When a Man Falls In Love: How Men Fall in Love & the 7 Stages

How Men Fall In Love - when a man falls in love

Want to know what goes through his mind when a man falls in love? Here are the 7 stages how men fall in love, and everything else you need to know!

When women fall in love, it’s filled with bursts of happiness and miss-you texts. When a man falls in love, well, it’s just different. So how do men fall in love and what really goes on in a man’s mind?

For men, falling in love is a happy experience, but love doesn’t really kick in for a while. While women may experience an intense surge of affections as soon as they realize they like a guy, the mind of men doesn’t usually really work that way.

[Read: Infatuation vs love – 14 ways you can tell the difference]

How do men fall in love

Do men and women fall in love or fall for each other in a completely different way? Well, love is love, and we all love each other in similar ways. BUT where it gets different is how men approach falling in love.

To a man, dating is a conquest. He may be dating with the intention of finding the one who’s a great match for him. But no matter how hard he tries, his evolutionary instinct kicks in as soon as he’s on a date. And irrespective of whether he actually sees the girl as a potential life partner or not, he tries to woo her and impress her.

Of course, there’s the side quest opportunity of sleeping with her and sowing his wild oats. But when he dates a girl, he’s not trying hard to see if she’s the one. He’s only trying desperately to make sure he’s able to get the girl to fall for him. [Read: How guys flirt – 15 subtle things guys do to impress a girl]

So how quickly do men fall in love?

To a girl, it may seem almost instantaneous! He pursues you, he woos you, he tries to seduce you, and he even professes his love for you. Sometimes, he does all of these within the first few dates! WTF?!

To a girl’s eye, all of these clearly signal the signs of a man falling in love, and falling in love hard. But no matter how smitten he may seem *and men actually believe they’re falling in love too*, it’s still him and his wooing game that’s trying to impress you in full gusto. [Read: 16 signs he wants you bad and is irresistibly attracted to you]

Do men fall in love when they miss you?

Most girls assume the more she sticks around in person around a guy, the harder he’ll fall for her. But honestly, it only makes a guy take her easy because she’s easily available.

What works instead, is going out on dates often, but making sure you give him a lot of space. Don’t just vanish from his life though! [Read: 15 classy and powerful ways to make a guy go crazy over you]

Stay away in person, but stay on his mind! Make sure you’re still on his mind, either by staying active on social media or Instagram, flirty short texts to say hello, or by just having a great life where you’re out and about all the time.

If you’re busy having fun and meeting people, that’ll only make him want to pursue you harder because he sees you as a big catch and “some other guy could date you”, which will make him fall even harder for you. [Read: Tired of chasing? Here’s how to make a guy want you instead]

Why do guys run away when they fall in love

Ah, the big question! Now you’ll completely understand the psychology behind how men fall in love and why men run away, when you get to the 7 stages of love for men below. But when a man dates you, he isn’t falling in love with you, he’s only trying really hard to make YOU fall in love with him.

Once he’s sure you’re falling for him, literally, that’s the first time he actually asks himself if he even likes you, and wonders if he sees you as a potential dating partner. And this is when most girls get confused by a guy’s behavior. [Read: Why men pull away – The real reasons why he’s so distant and what you can do]

You see him pursuing you in a frenzy, and just as you start to give in and start falling for him “because he’s in love with you”, you see guys running away when you assume they’re already in love with you. That’s not because he’s scared to commit, but he’s considering the idea of being in a relationship with you for the first time. If he runs, now you’d know what that means. [Read: 17 sordid signs you’re just a hookup and nothing more to a guy]

The guy in love – What does a man think when they fall in love?

The first thought – PANIK! That’s right, when a man first starts genuinely falling for a girl, he’s a bit apprehensive and confused. Is she worth “settling down”? Is she really the one? All of the same questions you’d ask yourself over the first couple of dates. Only, the guy waits way, way longer than the first few dates to even ask himself the same questions.

But if he’s convinced you’re worth it, you can expect him to give in completely and fall in love with you, truly, madly, deeply, all in the same ways that you’d fall for him. But as you’d see below, this doesn’t really happen until the final stage of falling in love for him. [Read: The truest signs a man is in love – 17 gestures that are way louder than words]

How men fall in love – The seven stages of love for men

Now that you have a clear idea about how men date and fall in love, understanding why they run sometimes, and behave so smitten at other times, may start to make sense to you.

But if you want to completely understand a guy’s mind as he falls in love, check out the 7 stages of love for men, and find out how men fall in love and the different stages they experience. [Read: 21 ways to charm a guy into seriously falling in love with you]

Stage 1 – Appreciation

This is all about physical appearances and instant attraction. Now this should clear the doubts out for women though. Men are rather shallow when it comes to getting attracted at first sight.

While women may sometimes fall in love in the first conversation, men are attracted to a woman initially only for her physical aspects, and almost nothing else.

