If you’ve been wondering just how important is sex in a relationship, these truths might shock you and make you jump under the sheets.
Sex has been the driving force of relationships for as long as we know. Sure, two people can be together without sex occurring, but the whole point of being in a relationship *for human survival, anyway* is to procreate. So on that level, the question of how important is sex in a relationship answers itself. Well, you can’t exactly make babies without having sex, now can you?
But what about the other, non-procreation needs? Human existence pushes us toward sexual relationships more so than any other kind of relationship. So sex must be pretty damn important in a relationship. [Read: 37 secrets to have more sex as a couple & how often is totally normal]
Why Is Sex So Good?
Before we talk about how important sex is at a relationship level, it’s also important to know what makes it such a big deal in the first place. Sex isn’t just sex.
It’s a natural process that triggers a host of amazing reactions in your body and mind. Here’s what science has to say about why sex feels so good and why it’s good for you, too:
1. Boosts Happy Hormones
When you have sex, your brain releases a cocktail of feel-good chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins.
These hormones are responsible for feelings of happiness, relaxation, and connection. Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” also helps strengthen bonds between partners.
2. Reduces Stress and Anxiety
During sexual activity, your body lowers levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. That’s why sex often leaves you feeling more relaxed and at ease, even after a long day. [Read: Signs of anxiety: How to read the signs ASAP & handle them better]
3. Improves Sleep Quality
Ever wondered why you feel sleepy after sex? That’s because your body releases prolactin, a hormone linked to relaxation and better sleep. This can leave you feeling refreshed and more connected with your partner.
4. Strengthens Your Immune System
Did you know that regular sex has been linked to better immune system functioning, too? Research suggests that it increases levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an antibody that helps your body fight off infections like colds and flu.
5. Supports Heart Health
Jogging can be a bit boring but guess what? Sex can also be a mini cardio workout. It gets your heart rate up, improves circulation, and can even lower blood pressure over time. Studies suggest that people who engage in regular sexual activity may have a lower risk of heart disease. [Read: Benefits of exercise on your mind, body, and libido]
6. Boosts Confidence and Self-Esteem
The physical intimacy of sex often leads to an emotional boost, improving body image and self-confidence. Feeling desired and connected can do wonders for your mental well-being, like making you feel like you’re the sexiest, most desirable being to ever walk this earth.
7. Relieves Pain
Interestingly, sex can also serve as a natural pain reliever. During sex, your body releases endorphins, which can reduce the perception of pain, whether it’s a headache, cramps, or other chronic pain conditions. You now know what to do next time you get a headache.
8. Enhances Longevity
Regular sexual activity has been linked to longer life spans. While this might be due to the combination of physical, emotional, and mental benefits, it’s yet another reason why sex contributes to overall well-being.
Does Sex Really Matter in a Relationship?
Sex in a relationship can be a bit of a hot topic. For some people, it’s a total game-changer, like the glue that holds everything together. [Read: 25 good signs your relationship will last & 32 bad signs it won’t work]
Studies even back this up—research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that regular intimacy can boost affection and strengthen bonds. It’s like a relationship booster shot, helping couples feel more connected and satisfied.
But here’s the flip side: not everyone feels that sex is the be-all and end-all. Some believe that trust, emotional connection, and shared values are what really keep a relationship solid. Research from the Archives of Sexual Behavior even shows that quality over quantity matters when it comes to sex—meaning a few meaningful, consensual moments can do more for a relationship than just trying to tick boxes.
So what’s the real score?
How Important is Sex in a Relationship, Really?
Sure, sex may be healthy for our bodies, but how vital is it for your relationship? Is it something we can all go without and still be in a happy and healthy relationship? Or is it the driving force in a relationship that can mean the difference between happiness and misery?
The truth is, sex is extremely important in most relationships. There are SO many reasons that couples should keep a healthy and active sex life in order to maintain a happy relationship.
1. It Keeps You Connected
One of the major reasons couples end up straying from one another is because they no longer feel a connection with them. This is largely due to the fact they don’t have sex frequently enough.
