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The Couple’s Comprehensive Guide to Long Distance Sex

Who says being miles apart will put a stop to your sex life? Here’s our guide for getting down and dirty with your long distance lover.

long distances sex

Long distance relationships can be a drag for couples. It could make or break a relationship. There’s the physical separation that most couples find debilitating, having to find time for each other while staying at different time zones, and of course, the lack of sexual action. However, being physically away from each other doesn’t mean the two of you can’t have some hot, steamy sex. [Read: 10 survival tips for every long distance relationship]

Believe it or not, long distance sex is older than computer technology itself. The medieval story of the lovers Abelard and Eloise narrates how they managed to make love through written correspondence. Both cloistered monastics, they regularly sent steamy letters to each other, detailing how they would ravage each other’s bodies if ever they were physically together.

If they made it work with parchment and a quill pen, you, with the gift of more advanced technology, could never have the problem of having sex, even in a long distance relationship.

The traditional way of long distance sex includes phone, texting or chat sex. But with the dawn of social media, instant messaging, and faster internet connections, you could have easier, interactive long distance sex with programs such as Skype, Adium, and Google Talk to name a few. All you need is your computer, a webcam, and an open mind to make it happen. [Read: Naughty texting games for couples]

Preparing yourself for long distance sex

Not all people would be open to this kind of sex. However, it is a good chance to explore other activities to spice up your sex life. Plus, it’s better than nothing. You could make long distance sex exciting for you and your partner through careful preparation. After this, you would somehow notice that setting up a webcam sex session is similar to directing a stage or film production. So this is the time to let your naughty creativity flow.

#1 Talk to your partner about it. Make your intentions known to your partner. This is important, especially if both or one of you hasn’t done this before. The usual reactions would range from awkward curiosity to high anticipation.

#2 Take the initiative. If your partner still feels awkward or somehow hesitant, you should take the lead. Tell your partner that they have nothing to worry about, and leave the rest to you to plan a good show. All your partner needs to do is to agree and enjoy the session. This would add sexual tension and excitement later on.

#3 Draw up your plans. This is where you figure out how the act would progress. Brainstorm the things that would turn you and your partner on. You could make a list of songs you’d want to play while you’re doing the act, or take the time to procure the toys or lingerie that you’ll be using.

You could also take the time to test your gadgets: your laptop, PC, webcam, microphone, tablet, etc., so you’ll know if they’re working perfectly once the show starts. You could share your plans with your partner or keep it a secret in order to surprise them.

#4 Set the date. Once you’ve carefully gone through with the preparations, set the date. If both of you are from different time zones, choose a time and date where both of you are free, relaxed and alone. The best choice would be a weekend night. Be careful not to set it too far into the future or too soon, as that could either kill the mood or leave no time for proper preparations.

#5 Build anticipation. Add more excitement by sending previews of the show to your partner. You could send racy photos of your toys or selfies wearing lingerie. You could also build the hype by sending teasing text messages. This would build sexual tension and excitement that you could unleash during the date. [Read: 10 naughty games for long distance relationships]

#6 Final checks. Test your hardware for the last time, prepare your toys, clean up the room, and get a Brazilian or whatsoever. The most important thing to remember before engaging in long distance sex is privacy.

Long distance sex is still sex in its core, and couples would want that degree of privacy. We have all heard of leaks of hacked private photos and videos online, and you wouldn’t want this to happen to you. Make sure your room is isolated, with the windows all covered up. Check your online connection if it’s secure, and make sure your web chat application is switched to private. Once you’re all ready, you can now proceed to the main event.

How to set up your own private show

Now it’s time to turn on your laptop, set your webcam and microphones, and adjust the camera angle so your partner can get a clear view of you. Do a little tech check, so everything will run smoothly, and you can do your business uninterrupted. I would recommend that you lose the headset and turn your loudspeaker on for ease of movement. You could also dim the lights or light some mood candles.

#1 The overture. In this part, make yourselves comfortable. You could start by having a casual conversation like you normally do. Ask about your partner’s day and tell your partner how you greatly missed them. A good idea is to let them watch you take a shower while you go on with the casual talk. Or you could just shower without letting your partner see you to add to the anticipation.

