The feelings of love may be the same for both sexes but the stages of love are an entirely unique experience. Understand how men think and how men fall in love.
When women fall in love, it’s filled with bursts of happiness and miss-you texts.
When men fall in love, well, it’s just different. So how do men fall in love and what really goes on in a man’s mind?
For men, falling in love is a happy experience, but love doesn’t really kick in for a while.
While women may experience an intense surge of affections as soon as they meet a guy they like, the mind of men doesn’t really work that way.
Find out how men fall in love and the different stages they experience here.
How men fall in love – The seven stages of love
Stage 1 – Appreciation
This is all about physical appearance and instant attraction. Now this should clear the doubts out for women though. Men are rather shallow when it comes to getting attracted at first sight.
While women may fall in love in the first conversation, men are attracted to a woman only for her physical aspects, and nothing else.
Physical appearance is paramount for men, but it may not necessarily be the entire package. Each guy has his own preferences in what he likes about a woman, be it her face, her legs, her smile or even the way she runs her hands through her hair.
A guy may not even know what it is about a girl that he likes, but if he finds something attractive in her, he may experience the appreciation stage. [Poll: What do guys like in a girl physically?]
Stage 2 – Infatuation
Men appreciate a lot of women on a daily basis. They try to steal second glances or get a girl’s attention all the time. But it’s not always a success, either because he’s not trying hard enough or because the woman’s just not interested in him. The infatuation stage of how men fall in love is also the wooing stage of love for men in the dating game.
A man may appreciate a lot of women, but he doesn’t really get infatuated by all of them. If he appreciates a woman, and is interested in wooing her or pursuing her, he enters into the infatuation phase.
A man may pursue a woman in various ways, but if she doesn’t accept his advances he usually forgets the girl as just another attractive girl he wanted to go out with. It’s easier for a man to like a girl one day and forget he ever liked her the next because he has so many stages to deal with before he even makes up his mind on falling in love.
Stage 3 – Attraction
If an attractive girl reciprocates to a guy’s advances, he enters into the attraction stage of love. Until this stage, a guy can walk away from a girl without any pain or heartbreak even if the girl rejects him. He’s not really trying too hard, and he’s not really fallen in love to care about a rejection when he’s just trying to get lucky.
But if a girl does show the slightest sign of reciprocation or interest in the guy, or even if he assumes she’s into him, the guy digs deep into this stage, the attraction stage. In this stage, he decides to pursue the girl and make her like him. [Read: How to talk to a guy and make him like you]
Stage 4 – Impression
Understanding how men fall in love is complicated stuff, but quite frankly, he’s nowhere close to falling in love right now even in this stage. All he wants to do is make the girl like him. He shows off his mating potential to her. He plans dates and splurges on gifts to please the girl. He’s definitely not in love, but he does want something good to come out of this stage of impressions.
Stage 5 – Conviction
If a guy’s successfully breezing through the different stages of love, he’d start to wonder if there’s something more in the air. But instead of falling in love with the girl, all he’s worried about is how to convince the girl to fall in love with him.
He would really like the girl in this stage and would definitely want to go out with her, but the uncertainty would still confuse him and he would not be at ease until he’s certain the girl likes him. [Read: How to flirt with a guy without really flirting]
This stage is especially prominent when a guy falls in love with a friend. He can’t really try to impress her by buying gifts or taking her out on dates, but yet, he wouldn’t be able to stop pondering over how to convince the girl to go out with him. In this stage, all a guy cares about is how to get the girl to like him.
Stage 6 – Reaffirmation
If he’s able to convince the girl and make her fall in love with him, he’s a happy man. He likes where the dating game is heading.
But until now, in his pursuit of getting the girl to like him, he’s not asked himself if he really likes the girl and whether he actually wants to go out with her. Until this stage of love, getting the girl to like him was a goal he’s been focused on. Once the girl is in love with him, only then does a man seriously start to consider if he wants to have a relationship with the girl who now loves him.
It’s a selfish move, but it’s something evolution has taught all male species. “Don’t waste time thinking. Spend your time searching for more places to bust a nut.”
Now that the girl is in love with him, he takes a couple of days to sit back and weigh the pros and the cons of being in a relationship with that girl. Does he really love the girl too? Will he be happy with her? Is she the woman he wants and needs?
