12 Ways To Tell If She’s Flirting, Or Just Being Friendly

how to tell if shes flirting

You like a girl and think she’s flirting with you, but when you make a move, she shoots you down. What went wrong? You probably misread the signs.

So, you met a girl at a party and spent all night chatting. You sense that you’re hitting it off and want to take things to the next level. You finally muster up the courage to ask her out on a date—or, if you’re the forward type, back to your place. However, out of the blue, she turns you down and doesn’t even want to give you her number. You end up heading home, alone, with your tail between your legs, completely bewildered and confused.

Did you misread the signs she was emitting, or was she simply playing you for a fool? What went wrong? How can you be sure that something similarly embarrassing is not going to happen again?

To be fair, it’s not your fault; women are complex creatures, and within the span of several minutes, can blow hot and cold. You also have to remember that a woman can and will flirt with you, even if she doesn’t want anything more than stimulating conversation. In order to avoid bruising your delicate ego, you need to pay close attention to the signs that she’s giving off.

To flirt, or to befriend?

I sat down with five ladies and asked them what their flirting moves are, compared to what they do when they’re just being friendly. Thanks to their candid answers, I managed to compile a comprehensive list of 12 signs that prove she’s flirting with you.

Whether you’re meeting her for the first time, or trying to figure out if an old friend is interested in you, this list will come in handy. Anything else, and she’s probably just being friendly. [Read: 15 body language cues a girl gives you if she’s interested in you]

#1 There’s plenty of touching. If she likes you, she’ll probably initiate loads of physical contact while you’re chatting. Look out for indications like her “absentmindedly” stroking your arm, “accidentally” brushing up against you, and so on. Playing footsie with you is another obvious sign.

#2 She shows off her assets. A woman will use all the weapons in her arsenal when flirting. Pay attention to little signs, like her readjusting her top to showcase her boobs, unbuttoning the top button of her blouse to show off a little cleavage, and adjusting her skirt to give you a good view of her never-ending legs.

#3 She’s curious about you. The same way you won’t bother finding out more about someone you’re not interested in, women don’t bother seeking more information if they aren’t interested romantically. When a woman is interested in you, she will ask plenty of questions in a bid to get to know you better. She’ll ask you everything, from what you do in life, to what hobbies you enjoy indulging in. She’ll also express interest in doing or trying what you like. [Read: 12 signs a girl gives away when she starts falling for you]

#4 The compliments keep coming. If she likes what she sees, she’ll say so. From complimenting your shirt, to your accent, most women are not too shy to let you know that they’re interested.

#5 She doesn’t leave your side. She’ll find any excuse to be around you, even if she’s the host of the party and has to entertain everyone else. She will mingle with others, but will always flutter back to your side, so pay attention.

#6 Long eye contact. The same way you wouldn’t initiate lingering eye contact with someone you’re not interested in, women will only pay special attention to a love interest. She’ll shyly avert her gaze when you meet her eye. If she likes you, this will happen multiple times, so be on the lookout. [Read: 10 subtle eye contact moves that always work]

#7 She brings up sex. She’s not going to make suggestive jokes if she’s not interested in getting into your pants. Keep an ear out for sexually linked comments, naughty jokes, and dirty references. Even the seemingly well-mannered ones will drop a hint or two if they’re interested.

#8 She buys you a drink. Buying you a drink is a sign that she enjoys your company and doesn’t plan to leave your side—at least for the moment.

#9 She hints at going out. If she likes you and wants to see you again, she will drop hints that she’s keen on doing something or going somewhere specific. For example, she may say, “I love French cuisine, too! I’ve been meaning to try Chef Pillou’s new restaurant on Maple Avenue, but I can’t seem to get anyone to go with me. Have you dined there yet?” This is your cue to jump right in and ask her out. She’ll most likely say yes. [Read: 12 really obvious clues she gives when she wants you to ask her out]

#10 She lets you know that she’s single. She will make it a point to let you know she’s single if she wants you to initiate something. For example, she might tell a story about her ex, or casually mention she isn’t currently attached to anyone.

If she talks about her crushes, she’s letting you know that she’s flat-out not interested. If she withholds the fact that she’s in a relationship, she likes you, but probably won’t go any further than flirt with you. If you don’t want to waste your time, ask about her availability early on in the conversation.

#11 She initiates contact. She doesn’t have to be in your face to let you know that she’s interested. We live in a digital age, which means the world is far smaller than it was years ago. Texting, social media, and all the other modern forms of communication will help you figure out if she likes you.

