If you want to take your hookup to a relationship, good for you. There’s nothing wrong with following your heart and trying it out. Of course, that being said, if you want that to happen, you’ll need to change your game up a bit. Starting with learning how to make your hookup miss you and want you more!
You’ve probably been hooking up with this person for a while and developed feelings for them. At this stage, you have two options: cut the relationship or see if you can take it to the next level.
If you’re reading this, we all know you chose the latter. And there’s no shame in this.
[Read: 20 signs your hookup isn’t looking for a relationship and just wants fun]
Hookups are pretty common these days. But back in your grandparents’ day, they were not. Which era has/had it better? You or your grandparents? Hookups can be great, but they can also suck. So, let’s just look at the pros and cons of having a hookup before you consider switching it to something way, way more serious.
Let’s start with the pros of hooking up and staying as hookup buddies.
Well, this is kind of an obvious one, isn’t it? You get to have sex! If you didn’t have a hookup, or a friend with benefits, you would be all alone with your hand or your vibrator.
At least when you have a hookup, you have an actual person with who you can be intimate. [Read: What does a casual relationship mean to a guy and your future?]
Sure, you could go out every night of every weekend to the clubs and bring someone home to have sex. But that’s kind of icky.
At least when you have a relatively regular hookup, you know who you’re going to have sex with.
Hanging out with your friends is great, but sometimes, you just want someone in more of a romantic or sexual way. Maybe you and your hookup can do other things than just have sex. You could catch a movie or go hiking. [Read: 25 friends with benefits rules to make sure you have a happy ending and not a broken heart]
Maybe you think your hookup is hot, but they are not quite the perfect partner for you. That doesn’t mean you can’t still date other people.
You can check out the other fish in the sea other than this person because there are no expectations. In fact, the expectations are that you both are probably seeing other people.
If you are a commitment-phobe or just not in the place in your life where you want a full-blown, real relationship, then hookups can be great.
No one involved has any specific ideas of it leading to anything more, so it can be kind of freeing. [Read: How to date casually without getting attached? 25 hurt-free rules to follow]
Now, let’s discuss the cons of hooking up, and why trying to take a casual relationship to something more committed may be a good idea if you like the guy.
Yep. This definitely a risk you run! It’s easy to assume that neither of you is sleeping with anyone else, but how do you really know that they aren’t? You don’t!
They could be the only person you’re sleeping with, but your hookup buddy may be sleeping with an endless number of people, for all you know. And this opens up a lot of opportunities for you to get sexually transmitted diseases. [Read: What does friends with benefits mean to a guy – Do guys get hooked?]
This is one of the biggest cons on the list. And probably why you are reading this feature! It’s fine if both of you eventually get emotionally attached to each other.
But when it’s a one-way street, that can really hurt. When you care about someone and they don’t feel the same way about you, it sucks. [Read: 20 signs your friends with benefits is falling for you and in love with you]
Depending on how often you hang out with your hookup, it could feel like a “real” relationship. Especially if it is a friend you are hooking up with.
That person might have already been pretty involved in your life, so it’s easy for it to feel like a real relationship… but it’s not.
If you are the one who is emotionally attached to them, then you might secretly *or not so secretly* hope that they eventually commit to you. You might stick around much longer than you should, thinking that they will eventually come around.
But they may never, ever commit to you. [Read: How to end a friends with benefits situation and still remain friends]
When you are spending so much time with your hookup, it fills up a void in your life. While you might think that’s a good thing, it is taking up space that could be filled by someone else.
If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, your hookup is preventing you from finding someone who will actually commit to you and you will be happy with. [Read: 29 signs he wants you to be his girlfriend and is hooked already]
Many people are not good at taking a hookup and turning it into a relationship. So, usually, they wait for them to end it since they won’t do it themselves.
But there are some people who do manage to achieve this goal. They changed the way they interacted with their hookups and made it work.
So, if this is something you want to achieve, there are some things you should do. Now, this isn’t a guarantee that this person wants to commit to you romantically, but there’s a very good chance it will work.
It looks like you want your hookup to chase you. So use these steps to learn how to make your hookup miss you and want to date you instead of just spending time in between the sheets. [Read: Why do guys only want to hook up with me? And all you want is a boyfriend]
When we like someone, we make the mistake of smothering them. And when you smother them, they run the other way.
