You can get tired of your relationship for several reasons, but what you do about it is what really matters. Follow these tips to respond like an adult.
All relationships go through ups and downs, and sometimes the downs are ruts. There are times when you may feel tired of your relationship. It may not feel as exciting and romantic as it once was. Usually, that is normal and will pass when a stressful time calms down, but not always.
If you are feeling tired of your relationship, there could be underlying reasons for it. There may be something going on that you and your partner can work on, but maybe this is just the beginning of the end.
There are some questions you can answer to figure out what you should do when you’re feeling tired of your relationship.
Before we get into why you might feel tired of your relationship and what to do about it, are you really tired of your relationship?
As mentioned, it is totally normal to go through ruts in your relationship. Maybe you recently moved in together and spend all your time at home watching Netflix. Falling into a more boring routine can cause you to ignore intimacy and other aspects of your relationship that keep the spark and excitement alive.
Or, you might be busy with your job or family stuff and your relationship is being put on the back burner. Without time to care for your relationship, it can make it feel more like work than enjoyment which leads you to feel tired of your relationship.
These things will likely pass, though. As long as you notice the change and take action to focus on your bond and talk about how you can make sure you don’t get tired of each other, breaking out of these ruts doesn’t have to be that hard.
Unfortunately, feeling tired of your relationship isn’t always brought on by a simple rut. It can be a lot more serious. But, before fixing the problem, figure out why you’re tired of your relationship.
When you pinpoint the cause of these feelings, it is easier to address them head-on.
#1 Do you communicate? Once you are comfortable together, it is common for what was once open and honest communication to fade. When you no longer share your feelings, you miss out on the feelings you had earlier in your relationship.
When you’ve been together for a while, you expect your partner to know what you want or how you feel without you saying anything, but it isn’t how relationships work. Without that intentional communication, you can easily start to feel tired of your relationship.
#2 Are you intimate? Intimacy is so vital in a relationship. Whether that means sex or just cuddling and holding hands, without it a relationship will feel like a friendship or even less than that.
Whether you’re stressed, busy, or just not in the mood lately, a loss of physical intimacy can lead to you feeling tired of your relationship. You aren’t getting something you need from the relationship, and even if you get along well, it can feel more practical than romantic.
#3 Do you have repeat arguments? When you are in a comfortable long term relationship, you don’t want to end it no matter what. I have seen a lot of couples have the same arguments repeatedly. This sort of pattern makes both partners resentful and leads you to feel tired of the relationship.
#4 Are you growing apart? Some couples just grow apart. Maybe at one point, you fell together perfectly. Your lifestyles lined up and you wanted the same things. Well, people change and grow and it isn’t always at the same pace.
When you got together, you may have felt perfectly happy being a homemaker while your partner went to work, but a few years in, you may have discovered a passion for something you want to take on full time. Maybe you’ve discovered your independence or confidence.
When one partner changes and the other doesn’t or isn’t willing to accept those changes, it leads to relationship fatigue. You aren’t bonding together over the changes you are going through, instead, you grow further apart, even if you share a bed every night.
#5 Are you happy? This is a huge factor in why you may feel tired of your relationship. Something that once brought you immense joy could be adding nothing of benefit to your life or could be making you stressed or upset.
When you’re tired of your relationship, it can feel like you’ll never get that spark back. The excitement and nerves you had for your first few dates are gone. You’re stuck in this blah relationship.
The good news, you can wake up your relationship. You can do things to bring life back to your relationship.
#1 Talk about it. First, talk to your partner about it. If you want to work on things, let them know how you’re feeling.
Tell them you miss how excited you used to get to see each other and want to bring that back. See if they feel the same or if they’re open to working on it. Do you need to communicate more? Do you need to be more spontaneous or adventurous? [Read: How to rekindle your relationship and bring the sparks back]
#2 Flirt. Flirting and showing your affection in small ways can make a big difference when you’re feeling tired of your relationship. Flirt throughout the day to build up excitement before you see each other in the evening. Leave each other little love notes around the house or in the car.
#3 Try new things. Trying new things together will remind you of what you may be missing. You may be working separately on your relationship which makes you both tired of it. Instead, work together.
#4 Take some time. Sometimes a break is all you need to find the excitement again. Too much time together can feel like you’re drowning or bored with each other’s company. I am not saying you should break up, but take some time apart.
Go away for a trip with your friends. Take up a new hobby on your own. Couples don’t have to spend all of their time together. You can both have nights apart with your family or friends.
#5 Start fresh. If you are tired of your relationship and talked about it and made changes with your partner, but still feel like your relationship exhausts you more than anything else, it might just be time to end things.
You don’t have to be fighting or angry or resentful to break up. You might get along and just not feel what you need to be happy in the relationship. That is totally okay.
Tell your partner the truth. Then, move forward so you can feel refreshed in a new relationship or on your own.