Physical appearance is paramount for men, but it may not necessarily be the entire package. Each guy has his own preferences in what he likes about a woman, be it her face, her legs, her smile or even the way she runs her hands through her hair. Now, just to be clear, physical appearance doesn’t have to mean the body of a Victoria’s secret angel or the face of the sexiest celebrity. If you make his heart skip a jump in the first conversation, chances are, he’ll think something about you is stunningly attractive! [Read: 25 things guys find sexy and attractive about a girl]

A guy may not even know what it is about a girl that he likes, but if he finds something attractive in her, he may experience the appreciation stage.

Stage 2 – Infatuation

Men appreciate a lot of women on a daily basis. They try to steal second glances or get a girl’s attention all the time. But it’s not always a success, either because he’s not trying hard enough or because the woman’s just not interested in him. The infatuation stage of how men fall in love is also the wooing stage of love for men in the dating game.

A man may appreciate a lot of women, but he doesn’t really get infatuated by all of them. If he appreciates a woman, and is interested in wooing her or pursuing her, he enters the infatuation phase.

A man may pursue a woman in various ways, but if she doesn’t accept his advances he usually forgets the girl as just another attractive girl he wanted to go out with. It’s easier for a man to like a girl one day and forget he ever liked her the next because he has so many stages to deal with before he even makes up his mind on falling in love. [Read: Why do men like a chase and how to use it in your favor]

Stage 3 – Attraction

If an attractive girl reciprocates to a guy’s advances, he enters into the attraction stage of love. Until this stage, a guy can walk away from a girl without any pain or heartbreak even if the girl rejects him. He’s not really trying too hard, and he’s not really fallen in love to care about a rejection when he’s just trying to get lucky.

But if a girl does show the slightest sign of reciprocation or interest in the guy, or even if he assumes she’s into him, the guy digs deep into this stage, the attraction stage. In this stage, he decides to pursue the girl and make her like him. [Read: How to talk to a guy and make him like you]

Stage 4 – Impression

Understanding how men fall in love is complicated stuff, but quite frankly, he’s nowhere close to falling in love right now even in this stage. All he wants to do is make the girl like him. He shows off his mating potential to her. He peacocks, he plans dates and splurges on gifts to please the girl. He’s definitely not in love, but he does want something good to come out of this stage of impressions. [Read: What is peacocking and why men instinctively do this around women they like]

Stage 5 – Conviction

If a guy’s successfully breezing through these different stages of love for men, he’d start to wonder if there’s something more in the air. But instead of falling in love with the girl, all he’s worried about is how to convince the girl to fall in love with him.

He would really like the girl in this stage and would definitely want to continue going out with her, but the uncertainty would still confuse him and he would not be at ease until he’s certain the girl likes him.

This stage is especially prominent when a guy falls for a friend, or someone knows knows well. He can’t really try to impress her by buying gifts or taking her out on dates, but yet, he wouldn’t be able to stop pondering over how to convince the girl to go out with him. In this stage, all a guy cares about is how to get the girl to like him. [Read: 16 hush-hush signs your guy friend wants to have sex with you]

Stage 6 – Reaffirmation

If he’s able to convince the girl and make her fall in love with him, he’s a happy man. He likes where the dating game is heading.

But until now, in his pursuit of getting the girl to like him, he’s not asked himself if he really likes the girl and whether he actually wants to go out with her. Until this stage of love, getting the girl to like him was a goal he’s been focused on. Once the girl is in love with him, only then does a man seriously start to consider if he wants to have a relationship with the girl who now loves him.

It’s a selfish move, but it’s something evolution has taught all male species. “Don’t waste time thinking. Spend your time searching for more places to bust a nut.”

Now that the girl is in love with him or falling for him one day at a time, he takes a couple of days to sit back and weigh the pros and the cons of being in a relationship with that girl. Does he really love the girl too? Will he be happy with her? Is she the woman he wants and needs? [Read: Why do guys pull away before they commit? A guide to read his mind]

Stage 7 – He’s ready to love

If a man’s convinced that he truly likes the girl and wants to be with her, he enters this final stage of love where he’s ready to fall in love with the girl. On the other hand, if he’s not really convinced that the girl is the right mate for him, he may start avoiding her or losing interest in pleasing her because of his confusion.

Ever dated a really great guy who started behaving like a jerk a couple of weeks into love? Well, you know what happened now, don’t you? [Read: Why do guys distance themselves after intimacy? And what you need to do]

How to turn the dating game in your favor and make him chase you

Now that you know how men fall in love with a woman, this whole game may seem like an annoying truth. And it’s more annoying to know that men have to actually make women fall in love with them before they even think about going out with you, but that’s the way men fall in love and they really have no choice about it.