For example, if she replies with one-word answers to your text, she’s not interested, but if she sends you random stuff like memes and long replies, she’s trying to keep the conversation going, which means she’s keen.

#12 Focus on body language. As important as her words are, you also need to pay attention to the less obvious signs, like her body language. Many people aren’t even aware that their body language is a dead giveaway, so if you’re smart, you’ll pay attention to these unconscious signs. For example, if her arms are folded in front of her chest, she’s not interested, but if her arms are by her sides and she’s facing you, she’s definitely interested. [Read: 13 lusty signs of sexual attraction to keep an eye on]

Despite everything listed above, there is one golden rule that you need to remember: women truly believe that they can flirt with you and leave it at that. They won’t hesitate to lead you on, then bounce off, just as you’re ready to close in—it’s called playing the game.

[Read: How to make a girl really horny while casually talking to her]

If you’re unfortunate enough to get caught in that situation where you’re flirting all night and don’t know where it’s going, there’s really nothing you can do about it, and you’re just going to have to move on.

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Lianne Choo
Lianne Choo
Born in Singapore and raised in Malaysia to multi-racial parents, Lianne is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the wor...
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4 thoughts on “12 Ways To Tell If She’s Flirting, Or Just Being Friendly”

  1. alex boss says:

    To begin with, I am absolutely in love with that line “To flirt, or to be friend” as a Shakespeare fan number one. This girl and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. We went together in elementary school and middle school and high school and now we go to the same college. How cool is that! We’ve been talking about everything and done everything, so I think that it’s a thin line between friendship and relationship. However, next time we meet I might keep out for the signs mentioned in this article. A+ for the effort, btw 🙂

  2. More says:

    Ah yes, well it’s a lot simpler than you may think. as long as you are being honest with yourself. Generally speaking, some good indications to start with would be asking yourself is, does she initiate conversations with me? Does she seem happy around me? Does she go out of her way to see me? If you can be perfectly honest with yourself and confidently say yes to all three of these, well you sir on the right track! The only grey area with this is where she might just be a nice person and doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings OR perhaps she can be shy but let’s hope that she is happy around you. Be a judge for yourself these are just little guidelines. These things are very simple things you can look for in future relationships that should cross your mind right away. If you can be fair and honest with yourself, you would know this. A few extra tips and things to look out for that are more psychological hints or mind reading of sort can be found in her body language. Some signs that she likes you can be things like, body contact, her touching your arm while telling stories, or brushing your hair. Leaning in closely while you are talking if you see her lean in or get close it’s not because she can’t hear. Brushing her hair, okay this is a cool one. Basically it’s hardwired into women’s head to be well groomed to attract males, and this is an actual instinct that dates back in early human history from what I found in research!
    Those are some little interesting bits of information to tell and be able to read a girl. Some girls hide it more, but in general you can see it on all girls/women who are truely interest, it’s really funny, although guys have them too. If you are really really interested I even encourage you to google “IOI List” and I am sure you will find a lot of neat things. IOI stands for Indicators of Interest, which is just jargon from self proclaimed “players” who you can learn a lot from. It’s awesome.

  3. oh yes says:

    Personally, I am the absolutely worst person when it comes to flirting. One of my very good friends in high school, I considered almost a sister, was hanging out with me last summer between school because we are introverted and only have like 2 more friends. So we would hang out at another friends house where he had a pool and hot tub. Well apparently she was checking me out all the time but I never caught her doing this, and she never caught me checking her out as well. About a month into summer she would come over to my house every night to watch some Netflix. I still didn’t notice she was flirting with me. She later made some serious moves on me and now we are so happy together for more than 6 months. My point is, if guys are stupid like me, we need some obvious moves. So if you are trying to make a guy know you are into him, go for the obvious. Always be around him, take an excuse to touch him, or straight up ask him out.

  4. k says:

    I went on a few dates with a girl a few years back. Things seemed to be going well and there was decent chemistry. After a couple of weeks she started fading on me. Short one word answers, days between responses to texts. We met on online dating, and I figured as we hadn’t declared exclusivity she’d met someone else, or lost interest. I reduced the amount I attempted to contact her, and carried on dating other people. No harm done, had fun while it lasted. A couple of months later, out of the blue, I got a text asking what happened. She said she thought it was going well until I stopped texting. I told her she faded on me so I moved on. She said I was an idiot and she was playing hard to get. I can’t tell if you’re playing hard to get or have just lost interest, but even if I could I’d take it as the latter, because I don’t want to play those games. If you’re playing hard to get, I will most probably move on.

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