34 Secrets to Start a Conversation with a Girl, WOW Her & Stay on Her Mind!

Learning how to start a conversation with a girl has a world of benefits. Not only will you have a fantastic chat, but you can impress her at the same time! 

how to start a conversation with a girl

When it comes to knowing how to start a conversation with a girl, there are so many things that come into play. After all, women tend to make an opinion about you within the first few seconds.

Do you want to know how to make the best first impression and impress any woman you talk to almost effortlessly? It doesn’t take a silver tongue to smooth talk women, it takes a basic knowledge about their desires, wants, and what it really takes to impress them.

If you can get these right, you’ll never ever go wrong again. Think of it like walking, riding a bicycle, or driving a car – once you learn it, there’s just no going back. You’re always going to be awesome at it, even without trying!

Sit back and read on, because you’ll know everything it takes to know how to start a conversation with a girl and impress her by the time you’re done reading this feature.

And you WILL be surprised by how effortlessly smooth you’ll become, even before you finish reading all the way! [Read: How to impress your crush – 25 tips to steal their heart effortlessly]

Starting a conversation with a girl – The scenarios of real life

As guys, starting a conversation with a girl is serious business. It’s stressful, sweat-inducing, and something we’d rather not do. We know we have no choice but to approach them, and yet, we absolutely hate that heart-thumping moment when we have to walk up to them!

There’s the fear of rejection, the fear of impending humiliation, and the red-faced insult we have to bear forever if a girl doesn’t reciprocate.

But what if there were ways to always catch a girl’s eye? What if you could impress any girl you talk to, without ever being rejected again? We’ll get to it in a bit.

But first, let’s talk about the different real-life scenarios when you would need to know how to start a conversation with a girl. [Read: Why is talking to people so hard?]

1. You approach her

2. You’re introduced to her

3. You see each other often

4. You approach her online

For all the stress we experience, there are literally just four ways to start a conversation with girls. Of course, there are also the odds that a girl approaches you to start a conversation with you! But then, you wouldn’t need to do a thing other than just look cool, would you?!

Think about it, if you can master each of these ways, you’re golden! [Read: Communication techniques to finally get them to open up to you]

How do girls like to be approached?

Here’s the simple truth you can’t ignore: hot girls are tired of being “picked up” all the time. If you’re talking about a gorgeous girl who’d have guys trailing her all the time, she’ll probably roll her eyes at pickup lines and smooth talkers.

Smooth talking is good, but it’s never a good way to start a conversation, especially if you don’t want to come off as a player with a cocky attitude. Instead, be a little creative and show her who you really are.

She’s heard all the cheesy lines before. All she wants is a genuine guy who can see her for who she is as a person, not a girl everyone wants to undress and bang! [Read: 18 things that turn all girls on and make you a real catch in her eyes]

So, don’t try to pick up a girl, try to start a conversation with a girl instead. She’ll appreciate it. 

Don’t scare her – Picking the right time to approach her

If you’re approaching a girl you don’t know, here’s something you should know: don’t surprise or shock her by approaching her from outside of her line of sight or all of a sudden!

Many men make the mistake of puffing their chest up, walking straight up to a girl, and saying something to her. Or they skulk in a dark corner and slide right next to her out of nowhere because someone told them “sliding in” is so cool!

In such cases, the girl may be so startled she’d instinctively turn you down or quickly walk away without even taking a second to think about you as a person. [Read: How to make eye contact with a girl and get her interested in you]

You wouldn’t want that, would you? 

Let her know you exist. Look at her now and then, warm her up to the act, and let her know that you intend to walk up and say hello to her, eventually.

By doing this, if she reciprocates your stares, she’s anticipating your approach and wondering when you’re going to walk up and say hello!

This works well because you’re getting her interested in you before starting a conversation. And because of that, this is one of the best ways to start a conversation with a girl. [Read: How to tell if a girl is checking you out and wants you to approach her]

What girls look for in the first few seconds as you talk to them

When a girl sees you from across the room, she notices a few things about you. However, the minute you walk up to her, there’s a whole new set of traits and characteristics she’ll see instantly.

So if you’re wondering why a girl seemed to be making a lot of eye contact with you but turned you down as soon as you started talking to her, chances are, you didn’t make a great impression after saying hello. If she does continue talking, that’s a great sign because you may be doing something right! [Read: Importance of first impressions – secrets to help you make a good one]

Once you start a conversation, here are a few things she’ll immediately notice about you within the first few seconds:

1. Your posture: Are you confident, trying too hard, or just meek?

2. Your behavior: Are you nice or annoying?

3. Your personality and confidence: Not cockiness.

4. Your sense of humor: Everyone loves a funny guy!

5. Your cleanliness: Are you shabby, clean, and smelling great?

Want to know the other important traits that can help you make that perfect first impression? Read the rest of the 20 traits girls find very attractive in a guy in the first conversation, if you want to be the most attractive guy around!