But if you really want to beat the guy in his own game, don’t make it obvious that you really like him at the very first instant. Keep it simple and play hard to get for a while. [Read: How to play hard to get with a guy and make it work for you]

Not giving in too easily, at least at the beginning, will make him work harder to win your love. And when he does finally win you over, he’ll never ever want to leave you because you’re such a tough catch to get or let go!

[Read: Don’t misunderstand playing hard to get – The LovePanky dating girl code all girls need to know]

Well, you may now know how men fall in love with women and the seven stages of love for a man. But remember this, when a man falls in love, it’s almost always because you made him work for your affection.

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Vin Serai
Vin Serai
A proponent of chivalry and romance, Vin Serai sees himself as a gregarious gentleman with an active imagination, who still manages to spend more time living in...

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69 thoughts on “When a Man Falls In Love: How Men Fall in Love & the 7 Stages”

  1. Chase says:

    This website is beautiful. The stories in particular are beautiful and well written, very inspiring to say the least. This post however, it’s fairly stereotypical in nature and highly inaccurate. I am a Man of 27 and I have loved and lost many times over, never before have I ever fallen into a practice of evaluating a woman based on something as shallow as looks. I might agree that I am the exception but I have yet to meet any Man who would agree that the beginning of love is strictly based upon physical appearance as stated in the beginning of this article. Physical attraction is just as important as any other aspect of love but it’s insulting to say that Men aren’t capable of anything else….especially in a matter-of-fact manner. Sorry, whoever wrote this is highly misinformed.

  2. Jane Milano says:

    This doesn’t make sense:

    At stage 4: “He plans dates…”

    At stage 5: ” [He] would definitely want to go out with her…”

    And yet…

    At stage 6: “he

  3. Leo says:

    As a guy, I’ve never given any thought to the stages in love. I can’t even imagine that guys would actually have stages to fall in love with a girl. But as read through these seven stages, they make complete sense.

    I’ve always focused on impressing a girl and making her fall in love with me first because I completely fall in love with her. It’s safer for the heart, especially because I try to impress any girl I find attractive. I think it’s the same with all guys.

    It’s like the story of the sperms and the egg. Men have a billion sperms to increase the odds, so it makes sense to try and impress every girl they meet without really caring to fall in love. On the other hand, women, who have just one egg to spare every month, have to play the field more cautiously.

    Even for a guy, this article is extremely illuminating!

  4. Phil says:

    I dont agree with this 100%.. Maybe 10% – the physical part. I have met someone, we have kept sex out of the equation completely and built a friendship first. Every day that passes and I pry to know more about her, I see how much we have in common. Her smile lights up my world like no other has ever done before. I dont know everything about her, but I want to spend the time in doing so. This however does lead to pain. The affection and attention she gives me sends me into a spin. It tests my strength, it drives me wild. Id let her go in a second if I knew she would be happier with someone else. Yeah, I am in trouble…

  5. Robert says:

    I almost completely agree with Phil. I will admit that I am not perfect, and that I have stolen glances at women as they pass by, But I’d be damned if I ever attempted to make a woman fall for me, or even started a relationship based on physical features.
    The girl I am with now is amazing, and I cant help but think about her all day. When I hear her say she loves me, there are feelings I cannot explain shooting into me.
    The article is a matter of opinion, that of which I happen to disagree with…But I am sure it is true for some, so my night-time rambling is over.
    I just want it to be known that there aren’t really that many shallow guys.
    (I think people believe it because 99% of bars are filled with creepy guys looking for one night stands.)

  6. Camilla says:

    This suggests men never fall in love first, but only after the “chosen one” already is in love with them. Then there would not be any men unhappily in love, would there? It is silly. And might I ask, what studies can validate these “stages” as a part of the male behavioral pattern? Preposterous.

  7. Lisa says:

    Reading this article was interesting and informative! I have a question for you males! If a man is
    willing to talk to you sexually does that mean he is into you that way? Loved the article…thanks!!!

  8. Taggy says:

    As a man all I can say this article is partly correct. The first stages are definitely true. How a woman looks and how she responds to our flirts are indeed very important if we will start falling in love with a girl, or not. It’s simple, we get so many rejections all the time that we have a self defense system. If we smile to a girl and she does not respond, then she’s indeed out of our mind.

    Stages 4 and later are DEFINITELY nor correct. If I really fall deeply in love with a girl, it already happens at stage 3. What happens in a guys mind is actually very simple. We are genetically programmed to want a girl that is cute, sexy and somehow needs our protection. Especially protection is important, if I don’t have the feeling I have to protect you I will not fall in love. Everything else (like smartness or humor) is actually not very important. It is a plus for a long term stable relationship, true. But for falling in love… nah… Not really that important.

    What is described in the article in stage 4-7 is just the way a man dates when he wants a girl, but he’s NOT in love. He can stay with that girl, sure. He might even like her enough to convince himself that he must be in love… But real love goes much much faster!

