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Why Feeling Disconnected in a Relationship Isn’t Always the End

Feeling Disconnected in a Relationship

Feeling disconnected in a relationship can leave you lonely. You might think it’s the beginning of the end, but that’s not necessarily true.

I’m not going to lie, feeling disconnected in a relationship isn’t a good sign, but it doesn’t always have to be a signal that the end is coming. Sometimes it can’t be fixed and a sign that you’ve just tried hard enough and can’t save the relationship. But, if you don’t try, you’ll never know, right?

We often have a false image of what a relationship should look like. Magazines, books, films, and TV shows often depict relationships has being epic love stories that sweep you off your feet and leave you breathless. The reality can be quite different. If you don’t know any better, it can leave you wondering why your relationship isn’t hitting the highs that you see on the big screen.

There are many reasons why you might end up feeling disconnected in a relationship. It’s easy to jump to conclusions and assume that it’s the beginning of the end. And your relationship is doomed to fail, but it’s not always the case. Sometimes, it can be a warning sign that with action can change the situation over time.

[Read: The 15 common reasons why you’re getting bored in your relationship]

Feeling disconnected in a relationship is always down to communication

First thing to know? When you feel a disconnect with your partner, it basically means that you’re not speaking and communicating your feelings as much as you should. It’s not always the sole reason, but poor communication is probably the reason why things aren’t getting better.

Have you tried talking to your partner about how you feel? Have you tried explaining that you don’t feel as close to them anymore? Your partner is not a mind reader and it’s possible that they’re feeling exactly the same way, wondering why nothing is changing.

[Read: What steps do you need to take to tell your partner you are unhappy?]

Be careful how you have this conversation, but make sure that you say something. Don’t place blame at anyone’s feet, but just explain that you don’t feel as connected and you want to figure it out. If your partner is on board, which hopefully they are, start to work through the problem slowly and come to a better outcome.

Of course, there’s always the risk that your partner is going to say they have no idea what you’re talking about. In that case, consider how you feel and what is causing it. Feeling disconnected in a relationship can sometimes be about harbored resentment. Are you feeling resentful about something which happened with your partner in the past and hasn’t really been fixed? The vicious circle here is that the only way to fix that is communication.

[Read: Are you happy? Spotting the signs of resentment in a relationship]

It all comes back to communication.

How to encourage the connection to return

Feeling disconnected in a relationship may simply be a sign of needed action. In that case, what should you do? Check out these seven suggestions. 

#1 Work on rebuilding your connection through memories. Reminiscing about when you first met and the fun you’ve had along the way is a good method for building up a connection once more. Look at some old photographs together or just randomly say “do you remember when…” That should be enough to start a healing conversation.

#2 Is your sex life active or not? I’m not suggesting feeling disconnected is always about sex. However, sometimes if we’re not getting the intimate attention we crave, it can lead to that disconnection and a feeling of coldness.

Has something happened to your sex life recently? If so, try and spice things up a little and try something new. It could be all you need to feel reconnected once more. [Read: Mind blowing ways to spice up your relationship tonight!]

#3 Speak on your feelings. Without having major deep and meaningful conversations all the time, you do need to speak your feelings if you want to get anywhere. If something is really bothering you, tell your partner and talk about it.

Don’t expect them to read your mind. By doing so, you’re going to get angry that they’re not picking up on your signs, but they have no idea what they’re supposed to be picking up on! It really does all come back around to communication.

#4 Deal with arguments and conflicts differently. Feeling disconnected in a relationship can sometimes be down to unresolved issues that fester under the surface. Whatever your usual routine is for dealing with conflicts or arguments, try something different. Talk about things afterwards, at an appropriate time. Stop with the cold shoulder treatment and work on solving the problem. Leaving things to fester simply causes future problems.

#5 Work on having new experiences together. Book a spontaneous weekend away, go on vacation, or head out for a meal somewhere you’ve both wanted to go for a while. Having new experiences together will forge a closer connection and help to rekindle the love that needs a little TLC. [Read: 15 revealing truths about why you feel alone in a relationship]

#6 Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s. Sometimes, feeling disconnected in a relationship can be about how you’re thinking, more than an actual problem that needs solving. Do you compare your relationship to those of others sometimes? If so, stop! Every relationship is different. By comparing, you’ll find problems that really aren’t there.

In addition, nobody puts the bad things on social media, people just boast about the good things but embellish them to increase their reach. By comparing, you’re looking at something that isn’t even true to begin with.

#7 Be there for your partner. Is your partner going through a hard time, but they’re not being open about it? Perhaps they’re struggling with work stress or just not feeling great at the moment. Sometimes we don’t want to share our experiences or feelings because we don’t want to burden our partner.

It could be why you are feeling that disconnect. You’re picking up on their problem, but you have no clue what it is, so you assume there is something wrong with the relationship.

Check in with your partner regularly. Let them know that you’re there to listen whenever they need you. That could be all it takes to initiate a “clear the air” chat and make things better. [Read: The 12 qualities of a healthy relationship that will keep you both happy]

What if it doesn’t work?

I always like to talk about the positive first, but I must address the elephant in the room too. Sometimes feeling disconnected in a relationship is because the union is doomed. Sorry, but it’s true. However, it’s not all the time and it’s best to work on the positive option first.

If you work to communicate better and work on any problems, and it just doesn’t work, your partner isn’t willing, question whether the relationship is worth it anymore. Relationships are two way streets. You can’t fight the problems on your own. It must be a shared deal. In that case, it’s time to walk away and find someone who doesn’t make you feel like you’re alone when you’re next to them.

[Read: The hidden signs of a one-sided relationship we all choose to ignore]

Feeling disconnected in a relationship is far more common than you might think. It’s usually more of a warning sign than the beginning of the end. 

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...

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