He’s charming. He’s adventurous. He knows the right things to say, and when to say them. It’s like you’ve met the perfect guy, the one who will make all your dreams come true. Surely, he’s a gentleman too, right? Actually, he might be the exact opposite.
Contrary to popular belief and thanks to the image perpetrated by the media, a true gentleman isn’t always smooth and suave. He doesn’t always have the perfect quip to put you at ease. He may sometimes seem weak, but that’s only because he wants to be honest with his shortcomings. A player, on the other hand, is a tempting prospect, because he knows just how to copy the charming characters you swoon over on TV.
The real differences between a player and a gentleman
So let’s say you’ve been misled to think that players are actually the gentlemen you’ve always wanted to be with. Let’s start with a clean slate and discuss their many differences.
#1 A gentlemen will hold the door for you. It may sound simple, but it’s true. A gentleman has manners and won’t forget to use them in the appropriate times. When a gorgeous young lady such as yourself is walking through a doorway, he’d be quick to get the door for you.
#2 A gentleman won’t talk down to you. This means that he won’t call you a bitch or any other derogatory terms. He will see you as an equal and will treat you with respect, even when you’re arguing with him.
#3 A player may accidentally call you the wrong name. If your name is Charlene and he accidentally calls you Sarah, there’s a good chance that there is a girl named Sarah somewhere who is occupying a lot of his attention. Don’t take these Freudian slips lightly! [Read: 10 guys you shouldn’t date if you want real love]
#4 A player may be very obnoxious. Being a player and being obnoxious oftentimes go hand and hand. So if your man of interest is being overly loud and bringing a ton of attention to himself, he might actually be trying to get the attention of other women, as well.
#5 A gentleman will make you feel comfortable. A gentleman won’t make comments that will make you feel insecure, or talk about things that he thinks will embarrass you. If he has some criticism of something you have done, he’ll phrase it in a constructive way. A player, on the other hand, will most likely poke fun at your insecurities.
#6 A player will flirt and deny. If you’ve been dating a guy and you see that he’s being a little too friendly with another woman, you may feel the urge to confront him. However, a player will usually brush it off and make it look like you’re just being paranoid.
#7 A gentleman will pay for your drink without asking for anything in return. Paying for your drink is yet another sign of good manners and his interest in you. Men work hard for their money, and they don’t want to spend it on just anybody.
A player may make you feel like you owe him at least your number or a kiss for that drink, but a gentleman will be gallant enough to buy you a drink without pressuring you to do anything for him.
#8 A player may stare at your body inappropriately. You know you’ve got the looks, and the guy you’re with knows this, too. But the fundamental difference between a gentleman and a player is how they show their appreciation.
The player will most likely stare. A gentleman, on the other hand, will most likely politely ask if you need to adjust your dress, if it’s awkwardly becoming revealing. Otherwise, a gentleman might just do his best not to look at you in a way that might make you uncomfortable. [Read: 10 types of creeps you shouldn’t be dating]
#9 A player may not call you back if you hook up with him. A complete lack of communication following a hookup can definitely mean that he only wanted one thing from you. You may have really liked him and wanted to keep it going, but he may have gotten what he wanted and has already moved on to the next girl. [Read: 11 signs you can’t trust the guy you’re dating]
#10 A gentleman will take you on actual dates. If a player wants to see you, he may just proposition you with a late night text under the pretext of “hanging out at his pad.” However, if a gentleman wants to see you, he will most likely attempt to plan a date at an appropriate time.
#11 A gentleman will buy you little gifts. It’s not the amount of money that matters, but the fact that he was thoughtful enough to get you something you might like. It could be anything from flowers to a bit of chocolate or even medicine when you’re feeling sick.
A player, on the other hand, probably won’t get you anything, unless he’s sure that he’ll get something in return. Another reason a player will most likely not buy gifts is to prevent his other prospects from finding out that he’s wooing you.
#12 A gentleman will listen to you talk about your problems. He listens because he cares about what’s going on in your life, as opposed to a player, whose only interest is what he can get from you. A player may sometimes fake being able to listen, but only a gentleman can bring up your past conversations without you having to prompt him.
#13 A player will not want to get too emotionally attached to you. A player will want to keep things light, and not get too deep. He most likely sees you as just one of many girls whom he is interested in, and so doesn’t want to get too attached to you.
If he does, it could mean that he loses his chances with the other girls. Players are more about having many experiences with different girls, as opposed to good experiences with one girl. So he is probably not going to spend too much time hanging out with you or having deep conversations. [Read: 5 giveaways of an emotionally unavailable man]
Although guys who are players may be appealing at first, because of their charm and their intrigue, they are only in it for the good times. Once you want something more from him, he might suddenly disappear and hook up with someone who’s not expecting as much as you.
A gentleman, on the other hand, isn’t just in it to get laid or to have a good time. He wants something more than the occasional hookup, and he will care enough about you to treat you like a lady, and not just an option for the night.
[Read: 11 more ways to spot a true gentleman]
Though it takes experience to successfully filter out the players from the gentlemen, this guide may help make things easier for you. Once you get to know a guy and you spot the signs of being a player, take it as your cue to kick him to the curb!
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