Oh, most people remember the honeymoon phase of their relationships. It’s intense, passionate, and thrilling. That isn’t to say it’s not any of those things now. Your relationship can still be passionate and fun, but sometimes people forget to show each other affection and attention. This is the reality of any relationship. So, it’s vital to learn how to tell your boyfriend you need more attention.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in work, school, and your family, leaving a small space for your partner. And we assume that our partners know we love them. Of course, you love your partner, but they don’t necessarily feel that you do!
[Read: How to make a man feel loved – 23 ways to make him feel desired]
You know you need more attention from your boyfriend, but there’s part of you that is scared you might come across as too needy. So, should you even do it at all? Will it help or hurt your relationship?
We have all been there – in relationships where we felt that we were not getting enough attention, but if you ask for more, then you’re “asking too much” from your partner. However, the problem with this is deciding whether it’s actually true or if your boyfriend just doesn’t agree with you.
You see, “asking for more attention” is very subjective. You might think that you’re not getting enough, or it’s just barely enough. But that same amount of attention might be enough – or even too much – for someone else. And that could include your boyfriend. [Read: Boyfriend addicted to video games – Why he is, 16 signs, and how to help]
What it all comes down to, however, is that your basic needs aren’t getting met in the relationship. And because of that, you have a problem.
This doesn’t mean that there’s something inherently wrong with your expectations, but maybe you and your boyfriend just aren’t that compatible.
So, it’s important to analyze exactly what you’re asking for if you want to tell your boyfriend you need more attention from him.
If you don’t get more attention, is this going to be a deal-breaker for you? Can you continue in the relationship if you ask for more attention, but your boyfriend still refuses to give it to you?
These are very important questions to ask yourself.
So, you need to look deep within yourself and be honest about it before you go and ask for more attention from him. [Read: Why is he ignoring me? 37 honest reasons to decode a guy’s mind]
While every person is different, the general reason why girls want more attention in their relationships is that they aren’t getting their needs met.
A lot of guys can be selfish and like to do their own thing. It could be playing video games 24/7, going out with the guys, going fishing or hunting, or anything else that takes his attention away from his girlfriend.
And let’s face it – girls are more emotional than guys. They like to be more affectionate and loving, and this might be “too much” for their boyfriend. That doesn’t make you or him “bad” or “wrong.” It just means that the two of you have very different needs and requirements for this relationship.
Since you want to tell your boyfriend that you need more attention, you might also want to know what is normal. But there is no hard-and-fast rule for what “normal” attention is in a relationship.
There are some couples who love their independence and might spend most of their free time pursuing their own interests or hanging out with their friends.
At the other end of the spectrum, you have couples who like to spend 24/7 together and are joined at the hip. [Read: Healthy relationship – 27 signs and qualities and what it looks like in real life]
Neither of these two types of couples is better or worse than the other. The key here is that both people in the relationship need to have the same needs.
If one partner wants a lot of attention and the other wants their independence, then that won’t work very well. But if both are independent, or want to be together all the time, then it will work.
As you can tell, it all just comes down to compatibility. As long as you and your boyfriend are on the same page, you should be pretty happy. If you’re not, then you can run into a lot of problems.
Let’s not point the blame at anyone. We all get comfortable in our relationships and slack off when it comes to putting in the energy and time towards our partners. And you may feel the effects of that right now.
[Read: How to get out of a relationship slump and feel closer than ever]
You have a great relationship, but you’re feeling that you’re not getting the affection you need from him. This happens. What’s important is to express your needs to your partner and get on the right track. If you work together, you can make sure both your needs are met.
Sometimes, we just need a little more love.
You may be dropping hints here and there to subtly tell your boyfriend you need more attention, but that’s only wasting your time. Don’t be subtle. You need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him what’s going on.
That’s the only way he’ll be able to understand you need more attention. Have a talk with him and tell him how you’ve been feeling and what you need. [Read: 34 reasons why many couples get bored with their relationship]
Your partner may already be showing you affection and attention, but you show love in different ways.
For example, he may surprise you with a home-cooked meal or give you a gift, and that’s his way of showing love. But for you, attention is through physical touch and affirming words. See the difference?
