We’ve all had those days where we feel a little uncertain and unsure of ourselves. During those times, learning how to be confident comes in very handy.
It could be before going to a big event or party, doing a presentation for work colleagues, going out on a blind date, or taking a test.
Whatever the occasion, we’ve all let preemptive nerves get the better of us. In moments like these, it’s important to know how to be confident.
But learning how to gain confidence isn’t as simple as faking it until you make it; it’s much more than that. It takes a lot of trial and error before a person can successfully gain genuine confidence.
Confidence is one of those life skills that are extremely challenging to learn but is also very important. Without confidence, you will struggle in almost all aspects of your life. You’ll struggle to find a career, the right friendships and relationships, and even to speak up and have a voice.
Confidence is necessary to be the best version of who you are. But what is it?
In truth, it is difficult to decipher, but it’s a sense of being sure of who you are, and in the decisions and actions you take.
However, it’s easier said than done; it should be genuine and real. It’s not just about learning to dress up presentably or control a room in a way that would have everyone thinking that you’re incredibly self-assured. Real confidence is found within.
That’s why when you learn how to gain confidence, you need to know it’s a process, not a quick race to win. [Read: 34 life-changing steps to fall in love with yourself all over again]
A confident person:
1. Does what they believe is right, even if it’s unpopular
2. Is willing to take measured risks
3. Admits their mistakes and learns from them [Read: How to build self-confidence – 16 ways to realize you’re worth it]
Confidence is key in all aspects of your life, but how? Here are some of the key benefits of learning how to build confidence.
When you’re more confident in your abilities, you don’t question yourself. That means you’re more likely to look for opportunities and take them.
Who knows where they may lead? [Read: What are you passionate about? How to find and own your desires]
No matter what you’re doing, when you’re confident in yourself, you know what you can do. For sure, you’ll still make mistakes every so often, but they’re less common because you’re not second-guessing yourself all the time.
We know that learning how to build confidence helps you take opportunities when they arise, but this also helps you to create the life you really want. You don’t settle for less because you know what you can do.
It’s easy to go along with what other people think you should do when you’re lacking in confidence. You don’t believe in yourself enough to go with what you really feel.
But, when you’re confident, you go for what you want. You still take other people’s ideas and views on board, but you’re not necessarily swayed by them. [Read: The need for purpose in life – 5 things it can do for you]
Unconfident people go for the easy option because they don’t trust themselves to do better. A confident person makes their own choices based on what their true self wants, whether it’s the easy or hard route.
Confident people are more likely to live longer because confidence affects physical and mental health. If that’s not a great excuse to learn how to build confidence, we don’t know what is!
When you believe in yourself and your abilities, the world is a brighter and better place. You see sunshine where others see darkness. All of this leads to a happier existence in general. [Read: Secrets to happiness – The uncomplicated guide for a happy life]
If you’re going for what you want and making opportunities happen, you’re going to have a much better chance of success. While you will still encounter road bumps, you see them as learning opportunities rather than excuses to give up.
Believe it or not, babies are not born feeling bad about themselves. That is a learned attitude. In fact, in a perfect world, we would all love ourselves. But unfortunately, that is not the world we live in.
Here are some reasons people have low self-confidence. [Read: Signs of low self-esteem and 5 ways to increase it]
Hello? Has anyone turned on the TV or seen a movie lately? You can’t get away from beautiful people! And not only are most celebrities skinny, buff, and beautiful, but they’re really rich too.
Talk about setting the bar impossibly high for the rest of us! Geez.
It’s a wonder that 99% of the world isn’t curled up in a fetal position most of the time. Needless to say, the media just gives us the perfect opportunity to compare ourselves to people who “have it better than us.”
And as a result, most people feel like crap because of it. And this does not teach us how to gain confidence. [Read: The toxic dangers of social media]
Okay, maybe you had really loving, positive parents who told you beautiful things about yourself. Even if you did, you probably didn’t escape hearing, “You can try harder” or “Don’t be lazy!” They meant well, but their words still probably affected you in a negative way.