Stage 7 – He’s ready to love
If a man’s convinced that he truly likes the girl and wants to be with her, he enters this final stage of love where he’s ready to fall in love with the girl. On the other hand, if he’s not really convinced that the girl is the right mate for him, he may start avoiding her or losing interest in pleasing her because of his confusion.
Ever dated a really great guy who started behaving like a jerk a couple of weeks into love? Well, you know what happened now, don’t you?
Turning the game in your favor
How men fall in love with a woman is annoying. And it’s more annoying to know that men have to actually make women fall in love with them before they even think about going out with you, but that’s the way men fall in love and they really have no choice about it.
But if you really want to beat the guy in his own game, don’t make it obvious that you really like him at the very first instant. Keep it simple and play hard to get for a while. [Read: How to play hard to get]
It’ll make him work harder to win your love, and when he does finally win you over, he’ll never ever want to leave you because you’re such a tough catch to get or let go! [Read: How to make him want you]
Well, you may now know how men fall in love with women and the seven stages of love for a man, but if you want to win his heart over and make him want you, always remember to make him work for your affection.
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This website is beautiful. The stories in particular are beautiful and well written, very inspiring to say the least. This post however, it’s fairly stereotypical in nature and highly inaccurate. I am a Man of 27 and I have loved and lost many times over, never before have I ever fallen into a practice of evaluating a woman based on something as shallow as looks. I might agree that I am the exception but I have yet to meet any Man who would agree that the beginning of love is strictly based upon physical appearance as stated in the beginning of this article. Physical attraction is just as important as any other aspect of love but it’s insulting to say that Men aren’t capable of anything else….especially in a matter-of-fact manner. Sorry, whoever wrote this is highly misinformed.
This doesn’t make sense:
At stage 4: “He plans dates…”
At stage 5: ” [He] would definitely want to go out with her…”
And yet…
At stage 6: “he’s not asked himself if he really likes the girl and whether he actually wants to go out with her.”
What the entire article should have comprised over is:
“The feelings of love may be the same for both sexes but the stages of love for every individual is entirely different.”
As a guy, I’ve never given any thought to the stages in love. I can’t even imagine that guys would actually have stages to fall in love with a girl. But as read through these seven stages, they make complete sense.
I’ve always focused on impressing a girl and making her fall in love with me first because I completely fall in love with her. It’s safer for the heart, especially because I try to impress any girl I find attractive. I think it’s the same with all guys.
It’s like the story of the sperms and the egg. Men have a billion sperms to increase the odds, so it makes sense to try and impress every girl they meet without really caring to fall in love. On the other hand, women, who have just one egg to spare every month, have to play the field more cautiously.
Even for a guy, this article is extremely illuminating!
I dont agree with this 100%.. Maybe 10% – the physical part. I have met someone, we have kept sex out of the equation completely and built a friendship first. Every day that passes and I pry to know more about her, I see how much we have in common. Her smile lights up my world like no other has ever done before. I dont know everything about her, but I want to spend the time in doing so. This however does lead to pain. The affection and attention she gives me sends me into a spin. It tests my strength, it drives me wild. Id let her go in a second if I knew she would be happier with someone else. Yeah, I am in trouble…
I almost completely agree with Phil. I will admit that I am not perfect, and that I have stolen glances at women as they pass by, But I’d be damned if I ever attempted to make a woman fall for me, or even started a relationship based on physical features.
The girl I am with now is amazing, and I cant help but think about her all day. When I hear her say she loves me, there are feelings I cannot explain shooting into me.
The article is a matter of opinion, that of which I happen to disagree with…But I am sure it is true for some, so my night-time rambling is over.
I just want it to be known that there aren’t really that many shallow guys.
(I think people believe it because 99% of bars are filled with creepy guys looking for one night stands.)
This suggests men never fall in love first, but only after the “chosen one” already is in love with them. Then there would not be any men unhappily in love, would there? It is silly. And might I ask, what studies can validate these “stages” as a part of the male behavioral pattern? Preposterous.
Reading this article was interesting and informative! I have a question for you males! If a man is
willing to talk to you sexually does that mean he is into you that way? Loved the article…thanks!!!
As a man all I can say this article is partly correct. The first stages are definitely true. How a woman looks and how she responds to our flirts are indeed very important if we will start falling in love with a girl, or not. It’s simple, we get so many rejections all the time that we have a self defense system. If we smile to a girl and she does not respond, then she’s indeed out of our mind.