#2 Set the pace. Start by asking your partner what they feel right now, whether they’re nervous or excited or hesitant or already aroused. This is the part where the both of you will start feeling hot, so it’s the perfect time to start with a bit of dirty talk. [Read: 23 dirty talk tips to get your partner in the mood]

Tell your partner how great they look and how you greatly desire to be with them this very moment. If you’re thinking of doing role playing, it’s time to get into character. To further eliminate the awkwardness and maintain that sensual mood, you could also play some music.

On dirty talking: use your seductive bedroom voice. Women are greatly stimulated by imagination, so be creative. Tell her the detailed, methodical way of how you intend to please her tonight. For women, compliment his tool and tell him how you much you want him.

#3 Progression. Now it’s time to up the ante a little bit. By this time, both of you should be dying to get naked/see your partner undressed. If a striptease is part of your program, decide who strips first.

For guys, try to do a Magic Mike-inspired strip ritual: stand in front of the camera butt first, and carefully slip off your underwear to show your shapely behind. Then turn around and show her that massive hard-on.

For ladies, it’s time to carefully slip out of your lingerie. You could tease their men by showing your cleavage or cupping your boobs with your hands, before jiggling them in front of the camera. Be your most creative and most seductive self, and sweeten the act with more dirty talk.

#4 Flaunt it. It’s time to flaunt the assets that your partner loves the most. Grab that webcam and give him or her a close up of your body. Run it over your cleavage, your abs, or your butt and make your partner beg for more.

Men are highly visual creatures and would love to see you in seductive positions. Get on all fours and show your butt while watching him stroke his member. Or spread your legs to show him how wet you are from what you’re doing. Now sit back and relax, as you watch and visually please each other. [Read: 15 real life tips to help you look better naked]

#5 Sex. By this time you’re both warmed up and hot. It’s high time to use those toys, if you have any. Or maybe just use your hands. Just remember to take it slow and relax. One good way is to let each other guide the other on what to do next. You could type in the chat box or whisper it in the microphone. Make sure that your genitals are in full view of your partner.

You can watch each other masturbate while enjoying each other’s moans. For the ladies, you can also playfully whip out that dildo or vibrator, run it between your legs, and put it in while he’s using his fleshlight. Speed it up or slow it down according to how you’re imagining you’re making love to your partner.

It’s important that you let each other know how good you feel during the act. Vocalize your sensations and your imaginations, and go crazy on the dirty talk.

#6 Climax. Watch each other come. Women like to see their men ejaculate, as men like to see their women collapse into a shivering, moaning heap. So don’t worry about the mess, as long as it doesn’t get all over your gadgets. Do not be conscious and let it all out. Shake, shiver, moan and let your partner know that you made each other feel good.

#7 Post-coitus. After both of you have recovered, you could talk about what you’ve just experienced. Compliment each other for being able to pull off such an arousing, enjoyable show. You can also give a playful warning that once you’re together again, you’ll be having sex until both of you collapse from exhaustion. Take a little time to talk and be all sweet, and never end the session after climax.

Other long distance sex tips to keep in mind

#1 Save the show. If you think you are careful enough, you can save the recording of your session and watch it while you do it for real next time.

#2 Always relax and be comfortable. There are times when you can take your role play character seriously and become very tense. Remember that even if the session doesn’t go well, it’s still a learning experience that you can both laugh about in the future.

#3 Be creative and try other things next time. If you first started with just your hands, next time, try using toys, or use role playing.

#4 Don’t overdo it. Use your long distance sex sessions sparingly, or it will lose its appeal to both of you after just a few tries.

[Read: Sexual voyeurism and the sexy rush it gives you]

Thanks to technology, pleasuring a partner who’s miles away is now easier than ever! Keep these long distance sex tips in mind, and experiment with all the delightful things you can show your partner on your next session.

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Paul Timothy Mangay
Paul aka Morty is a keyboard-pounding cubicle-dweller based in Manila where he occasionally moonlights as a writer for anyone in need of his mediocre word-strin...
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