But many people have parents who tell them really negative things about themselves. And throughout your life, it literally programs your mind. Eventually, your parents’ voice becomes your voice.
Anyone who wasn’t home-schooled knows what we mean about this. Let’s face it—kids can be cruel! Even if they weren’t cruel, you probably still compared yourself to the popular, smart, or rich kids.
Most of how we feel about ourselves is created not only by the messages we get from the outside world but from how we talk to ourselves. Even if it’s just as simple as, “Gee, I’m having a bad hair day!” It’s still negative.
[Read: Build your self-esteem – 35 funny things to tell yourself in front of the mirror]
If you always rain down on yourself, always say ‘I can’t,’ ‘I’m too scared,’ or just don’t believe in your ability to do what you want to do and be who you want to be, you’re not being fair to yourself. You cheat yourself out of the amazing life you deserve.
The good news is there are many ways you can slowly learn how to gain confidence. If you truly work at it, you’ll start to feel good about yourself and have that enviable air of confidence that really improves your life.
Here are several ways to learn how to gain confidence. [Read: 48 real secrets to change your life and find the right path when you’re lost]
The most important thing to remember when learning how to gain confidence is that worry and fear are pointless and unhelpful. Try to block these negative thoughts and only focus on the things you can change.
You can’t be a ray of sunshine all the time, but negative thoughts will harm your confidence faster than anything else. So, if you genuinely want to learn how to be more confident, you need to think more positively.
[Read: What to be thankful for when life isn’t easy]
Stop dwelling on the past or dwelling on what might be. Instead, focus on what is happening right now. It’s good to learn from mistakes, and it’s good to have goals for the future.
But only by living in the present, you can appreciate what truly matters in life. [Read: How to stop ruminating your past and focus on living your future]
Have different sets of goals to aim toward. Some should be small, daily goals. While others should be larger aspirations that take more time and effort. Focus on your goals and work on how to achieve them.
Every time you tick off something on your goals list, you feel more confident about yourself and your abilities. This is one of the best ways to learn how to gain confidence and move forward in life.
When learning how to be confident, you must take a moment to remember everything that you should be thankful for. Doing so helps us realize our lives are actually filled with great things.
Instead of focusing on the things you don’t have and complaining about them, appreciate the things you do have.
It also helps to be grateful for your best traits such as having your health, great hair, earning a good salary, being a good partner, or whatever else you’re proud of! [Read: How to be grateful – 20 authentic ways to appreciate and express it]
If you want to know how to build confidence, step outside of your comfort zone once in a while. Doing things that feel nerve-wracking and overcoming our fears teaches us that really there is nothing to be afraid of!
Confidence won’t be easy to attain, so if you’re serious about building confidence, you need to go beyond your self-imposed limitations. Push yourself and realize that discomfort is all part of your journey to confidence. [Read: How to stand up for yourself and get what you deserve]
When faced with obstacles, don’t be the person that immediately breaks down, gives up, or looks to someone else. Become a problem solver. Always think, ‘how can I get past this’ or ‘what can I do to resolve this?’
Thinking like a problem solver helps you crush those obstacles and lets nothing stand in your way. Also, the more problems you solve, the more your confidence increases.
We all suffer from setbacks from time to time. If something knocks your confidence, you get rejected, or something negative happens, learn how to get over it more quickly.
Learn how to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and try again. Having resilience is incredibly useful when learning how to be confident. Your ability to get back up after every challenge is precisely what makes you stronger.
[Read: 18 ways to have high self-esteem and start winning at life]
Confident people didn’t get to their desired level of confidence without having some form of role model. Have a mentor or someone you aspire to be like. Keep them focused in your mind.
Think about what they would do or how they would act in every situation. Whether it’s a friend, your mom, or even an artist, it’s essential to have someone to look up to.
The people you spend time around play a significant role in your confidence levels. So if you want to learn how to be confident, watch the people you spend the most time with.
