There comes this moment when you feel ready to have sex with someone. It could be after the first date or the tenth, but the point is, you feel that it’s time. That’s great! This means you developed trust with this person and you feel comfortable around them. Now you need to know how to tell a guy you want to have sex with him.
Of course, if he dates you, he’s interested in having sex with you, but he’s not pressuring you—which is good. Now, in some cases, there’ll be a moment where he looks at you and you look at him—both giving each other the “I’m ready to have sex” look. If that happens, there probably won’t be much talking. [Read: How to get a guy to kiss you when you want him to]
How to tell a guy you want to have sex with him
Men aren’t mind readers. It’s always a good idea to see if they’re ready as well. We like to assume guys are always ready for sex, but you shouldn’t assume that. Not every guy you meet is ready to have sex right away. It’s always good to tell him that you’re ready and give him the opportunity to think about it.
I mean, we all wanted equality between genders. So, this is the first step. Don’t treat guys as stereotyped, treat them as individuals. Don’t feel awkward, you must have this chat.
#1 First, have the talk with yourself. Before you consider talking to him about sex, have you thought about yourself? Do you want to have sex with him? Are you ready?
I know casual sex is common and most of us have done it, but even in those circumstances, it’s important to ask yourself if you actually want to do it. Sometimes we get caught up in the moment then realize it wasn’t what we really wanted at all. [Read: Commonly accepted sex facts that are so wrong]
#2 Ask him his opinion about sex. A good idea! Before telling him you’re ready for sex, first ask what he thinks about sex. You don’t know, maybe he wants to wait for marriage. So, asking him what he thinks helps you decide how to tell a guy you want to have sex and that you’re ready. If you’re ready and he’s not, you’re on two different pages. Then you decide whether you want to wait for him or to move on.
That sounded harsh, but, let’s be realistic. If he wants to wait for marriage and you don’t, you may wait for a long time *of course, unless you’re deeply in love with him, then it’s worth the wait*. [Read: The 12 consequences of having sex too soon]
#3 Tell him in person. The best way to tell a guy you want to have sex with him is in person. That way, you see his facial expressions, and, if he’s ready to have sex, well, you don’t have to wait.
Talking to him in person is always best. That way, you discuss the topic more thoroughly. Also, talk about contraception and emergency plans in case you become pregnant. You may feel uncomfortable talking about it, but you should.
#4 Don’t do it in front of people. This isn’t a conversation to talk about in front of your friends, no matter how close they are. Some relationship topics are okay to talk about in public, but this isn’t one of them. Sex is very intimate and personal. By talking about it in public, you no longer provide a safe space for them to open up to you. You don’t know their answer, so, it’s best to do it in a space which is private.
#5 Tell him you’re ready. Don’t indirectly tell him that you’re ready to have sex. There’s really no way around this than to just tell him, “I’m ready to have sex.” He may not be able to pick up on your subtle clues, and honestly, if you’re not able to tell him that you’re ready to have sex, are you actually ready? Communication is crucial, so if you’re not comfortable talking to him about this, maybe you should reconsider having sex with him.
#6 Ask him if he’s ready. So, when you sit down with him, you’re probably going to tell him, “I’m ready to start having sex,” or “I’d like to have sex with you.” These are strong, assertive, and clear sentences. But, how does he feel? So, at the end of those sentences, ask him, “Would you be into that?” or “How do you feel about this idea?” You need to ask him if he’s ready because everyone is ready at their own time. [Read: Some telltale signs your partner isn’t up for sex]
#7 You can text him. This isn’t the ideal option, but if you can’t wait to see him or are nervous to ask him in person then text him. You can text him something suggestive and then ask him if he would like to have sex or you can write him a text saying how you feel that you’re ready, and you’re wondering if he’s ready to have sex. Texting these questions may be less stressful for the both of you. [Read: How to get a guy to sleep with you without sounding desperate]
#8 Write it down. You can always send him a sweet and honest handwritten letter instead. It can be seen as much more personal than a text message and you’ll be able to write everything down rather than sending him a giant essay-length text message. Don’t make the note heavy, instead, keep it light-hearted but honest. He’ll be able to read the note somewhere private on his own time.
#9 Make a move. Now, I don’t mean you rip his pants off. What I mean, is to kiss him and touch him playfully. However, before you go further, check with him and see if it’s okay to progress further. So, ask him, “Do you want to take this further?” If you notice he’s nervous, ask him if he’s okay and that you can slow down. [Read: Sexy questions to seduce a guy]
#10 Wait for a special occasion. Sometimes it works best if you wait for a special occasion such as their birthday or a specific holiday. This could be a good time to tell him that you want to have sex. In addition, it makes the event even more special and memorable for him, especially if he wants to start having sex as well.
[Read: The complete guide to tell you how many dates before sex]
You think sex is just as easy as 1, 2, 3, but it’s not. Before having sex, make sure both of you are ready. But once you learn how to tell a guy you want to have sex, it’s time to focus on the fun part.
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