Can a libidinous sex life suddenly drop down to the pits? Surprising as it may seem, your sex life could change overnight. Novin Grace elaborates about his happy marriage that turned into a sexless marriage and how erotica saved his life.
Someone once said that all good things don’t have to end, but if they did end, it had to end in a bad way!
I thought that was a good quote to pass on if anyone was going through a hard phase. But never, for once, did I ever think I would find myself using that phrase and going from a happy marriage into a sexless marriage.
It wasn’t my relationship with my wife. That was great. We love the cuddles, and we enjoy each other’s company.
Less than a year ago, we got married after dating for about a year. Both of us had common friends, and we had a chance encounter at a café. And life just couldn’t have gotten better. [Love story: Remember how we met]
The mush was intoxicating, even the slight touch of the fingers was electrifying in the beginning. Both of us just couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We fell in love with each other from the very moment our eyes met, and even after marriage, the sex was absolutely awesome! [Read: What is the right age to get married?]
The first few weeks into marriage, I didn’t think I could ever boast of performing seventy two positions of the Kamasutra, but hah, look who’s the man now! I loved her, and more than anything else, I loved the mind-blowing sex.
Gosh, she was so good in bed, words wouldn’t be able to do justice to her moves. PDA was a thing of the past. To us, “go find a room!” was a more apt statement [Read: Public display of affection etiquette]. We just couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We went on our honeymoon, and we just holed up in our suite, on the bed. And came up only to breathe or rip open another big pack of condoms! [Read: Couples fun on the beach]
Believe me, if we ever did get a fetish and made out in front of bunnies, we’d make those lil’ horny buggers blush pink. We just loved sex. And baby, were we good at it or what?!
A good six months into marriage later, we were slowing down. The sex was still great, but then there was an occasional limp moment that just slowed things down further. The thrice-a-day marathon turned to once-in-three-days. And sometimes, even on the scheduled day, we just decided to watch the television instead of having sex. We were happy though.
It wasn’t a case of either of us not liking each other. We just weren’t interested in sex anymore. It was just that simple. My wife didn’t initiate it. Neither did I. We did have a happy relationship, and we could always have sex. It was just that there were better things to do. We could watch the new season’s shows that we had been missing all those earlier months. And a sexless marriage gave us the time to just relax and spend some quality time together. [Read: Don't want to have sex anymore?]
The best part was that, we actually got to understand each other on an emotional level. Our marriage wasn’t just about sex anymore. And that was a good sign.
That was how I felt on the outside. But on the inside, I still wanted sex. Our marriage was now about everything but sex. I didn’t feel like taking an initiative to make out, but I knew I wanted to. How do I change this sexless marriage back into how it was at the beginning? Well, my hands ache every night and on an occasionally longer night, I end up spraining my hands in the toilet. Now that’s a tell-tale sign that I needed sex, isn’t it?! [Read: Tantric sex]
I stripped down and stood in front of the mirror. Everything seemed perfectly normal. I wanted sex, but just didn’t feel like doing anything about it. Masturbating to a few happy thoughts or porn seemed more exciting all of a sudden. [Read: How to skinny dip with your partner]
Well anyway, something had to be done. Fortunately, as men, we’re lucky because we have no qualms about jerking off when we’re not getting manhandled by our women. I’m not saying a relationship is all about sex or anything like that, but when you haven’t had sex for nine weeks, even your hand starts to get bored of you!
Things started getting panicky for me, so I confided in a friendly counselor about my sexless marriage. He told me this was a case of “SD GAWOL”. Confused? Yeah, so was I. So after deciphering his strange, what sounded like Russian, abbreviation, he told me that my “Sex Drive’s Gone AWOL”. [Read: Types of sex to bring back the passion]
Apparently, sexless marriages were rather common and a couple can suddenly lose their sex drive overnight! And to regain the jollies of sex, they have to try new, unconventional techniques to get it back. To me, what these unconventional methods spelt out were four letters. P.O.R.N. “Spicing up your sex-life with porn is a good gamble if you and your missus are quite bold enough”, is what the guy at the XXX video store, hidden in a dark alley, told me. So I took the plunge and went all out. I didn’t even bother with the romantic gibberish of candles or flowers.
Which porno flick have you watched that has sissy things lying around the place? The only thing they’ve got lying around, is a girl with her legs open and a guy with an elephant’s trunk. I waited for my missus to come home, told her to put the DVD player on, and five minutes later, I came into the room and found her encapsulated by what was on screen. She said it was gross, but that didn’t stop her from watching it. She even turned up the volume up at one point because “I was talking too loud”.
At that moment, my little man started thinking too and shot up so high I felt like the Golden Gate Bridge had just suspended in my pants! I was aroused to see my wife enjoying porn. And heck, she got aroused by what was on screen too! And I found myself saying thanks in my head to the video store guy who had recommended “Saving Ryan’s Private’s” as my first film to share with my partner.
Sorry to sound obvious, but that porno flicked changed my sexless marriage and saved my sex life, that one moment of watching another couple “at it” reignited the fun and passion in my relationship, and we’ve never looked back since. [Read: How to get naked in front of other couples]
Whenever we need to watch a few movies, we rent a film, sometimes we don’t do anything after, but most of the time it sets us up on the way to new heights. People associate porn with dirty old men and teenage boys with zits, jerking off in unwashed bed sheets. But porn is much more than that. It is just natural scenarios on tape. I never knew watching two people getting it on could help save my sexless marriage, but it did, because it made my wife and I realize that what we missed was the realization that bodily contact of a sexual nature is just as important as saying “P.S. I Love You”. [Read: Why is sex important in a relationship?]
And from all my observations over the last few months, I can say that the porn industry has stepped up as of late, and is now getting over itself with respect to making decent couples’ porn. Generally, this means less filth, however, just because you’re watching it with your girl, doesn’t mean it has to be less dirty! [Read: How to talk dirty in bed]
I want you to remember me and my sexy-marriage-turned-sexless-marriage the next time things get scarce on the sex front for you. Porn, erotica, whatever you want to call it, is here for dirty little boys as much as it’s here to save you in bed. It gives you ideas, helps you realize what you’re missing out on, and surprisingly, can bring you closer to your loved one because you end up expanding your conversation with your partner from talking about the weather to discussing how good a “69” would be. Deconstruct your opinions on porn. Otherwise, as I found out, your hands will get just as bored as mine did. [Read: Sexual role play for beginners]
Any couples romantic relationship can turn into a sexless marriage, and it really isn’t something to feel ashamed of. Instead of giving up on sex, try to do something about it. Work out, look better physically, involves a few more sexual activities, or as I did, watch erotica with your lover. Life can be so much better.
[Read: Open relationships - The new fidelity?]
Have you ever experienced a sexless marriage or are you experiencing one now? Share your views on what you’ve done to bring sex back into a sexless marriage.
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