If you’re going to be more confident, surround yourself with happy and positive people who have their lives sorted. Their energy will naturally rub off on you. [Read: Why good friends are like guiding stars]
The key to learning how to build confidence is to arm yourself with knowledge and do your research. This keeps you feeling more confident and able to tackle any tricky questions or situations. The more preparation you do, the more confident you feel.
When learning how to gain confidence, being prepared alleviates worries and gives you a good foundation to work with.
Look after yourself, eat healthily, get lots of exercise, and take care of your appearance. Looking and feeling good counts both on the inside and the outside.
When you feel and look healthy, it helps you glow and look radiant. [Read: How to look sexy, feel sexy, and be sexy without really trying at all]
When learning how to build confidence and you’re particularly nervous or unsure at any given moment, just take a few long, deep, and slow breaths. It’s normal to be anxious or nervous, but remember that it doesn’t define you.
You’re so much stronger and more confident than you think! This might sound like a minor thing, but sometimes taking deep breaths is all you need to feel confident in any scenario.
Have a positive mantra—stick it on your mirror and look at it every morning. Repeat it out loud to yourself. This sets a confident mindset to start the day.
Also known as positive affirmations, this strategy can help set your intention and reframe your mind for the day. Especially if you tend to think negatively, having a mantra can really benefit you in learning how to be more confident. [Read: 21 positive mantras that will transform your life]
Yes, we mentioned earlier that faking it won’t work when you want to learn how to gain confidence, but it can be used as part of the process. It just shouldn’t be the whole process.
Confidence doesn’t just happen straight away. But if you give the impression of confidence even when you feel your heart fluttering inside, you not only convince those around you but also yourself.
You don’t have to do this alone! Learning how to be confident isn’t about being totally independent. Know when you need help, understand when you need advice, and look for guidance from others.
It doesn’t make you weak just because you ask for help. In fact, people who know how to ask for help have a lot of strength in them. [Read: Hey, white knight, get off your horse and save yourself first]
Sometimes all that’s needed is a good pampering session and a shopping spree to help boost your confidence. So, don’t forget to treat yourself once in a while!
A makeover might not be what confidence is really about, but it doesn’t mean it won’t help. So if you’re looking to increase your confidence, getting a makeover can often help with that. Just make sure you’re doing it for yourself and no one else.
Doing good deeds, helping others, and generally being a kind and thoughtful person can fill you with a warm fuzzy feeling. People respect you and look up to you, which works wonders when it comes to boosting your self-confidence.
You won’t feel confident with a bad personality and characteristics; only with a kind heart will your self-esteem improve. If you want to learn how to be confident, be kind and generous. [Read: How to be kind to yourself & others & love life instead of hating it]
Remember to always stay true to yourself. Know who you are, know your flaws, change your bad habits, and do more of the things you love. You won’t be confident if you keep pretending to be someone else just to fit in.
You’ll only be able to embrace your confidence if you unconditionally accept who you are, including your quirks and flaws. [Read: How to fall in love with yourself and be a better YOU]
When learning how to build confidence, posture is key. In fact, it’s amazing how posture can do so much for your confidence levels. A slouched back can make you feel more insecure, but opening your chest can make you feel more empowered.
Just simple things like holding your head up high, plastering a smile on your face, and walking tall make you feel instantly more confident. [Read: Be more positive and increase your life quality]
Sometimes we don’t realize how much baggage we hold onto. This makes us feel cluttered, confused, and uncertain. Having a good clear-out highlights important things to us and provides a fresh perspective, clarity, and a new air of confidence.
When learning how to build confidence, this is a strategy that will also clear out your house – it’s a win-win! [Read: Find freedom and let go of the emotional baggage]
The way you talk to yourself says everything when it comes to your confidence. If you keep talking down to yourself and disrespecting yourself, you’ll never learn how to be confident. No matter how easy it is to focus on your negative traits and qualities, always find the good in yourself.
