When a Guy Doesn’t Want to Sleep with You: 21 Reasons Why

We think men are sex machines that will hump anything that walks, but it’s not true. There are valid reasons for when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you.

When a Guy Doesn't Want to Sleep with You

Most women develop their self-esteem based on how desirable they are to men and other women. It’s really sad, but true. It’s a normal thing to wonder about the reasons when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you.

It can make you question everything regarding your self-worth, especially if you believe sex to be a reflection of who you are.

This concept is really dangerous, because when someone doesn’t show interest, we automatically point the finger at ourselves. Am I not pretty enough? Do I need to lose weight? What did I say wrong?

However, men aren’t that obsessed with sex as society wants us to believe.

It might come as a shock to you, but they don’t always want to have sex with the next person they lay eyes on. It’s not always because you’re not attractive  enough, but it can also be a reflection of their own insecurities and doubts.

[Read: 22 must-know signs to know if a guy enjoys having sex with you]

When does a guy not want to sleep with you?

We’re led to believe that guys always want to have sex, but sometimes they’re just not in the mood. Maybe he doesn’t have feelings for you, maybe he got bored, maybe he doesn’t want to lead you on, or maybe he’s going through something.

Figuring out when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you versus when he does can be about them, but it can also be about you. There are guys who don’t have sex with women they’re not dating and there are guys who stop having sex when they get bored of the act.

[Read: How to tell a guy you’re ready to sleep with him without sounding slutty]

First things first – Does he want to take things slow?

If you’ve just started seeing each other, or you’re still in the talking stage, you’re probably wondering why this guy isn’t trying to get into your pants. Maybe he’s shy and awkward. Or maybe he really likes you, and doesn’t want to blow his chances by trying to slide himself on top of you.

If this is the case, this is a good thing!

It clearly shows he’s serious about you, and is definitely interested in something long term with you, at least for now. Any guy who tries to hook up with you in a date or two may like you, but he doesn’t mind losing you if you decline his advances or take offence.

But a guy who takes it painfully slow, now he’s someone who is way more interested in dating you instead of just sleeping with you. [Read: 18 signs a man is emotionally attached to you and wants to get closer]

So now that we got that out of the way, let’s take a look at the most common reasons why guys do this. After all, assuming it’s only because he’s a nice guy and wants to take things slow without prodding deeper into the reasons is a bit naive, don’t you think?

21 reasons why: when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you

Everyone has different tastes when it comes to who they’re attracted to. One guy may want to sleep with you without a second of a doubt, and another may want nothing to do with you. It doesn’t mean you’re ugly, but we all just have different preferences and tastes. [Read: These quick clues will answer – Is he attracted to me or not?]

Let’s take a look at the most common reasons why a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you. Again, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you, but it’s all a matter of preference, and his own thoughts.

After all, not all men only want one thing.

1. He simply doesn’t want to have sex with you

Maybe he’s not in the mood; but probably he doesn’t find you attractive, the point is he doesn’t want to have sex with you. It’s really as simple as he doesn’t want to. Maybe he’s the type of guy who only sleeps with someone he feels an intense connection with.

We know you expect all men to be obsessed with sex and it doesn’t matter who the woman is, but that’s not always how it goes. [Read: Is he just shy or not interested? 15 ways to decode his behavior]

2. He hasn’t moved on from his ex

For some people, they can quickly jump from one person to the next, but for others, sex with someone new isn’t easy. There are some guys who don’t have sex for a significant period until they’ve completely moved on from their ex – and that’s completely valid.

This is one of the reasons behind when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you that isn’t revolving around your attractiveness. They simply aren’t ready to sleep with someone new after being with their ex.

3. He’s bored of the sex

Maybe you are in a long-term relationship, and if that’s the case, sometimes the sex gets a little dull. It’s very easy to take this reason personally, especially when you’re with your partner for a significant period. However, you should also know you can always choose to spice up your sex life and bring back the chemistry and sparks sexually.

If he’s bored of the sex and if you’re in a relationship, it’s not because he doesn’t care about you anymore. It’s about the act itself rather than you. [Read: What men like in bed – 32 things they love and absolutely lust after]

4. He’s interested in someone else

Okay, this is definitely a tough and painful one. Guys can stop having sex with you if they’re interested in someone else entirely. It could very well be that though he was initially interested in you, he met someone else.

Now his attention has moved to them. This sucks, but it can happen. Maybe his initial attraction for you just wasn’t enough to keep sleeping with you.

5. You’re on different pages

He may really want to have sex with you, but he’s stopping himself. Why? Maybe you like him much more than he likes you, and he doesn’t want to hurt you. You often see this in casual relationships, flings, or even one-night stands.

If one of you is on a different page, then sex really isn’t an option for him so he doesn’t lead you on unintentionally. So, sometimes when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, he’s looking out for your *and his* emotional well-being by not sleeping with you. [Read: What does a casual relationship mean to a guy and your future together?]

6. He’s stressed out

When men and women are stressed out, it can be difficult to stay focused on sex. Your mind isn’t where it needs to be. Maybe he’s going through a difficult situation, maybe thinking about that bad meeting he had.

Even if sex can be a good distraction, that doesn’t apply to all guys. If he’s not in the right mental frame, then sex is the least of his priorities.

7. He’s self-sufficient

Though most men prefer having sex with an actual person, there are some guys who like to take a time-out and meet their own sexual needs through masturbation.