    Another note for you girls about playing hard to get. We man HATE IT AS HELL!! Seriously stop doing it. There no bigger sign of love to a guy than a girl that shows she’s in love too. For me playing hard to get is actually a way to get me pissed off. There’s even a big chance that if you wait to long (texting a day later), we take it as a sign of no interest and move along (or lose trust). If you text directly back, we know you like us and we feel so much more comfortable around you.

  9. Stage6 says:

    My man is DEFINITELY at stage 6. Less than two weeks ago he told me he loved me, and then a week ago we had an argument and suddenly he needed “time and space” to figure things out. After a week we finally sat down and talked about what was really going on, and he said he was confused, that he loved me (but didn’t know if he was in love or not) and needed to decide if he was all in with our relationship or all out.

    At first I was crazy upset, but after a while I calmed down, told him I loved him and that he should get his mind straight and that once he figures it out maybe I’ll be here still or maybe not. I reminded him that I had picked him (out of all possible suitors) and that he had won me over. I told him that once he figured out what he wanted, if he still wanted to be with me, he’d have to win me over again.

  10. Robert Medlock says:

    Me again, I just found my post after a brief search.
    My main points were that this article seems very misleading towards the nature of men. I highly doubt that the actually research in it is unbiased, as it seems seriously convoluted at some points.
    In one stage, Love from both. Next? BOOM, Guy thinks he’s in love. Next? CONVINCE THAT GAL WE’RE ALL IN LOVE! Next stage? Divide by zero and live.

    Post script, That girl I said I loved?
    Yeah, I’m pretty much addicted to her now. xD
    But, god, I have never been happier. πŸ˜›

  11. Samri says:

    The first stage is defintely right. When a man meets a girl for the first time, all he can be attracted by is her appearance. After that he thinks he is in love with her and when he gets the girl, he realizes that he doesn’t love her. So he leaves her with her heart broken. Guys are such jerks.

  12. Bob says:

    I agreed with most of it until about half-way in. the phyisical part I agree with. the parts I don’t agree with are the following:

    -alot of the stages are really just continuations of the previous stages, you might need to read it again and watch for that.

    -the guy would not go past simple flirting if he had not already decided that the female was a good potential mate he would want to be with. he would have thought of it by then. if he was never really solid in his decision that she was a good choice, it might stay on his mind for a long time even as he progresses in the relationship until he solidifies his decision or changes it.

    -making the male work is the number one worst thing to do. logic dictates that if a male were to pursue the evolutionary goals of his subconcious, to try to be with a female or females, he would do so in the most efficient manner possible. therefor if you make him work to be with you, the chances of him giving up and moving on will be higher and too much of a risk for the mere pros of him wanting to be with you longer when he does succeed. also the notion that he will wish to be with you longer isn’t very substantial, if he must work hard to be with you, the only thing that would keep him with you would be if your interests and thought process were so similar to his that being in a relationship with you would be much easier to be in(less strife) than it would be with females that are easier to get with in the first place.
    As a male and in my experience, I find that when females play hard to get, the male would take it as if the girl is not interested in him and that it’s a pointless cause to continue in the relationship. he would feel that he has failed and she does not like him, so he would move on to someone else.

  13. Bob says:

    @camila, you are correct. males would not try to be in a relationship with someone if he was not already interested.
    source=I am a male.

  14. Carma says:

    Why do women give men such a hard time for saying the first thing they notice about a girl is how she looks? What else is someone supposed to go on in the beginning? “Hey, look at that unattractive girl standing in the corner over there, I think I’ll go talk to her.” Not gonna happen. But, just because a guy is attracted to a pretty girl initially, if she is a bitch or uninteresting, most self respecting guys aren’t going to stick around. The same is true for women, we don’t see some unattractive guy and try to hit on him. And yes a good personality can make a guy more attractive, but there still has to be physical attraction. I also think some men are confused by the “chase”. If you are chasing a girl and she is not responding well to your advances, she doesn’t really like you. Then you go on to say that women are playing hard to get. How about not wasting your energy on a girl who isn’t that into you. I like a little bit of a chase, but if I like a guy, I won’t make him run around on circles just to get with me. I definitely don’t want a guy who will lay down and let me walk all over him. Its a give and take, a dance if you will. And don’t we all like to dance?

  15. Sooty says:

    Many inexperienced guys even fall in love when the girl doesn’t clearly show that she’s into him, as they are in love with the fantasy of her being into him.

    I think both (inexperienced) men and women don’t thoroughly think through whether the person they’re falling in love with is right for them, since as we all know at that stage we look at our potential partner through rose tinted glasses as we’re falling in love with what’s mostly the image we have of them. Love makes blind right?

    So it’s not exactly fair to expect that your potential partner knows right away if he/she want to be with you for the long haul as it takes time to really get to know someone. Just enjoy the time you have together, be honest with each other and don’t get possessive or dependent.