Sex connects two people and allows you to bond with them in ways nobody else can. Sex becomes extremely important in a relationship for this reason. [Read: Just sex: Why we crave it & 26 truths why sex can never really be just sex]
2. It Encourages Communication
When you sexually open up to someone you also open up to them emotionally. When you have frequent sex, you allow yourself to be open and honest with your partner. This encourages communication. and we all know how much bad communication hinders a relationship.
3. It Boosts Feelings of Being Appreciated
Those who feel unappreciated in a relationship often have a tendency to seek that appreciation elsewhere. In other words, unhappy partners might emotionally withdraw or even leave if they don’t feel valued.
Sex is one of the most intimate ways to show your partner that you see them, cherish them, and care about their happiness. It’s your way of telling them, “I appreciate you, and I want you to feel loved.”
Of course, this only works when it’s mindful sex—moments where you’re truly present, emotionally connected, and prioritizing each other’s needs. Empty, routine, or mindless encounters won’t have the same effect and can even lead to more disconnection. [Read: 34 passionate signs he is making love to you & not just having sex]
Being intentional about your intimacy ensures that it’s a meaningful expression of appreciation, not just a physical act.
4. Keeps the Relationship From Drying Up
By ”drying up,” we simply mean that relationships get boring from time to time. If you don’t have sex this will happen much faster. When someone is bored they usually look somewhere else for entertainment, and this could mean away from you if your sex life isn’t top-notch.
Don’t let your relationship get so boring and predictable. Keep your partner engaged with some fun, hot, freaky sex, and they’ll never look elsewhere again. Sex can save your relationship from ending simply because it’s fun. [Read: Mind-blowing sex: 20 moves to go from boring to oh-hot-damn]
5. Gives You Two Something Fun To Do!
There’s nothing like staying in on a weekend night wrapped around each other and forgetting about the world. Having sex is important in a relationship because it gives the two of you something productive to do instead of getting into arguments. [Read: 26 sexy, dirty, freaky things to say & do in bed & try something new]
6. Helps You Get to Know Your Partner Better
Sex in a relationship isn’t just about physical pleasure—it’s also a window into your partner’s emotions, preferences, and vulnerabilities. Intimacy creates opportunities to communicate without words, letting you observe how they respond to touch, what makes them feel safe, and what brings them joy.
Over time, these experiences reveal a deeper understanding of their personality, needs, and even insecurities. For example, being present and attentive during sex might help you notice what makes your partner feel most loved, whether it’s through physical closeness, eye contact, or whispered words of affirmation. [Read: Words of affirmation: How to use it, 56 signs, tips & examples to say it right]
It’s also a space where partners can explore and share fantasies, boundaries, and desires, fostering deeper trust and connection. Through these moments of vulnerability, you don’t just learn about their sexual preferences—you gain insights into how they express love, feel appreciated, and want to be supported.
In a way, sex becomes a form of emotional and psychological exploration that strengthens your relationship on multiple levels.
7. It Gives You Time For Each Other
Alone time is EXTREMELY vital in a relationship. You have to be able to get time with just the two of you and that can be difficult depending on your situation.
When you have sex you’re taking exclusive time to just be with each other. You’re getting rid of any distractions and just being in each other’s embrace and strengthening the relationship you have.
8. Fosters Emotional Security
Sex can help build a profound sense of emotional safety between partners. When you’re having sex, it’s not just about pleasure—it’s also about vulnerability. Sharing those moments of closeness reassures both of you that you’re valued and loved for who you are. [Read: How to be vulnerable in a relationship, open up & 28 secrets to grow closer]
This creates a stronger foundation of trust, making it easier to open up about fears, dreams, or even the little things that make your day better or worse. It’s that emotional safety net that makes you feel like you’re truly in this together.
Over time, this connection can deepen, acting as a protective layer against external stresses. Knowing you have someone who understands and cherishes you both physically and emotionally is a powerful feeling. It’s like an unspoken promise to have each other’s backs.