So this means hyping yourself up, believing in yourself, and telling yourself positive affirmations if you have to. If you wouldn’t be so hard on a friend, ask yourself why you’re speaking so brutally to yourself.
Self-talk is such an important aspect to consider when figuring out how to build confidence. [Read: How to master positive self-talk and banish negativity]
Nobody is perfect, no matter how hard we try. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t work on your weaknesses and flaws.
If you have a fear of, let’s say, public speaking or social events, you can try to work on your social anxiety and insecurities.
You won’t get it perfect, but at least it’ll be better than sitting and doing nothing. It helps you gain confidence when you know you’ve improved on a specific skill.
Smiling is always great to bring out your confidence, rather than frowning and sulking all the time. So if you want to know how to be confident, you need to smile and laugh more!
Life is literally too short to keep focusing on the negatives, so learn to smile even if it’s just a little bit more. It brings out your happiness, and you look more attractive too! [Read: How to smile more often – 6 baby steps to change your life forever]
Comparisons are the primary thief of joy and contentment, so you’ll never be confident if you keep comparing yourself to others. We all have different paths and directions in life, which is why no one should ever make comparisons.
You have unique traits that make you who you are, and the same goes for everyone around you. [Read: Self-concept – What it is and how it plays a big part in your happiness]
Self-love habits can’t be noticed by others, but they can undoubtedly help you love yourself more and boost your self-esteem. Especially in a world where we tend to prioritize others before ourselves, these habits can help you feel balanced and centered.
Sometimes, all you need is a day full of doing things you love to gain the confidence you need in life.
Here’s a life truth – everyone fails. When babies learn to walk, they fail until they succeed. Texting a crush, falling in love, having sex, starting a job, walking up to say hello to someone, whatever it is, everyone fails several times before they succeed.
So if there’s one thing you need to know when learning how to be confident, it’s this—you will fail and that’s okay. What counts is just how quickly you dust yourself off, get back on your feet, and try again. [Read: 16 things you have to give up on if you want to have a way happier life]
Never let others limit who you are, who you become, or what you believe about yourself.
Of course, having an inflated ego without putting in the hard work won’t help you achieve anything. But if you believe you’re worthy of something, don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
If you fail at something, it only means you’re not good enough yet. Persevere, and try again, and soon enough, you will succeed. That’s a key point in learning how to build confidence.
This is a huge tip for how to build confidence. A lot of people are not only people-pleasers, but if you’re self-conscious, then you always care what other people are thinking about you.
But guess what? Most people are so busy worrying about themselves that they are probably not even judging you. It’s a reassuring thought, eh? [Read: The art of not giving a shit – How to not care in 15 steps]
It might sound like a cheesy tip for how to build confidence, but research proves that visualization works for just about everything. Even Olympic and professional athletes do it. So, visualize yourself feeling really good about yourself, and eventually, it will become reality.
If you are down on yourself because you need to lose 50 pounds, well, be happy that you don’t need to lose 100! Or if you feel like you don’t make enough money in your job, just be grateful that you have a job and that you can feed yourself.
Reframe and focus on the positives. It won’t do you any good to dwell on the negatives. [Read: How to master positive self-talk and banish negativity]
Maybe you cheated on an ex. Or you were a bully in the 2nd grade, and that affects how you feel about yourself today. Whatever it is, it’s in the past.
You can’t change the past, so just forgive yourself and move on. Let it go and look toward a positive future.
If using affirmations doesn’t sound appealing to you, why not try hypnosis? It’s not scary at all. You can even get your own digital download from the Internet. There are many you can find, and they will re-program your mind with self-confidence.
Or, you can seek out a hypnotherapist to help you learn how to build confidence instead. [Read: 15 ways to be someone who always says, I love my life!]
One big reason we get down on ourselves is when we fail to meet our goals. Whether it’s a health goal, a career goal, or a personal one, if you don’t take personal responsibility and hold yourself accountable, then you won’t feel very good about yourself.
So, don’t make excuses. Do what you say you’re going to do! [Read: How self-respect affects you and your relationships]
On a sheet of paper, write down every single thing you love about yourself. If the list isn’t that long right now, that’s okay.