This is normal for guys and maybe they’re just not in the mood to exert all that effort into having sex with someone. After all, sex is really time-consuming and requires a lot of effort and energy. [Read: Porn for couples? How watching it together could save your relationship]

8. He’s cheating on you

Now we don’t want to rain on your parade and put this in your head. Before you jump to conclusions, look at these other reasons first. Just because he doesn’t have sex with you anymore, cheating isn’t the only possible conclusion.

However, it’s still possible when figuring out when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you. When a man is cheating on their partner, they withdraw and can even refrain from getting intimate. Really, how many times can a man perform in a day, especially if he’s just walked through the doors after sleeping with someone else? [Read: 21 unintentional behaviors a guy can’t hide when he’s cheating]

9. He’s no longer attracted to you

There was a time when he was very attracted to you and wanted to sleep with you, but that’s fading now. It’s very easy to blame yourself for this reason, but don’t. You have absolutely no fault in this.

In fact, the loss of attraction is sex has more to do with them than you. Maybe they just get easily bored or are incapable of staying in long-term relationships.

10. He has hormonal issues

Many men suffer from low testosterone, which is the hormone that supplies men with the urge to have sex. Both genders can suffer from hormonal issues that can affect their sex drive entirely.

If he has hormonal issues, it can explain why he doesn’t want to have sex with you. If he feels something isn’t right in his body, it’s time he went to the doctor. [Read: 15 natural aphrodisiacs from your kitchen table that work wonders]

11. He has anxiety in the bedroom

Many men can also suffer from performance anxiety, as there’s a lot of pressure on men to impress and satisfy their partners. This can affect his ability to get and maintain an erection.

This kind of pressure can make them hesitant to sleep with any woman with the fear they won’t satisfy them. This doesn’t just go for men who’ve slept with few women, but also for experienced ones.

12. He has a medical condition

There are tons of men who suffer from medical conditions that affect their performance. If they’re taking medication, the side effects could be an inability to get an erection.

This also applies to mental conditions like depression as some antidepressants can make it difficult to get aroused. So, instead of going for it, they pull back. [Read: Why does losing an erection bother men so much]

13. He just doesn’t want to

Haven’t you ever been in a situation where your partner wanted to have sex, but you didn’t feel like it? There was just nothing going on inside of you.

It doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive, but maybe he’d rather watch Netflix with you instead and get lazy. Don’t take it personally – we all have those days. [Read: How to make him want you and not even think about other women]

14. He’s insecure about his body

This might sound like an unusual thing, but guys get insecure about their bodies, too! The reason behind when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you is because of the way his body looks.

It isn’t just their performance that they worry about, but also their body. Maybe he feels fat, or maybe the breathlessness he experiences when he’s on top of you just makes him feel ashamed of himself. So know this, guys definitely get insecure too! [Read: The most common insecurities of guys that most women have no idea about]

15. His beliefs won’t let him

If the guy you want to sleep with or are dating is a religious person or is a man of God, then you can expect that you’ll only get to sleep with him he ends up marrying you.

There are guys who stick by their faith, no matter how perfect or attractive a woman you are. Don’t take it personally, it’s just that their faith is far more important than getting into bed with you.

16. He’s probably asexual

Asexuality isn’t a very common sexuality, but it’s definitely valid and it exists. This refers to not feeling any sexual feelings for anyone.

If the guy you’re seeing or in a relationship with is asexual, you can expect that he won’t feel that sexual desire for you at all. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or care about you, though. [Read: Asexual people: What it’s like for them in the dating world]

17. His past trauma still haunts him

When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, one of the reasons coule be his past trauma. Maybe he just got out of a toxic relationship or maybe a parent died.

Trauma can be very powerful, especially with men’s nature to shut their feelings off. So if he doesn’t want to get into bed with you, it has more to do with his baggage than with you.

18. He sees you as a friend

The same way you wouldn’t dare have sex with a friend, the same could go for him. He might have friend-zoned you without being aware of it. Maybe he just doesn’t feel any sexual or romantic attraction for you to begin with, so he decides not to do anything about it.

This can sting, but that’s okay. Now you have clarity on the situation and can move on with your life. [Read: Friend zone or interested? 15 hints to decode your crush’s behavior]

19. He’s guarded with you

You might find this hard to believe, but men can just be as guarded as women! If he suspects something about you such as maybe a hidden past or something he doesn’t trust about you, then he won’t get into bed with you.

After all, would anyone have sex with someone they don’t trust? The answer is probably a big no.

20. He wants to keep things professional

This often happens in workplace settings but if you’re falling for a co-worker, he might avoid sleeping with you to keep the professionalism. *especially when he’s above you in the corporate ladder!*

It can be a nightmare to deal with the complications if you do end up sleeping with a co-worker, so this is one of the reasons when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you. It’s nothing against your attractiveness, but they just don’t want to mix pleasure with work.

21. He doesn’t like your personality

Guys aren’t that superficial as the world implies. They don’t have sex with any woman that’s pretty or hot. If they don’t like a woman’s personality or characteristics, they won’t sleep with her.

Even with the possibility of getting laid, they wouldn’t get in bed with someone who has a terrible personality. They aren’t that desperate.

[Read: How to get a guy to sleep with you: Woo him without being slutty]

So, what are the reasons when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you?

There are several possibilities when a guy doesn’t want to get into bed with you. It can have nothing to do with you, but it can also have something to do with your actions and personality.

[Read: Why do guys distance themselves after having sex? And what you need to do about it]

Men are just as human as women, which means men aren’t as obsessed with sex as you might think. Now you know the reasons why for when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, take a step back and give these reasons a real thought.

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