What to say to a girl when you start talking to her

If you’ve come this far, that’s awesome, you’ve passed the big tests already. You’ve impressed her, and there’s a good chance she’s interested in talking to you too!

Now comes the most important part: talking to her and impressing her enough to start falling for you in the first chat. For starters, make sure you’re smiling and making her laugh. If you can do this, she’ll have fun talking to you. [Read: Easy ways to avoid a first impression catastrophe]

If you’re stuck on what to say, six words will save your conversational life:







The next time you’re trying to think of something to say, and you’re stuck in a toe-curling “you-talk-first” game, take the chance to pop the first question. It could be anything, but it’s preferable to start with either the place you’re at, her taste in music, or the last movie she saw. [Read: How to talk at a party and make an impression]

Once you have a few questions popping into your mind and a few light bulbs bursting in your head, you’ve got the conversation started. Now, this is when you need to use the six super words to weave great conversations with her.

With these words, it is guaranteed that you can have a conversation that’s both constructive and enjoyable. [Read: The talking stage – what it is, how long it lasts, and signs and ways to get past it]

Take a look at this conversation, used by the Shy Guy

Shy Guy: Do you like to play basketball?

Gorgeous Girl: Yeah, I love basketball! I used to play back in high school.

Shy Guy: “Really?”

Shy Guy: *Crap, I’ve got nothing to say, she’s gonna see me sweat and know I’m a hapless loser who will be lonely for the rest of my life… THINK!*

The End of Story. [Read: People who talk too much – why they do it and 21 ways to handle them]

This is when the six super words come to his rescue!

–Where did you play basketball?

–Why did you stop playing basketball?

–When did you go to high school?

–Who is your favorite team?

–What was your position?

–How good were you?

And voila! There we have it, guys. The Gorgeous Girl loves the Shy Guy, and it’s pretty obvious she doesn’t think our man is shy anymore!

So, now that you know what must be done, keep it moving. But do understand that you have to do a bit of answering once in a while too. Don’t just keep popping questions! [Read: 177 fun, random questions to ask a girl and make her enjoy your company]

The most important tips to start a conversation with a girl and keep it flowing effortlessly

Now you know how to approach a girl, start a conversation with her, and keep the conversation going. If you’re looking for a few more tips, here are some things that can help you perfect your approach.

1. Smile

As you approach the girl you like, make sure you smile. If you feel really nervous, smiling helps calm you down. Plus, you just look weird if you approach her all serious or googly-eyed and sweaty!

A big smile makes you look friendly and approachable, so go with that! [Read: How to approach women – 15 tips that’ll make you way smoother]

2. Greet her and introduce yourself

However you decide to greet a girl, practice it out loud in front of the mirror a few times to make sure you have it down.

If she doesn’t know you, simply introduce yourself. If you already know each other, just ask her how her day is going.

3. Decide on your opening move

How you physically greet her is also important. Are you going for a handshake * a bit formal*, a hug *strange if you don’t know her*, or a kiss on the cheek *very chic, if not a little too personal*!?

Don’t do something you are not comfortable with, and definitely don’t do something that will make her feel uncomfortable. Sometimes a friendly “Hi” and a grin is all you need. [Read: How to introduce yourself to a girl and leave her yearning]

4. Have some topics in your mind

Before you approach her, have some conversational topics in mind. Don’t just start a conversation empty-handed. If you already have several ideas you can talk to her about in your head, the conversation is more likely to flow. [Read: Drawing a blank? Try these 25 good conversation starters]

5. Be casual

Try to stay as relaxed as you can *we know this is easier said than done*! You don’t want to come across as needy, intense, or desperate. Keeping it casual suggests to her that you are laid back and comfortable in your own skin.

6. Keep it light

Try to stick to topics that are light and friendly. If you ask her something too intense or personal in the first conversation, you are more likely to scare her off.

7. Mention a common friend

If you have friends in common, that’s great! Use that as a conversation starter, “Hey, I think you know Mark—he’s a funny guy, right?”. You’ll probably find out you have lots of other friends in common too. [Read: What to say to a girl you like while talking to her]

8. Talk about shared experiences

Are you at the same school, do you take the same bus, did you volunteer on a project together? If you know you’ve got something in common, talk about it. It’s safe, neutral ground, and it will be easy to keep the conversation going.

9. Avoid cheesy pickup lines

When it comes to knowing how to start a conversation with a girl, it’s very rare that a girl finds a cheesy pickup line charming. So avoid them at all costs and stick to being natural and normal.

Pickup “experts” may tell you these lines work, but it usually makes a girl wary instead of reciprocating. 

10. Ask her how she is doing

Simply asking her how she is doing shows that you are interested in her and care about her. Sometimes, it really can be as simple as that. [Read: How to impress a girl – 15 atypical secrets you HAVE to know]

11. Ask a question about a class or work

If you go to school or college together, this is a great starting point. You could ask her about some work you’ve been assigned, “How are you getting on with your English paper?”, or talk about an eccentric teacher or funny incident that happened at school.