9. Strengthens Emotional Resilience During Conflicts
Every relationship has its fair share of arguments, but couples with a strong physical connection often find it easier to bounce back. Sex has this magical way of softening the rough edges of a fight. We said a while ago that when you’re intimate, your bodies release oxytocin, also known as the “bonding hormone,” which can help dissolve lingering tension. [Read: How to make things less awkward after a fight & feel closer again]
Physical closeness reminds you why you’re together in the first place, making you more forgiving and less likely to dwell on minor disagreements. It’s not about using sex to sweep issues under the rug—it’s about reinforcing that sense of “we’re a team, not opponents.”
This resilience builds over time, creating a relationship where conflicts are seen as hurdles to overcome together rather than walls that divide you.
10. Reinforces Teamwork and Partnership
Sex is one of the most collaborative things you can do as a couple. It’s about mutual pleasure, trust, and a shared commitment to making each other feel good. This isn’t just about the act itself—it’s a reminder that you’re a team in all aspects of life.
Whether it’s about syncing up your busy schedules or discovering new ways to connect, intimacy teaches you how to work together toward shared goals. Over time, these little acts of cooperation spill over into other parts of your relationship.
You’ll find yourselves being more understanding, patient, and willing to compromise in non-sexual situations as well. It’s like practicing teamwork in the most enjoyable way possible!
11. It Builds Rituals of Connection
In a world where routines can sometimes feel monotonous, sex can become a unique ritual that’s entirely your own. Maybe it’s a certain time of day, a shared playlist, or even just the way you hold each other afterward—these rituals create a sense of intimacy that’s deeply personal. [Read: Vanilla sex: What it is & 26 hot ways to go from boring to OMFG in bed]
These little habits help you carve out moments of connection amid the chaos of life, reminding you that your relationship deserves time and attention.
Over time, these rituals become traditions, anchoring your relationship and giving it a sense of stability. They’re the moments you’ll look back on with a smile, knowing they were about more than just physical intimacy—they were about making each other feel seen and valued.
12. Cultivates Playfulness and Joy
Sex has this wonderful way of bringing out your playful side. It’s one of the few times in life where you can let go of all the seriousness and just be present with your partner.
Whether it’s laughing at a funny moment or discovering something new about each other, intimacy allows you to share joy in a way that’s hard to replicate elsewhere. [Read: Playful banter: What it is, how to do it & secrets to keep the flirty talk going]
It’s like pressing a reset button, reminding you that, at the end of the day, you’re each other’s source of happiness and fun. These moments of shared joy become memories you’ll treasure, strengthening your bond in the process.
13. Encourages Mutual Growth
Sex isn’t just about physical connection but also a chance to explore new depths of your relationship. When you’re open to trying new things or discussing what you both enjoy, you’re also learning about each other in ways that encourage personal and relational growth.
It’s a way to push past boundaries together, whether they’re physical, emotional, or even psychological. An exploration like this fosters a sense of curiosity and keeps your relationship dynamic. You’re not just growing closer—you’re growing as individuals, too. And as you continue to learn and adapt to each other’s needs, your relationship becomes a space where both of you can thrive.
14. Helps Maintain Chemistry Over Time
Let’s face it: after a while, even the most passionate relationships can fall into a comfortable routine. Sex helps keep that spark alive by reminding you of the physical attraction that first brought you together. It’s a way to break free from the monotony and reconnect on a deeper level. [Read: Sexual chemistry: What it is, how it feels, 52 signs & ways to increase it]
It may be through spontaneous moments of intimacy or planned date nights, that these experiences rekindle the feelings of excitement and desire that might have faded.
Over time, this helps prevent your relationship from feeling stale, keeping both partners invested and engaged. It’s like a little reminder that the chemistry is still very much there.