Stages 4 and later are DEFINITELY nor correct. If I really fall deeply in love with a girl, it already happens at stage 3. What happens in a guys mind is actually very simple. We are genetically programmed to want a girl that is cute, sexy and somehow needs our protection. Especially protection is important, if I don’t have the feeling I have to protect you I will not fall in love. Everything else (like smartness or humor) is actually not very important. It is a plus for a long term stable relationship, true. But for falling in love… nah… Not really that important.
What is described in the article in stage 4-7 is just the way a man dates when he wants a girl, but he’s NOT in love. He can stay with that girl, sure. He might even like her enough to convince himself that he must be in love… But real love goes much much faster!
Another note for you girls about playing hard to get. We man HATE IT AS HELL!! Seriously stop doing it. There no bigger sign of love to a guy than a girl that shows she’s in love too. For me playing hard to get is actually a way to get me pissed off. There’s even a big chance that if you wait to long (texting a day later), we take it as a sign of no interest and move along (or lose trust). If you text directly back, we know you like us and we feel so much more comfortable around you.
My man is DEFINITELY at stage 6. Less than two weeks ago he told me he loved me, and then a week ago we had an argument and suddenly he needed “time and space” to figure things out. After a week we finally sat down and talked about what was really going on, and he said he was confused, that he loved me (but didn’t know if he was in love or not) and needed to decide if he was all in with our relationship or all out.
At first I was crazy upset, but after a while I calmed down, told him I loved him and that he should get his mind straight and that once he figures it out maybe I’ll be here still or maybe not. I reminded him that I had picked him (out of all possible suitors) and that he had won me over. I told him that once he figured out what he wanted, if he still wanted to be with me, he’d have to win me over again.
Me again, I just found my post after a brief search.
My main points were that this article seems very misleading towards the nature of men. I highly doubt that the actually research in it is unbiased, as it seems seriously convoluted at some points.
In one stage, Love from both. Next? BOOM, Guy thinks he’s in love. Next? CONVINCE THAT GAL WE’RE ALL IN LOVE! Next stage? Divide by zero and live.
Post script, That girl I said I loved?
Yeah, I’m pretty much addicted to her now. xD
But, god, I have never been happier.
The first stage is defintely right. When a man meets a girl for the first time, all he can be attracted by is her appearance. After that he thinks he is in love with her and when he gets the girl, he realizes that he doesn’t love her. So he leaves her with her heart broken. Guys are such jerks.
I agreed with most of it until about half-way in. the phyisical part I agree with. the parts I don’t agree with are the following:
-alot of the stages are really just continuations of the previous stages, you might need to read it again and watch for that.
-the guy would not go past simple flirting if he had not already decided that the female was a good potential mate he would want to be with. he would have thought of it by then. if he was never really solid in his decision that she was a good choice, it might stay on his mind for a long time even as he progresses in the relationship until he solidifies his decision or changes it.
-making the male work is the number one worst thing to do. logic dictates that if a male were to pursue the evolutionary goals of his subconcious, to try to be with a female or females, he would do so in the most efficient manner possible. therefor if you make him work to be with you, the chances of him giving up and moving on will be higher and too much of a risk for the mere pros of him wanting to be with you longer when he does succeed. also the notion that he will wish to be with you longer isn’t very substantial, if he must work hard to be with you, the only thing that would keep him with you would be if your interests and thought process were so similar to his that being in a relationship with you would be much easier to be in(less strife) than it would be with females that are easier to get with in the first place.
As a male and in my experience, I find that when females play hard to get, the male would take it as if the girl is not interested in him and that it’s a pointless cause to continue in the relationship. he would feel that he has failed and she does not like him, so he would move on to someone else.
@camila, you are correct. males would not try to be in a relationship with someone if he was not already interested.
source=I am a male.
Why do women give men such a hard time for saying the first thing they notice about a girl is how she looks? What else is someone supposed to go on in the beginning? “Hey, look at that unattractive girl standing in the corner over there, I think I’ll go talk to her.” Not gonna happen. But, just because a guy is attracted to a pretty girl initially, if she is a bitch or uninteresting, most self respecting guys aren’t going to stick around. The same is true for women, we don’t see some unattractive guy and try to hit on him. And yes a good personality can make a guy more attractive, but there still has to be physical attraction. I also think some men are confused by the “chase”. If you are chasing a girl and she is not responding well to your advances, she doesn’t really like you. Then you go on to say that women are playing hard to get. How about not wasting your energy on a girl who isn’t that into you. I like a little bit of a chase, but if I like a guy, I won’t make him run around on circles just to get with me. I definitely don’t want a guy who will lay down and let me walk all over him. Its a give and take, a dance if you will. And don’t we all like to dance?