As you implement changes in your life, it’ll grow exponentially. This will help you bring light to your amazing qualities while diminishing your flaws. We’ve all got flaws, but if we dwell on them, we’ll only hurt ourselves. [Read: Reasons to love yourself before loving another]
We all have those few people who are just the worst. They may not realize it, but they bring you down and they make your self-esteem drop significantly.
A lot of times, this can be someone who has a habit of pointing out your flaws or the flaws of others who are similar to you. If someone makes you feel insecure, don’t be around them at all.
It’s really easy to look in front of a mirror and be like, “my nose has a little bit of a bump to it,” or “my eyebrows are way too uneven and I’ll never be able to fix it.”
However, doing this will only bring your self-esteem down and you’ll never be able to learn how to gain confidence. You have to stop yourself when you do this. Instead, focus on your plus points. [Read: How to fall in love with yourself and be a better you]
If you are able to change something you don’t like, then do it. Quit complaining and start taking action. Are you a little overweight? Then eat right and exercise. Don’t like your job? Look for a better one while looking for things to like at your current job.
The only thing standing in the way of you and knowing how to gain confidence is what you choose to do. [Read: Steps to make a change and find your happiness]
This is less about looking better and has way more to do with feeling great from the inside.
Do you know what endorphins are? You should. They’re hormones that are released during exercise and other activities that boost your mood.
When you feel better physically, you’ll feel better mentally, too. [Read: How to stop having negative thoughts that drag you down]
If you feel upset about yourself, pull out that handy list we had you create and take a look at it. Any time you notice another great thing about yourself, you should write it down.
That way, when you aren’t feeling very confident, you have a source created by you that tells you just how great you really are.
You really are incredible and have so much to offer the world. Remembering this will help you feel more confident. [Read: 34 qualities of a good person and the extensive benefits of being a nice human being]
We know it sounds lame, but there’s a reason it’s suggested as a means of coping, especially when learning how to gain confidence.
Jot down your insecurities and read them back when you’re done. Sometimes you can learn a lot just by looking over your thoughts in a physical form. Plus, it can even help you see how silly some things are. [Read: How to be happy and live life to the fullest]
First thing in the morning, turn on some music that makes you feel amazing. Better yet, create a playlist you can listen to while you get ready. Starting your day on a positive note can do more for your confidence than you realize.
Avoid sad songs and choose upbeat, happy songs that make you want to sing along. That’s how to gain confidence. [Read: Moving on! Upbeat songs to get over your lost love]
A person with low self-confidence finds it very difficult to accept compliments and can be very self-deprecating. This becomes quite tiresome for other people. After a while, they’ll stop giving you compliments and trying to encourage you if they are always met with a negative response.
Learn how to accept compliments and really listen to them. Respond positively and take the compliment to heart.
Also, learn how to give compliments. Spreading love and helping build other people’s confidence gives you a positive, warm, sunny feeling. [Read: How to accept compliments without feeling awkward]
If you want to learn how to build confidence and grow as a person, start by being kind to yourself. Remember to be patient. You aren’t going to be able to eliminate negative thoughts or become supremely brave at the drop of a hat.
The more you practice these confidence-building techniques the better you’ll get. [Read: How to be comfortable with yourself and embrace who you are]
Learning how to gain confidence is easier said than done. However, you can always increase your confidence one step at a time, just by using the suggestions we’ve shared here.
Remember that confidence is like a muscle: you have to use it or you lose it. Keep flexing those confidence muscles and you’ll slowly start to feel like a person full of the joys of spring. Not only that, but you’ll start to notice opportunities all around you, when before there were none.
Learning how to gain confidence is one of the most worthwhile journeys you’ll ever embark upon.
[Read: How to make yourself happy – 20 habits of incredibly happy people]
So, there you have it—how to be confident and transform your future forever. Be patient with yourself and take it one step at a time. Remember, you won’t see results overnight.
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