15. Reaffirms Physical Attraction
Sex is a way of telling your partner, “I see you, and I still want you.” In long-term relationships, where daily life can sometimes overshadow romance, this affirmation can be incredibly powerful. It reminds both of you that physical attraction isn’t just about looks. [Read: 65 physical attraction tips to look way more attractive & desirable in no time]
These moments of desire and appreciation help counteract the insecurity that can creep in over time. When you feel wanted, it boosts your confidence and strengthens your connection. This shared sense of attraction becomes a cornerstone of your relationship, reminding you both of the special bond you share.
16. Serves as a Stress Test for Compatibility
Sex can be one of the clearest indicators of how well you and your partner align—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally too. It’s in those moments of vulnerability that you learn about each other’s needs, boundaries, and desires, which can say a lot about how you navigate your relationship overall.
For example, are you both willing to communicate openly and adjust to each other’s preferences? Are you able to create a space where both of you feel safe and valued? These interactions can highlight areas where you naturally click, but they can also reveal gaps that might need a little extra attention.
17. It Helps You Remember Why You Love Each Other
Having sex with the person you love, no matter how many times and how long you’ve been together, undeniably transports you back to that very first time you did it: the excitement, the thrill, the nervousness All that.
Sex is so important in a relationship because you remember why you love each other. You go to a place where there’s nothing else to think about except for them and how much you care about them. [Read: 110 MUST-KNOW interesting sex facts, myths & strange secrets about sex!]
Telltale Signs You Need to Have More Sex in Your Relationship
Is it really about sex, or is there something deeper going on? A lack of physical intimacy can sometimes feel like a small issue, but over time, it can have ripple effects that touch every part of your relationship. Here’s a deeper dive into the signs that your lack of sex might be negatively affecting your connection:
1. You’re Feeling Disconnected
Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy often go hand in hand. When you stop having sex, it’s easy to feel like you’re drifting apart, even if you’re still sharing the same space. You might notice that you’re not talking as much, or when you do, it feels shallow and obligatory.
It can leave both of you feeling unfulfilled, even if you can’t quite put your finger on why. Sex is one of the ways couples reconnect and remind each other of their bond.
Without it, the relationship can start to feel more transactional than romantic. The distance can grow, creating an emotional void that feels harder and harder to bridge. [Read: 34 signs, why we feel disconnected in a relationship & ways to reconnect]
2. Arguments Seem to Escalate Faster
It’s normal for couples to have disagreements, but a healthy sex life often acts as an emotional buffer. When you’re physically intimate, the hormones that your bodies release also help you feel more connected and forgiving.
Without this, small conflicts can spiral into bigger arguments because you lack that underlying sense of closeness. You might also find yourselves less willing to compromise or quicker to criticize, as resentment from unmet needs builds up.
These unresolved conflicts can snowball, leading to more tension in the relationship. It’s not that sex solves every problem, but it often helps create a foundation of goodwill and empathy that makes conflicts easier to manage. Without it, fights can feel more like battles than opportunities to grow together.
3. Physical Touch Has All but Disappeared
When sex becomes infrequent, other forms of physical affection often fade too. Without them, the relationship can feel cold or distant, even if everything else seems fine on the surface.
Touch is one of the most basic ways we express love and care, and without it, both partners might start to feel unloved or neglected. You might even notice that moments where you used to naturally reach for each other—like cuddling on the couch or kissing goodbye—no longer happen. [Read: Types of touches: The 36 physical touches we use & what they mean]
4. You’re Both More Stressed Than Usual
Sex is a natural stress reliever, thanks to the release of endorphins and oxytocin during physical intimacy. Without it, stress can build up unchecked, affecting not just your mood but also your interactions with your partner.
If you find yourselves snapping at each other over minor issues or feeling more overwhelmed by everyday challenges, it’s a clear sign. The lack of a physical outlet for stress can also lead to feeling emotionally bottled up, which only adds to the tension.
