You just had amazing sex with this guy, but now he acts weird and distant. Why do guys distance themselves after intimacy? It’s time you found out why.
You’re not the only one who thought they connected with a guy during sex. Then they magically disappear after, leaving you wondering why do guys distance themselves after intimacy. Oh no, this isn’t the first time. If anything, this is one of the most common questions women ask about men. And it makes complete sense, I mean, come on, why the fuck would you do that? Assholes.
Okay, okay, name calling isn’t going to get us anywhere. What we need are answers! We usually end up looking at ourselves and what we did wrong. Did I let out a tiny fart? Was I too aggressive? Was the sex bad? [Read: Dos and don’ts of after-sex etiquette]
Why do guy distance themselves after intimacy?
First of all, stop assuming it’s only because of you. It’s not. But what we do know is that the guy has gone completely silent. He’s not writing you, when you text him it takes hours to reply, it’s almost as if he doesn’t exist. Oh, but you know he exists, he’s around… breathing.
So, I’m going to let you in on why he’s not obsessed with you after your amazing night together. Ugh, though we love having sex, it sure does ruin everything. Here’s why.
#1 The chase is over. People love flirting with each other and playing games , even though all of us have said at one point “I hate playing games.” At the end of the day, we love it. We love being chased, and they love to do the chasing.
#2 He can’t have a relationship. It’s not actually you that’s the problem. What’s the problem is that he sees that this is not just a fling but something that could become serious. He doesn’t want serious. It’s not because you’re not right for him, it’s because he’s not ready.
You probably have heard him say to you, “I’m not ready for anything serious,” but, knowing you, you chose to ignore it and see if you were the exception. Well, you’re not and that’s why he’s distancing himself. [Read: Why do guys only want to hook up with you?]
#3 He never intended on sleeping with you more than once. I know this one is going to sting, but sometimes, guys are specifically looking for a one-night stand. Now, of course, the right thing to do would be to tell you this, but in some cases, they don’t because they know you wouldn’t sleep with them otherwise.
But this guy is a player. He wasn’t planning on anything more with you than just that night and that night only.
#4 You’re moving too fast. Now that you slept with him, you’re already making him breakfast in bed and planning your weekend together. Slooooow down there. If you’re already planning your future with him after one night, he’s gonna run and he’s gonna run fast. You need to slow it down and go with the flow for now.
#5 You’re clingy. Okay, so maybe you’re not acting clingy now, but he can sense the potential for you to be a clinger. I know you really like him and want something serious, but clinging to him like he’s a life raft isn’t going to work. All of us, including you, have a neediness and clinginess detector inside of our minds and the minute we sense that we bail.
#6 He’s scared. Men are terrified of love. Trust me, I know. The minute they see the potential for them to like you, they run away. They don’t want to get hurt, nor do they want to lose their single life. Plus, having serious feelings for someone is a big deal. So, if you’re aware he has feelings for you and he’s acting distant, he’s terrified. [Read: The signs he likes you and wants a relationship but is terrified]
What to do if he’s pulling away
Okay, so now that you know why he’s pulling away you need to figure out how you’re going to get him back. Don’t worry, it’s not over until it’s over. So, you still have a chance to redeem yourself. I know you’re freaking out right now, but don’t be, because this situation is completely normal.
#1 Give him space. I know what you’re thinking, that you don’t want to do this because you’re worried he’ll find someone else. Listen, obsessing over him and stalking him clearly isn’t working, so you need to give him space. If you give him the space he needs, he’ll be able to think about things, clear his head and calm down. Giving him space shows him that you’re able to give him space when needed.
#2 Play it cool. In your head, it’s perfectly fine to freak out, and you’ll probably be doing it anyway so I won’t tell you not to. But, on the surface, you need to be as cool as a cucumber. You’ll want to pull him back, but you need to fight that instinct.
#3 Show him you don’t need him. Right now he’s freaking out because he thinks it’s the end of him as a single man. Whatever that means. But what you need to do is show him that you don’t need him. You’re an independent woman, right? So, be that woman. Go out with your friends, live your life as usual and show him that you’re fine on your own.
#4 Make him chase you. By giving him space he’ll have time to relax and think things through clearly. Now, you want him to come back to you. Well, make him chase you. Let him come to you asking for a commitment rather than the other way around. By showing him you don’t need him and leaving him alone, he’ll see how much of a mistake he’s making. [Read: 15 ways to get a guy to chase you and fall hard for you]
#5 Don’t be rude, be open. When he comes back to you, don’t be rude and closed off. You want him back right? So, you need to be open and communicative. Allow him to talk to you about his emotions and what he’s thinking. With this information, you understand his fears and see what made him freak out. That way, you’ll be able to prevent this from happening again.