  16. heart-haver says:

    i heartily disagree with the blanket statement that men can be rejected and just brush it off without feeling hurt. If there is a girl that I really like and she rejects me, it hurts like a bitch.

    Samri, I don’t think that blanket statements are going to do anyone any good. I have had experience with some women who have done what you’re complaining about. But it wouId be a mistake for me to characterize all women as heartless, wouldn’t it?

    I’m holding onto hope that people are unique and that the heart-full one is still out there.

  17. jade xoxo says:

    Wow, i didn’t think boys actually did love girls. My boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time
    after like, a week and a half or something. It went like this though:
    Jenna (my bff): Huw, do you love jade?
    Huw: Yeah!
    Jenna: Well tell her then!
    Huw: i love you.
    Me: I love you too.
    Later we were texting for ages and i said i had to go and he texted back “Ok, I Love you.” and i was all like Aww! We’re broken up now though, but i just wanted to know if he actually ever loved me, but i don’t know really…

  18. tiger says:

    So with this therory if I love a man, he likes me? And if I don’t like a man there’s no chance he’s in love with me?

  19. Alexis says:

    I have to agree with chase. It is very stereotypical.

  20. TMCLA says:

    There is some truth, but I would personally just try and get to know a girl better to ensure that I would like her before trying to go out with her. We don’t have actual stages that we “tick” off, but it’s sort of like that a lot of guys try to test the water before diving in.

  21. loveatfirstsight says:

    What a load of bull. My guy fell in love with me first while I was still getting my head around it. People fall in love. There’s no logic to it. That’s the beauty of it.

  22. Maria says:

    This is the worst crap ever….! A guy can fall in love as quickly and as easily as a girl – everyone knows that. The proces is described as being very very long, but that’s not true.

    A guy can love a girl, even from a distance, without she has ever noticed him. So the thing “she’s got to be in love with him first”, is one big lie.

    – It must be written by some very insecure man, who wants to be sure, he’s got a chance before he make his move….!

  23. Anonymous says:

    Ok, I love my boyfriend and I was sure he loved me. Now, after reading all hese comments and after reading all the steps, I’m not so sure he likes me or not. He is the life of my heart, but Noe I know. Now I know he’s just been using me the whole time…….I’m going to talk to him about this.

  24. Princess says:

    RUBBISH! Me and my husband fell for eachother the day we met there was an instant attraction on both parts and it’s been 8 years since our first initial meeting. And I knw we still feel the same about eachother. You have to be honest in how you feel about it eachother and good communication is the key to a successful relationship. pleasing eachother is also very important it works both ways and that’s where good communication comes into it.

  25. Sam says:

    This is oddly way to true. I don’t know how this girl wrote this article but reading it was awkwardly way to familiar

  26. Peter says:

    It was clear that this was written by a girl.
    You got it all wrong.

    Women are the complicated creatures that fall in love in stages.

    Men are very simple creatures, as simple as they can get.

    They have no idea of “stages of love” and stuff like that. Women think like this.

    To men there are only three stages:
    1) I like her
    2) She likes me back
    3) We are together

  27. Collin says:

    I’m not happy saying this, but this article is spot on. I never realized this until I read the article, and that’s saying something because I’m a guy.

    Guys fall for a girl and convince themselves that they’re in love with them. But in truth, they’re only infatuated by them. Everyone knows love evolves in a relationship only much later.

    So basically, a guy falls for a girl because he finds her good looking. At first he woos her and pursues her because the only thing on his mind is a way to impress her and get her affection, and of course, make out with her or have sex with her.

    And once she falls totally in love with him and he’s over his infatuation, he actually starts to wonder if he likes the girl and wants to be with her.

    It’s no wonder so many of us guys get bored with girls we date just as soon as the girl starts falling in love with us and wants to spend time together watching movies instead of having sex!!

  28. Broken Girl says:

    So my ex and I broke up-12 year relationship. Unbeknownst to me he had a rebound girl while we were still sleeping together post split. He told me rebound girl over. It wasn’t. A year later he was still stringing us both along (while working on relationship with me) Finally he comes clean (i found out first) and says he can’t choose. That he loves me but there is something about the new girl. So, besides being a sick man, does he love her? It obviously wasn’t love at first sight and he couldn’t make up his mind who to choose for over a year. What is that!?

  29. Annie H. says:

    Men are adorable, confusing and interesting creatures. Don’t think so much about their intentions. Enjoy your man for who he is. Treat him right. Evaluate your own feelings before evaluating his. If it is true love, it will happen. If it isn’t, then it isn’t. Love is so much simpler than people give it credit for.

  30. Kelly says:

    Why are there so many stages for men to go through when falling in love? I find that in my last relationships, they back away and need space, before they pursue .. Throughout every step of the way. Why do men value freedom and space soo much ? Why do men dislike neediness ? Why do men hate the idea of settling down?

