The Mental Checklist Women Use to Evaluate Men They Date

checklist women use to evaluate men

Ever heard of a “perfect guy list?” Yes, we all have one. These 11 must-haves are important in weeding out Mr. Wrong from Mr. Right.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this is not the only tool we use to evaluate the men we date, but it is very important.

For a long, long time you’ve probably heard the saying that he “checks off everything on my list.” But did you know that there really is a list women use? It’s not the same for everyone—and it’s not even something that is set in stone—but it’s there.

You may be wondering why we need a checklist. If we like someone, who cares, right? Well, not really. Women have a tendency to get flustered and excited, and just dive in to whatever new relationship has caught their eye. Sometimes, we forget about the important things—other than how fantastic his abs are.

Our core values are left in the dust oftentimes—but not if we keep this mental checklist in the forefront of our mind. It’s a way for us to keep reality in check when it feels like we’re in a dream.

So what’s on this special mental checklist?

For me, it’s used in a general sense. If the guy I’m dating has certain qualities, then that’s great! And if he lacks majority of the things I know are important to me, it may be time to rethink the relationship.

Although every woman is different and has different things on their checklists, this is a list of qualities that MOST women evaluate prior to deciding if he’s the man for her. [Read: 20 personality traits combinations that create the perfect ideal guy for a girl]

#1 Is he physically attractive to me? This may seem pretty obvious. Either you think he’s cute or you don’t—and if not, he’s already in the rearview mirror. But sometimes ladies will look past this one, if other qualities are really outstanding.

However, this one cannot be forgotten; physical attraction is EXTREMELY important in any relationship, and if it’s not there, no amount of intellectual attraction will make you want to get naked and jump his bones—another very important aspect of a relationship.

#2 Can I have a real conversation with him? You may find someone who is ridiculously hot, has a really interesting job, and even has some of the same hobbies as you, but if you can’t have a meaningful conversation, then it’s not looking good for the future. What would that relationship end up looking like: the both of you sitting on the couch in silence for eternity? No. Women want to know that they can talk to their partner.

#3 Does he complement me? Not compliment, as in, “Oh darling, you’re so beautiful today.” I mean, does he have qualities that mesh well with mine? If I really, really suck at cooking, for instance, is he good at it? We can’t be forced to eat Easy Mac and cereal for the rest of our lives, right? We also want to make sure that our qualities are similar, so our personalities don’t end up clashing.

#4 Is he supportive? Does he believe in our dreams and push us to meet our goals? We want to make sure that our Mr. Right is always supportive of our every dream and wish—no matter how outlandish. Okay, so I know I may never wind up being the biggest popstar ever, but I want a man who tells me that I will be, anyways. Support is an important base of any relationship. [Read: 10 really great qualities in a guy that all girls admire]

#5 Is he ambitious? Nobody likes someone who is lazy and undetermined. Women love men who go out and work hard for the things that they want. It also means that they will work hard for the relationship. Us women don’t underestimate the power of an ambitious man. We search for them.

#6 Is he reliable? This is a HUGE one for not only me, but many women out there. We need a reliable man. Someone who will be there when he says he will and someone who won’t disappoint us. If I’m 9 months pregnant and two blocks from my car on a 95-degree day and suddenly go into labor, I want to know my man will drop everything and be there when I call. This creates trust in a relationship and no relationship can last without it.

#7 Is he honest? This goes along with creating trust. Have the things he’s said matched up with his behavior? Honesty is a major part of a relationship, and without it, things fall apart very quickly. I want to know that when I ask my man something, I’m getting the truth. Unless he absolutely hates the dress and heels I just bought and I really love them. In that case, he can keep his pie hole shut.

#8 Does he want a family? Whether a woman wants a family really bad, or she’s the type that would rather toss the nearest snot monster into a ball pit and run away, this is something we all need to know. If we want a big family and he has never wanted kids in his entire life, then it’s safe to say that some things probably won’t work out. [Read: 15 things women look for in a man before they even consider falling for him]

#9 Does he believe in the same things as me? This could mean faith, religion, or even whether or not you both believe in ghosts. Having the same beliefs is very important for a lot of reasons. If we have differing views as to what is right and wrong, it could lead to a lot of problems in the relationship. We could also run into issues raising a child—if it ever got to that point.

#10 Do our futures line up? No one really knows what the future holds, that’s true. However, women like to figure out if the possibility of a long-term relationship even makes sense. If he’s moving to Boston (far away from me), would it even make sense to be with him?

