There are so many myths floating around orgasm denial. When you first say the term “orgasm denial,” you probably thought that it meant you denied you have orgasms. I mean, it makes sense if you’re just looking at the term head on.
But, orgasm denial isn’t about that. There are probably people who deny having orgasms when they actually do, but I don’t even know what you would call them… crazy?
What is orgasm denial?
So, what is orgasm denial then? Well, essentially orgasm denial is when you’re not allowed to orgasm. This is performed in a dominant and submissive relationship where the dominant brings the submissive on the edge of orgasming, and then denies the submissive permission to orgasm.
Orgasm denial and everything you need to know about it
Has this peaked your interest? If so, there’s a little more to orgasm denial than just this. Let’s dive in a little deeper and pull apart what consists of orgasm denial. If you’re into it, you can have a lot of fun.
#1 There has to be a dominant and a submissive. Or else it just wouldn’t work out. I mean, if you have two submissives, no one wants to be dominant. If you have someone who likes to switch roles, then it’s okay. But in order to do this, you need someone willing to be submissive and someone who’s a willing dominant. [Read: Your guide to having submissive sex]
#2 But you can also do this solo. Usually, you’d perform this with a partner, but you also do this on your own. If you’re new to this concept, doing it alone helps you understand your body and makes you feel more comfortable before trying it out with a partner.
You’ll be able to learn how your body reacts to stimulation and control. If you do this with a partner for the first time, it’s not bad. You don’t have that intimacy and time to focus on yourself. [Read: The 15 sexy benefits of male masturbation]
#3 Orgasm denial is usually done as a BDSM game. Now, of course, there are always exceptions, but usually they’re a part of BDSM games. It depends on the game that’s being played, the submissive may be allowed to orgasm at the end or entirely prohibited from orgasming altogether.
If they’re allowed to orgasm at the end, their orgasm will be very intense. If they’re denied the ability to orgasm, it’ll be through deflation *for men* or granted a ruined orgasm.
#4 You have a couple types of denial. And you thought this was going to be a walk in the park. Anything involving sex is always layered. Naturally, when it comes to orgasm denial, there are various forms. You have three types of orgasm denial. It really depends on what arouses you and provides you with the highest level of satisfaction.
#5 Type #1: Complete denial and chastity. Some of you may frown at this option, I mean, why would you want to prevent yourself from orgasming all together? But before you cross this option out, just listen up first. Complete orgasm denial means there’s no stimulation of the genitals.
People last anywhere between a couple weeks to a couple months, but if you start out, try it for a couple days first. Usually, people wear a chastity device which increases the need for sexual intercourse. This allows one person complete control of the other. If you’re highly dominant or submissive, this may be great for you to try out.
#6 Type #2: Edging. Think of a glass of water that’s just about to tip over the edge of a table. That’s exactly what edging is. In edging, the submissive is prohibited from having an orgasm. Though, unlike complete denial, the submissive receives genital stimulation through sex.
The submissive is taken to the tipping point of having an orgasm and then the sex stops. This takes perfect timing and control for the dominant. Sometimes edging is also done while tying the submissive, making the feeling more intense. [Read: What is edging? Find out how to orgasm harder and better than ever]
#7 Type #3: Ruined Orgasm. The method actually allows the orgasm to occur, and through techniques the dominant ruins the orgasm. So, the dominant stimulates the submissive past the point of no return and then stops all stimulation. Usually, a submissive feels discomfort and the sense of being blocked.
#8 Test them out. If you want to try it out, you need to test these different methods out. It’s the only way you’ll be able to find the one which best suits you and your partner.
There are no rules when it comes to this, you can like edging or all three—whatever floats your boat. Though, most importantly, you need to communicate to your partner how orgasm denial makes you feel and what you like and do not like.
#9 Have a safe word. You should always have a safe word for you and your partner to use whenever one of you are no longer enjoys the experience. Make sure it’s something completely non-sexual. Like the word tomato or spaghetti. I mean, unless you have sex during dinner, you should be fine.
#10 This isn’t going to be an overnight success. Orgasm denial is not something that’s easy to do. I mean, you deny yourself an orgasm, do you know how hard that is, especially when you’re in the mood? Exactly!
So, if you try it out with your partner for the first time and it doesn’t go as planned, don’t worry. This is going to take some time in order for you to develop control. [Read: Everything you need to know about orgasmic meditation]
#11 Be careful when using a chastity. First of all, don’t force someone to wear a chastity belt if they don’t want to. It’s not going to work out well for you. Secondly, make sure you read the chastity guide before locking someone in it. That’s not going to be a fun trip to the hospital. I mean, the doctors definitely will never forget this.
[Read: How to date a kinky girl – 19 ways to go from vanilla to spice]
Now that you know about orgasm denial, if you’re still curious about it, then talk to your partner. See if they’re willing to participate with you. It can be a lot of fun!
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