Topics that are generally safe and keep the conversation light and easy are the best for that initial conversation with a girl.

Television shows, recent movies, books you’ve read, plays you’ve seen, sports, and music are all great topics. Find out about her likes and dislikes and see if you really are as compatible as you thought! [Read: The best topics to talk about with a girl to keep her interested]

13. Ask lots of questions

Asking lots of questions keeps the conversation flowing nicely. They also show you are interested in her. Just give her time to answer and the opportunity to ask you questions back, and this tells you if she’s interested in you too.

If you’re the only one asking all the questions, and she doesn’t seem interested in asking you any, chances are, she doesn’t want to talk to you. [Read: 35 really important questions to ask a girl you just met]

14. Dare to be different

It’s okay to try and be a little unusual too.

Asking her funny, interesting questions such as, “If you could only take three things with you on a desert island what would they be?”, or, “If you won the lottery what would you do with the money?” are fun conversation starters that help you get to know one another better.

15. Compliment her

Of course, it’s important to remember you like the girl and so you don’t want to be friend-zoned. Make sure you compliment her to let her know you are being flirtatious.

However, avoid making compliments that are too appearance-based and instead compliment her on what she knows, or her personality in general. [Read: 19 sweet compliments for girls that’ll make them go awww…]

16. Be aware of your body language

Your body language is also important. Stay open and relaxed, and try not to fold your arms, shrug, or frown!

17. Be confident

Girls love a confident man. So, when you decide to start a conversation with a girl or approach her, make sure you are in a confident frame of mind.

What have you got to lose, after all?

18. Make eye contact

Make lots of eye contact with her to show you are interested. Know the difference between flirty eye contact and weird staring! [Read: Subtle and flirty eye contact moves that always work]

19. Listen!

When you are nervous, you often have lots of great questions and are so afraid of the conversation dying out that you forget to listen to the answers!

Make sure you give her time to respond and listen to what she says, then ask her more about her response. This shows her that you really are interested in what she has to say.

20. Tell a joke

Humor is a great way to impress a girl. So, if you are a funny guy, make sure you use it! [Read: How to be funny and make girls love your company]

21. Ask an opinion

A great way to get a conversation started is to ask her opinion on something, really listen, and then ask follow-up questions. Of course, you’ll need to give your opinion too.

However, avoid anything too controversial here. It’s not time for heavy chats right now!

22. Comment on the weather

If all else fails, there is always the weather to fall back on!

23. Ask about where she is from

Ask where she comes from and then ask questions about her city. Bonus points if you’ve been there before and know a few places you can try and bond over. [Read: 84 intellectual, deep conversation starters and topics to bond with anyone]

24. Share interesting but random stuff

You don’t have to have serious and important conversations, so why not share interesting stuff that’s a little random at the same time? As long as it’s not crazy weird, it’ll definitely grab her attention!

Things to avoid when starting a conversation with a girl

While there are lots of things you should do in a conversation with a girl, there are also some that you should try to avoid. For starters,

1. Don’t get too nervous

Nervousness might be endearing to some girls. However, if you are too nervous, the conversation might dry up, or you might seem a bit weird. Hold your head up high, speak with clarity, and relax—you’ve got this! [Read: Do girls like shy guys who don’t make a bold move?]

2. Don’t be arrogant

Arrogance is particularly unattractive, so remember to keep yourself in check if you want to keep her interested.

3. Don’t try too hard

Just be yourself. There is no point in doing anything other than that!

4. Don’t ask yes or no questions

Too many yes or no questions and she’ll feel like she is on a game show! [Read: 15 things men need to know to successfully hit on girls]

5. Know when to end it

Don’t wait until you’ve exhausted every topic. End your conversation on a high. Tell her it was nice talking to her and you hope to see her again.

If you are feeling brave, ask for her social media details, get her number, or ask her on a date! [Read: How to ask a girl to hang out casually without feeling awkward about it]

How to tell if she isn’t interested in you

Sometimes, there’s every possibility that the girl whose eye you’re trying to catch may not be interested in you for her own reasons. Maybe she’s not in the mood to talk, she has a boyfriend, or maybe she just isn’t interested in you because she’s looking at some other guy!

Whatever her reasons, remember that mutual interest and consent are everything here. If you’re trying to make eye contact with a girl and she doesn’t reciprocate, or if you start a conversation with her and she doesn’t seem enthusiastic, excuse yourself courteously and walk away.

Sometimes, you could be the best guy in the whole world. But just in the wrong place at the wrong time!

[Read: 50 cute and sexy unintentional things guys do that girls absolutely love]

So, what are you waiting for? You now know everything about how to start a conversation with a girl. So go on and talk your way into that cute girl’s heart!

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...