5. You’re Starting to Feel Insecure in the Relationship
When sex is infrequent or nonexistent, it’s easy to start questioning whether your partner is still attracted to you. The feeling of insecurity can creep in subtly, showing up as jealousy, self-doubt, or even resentment. [Read: Insecurity in a relationship: 34 signs & secrets to feel secure and love better]
You might overanalyze their actions, wondering if their lack of physical interest means something bigger, like dissatisfaction with the relationship.
On the flip side, your partner might be feeling the same way but not know how to express it. This mutual insecurity can create a feedback loop, where both of you pull away further out of fear of rejection.
6. Your Conversations Feel Stale or Surface-Level
When physical intimacy takes a backseat, emotional connection often follows. Instead of having heartfelt or meaningful discussions, you might find your conversations slipping into autopilot—talking about who’s cooking dinner or what’s on the to-do list rather than sharing what’s really on your mind.
Without the deeper bond that sex can foster, it’s easy for the relationship to feel transactional, like two people managing a household rather than two partners in love. When the connection is lacking, you may start avoiding vulnerable topics altogether, further distancing yourselves.
7. You’re Fantasizing About Physical Intimacy Outside the Relationship
It’s completely normal to have fantasies, but if you’re frequently imagining intimacy with someone other than your partner, it could be a sign that your needs aren’t being met. These fantasies might start as harmless daydreams but can become a source of guilt or dissatisfaction over time. [Read: Cheating fantasy: When it’s okay to fantasize about others & when it’s not]
They’re often a signal that something is missing in your current relationship, whether it’s physical connection, emotional closeness, or both. Addressing this doesn’t mean blaming each other but acknowledging that both partners deserve to feel fulfilled.
8. The Relationship Feels Like It’s Running on Autopilot
If your relationship starts to feel mechanical, like you’re just going through the motions, it might be another sign. You might find that your time together lacks excitement or spontaneity, with date nights and shared activities feeling more like obligations than opportunities for connection.
Sex often brings a sense of playfulness and novelty, breaking up the monotony and reminding you of the passion you share. When it’s missing, the relationship can start to feel mechanical.
9. You Avoid Alone Time Together
When sex becomes a source of tension, some couples start avoiding situations where intimacy might naturally arise. This might look like spending more time apart, filling your schedules with solo activities, or even retreating to separate rooms at home. Avoidance can create even more distance, reinforcing the idea that intimacy is something to be feared or ignored.
You might not notice evnetually but this avoidance can erode the emotional foundation of the relationship, making it harder to reconnect. [Read: Alone time: Why you need it, how it helps & how to make the most of it]
10. You Miss Each Other Without Really Knowing Why
Sometimes, it’s not obvious that a lack of sex is the problem—you just feel like something is “off.” Even when you’re living together or see each other often, you still have this longing feeling.
You might miss the way your partner used to look at you or long for the kind of closeness you can’t quite put into words. This feeling can make you feel lonely, even when you’re physically together, and it can be the lack of sex.
Top Tips for Prioritizing Intimacy
If you suspect that sex—or the lack of it—is behind the crankiness, disconnection, or general lack of enthusiasm in your relationship, it’s time to take action. Here are actionable ways to make sure sex remains a meaningful and joyful part of your connection:
1. Schedule Intimacy Without Feeling Awkward About It
Spontaneity is great, but life gets busy, and waiting for “the perfect moment” can mean intimacy falls to the bottom of your priorities. Scheduling time for sex might feel unromantic at first, but it ensures that you’re carving out space to connect.
Treat it like a date—light candles, set the mood, and make it something to look forward to. Eventually, these planned moments can rekindle the excitement and anticipation you once felt for each other. [Read: 45 special & sweet date ideas every couple should have on their checklist]
2. Open Up About Your Needs and Desires
Communication is everything when it comes to intimacy. If you’re feeling unsatisfied or disconnected, talk about it—honestly but gently.
Share your desires, fantasies, and what makes you feel most loved and appreciated. Listening to your partner’s perspective without judgment is equally important. Showing this level of vulnerability not only improves your physical connection but also strengthens trust and emotional intimacy.
