I was in love with a guy for two years who wanted nothing more than to be friends with me. I was constantly asking myself, “Is he using me?” Spoiler alert: the answer was yes, but did I see it? Nope.The signs that he was using me were there and obvious, but I was so into him I didn’t see them, or rather didn’t want to see them.
Don’t make this mistake I did. Instead of seeing what you want to see, look for what’s right in front of you. Not only will this save you a lot of time, but it will also save you a lot of unnecessary tears.
[Read: Is he emotionally detached from you? 15 signs he absolutely doesn’t care about you]
I hate to say this. I don’t want to be harsh, but if you have an inkling that he’s using you, you’re probably right. We’ll go through the signs to make sure, but if a guy isn’t using you and has genuine feelings, you probably wouldn’t be questioning it.
Trust your gut. When a guy is using you, it hurts. There is no way around that, but it will hurt a lot more later on if you remain in denial about it. I was there. I knew it deep down. All the signs he was using me were there, but I refused to look. I didn’t want to believe I was being used. It is an awful feeling, yet, it was true. [Read: How to listen to your gut and give strength to your inner voice]Before even looking for the signs that he is using you, open your eyes. Try not to look at him through rose-colored glasses. Look at him from outside your feelings. You need to really look at his behavior objectively. If not, you’ll make excuses for him and keep telling yourself that there is hope where there may be none. Take a step back from your situation and really try to see these signs he’s just using you for what they are, not what you’re hoping for.
[Read: 15 signs he’s talking to another girl and using you until he hooks her]
If you’re stressing out about your relationship or situationship with the guy you like, it is time to observe it from another perspective. Leaving things as they are and hoping for clarity to find you won’t work. Instead, take a look at these warning signs a guy is just using you. You might be surprised just how many and how obvious they are.
This is the oldest trick in the book. If you notice you never actually see him when the sun is out, he’s either a vampire or is looking for a booty call. Opt for the latter.
If you’re not sure, you can always test this out by asking him to hang out during the day. And be sure it’s a day he’s off of work so you and he can’t use that as an excuse. Does he still say he’s busy? Of course, he does. He doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t want to get to know your personality, he doesn’t want to meet your friends. He wants the booty and only the booty—come on girl, he’s just using you. [Read: 17 sordid signs you’re just a hookup and nothing more to the guy you like]
Has he ever asked you out for ice cream or taken you out for dinner? No? If a guy likes you, he takes you out and spends some quality time with you. This doesn’t mean he takes you out to a five-star restaurant, the point is, he wants to spend time with you outside of the bedroom. If he doesn’t take you out on a date, then this guy doesn’t want to invest any time getting to know you unless it gets him off.
Guys who want more than sex will put the effort in. They will want you to like them and be impressed by them. Guys who are using you put in the absolute least amount of work they can.
Is he always busy on the weekends? Unable to ever hang out on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays? Yeah, that’s because he is busy finding other girls and has what he considers to be a better plan than seeing you. Ouch!If he only wants to hang out with you during the week, it’s because he’s just using you and isn’t looking at you as a viable option for a relationship. To him, you’re better than sitting at home watching porn but not worth canceling other plans for.
Do you want to be with a guy who sees you as only a step up from porn? No. No, you don’t. This isn’t the guy for you. [Read: We accept the love we deserve – Why aren’t you worthy?]
He doesn’t reply to any texts that don’t start with, “What are you doing later?” It’s not because his phone is dead or that he’s busy at work. It’s that he doesn’t want to talk. He doesn’t care what memes you find hilarious or how your day is. If you’re wondering, is he using me, well, honestly, he’s just using you! And putting in the effort to make chit-chat throughout the day is not something he’s interested in. If he does respond to your text about the TV show you watched last night or the annoying co-worker you have that won’t stop inviting you out, it will likely be a one-word answer to give you just enough to hold onto hope.
He wants to know when you two can have sex. And if he’s not willing to text you back for anything but making plans, then he can find someone else to have sex with. You deserve better. [Read: 15 signs he just wants sex and is only using you for his sexual pleasure]
Asking “what are we?” is a stressful conversation for anyone, but if he has any intention of this becoming more than sex, he will suck it up and talk. If you’ve brought up your feelings or his intentions multiple times and it always ends with him being evasive and you feeling like crap, you have your answer.
Remember this: if a guy wants something, he’ll go and get it. If he wants to date you, he will make that happen.
So, if you’re wondering “is he using me” and asking him the “where is this going” question, and he’s avoiding it like a professional dodgeball player, then you know he’s not interested in anything more than what you two already have. If he starts with, “I’m not sure exactly what I want,” that’s a lie. He’s just using you and trying to stay in your pants while he keeps you on your toes. A guy who is using you wants to keep using you. He wants you to think there is hope so he likely won’t come right out and say he doesn’t want more than sex because that will make you end things. Instead, he will beat around the bush so you stick around hoping for more. What a top-notch guy, right? [Read: What are we? Getting your crush to label your relationship]
Do you know his group of friends? Have you ever seen them? If he doesn’t introduce you to his friends, that’s not a good sign. Think about it, when you really like a guy, you introduce them to your friends for approval. It’s the same with guys. They want to show their new girlfriend off and get the “okay” from the guys.Sure, some guys may take things slow, but not even meeting his roommates would be a major red flag. If he was interested in more than sex with you, he would want his friends to get to know you. It is that crystal clear.