  31. Rowan says:

    Okay, I have a question about this whole thing cause it kinda makes sense but kinda doesn’t. I really liked this guy and at first he didn’t really show signs that he was interested at all. But lately we’ve been getting to know each other and now he seems like he’s heels over head! It’s not a problem cause I’m crazy for him too but I feel like he fell too fast. This article make it sound like it takes forever. A guy can fall for someone faster than these steps, right? Or maybe he just went through them really quickly?

  32. nyssa says:

    well, I think it depends on guys.. some fall in love faster than others.. I wouldn’t know anything about that,(seeing all men who ever approached me was interested in outward appearance.)..I don’t even think guys fall in love.. they just lust after us, that’s all.. my opinion tho..

  33. CAAHI says:

    I agree for the most part. Whilst all of us are different, I’d think generally we do weigh into looks as a key part of attraction. It may be unPC, but then it’s human nature really. Up to steps 3, yes. but then i don’t think a man “makes” a woman fall for him. It depends on how he meets her and the nature of interactions. It could even be vice versa, in that a woman falls for a man and makes him fall in love with her.

  34. Joel says:

    Women…as a 29 year old very introspective man, I can assure you there is much truth in this article. In the beginning; yes, it is looks that “get our attention.” Sure, other things can initially get our attention too but no man is going to pursue a woman he isn’t physically attracted to unless his intentions are only to get laid or he’s desperate. It is VERY true that once a man’s pursuit is on for a woman his thoughts are primarily focused on getting HER to like HIM. He is certainly aware he is beginning to be somewhat “infatuated” with her but his thoughts aren’t on how HE feels but on what he wants HER to feel! And it is VERY true that once he is aware she truly does like him, he’s confident he has won her over, and the realization that a true relationship is burgeoning, THEN does he dig deep and honestly contemplate if he really wants a relationship with her. The reason for this is simple: a guy may flirt. be interested, and go on dates with multiple girls and none of them work out! Women are fickle creatures, they can change their mind about a guy rather quickly. This is just the way they’ve evolved. It’s the way it’s suppose to be. A man knows this and that just because a woman flirts and goes on a few dates with him doesn’t mean she herself is ready or willing to have a relationship and fall in love with him. This is why, subconsciously, he makes such a great effort to obtain her love before considering his own, because he knows at any moment she may change her mind.. It’s not that men DON’T fall in love as fast as women, it’s that they’re just not as consciously aware of it because they’re too busy trying to get her love! At least all this is true for me! Great article! Very insightful! And women…playing hard to get too much is extremely annoying! If you like us, give us more reasons to think you do than you don’t.

  35. TedWest says:

    there should be some mention of how men cannot fall in love with sluts, if at any point the man finds out about a slutty past (or present) love hits a brick wall.

  36. Hay says:

    While I can see some important truth in this article, I am saddened that our selfish culture has made ‘love’ into such an insecure ‘game’. People need to learn to treat each other with sincerity and goodwill, and regain some nobility and dignity for the sake of our future generations.

  37. Florence says:

    Okay I am a woman but I have carefully observed men I’ve gone out with and find this article somewhat accurate. However the person who wrote it should have used the expression ‘long term relationship’ instead of ‘going out’ as the latter refers to dating which is something less serious and it is clearly not what the author meant. Also, my current boyfriend skipped step 1 and combined it with step 2 (first time he saw me he was drunk so he wouldn’t remember and the second time I was dressed as a zombie with skin coming off my face, surely that’s not attractive!). Also he skipped step 4. So yeah I’d say this is a good guide but not the rule. Also if a woman wanted the guy to fall in love first, this would mean that all she has to do is pretend to be in love.
    When you get to those few days where he’s thinking about whether he loved you, you gotta be extra careful. Send him one message or two to show him you’re thinking about him and care about him, but no more, don’t pressure him and be annoying, give him his space. He should come back to you with a wide smile. And if he does, he’s all yours.

  38. dee says:

    So what happen to the “men are hunters and like the chase” theory? Some men don’t give up until he gets the girl even after she rejects him. Now that’s a smart man because some women actually do give in to him after he chases and impresses her. Him not giving up shows will and strength in him to that woman. And yes Lashall men fall in love with women who do the approaching too. So if you want love then go out there and get it! Stop playing games.

  39. Olivia Thompson says:

    A few weeks ago my boyfriend and i were on the verge of breaking up. But we did make up, and during that time he confessed that he was in love with me but he wasnt quick to say it because every time he’d said it in past relationships, they ended shortly after.
    We’ve been together 6 months and we’ve kept sex out of the relationship for the sake of our friendship and emotional compatibility.
    And in my opinion stage 4 is Waaay off, at least in our relationship. We’re both relatively introverted. He doesnt take me out to expensive restaurants or splurge on gifts but he

  40. Madeline says:

    Hmm. It seems to me that social media tends to make sweeping stereotypical generalizations about men as if they’re programmed robots or creatures with a very consistent set of genes/brains/habits, when in fact the world is much more complicated than that, and everyone–men AND women–will always respond differently to any given circumstance taking factors into consideration such as the experience of the individual, environment, beliefs, mental health and how their thoughts and neural connections have evolved over the chaotic and unique pathways of their lives.