So, if you want to know how to make a hookup miss you, give them some space and time for them to think about it. If you’re suffocating them, the only thing they think about is how to get you away from them. [Read: Am I clingy? How to reveal the truth to yourself]
A hookup wants sex. This is basically the entire reason why hookup relationships exist.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you cut them off completely, but you don’t need to give them what they want the minute they ask for it. It’s your body; you be in control of it. They can handle a ‘no’ now and then because you’re busy having a life.
This is important. If you want your hookup to miss you, they need to understand you’re more than just a hot bod.
You have a personality, a soul. They should understand that. For them to see this, you should let your personality shine and show off the best of you. [Read: How to be more interesting and make anyone want to know you better]
Don’t make your life revolve around them. This is a mistake, and it’s just not worth it. You have your own life outside of this hookup, so go and live it. This isn’t a serious relationship *at least not yet*, so make it be something more than it is.
You don’t need to spend the night after a round of amazing sex. Instead, leave on a high note. Yup! This will make them crave you even more. Plus, they’re not able to get seconds. So, after rocking their world, go home or tell them it’s time to go home.
If you make them desire you more, it’s only a matter of time before they want you for more than a hookup. [Read: Dating material vs a hookup – What makes these two so different?]
When you hook up, spend some time talking with each other. Get to know each other outside of just having sex.
There’s nothing wrong with texting each other outside of the bedroom, either. But make sure it’s not one-sided. [Read: The signs your casual relationship is starting to get serious]
This is a mistake everyone makes. We like someone, we want them to like us back, and then we chase them like we’re a dog that hasn’t eaten in months.
Yeah, it’s not a good look, and if anything, it makes the person pull themselves further away from you. Don’t chase them. Give them the same amount of attention as they give you. [Read: How to keep your hookup really interested even after sleeping with them]
Sure, you want your hookup to come running into your arms, confessing their feelings for you. But relax a bit.
This person entered your life as a hookup. In general, you shouldn’t put your happiness in someone else’s hands. You make your own happiness. Don’t depend on them to make you feel fulfilled.
You can be doing all of this work to learn how to make your hookup miss you, but do you know if they even want anything more than just a hookup?
Don’t waste your time on people who don’t want the same things as you. Talk to them about what they’re looking for so you can decide how much you need to invest. [Read: How long should you casually date someone before it gets serious?]
If they want you, they’ll need to put in some elbow grease. Yes, you want them to miss you, but for them to miss you, they’ll need to show they want you.
Don’t be so quick to hand them everything they want on a silver platter. This is why your relationship is just a hookup. You give each other sexual gratification without the chase.
Yes, you want more from your hookup, but what you have is still just a hookup. Odds are they’re probably seeing other people, and you shouldn’t limit and tie yourself down when it’s not a committed relationship.
See other people, and think about whether or not these feelings you have for this one hookup are genuine. [Read: How to tell when a FWB is catching feelings – 20 signs they’re starting to like you too]
If there is an understanding that you both are dating other people, then there is no reason that you can’t talk to them about it.
If you feel like they don’t miss you, maybe they will when they know how many other people want to spend time with you. As the saying goes, “people want what they can’t have.”
If they think other people want you, that will make them want you more. [Read: Sexual market value (SMV) – The 5 biggest factors that make someone desirable to everyone else]
You definitely don’t want your hookup to think that you are sitting around waiting for them to call or text you. Obviously, you should keep busy so you are distracted. But don’t miss any opportunity to tell them how great your life is!
Talk about your outings with friends, how busy you are with work, and anything else you have going on. You want them to think that you don’t think about them much because you are too busy enjoying your life. [Read: How to make a guy jealous – 20 wicked ways to win his attention and make him desire you]
Don’t ever contact them first. It’s a bit of the “playing hard to get” game. But, let’s face it – that works!
If they think that they are not on your mind, then they will wonder what you are doing without them. So, make them initiate contact with you if they want to see you. That shows that you aren’t chasing them. [Read: How to play hard to get – 20 secrets to leave anyone smitten]
Don’t jump at every chance to hang out with them. You might want to do that, and it’s difficult to resist.
But if they know that you are ready to hook up at any moment when they snap their fingers, they will take you for granted. So, sometimes you need to tell them “No, sorry, I’m busy tonight. Maybe some other time.” [Read: 16 reasons why you’re always taken for granted by people you like]
Of course, you want your hookup to miss you, and you can do everything on this list perfectly. But at the end of the day, you cannot make someone have feelings for you. If they end up missing you, great. If not, then all this was meant to be is a hookup and nothing more.
[Read: How to stop having feelings for someone who won’t like you back]
If you want to know how to make your hookup miss you, surprisingly, you should do less rather than more. Follow these tips, and they’ll be running after you!
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