But what if my future career could lead me out there as well? Since I love to travel, it could work! This is something that is crucial. No woman wants to get involved with someone, only to realize that their futures are on completely different paths. This is why future plans are usually on our checklist.

#11 If I got pregnant and passed away giving birth, would I trust this man to raise our child the way I would have? Okay, okay, this one seems a bit outrageous, and that’s because it’s one that’s on my personal list. Every woman has something like this in their personal checklist, though: a crazy weird scenario/test that their potential man has to pass.

But honestly, this is my deal breaker. It may seem silly but in the end, when you date someone, you’re looking to build a family with them—to trust them with everything. And I can’t think of anything more defining and important than this. Although I’ve dated quite a few men, there’s only one person that has passed this test…and unfortunately, even then, things didn’t work out.

[Read: 25 signs and qualities of the perfect boyfriend material]

Women all have some sort of checklist they use to evaluate the men they date, and for good reason! Although not every list is the same, the qualities listed above are the most common dealbreakers—so either step up, or step away.

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Bella Pope
Bella Pope
Bella is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog, p...

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5 thoughts on “The Mental Checklist Women Use to Evaluate Men They Date”

  1. Belinda says:

    I think everyone should have a mental and maybe even an actual written down check list. I know I have one that speaks to the men I have dated in the past and where they may have fallen short and what I want to receive now. Things that speak to integrity are key like honesty, reliability and support must have many variables that show where they are and even where they are working to be in those areas. I also have to factor in family desires, future goals, and definitely belief systems. My checklist go even further as I have been through some things that I never want to willingly go through again and this checklist keeps me in check thank goodness.

  2. Mark says:

    Guys, we really need to brush up on our conversation skills because that second point there really hits home. I’m a more introverted guy, so I’m not the best at small talk and idle chit chat, which is seemingly one of the most important things to the women I come across and I just can’t seem to hack it. I know I’ve been working pretty hard on those skills and it’s definitely getting me a little further in the dating world, but it took me forever to figure it out. Take this one to heart because it’s the absolute truth.

  3. kirstie says:

    I really don’t need a mental checklist. My man’s got it all, don’t you, my love? I really appreciate you for being in my life and I’m really sorry if I could be such a brat sometimes. You do know that I still love you even though I’m a brat, right? Thanks for being so understanding, my love. I know that I push you over your limit sometimes and I feel like you are about to pull out your hair most of the time when I’m being difficult but you never lose your cool and I really thank you for that. Just know that I am grateful for the man you are and you don’t have to be the richest. I just want you for you and for you only. I want you to be my one and only and I could be your one and only too, that would be the greatest gift you can ever give to me. You don’t need to buy me any special gifts because as long as I have you, I will have everything that I need. Thank you for loving me in all sort of ways that you really make a great deal of effort for. I just think that It’s so sweet that you had to miss work for a day to spend time with me when I was sick. You never had to do that, but you did it anyway. I didn’t force you or anything, did I? Oh, no, I didn’t, that’s what I thought. Thank you, my love. Thank you for showing me what love truly means and I really hope that I showed you the love that you so deserved. For the longest time, you have been the best for me, sad to say that I have to let you go now. I didn’t know you were going to save that child’s life when their house got on fire. You just had to be a hero. You did save the child but you inhaled so much smoke that your lungs fried up when you got out and the the emergency response people couldn’t revive you. I’m just so sad right now, my love. I really never thought you would leave me so soon. Just know that where ever you are right now, I’m here still loving you and I will keep on loving you until I die. I just hope we get another chance in a second life together.

  4. Yvonne says:

    I don’t know for you guys but my ideal man MUST be honest and truthful to me. I value that the most in a relationship. Trust me there’s no better example than me. My three relationships ended because of those things. My bfs lied to me and did stuff behind my back and what I can’t forget is Sean even cheated on me for half a year. Hey! Half a year without telling me anything! Follow your points ladies and find Mr Perfect for you 😛

  5. lvong you says:

    Being nice with kids are a big YES for me. Watching a man playing with nieces or nephews. Its adorable. seeing how good he is with the kids makes me feel he’s paternal. and that caring side is a huge turn on. When there’s a room filled with beautiful women and his looking only at me. That’s a turn on. when he puts my hair behind my ear while we’re talking. When he stand right behind me in restaurants kind of in a protective way. When we’re going outside and hold my coat up for me. I could go onnnnnnnnn and onnnnnn. I love it when men have rough hands. Its a hugeeee turn on! I don’t want my guy to have soft hands. the rougher his hands are the more he will compliment my softness.

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