    My brother introduced me to someone online that he had known for about six years, and even though this guy had no idea what I looked like (no pics, all text), we instantly hit it off and a few days later he admitted that he was falling for me. I liked him but was a little taken aback that he would say that so early before he even knew what I looked like. We swapped pictures a week later and that’s when he really started gushing his feelings, but I was the one holding back. I was the cold one. It wasn’t till three weeks later that I began to develop an infatuation with him, and after the fourth week we spoke on the phone for the first time and then it hit me pretty hard. But it was still infatuation, mostly.
    We started seeing each other through video chat at the beginning of the second month, and since then we have not gone one day without talking on webcam at least once. At the third month, one day we were talking and laughing as usual, singing songs and watching our favorite shows together (we share the same taste in movies and music), and right out of nowhere I fell head over heels in love with him.
    Boy did I feel bad about being so standoffish that first month, the way I was “testing him”, my constant judgments of his habits and his looks…I feel like such a bitch. I was like a woman version of the stereotypical man described in this article.
    We’re in our seventh month together and I’m more nuts for him every day and he’s the sweetest, truest, goofiest, and HANDSOMENEST guy I know (had you asked me if he was handsome seven months ago I would’ve said heck no, but that’s cause I have to get to know someone before finding them physically attractive).
    So it was the opposite of this article in some ways, but….this is an internet relationship as he lives in Australia and I live in America. Does our geographical separation make it less relevant? I certainly hope not.

  41. Kasey says:

    Can we PLEASE ditch the playing hard to get myth. The science shows this a BAD idea. Studies show that when a guy runs into hard to get he likes her less, though he may want her more. So once the interest is past a certain point the hard to get kills how much he likes her, but he’s damn well going to chase the prize, and once he gets it move on to the next. Point blank if you are going to pull middle school b.s. the respect is gone and you just become another lay and leave. If you doubt it just google for it, make sure you are reading from actual studies, or sites that quote actual studies you can look up.

  42. noneya says:

    I love my gf and yes if a women makes you try to hard you tend to lose interest especially if you’ve never met in person only over the phone. But it’s pretty accurate really.
    Ps sluts suck so much lol.

  43. Monica says:

    Love is difficult, you may believe you are in love with a handsome, warm, kind man when actually you just hang on him because of fear of being hurt by this species. It’s all make up of our tricky old brain. Don’t let yourself fouled by him, he leads you to warnings!

  44. first name, last name says:

    Wow, I think this 100% true. Ive realised how a lot of my relationships were and this just explains everything, haha. Ive also been looking through a lot more articles and I learned a little more about men, men areso interesting, haha πŸ™‚

  45. guy says:

    This sounds more like how women fall in love! It’s way too complicated! Many men just marry a woman if she is hot and they let her treat them like crap because she is hot. These guys are ruining it for the rest of us.

  46. na says:

    reading this, I feel like I’m becoming a man despite the fact I’m a female. is it just me or the rest of the female populations are the same?
    I find that my loving stages are pretty much the same to that of a man.
    first, when I find some guys attractive, I get attracted to them. and then pretty much finding ways for him to notice me and seduce him. but I don’t even have that kind if feeling for him. and when he finally falls hard for me and come to me to confess, I will then decide whether I like him enough.
    is it same with others (females) or am I just weird?

  47. Kirk says:

    I hate how women think that men are mindless animals in cages, i notice that there is a lot of man bashing these day rather intentional or not.

  48. MW says:

    As someone who has had relationships and learnt and had a happy long marriage I would advise women NOT to play hard to get emotionally. Why? Because decent men will run a mile thinking you don’t like them! Dodgy men will think “ah this one is non committal so I can get away with being non committal and playing the field”.

  49. Rebecca says:

    I am quite confused about men. I dated many times. I think I know men but I don’t.
    I am quite beautiful and feminine with long straight hair. I came from rich family, yet my personality is sweet and not snobby.
    I dated 2 guys at the same time. Both of them had a crash on me in the beginning. They text me almost everyday. I did not initiate to contact them since I am really busy at work. After a few dates, I had sex with these 2 guys. Nothing goes wrong from my perspective, but finally both of them lost interested in me. They seldom contact me anymore.
    I am curious am I such a boring person to scared them away?