Many inexperienced guys even fall in love when the girl doesn’t clearly show that she’s into him, as they are in love with the fantasy of her being into him.
I think both (inexperienced) men and women don’t thoroughly think through whether the person they’re falling in love with is right for them, since as we all know at that stage we look at our potential partner through rose tinted glasses as we’re falling in love with what’s mostly the image we have of them. Love makes blind right?
So it’s not exactly fair to expect that your potential partner knows right away if he/she want to be with you for the long haul as it takes time to really get to know someone. Just enjoy the time you have together, be honest with each other and don’t get possessive or dependent.
i heartily disagree with the blanket statement that men can be rejected and just brush it off without feeling hurt. If there is a girl that I really like and she rejects me, it hurts like a bitch.
Samri, I don’t think that blanket statements are going to do anyone any good. I have had experience with some women who have done what you’re complaining about. But it wouId be a mistake for me to characterize all women as heartless, wouldn’t it?
I’m holding onto hope that people are unique and that the heart-full one is still out there.
Wow, i didn’t think boys actually did love girls. My boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time
after like, a week and a half or something. It went like this though:
Jenna (my bff): Huw, do you love jade?
Huw: Yeah!
Jenna: Well tell her then!
Huw: i love you.
Me: I love you too.
Later we were texting for ages and i said i had to go and he texted back “Ok, I Love you.” and i was all like Aww! We’re broken up now though, but i just wanted to know if he actually ever loved me, but i don’t know really…
So with this therory if I love a man, he likes me? And if I don’t like a man there’s no chance he’s in love with me?
I have to agree with chase. It is very stereotypical.
There is some truth, but I would personally just try and get to know a girl better to ensure that I would like her before trying to go out with her. We don’t have actual stages that we “tick” off, but it’s sort of like that a lot of guys try to test the water before diving in.
What a load of bull. My guy fell in love with me first while I was still getting my head around it. People fall in love. There’s no logic to it. That’s the beauty of it.
This is the worst crap ever….! A guy can fall in love as quickly and as easily as a girl – everyone knows that. The proces is described as being very very long, but that’s not true.
A guy can love a girl, even from a distance, without she has ever noticed him. So the thing “she’s got to be in love with him first”, is one big lie.
- It must be written by some very insecure man, who wants to be sure, he’s got a chance before he make his move….!
Ok, I love my boyfriend and I was sure he loved me. Now, after reading all hese comments and after reading all the steps, I’m not so sure he likes me or not. He is the life of my heart, but Noe I know. Now I know he’s just been using me the whole time…….I’m going to talk to him about this.
RUBBISH! Me and my husband fell for eachother the day we met there was an instant attraction on both parts and it’s been 8 years since our first initial meeting. And I knw we still feel the same about eachother. You have to be honest in how you feel about it eachother and good communication is the key to a successful relationship. pleasing eachother is also very important it works both ways and that’s where good communication comes into it.
This is oddly way to true. I don’t know how this girl wrote this article but reading it was awkwardly way to familiar
It was clear that this was written by a girl.
You got it all wrong.
Women are the complicated creatures that fall in love in stages.
Men are very simple creatures, as simple as they can get.
They have no idea of “stages of love” and stuff like that. Women think like this.
To men there are only three stages:
1) I like her
2) She likes me back
3) We are together
period.
I’m not happy saying this, but this article is spot on. I never realized this until I read the article, and that’s saying something because I’m a guy.
Guys fall for a girl and convince themselves that they’re in love with them. But in truth, they’re only infatuated by them. Everyone knows love evolves in a relationship only much later.
So basically, a guy falls for a girl because he finds her good looking. At first he woos her and pursues her because the only thing on his mind is a way to impress her and get her affection, and of course, make out with her or have sex with her.
And once she falls totally in love with him and he’s over his infatuation, he actually starts to wonder if he likes the girl and wants to be with her.
It’s no wonder so many of us guys get bored with girls we date just as soon as the girl starts falling in love with us and wants to spend time together watching movies instead of having sex!!
As a guy, I find this inaccurate.