Of course, he kisses you romantically and sensually when you two are in the bedroom. How else would he keep you interested? However, what happens when the lights are turned on and you’re in public? Does he kiss you sweetly on the cheek? Show any form of affection? No?
If he won’t touch or kiss you in public, it’s because he doesn’t want to appear as if he’s taken. He wants to look single. Why? So he can still get other girls or worse… He’s already taken by someone else. Unless he doesn’t like PDA; however, I would be leery of that excuse. [Read: The science behind craving them more when you feel ignored]
Does he know what classes you’re taking in school? Does he know your favorite color is magenta? Probably not. Because he doesn’t care. And the odds are you don’t know much about him either. He doesn’t need to know this information, I mean, what for? He already has what he wants from you, so there is no need for him to do anymore. He also won’t provide you much information about himself because he wants to keep himself closed off too. Personal information is useless in the bedroom, unless it’s sexually related. If he doesn’t want to get to know you, he’s not interested in being with you. [Read: Why do guys only want to hook up with me? And all you want is a real boyfriend!]
Okay, the guy doesn’t have to pay for everything. This isn’t 1950, but usually, when a guy is interested in you, they’ll treat you to a movie or dinner. Sure, he might have a tight budget, but a guy who really likes you will eat PB&J sandwiches every night for a week in order to treat you. If he’s always making you pay, something’s definitely wrong there.
People who double-dutch everything are friends. Strictly friends. But in this case, he got off lucky—he doesn’t have to pay for anything and he still gets booty. He’s just using you and he gets a pretty good deal at the same time, eh? [Read: Is he stringing you along or taking it slow? How to read his mind]
When you’re with him and he’s running off to get his incoming call or answer texts, that’s a big sign you’re not the only one. He’s using dating apps, talking to his girlfriend, or another booty call. Isn’t it odd that he’s always on his phone around you, but never answers your texts or calls? If he’s interested in you, he’d put his phone away and give you undivided attention. Instead, he’s busy arranging his next hook up, which isn’t cool. Also, if he’s always on his phone, this just shows how much he respects you—which isn’t much. [Read: The pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back]
When you’re with a guy who likes you, your friends will be eager to hear about it. If you tell your friends about this guy and they roll their eyes or are worried you’ll get hurt, hear them out. They know you. If they question his intentions, it is a sign they are seeing something you’re not. Not only have they not met him, but they see how you talk about him and how he makes you feel. They know if you’re happy and feel respected and appreciated. If they don’t trust him, you shouldn’t either.
Ladies, you already know. We can show you all the signs, and you can pick and analyze through it but in your gut, you know the truth. You know what your relationship status is and you know exactly what he wants. When you’re unsure there is a reason for it. If a guy likes you, he wants you to know it. So, I’m sorry, but no matter how much you may like him, the feeling isn’t mutual. [Read: Are you being ignored after sex? The truth behind ghosting after sex]
Letting go of something is hard, and I know from experience, letting go of someone who isn’t treating you right is surprisingly harder than you’d think. The best way to step away from this guy you held out hope for, is to really look at him for who he is. Maybe you clung to a few nice things he said, but look back on the relationship as a whole, if you can call it that. Did he compliment you? Did he respect your opinion or your time? Did you share anything in common? Do you have similar outlooks on life? My guess is that all those answers are no, or worse, I don’t know. Did you really like this guy or was he just there? What did you actually like about him? Maybe he was hot. Well, that is overrated and not enough to really form a connection.
[Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend you should never ignore!]
You may have convinced yourself you liked him a lot more than you actually did because you wanted to. You wanted it to work out. And if you liked him enough, maybe he would like you too?
Once you realize that you don’t actually want to be with a guy like that, it is a lot easier to let go. You deserve a guy who treats you like his queen, not a second or even third choice. So, why are you settling? [Read: He’s not ready for a relationship but he likes me – What you need to do next]
Let me help you out, it isn’t because he is full of potential. It’s because you had hope and letting go of that sucks. It can be easier to live in a fantasy land full of denial than it is to come to terms with the reality that he is just not a good guy.
But, once you accept the truth you can stop wasting your time and meet the great guy you’ve been missing out on.
[Read: Backburner babe – 14 signs you’re definitely nothing more than a backup lover]
Accepting the fact the guy you like is using you is hard. When the answer to, “Is he using me?” is yes, it hurts your feelings and ego. Once you see he’s just using you, you’ll be able to end the relationship and find someone who wants to get to know you. You know you can do better, girl!
Looking for more signs because you’re not sure if he’s a good guy? Try these:
How to deal with a disrespectful boyfriend in the best way possible
How to stop being emotionally dependent on your boyfriend and grow
He likes you but doesn’t want a real relationship? Here’s how to fix that
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