3. Prioritize Non-Sexual Physical Touch
Sometimes, the road back to a healthy sex life starts with small gestures. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling on the couch, or giving your partner a spontaneous kiss can help rebuild physical intimacy.
These moments of touch create a sense of closeness and safety, making it easier to transition into more intimate acts. Plus, they remind your partner that affection isn’t always tied to an expectation of sex.
4. Create an Environment That Invites Intimacy
Let’s be real: your surroundings can affect your mood. A cluttered bedroom, harsh lighting, or constant distractions can kill the vibe before it even starts.
Take some time to make your space feel inviting—think soft lighting, clean sheets, and maybe a playlist of songs you both love. The idea is to create an environment where you both feel relaxed and open to connecting. It’s hard to be in the mood when a pile of laundry waiting to be folded is sitting in your bed. [Read: Ways to make your bedroom more romantic]
5. Experiment and Break Routine
Routine can be a relationship killer, and that includes in the bedroom. If things are starting to feel predictable, don’t be afraid to try something new.
It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to push boundaries you’re uncomfortable with—it could be as simple as changing the time of day, trying a new setting, or exploring fantasies together. Novel experiences can reignite passion and remind you both of the excitement you once shared.
6. Take Care of Your Own Well-Being
It’s hard to feel sexy or in the mood when you’re exhausted, stressed, or not feeling great about yourself. Make self-care a priority—whether that’s exercising, eating well, managing stress, or doing something that boosts your confidence.
Feeling good in your own skin can have a huge impact on your desire for and enjoyment of intimacy. When both partners are taking care of themselves, it creates a stronger foundation for connection.
7. Limit Screen Time and Be Present
If you’re spending more time scrolling on your phone than connecting with your partner, it’s time for a digital detox. Set boundaries for screen use, especially during the time that could be spent together. [Read: Social media & relationships: 47 rules, etiquette & where couples go wrong]
Try putting your phone away during dinner or leaving it out of the bedroom entirely, being present with your partner is a simple but powerful way to foster intimacy.
8. Address Underlying Issues Together
Sometimes, intimacy struggles are a symptom of unresolved issues in the relationship. It can be stress, resentment, or unmet emotional needs, these problems can create a barrier to physical closeness.
Having an open and honest conversation—or seeking the help of a couples therapist—can help you work through these challenges together. Addressing the root causes will make intimacy feel natural and genuine again. Let’s admit it, it’s hard to get intimate with someone if you are feeling resentful towards them.
9. Celebrate Small Wins in Your Relationship
Sex isn’t just about passion but also about connection and appreciation. Make it a habit to celebrate the small victories in your relationship, whether it’s a shared accomplishment, a meaningful moment, or simply making it through a tough week together.
Acknowledge these wins to remind you both of why you’re a team and create a positive energy that can translate into deeper intimacy.
10. Be Patient with Each Other
Rekindling intimacy takes time, especially if you’ve fallen into a rut. Avoid putting pressure on yourselves to “fix” things overnight. Be patient and focus on small, consistent efforts that bring you closer. [Read: 24 secrets to be patient in a relationship & avoid risking a new love]
Remember, intimacy isn’t just about sex—it’s about creating a space where you both feel loved, desired, and connected. The more effort you put into rebuilding that foundation, the stronger your relationship will become.
It’s a Vital Piece of Your Relationship Puzzle
A relationship is made up of many moving parts—emotional intimacy, trust, communication, and shared goals—and sex is undoubtedly one of them.
While its importance varies from couple to couple, physical intimacy plays a crucial role in maintaining connection, reducing stress, and fostering a sense of togetherness. It’s not the sole foundation of a strong partnership, but it’s a vital piece of the puzzle that helps keep your bond thriving and resilient.
[Read: How to make a relationship last: 25 rules of love you can’t ignore]
Now you know how important sex is in a relationship and the many ways it contributes to a healthy, fulfilling connection. Prioritizing intimacy is about more than just keeping the passion alive, it’s also about creating a space where you and your partner can feel truly connected in every sense of the word.