasm starts to recede, you can let your partner know so they can continue arousing you or penetrating you. All the way until you feel your next orgasm build up.

Communicate well, and in time, and both of you can learn to delay the orgasm as a couple, and experience a tidal wave of orgasms when you both decide to let go and cum together. [Read: How to experience simultaneous orgasms as a couple and enjoy sex a lot more]

Orgasm denial works best when you deny yourself *or you’re denied* several times

If you’re able to deny yourself an orgasm, it works to your benefit. The longer you hold off, the more likely you’ll have an even stronger and more intense orgasm. See what we mean? A little practice pays off big time.

So, don’t just deny it once. Start off with two times. Then, when you’re comfortable, work up to three or four. You’ll know when you reach the point where you can’t take anymore and at that stage, let it go. Literally.

The force will be extreme and your orgasm will be much deeper as a result of holding back for so much longer. You know what they say, when you want something badly, it’s good to wait so you appreciate it more! [Read: Mutual masturbation – intimate ways to connect without touching]

Basic tips for trying orgasm denial

If you want to try orgasm denial for yourself first, you’ll need a few tips on how to get started. Then, you can involve your partner. Or, if you prefer, you can start the journey together and see where it leads. 

1. The basic edging position

If you’re alone, this is how to practice. Sit on either your bed or a chair, whichever is more comfortable. You’ll want your legs spread open and then you’ll want to masturbate. 

It’s the traditional masturbation position. When you try to deny an orgasm, you want to keep it simple in the beginning. [Read: What is edging? Find out how to orgasm harder & better than ever]

2. Use other parts of your body

You don’t only have to focus on your vagina when edging. Grab your breasts, suck on your fingers, rub your thighs—whatever helps you become aroused, give it a try. Your body is extremely sensitive when aroused, so try different methods out. [Read: Sexy solo moves to try out on yourself]

3. Choose someone you trust as a partner

Orgasm denial is very intimate and needs a lot of patience. 

You don’t want to do this with someone who actually doesn’t care about you and your needs. You want someone who wants to help you and really act like a true dominant. So, make sure you choose a person you trust.

4. Try using sex toys

You can also use sex toys while trying to edge. If you already mastered edging with your fingers, add in a sex toy for some extra pleasure. There’s no actual rule as to how you deny an orgasm, you do what feels good for you. [Read: 15 common types of sex toys all singles and couples must know]

5. Guys, try prostate milking after every session

One of the risks posed by male orgasm denial is prostate fluid build-up which causes bacterial infection.

Men usually purge their old prostate fluid when they ejaculate so it is replenished by a fresh supply. However, orgasm denial stocks up old prostate fluid which poses a health risk.

During the end of each session, reward him by letting him release all that fluid by prostate milking. [Read: 50 kinky ideas for a sexy relationship]

How to talk about trying orgasm denial

If you’re interested in trying orgasm denial, you might be worried about mentioning it to your partner. The thing is, a healthy sex life has to include communication too!

Try starting a conversation about fantasies and slip orgasm denial in there as one of yours. Watch your partner’s body language as you do, and see if they appear interested or intrigued.

If you’ve done your research beforehand, you can answer any questions your partner might have and then you could give it a try!

[Read: Arousing sex fantasies to try in real life]

Now that you know about orgasm denial, if you’re still curious about it, then talk to your partner. See if they’re willing to participate with you. It can be a lot of fun!

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...