  50. mira says:

    Monica my boyfriend is kind gentle and considerate. We have been going out for2 and a half years. He has great difficulty showing affection and has a hard time telling me he loves me. In the bedroom he has no problem showing me affection. To me, that is a dick move. Of course if you slept with a woman jumped into bed and had intercourse, that would probably be the last time she slept with you. So to me that is very calculated. He chooses to show affection when he has a reward in the end. I have spoken to him about this but nothing changes. i am not asking to neck in public but some type of affection outside of the bedroom would be so satisfying. Does anybody have any suggestions? As a side note, not that this matters but I feel that I am better looking as a woman than he is as a man For sure. To tell you the truth people have told me that. Just putting that out there to dissolve the idea that he might be embarrassed of me. Help I am about to ditch this relationship.

  51. fernando Reyna says:

    thanks for spreading lies to girls this is the worst article of what happens in guys mind I everseen before

  52. Inner West says:

    No you were too easy for them. Maybe you should masturbate while you’re dating men if you have a high sex drive.

    You are the gatekeeper to sex and you have failed in your department (would you get turned off a man who acts emotionally desperate and falls in love with you after a few dates?), if you are that easy for them to lay, then they cannot trust your loyalty and see you as promiscuous.

    Wait until you and him agree to monogamy before offering your body and you will experience the courtship all females should experience.

  53. sriti jha says:

    i am an indian and i love a guy.we met in hindi tution. i felt in love the first time i saw him because i was a bit shy i didn’t really know his name for about 2 months as we are studying in same hindi centre but a different branch i get to meet him during exams and as i know where he stay. one day i went to my aunty house as that day is raksha bandhan i went to the house which is two blocks away from my boyfriend’s after my aunt tieing rakhi to my father. wehad dinner and we went to the playgroung to actually see him and the playgroung is nearer to his house and there is one of my friend who saw me and recognised me (tution friend) she said are looking for akshath(my boyfriend) she don’t know that i love him. she went to his house and asked hhim to come down to the playgroung. after some time she came down and told me that he don’t want to come down. I was really disappointed as he didn’t come and then i asked her why he didn’t come and then she said that he is not coming as he is doing his home work as i understandable i told to myself that let him do his work.. and he is not expressive and talks less to girls. please give me any ideas to help my boyfriend realise my love to him please……..

  54. R. says:

    Honestly as a man who has experienced falling in love at first sight this is honestly a load of shit. When I saw her my heart instantly exploded… She illuminated so beautifully made everyone pale in comparison in a matter of seconds … Once she started talking I was sold … She was so well educated and confident but at the same time still timid and finding herself. I fell head over heels in a matter of seconds it was one of the most intense feelings I have ever experienced at that moment I already planned moving in with her and having kids with her and staying in love with each other until death. I don’t want to experience this feeling with anyone else.

  55. Angela says:

    Alright well in the first month you were seeing if you really liked him. You weren’t being a bitch at all. Sometimes you have luke warm feelings about someone – you like them one moment, but then they do something goofy or stupid and you don’t like them the next. Taking your time to get to know someone and how you feel about them is perfectly fine! It’s not cold or bitchy at all. Pretending you were as into him as he was into you at that initial stage would have been wrong.

  56. Mary Louis says:

    Some great tips, but we can’t forget that not all men are the same! Sure these might work on some men, but they won’t work on others.

    Also I know a lot of women try everything they can to get his attention, but I can’t stress how important it is to still be yourself, because it will be much better for yourself in the short and long term.

    If you want the relationship to work out in the long run, then he needs to be attracted to the “REAL YOU”, not some fake persona you used to quickly get his attention.

  57. Carrie Duncan says:

    Some great tips, but we can’t forget that not all men are the same! Sure these might work on some men, but they won’t work on others.

    Also I know a lot of women try everything they can to get his attention, but I can’t stress how important it is to still be yourself, because it will be much better for yourself in the short and long term.

    If you want the relationship to work out in the long run, then he needs to be attracted to the “REAL YOU”, not some fake persona you used to quickly get his attention.

    If you want to to capture his heart, then I recommend checking out:


    Thanks to the advice inside, I’m now engaged to the man of my dreams and I’ve never been happier.

  58. Tom Hunter says:

    As usual with these kinds of articles, there are some generalizations. I really cannot recognize my behavior in some of these steps.

    Before I can feel even the slightest attraction towards a woman, I would first have to be friends with her for quite some time (few months at least). I need to know more than just what kind of drinks she likes and I usually want her to have some kind of passion (like travelling, sports or learning languages). I also want to know how she behaves in certain situations.

    Physical attraction is almost completely irrelevant to me. I don’t understand how it can be the first step for a lot of men, as it’s impossible to judge a woman’s personality based on her breasts. (Same goes for women judging men on their looks). The only physical thing that matters to me to some degree is weight, as it could reflect someone’s lifestyle.

    Lastly, playing hard to get is not going to get you anywhere. When a woman doesn’t seem to be interested, then I will stop trying. It’s that simple. Why would I want to continue flirting with someone if she doesn’t show any interest in me whatsoever? That’s something I really don’t get…

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