If you want your boyfriend to see the attention you need, then you must lead by example. If you want to be cuddled more, cuddle with him on the couch. Or if you want him to hold your hand in public, be the one who makes the first move.
Lead by example and show him what you need. [Read: How stonewalling in a relationship ruins something precious]
Bring back a little va-va-voom by flirting with your boyfriend. Be playful and fun, like how it was in the beginning. Cuddling with him in bed or cracking a funny joke can help you bond and become more affectionate.
If you feel you’re not getting the attention you need, don’t second-guess your emotions.
Now, there are some people who get a lot of attention but have insecurities that make them feel they’re not getting enough. And some people simply aren’t getting enough attention. Figure out where your feelings are coming from. [Read: 21 signs you’re a clingy girlfriend and how you can avoid being one]
Another tip for how to tell your boyfriend you need more attention is to understand him. When you sit down and talk to your partner about this, he may say some things that you didn’t realize.
Maybe he’s stressed or feeling like his needs aren’t being met either. This isn’t an excuse for him to not give you attention, but it does give you an opportunity to understand where your partner is coming from.
Okay, you told him what you’re missing, and he agreed with you that he’s going to work on it. Great! Now, give him some time.
He’ll process the conversation and take some time to understand what he needs to do and what he feels comfortable doing. Give him some space for him to show you attention.
[Read: How to get your boyfriend to be more affectionate and loving]
Of course, you want him to be more affectionate and give you more attention, but don’t nag him on it. If he’s going to do it, he needs to do it on his own.
In the meantime, if you’re the one who caters to everything *laundry, cooking, cleaning*, it’s time you took a step back and stopped behaving like his mother.
You’re not the only one in the relationship. Maybe you’re doing everything you can to meet his needs, and he’s just soaking it all up without giving back. Or it could be that he feels his own needs aren’t being met, and this lack of attention is an act of resentment.
The point is, you ask him if he’s getting the attention and affection he needs. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules to ensure both of you are happy]
You can tell your boyfriend you need more attention in the relationship, but the only way this is going to happen is if you choose to work together. You cannot do this alone because you’re not him.
You need him to give you more attention and affection, right? Well, that can only come from him. So, this has to be an ongoing team effort.
Now, we don’t mean you should schedule a time to have sex or to cuddle. But there are little things you can incorporate into the relationship that will give you a feeling of closeness.
For example, he can start the tradition of sending you a “good morning” text message every day or make every Friday night date night. [Read: 14 signs you’re codependent and relying a bit too much on your man]
You can be doing everything right, but you should never force him to behave in the way you’d like. The desire to change has to come from him.
There may be things he tries out to help the relationship, and they work well for you, but other things he’s just not able to do. That’s when you’ll need to compromise and decide whether the actions he does is enough for you. [Read: What steps do you need to take to tell your partner you are unhappy?]
You could have done all these things, yet your boyfriend isn’t choosing to work on the relationship. There’s only so much you can do.
If he doesn’t want to help meet your needs and work with you in the relationship, then you need to decide if this is someone you want in your life as a partner. Because love isn’t a one-way street.
As we discussed earlier, you can tell your boyfriend you need more attention, but both partners need to be on the same page as to how much attention they give each other in the relationship.
If it is out of balance, then at least one or both of the people will be unhappy with the state of the relationship.
With that said, relationships are like plants. You can’t just stop watering a plant and expect it to live. It will eventually wither away and die. The same is true of relationships. They do take a certain amount of attention to make it healthy and have them thrive. [Read: How to fix a relationship that’s falling apart and rebuild it again]
As you probably know, having your expectations for attention and affection go unmet for a long period of time can take a toll on your self-esteem and even your mental health. It can also affect your relationship with your boyfriend. This can lead to more negativity, fighting, and loneliness.
So, if you’re at the stage where you’re tired of telling or begging for attention from your boyfriend, you have some decisions to make. If you have talked to him but nothing has changed, then you need to decide if you want to stay in this relationship.
However, if you do decide to stay with him, then you should try to break the pattern and focus on yourself for a change. If you attend to your own needs, it just might make you more attractive to your boyfriend.
[Read: How to fix a one-sided relationship before it ends in failure]
It’s not easy always expressing or knowing how to tell your boyfriend you need more attention. But if you feel you need it, then it’s time they knew.
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