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Is He Using Me? 23 Signs You’re Being Used By a Man Who Doesn’t Care

Are you wondering “is he using me?” It’s a common question. If this is your situation, it’s time to learn the signs you’re being used by a man. 

is he using me signs

When you really like a guy, you don’t always see the things happening in front of you. When it comes to love, you’ll be surprised by the things you ignore or simply don’t see. If you’re secretly wondering “is he using me?” that’s the first red flag right there.

If you feel something is off, you’re probably right. After all, you have your intuition working for you.

We’re big romantics and you should be too, so don’t let this deter you from finding love. You’ll encounter a bunch of different men, some nice and some not so nice. This is just a part of life. Learn to recognize these signs you’re being used by a man right away and ditch him.

That way, you’ll only feel a small sting rather than huge heartbreak. It’s time to protect yourself. Take a look at the signs and put the pieces of the puzzle together. [Read: How to listen to your gut and give strength to your inner voice]

Is he using me?

We hate to say this. We don’t want to be harsh, but if you have an inkling that he’s using you, you’re probably right. We’ll go through the signs to make sure, but if a guy isn’t using you and has genuine feelings, you probably wouldn’t be questioning it.

Trust your gut. When a guy is using you, it hurts. There is no way around that, but it will hurt a lot more later on if you remain in denial about it.

Before even looking for the signs that he is using you, open your eyes. Try not to look at him through rose-colored glasses. Look at him from outside your feelings.

You need to really look at his behavior objectively. If not, you’ll make excuses for him and keep telling yourself that there is hope where there may be none.

Take a step back from your situation and really try to see these signs he’s just using you for what they are, not what you’re hoping for. [Read: 15 signs he’s talking to another girl and using you until he hooks her]

The biggest signs he’s just using you that you should never, ever overlook

If you’re stressing out about your relationship or situationship with the guy you like, it is time to observe it from another perspective. Leaving things as they are and hoping for clarity to find you won’t work. Constantly questioning “is he using me” will just drive you crazy.

Instead, take a look at these warning signs a guy is just using you. You might be surprised just how many and how obvious they are. [Read: What is a toxic relationship? 53 signs to recognize love that hurts you]

1. He only calls you after the sun goes down

This is the oldest trick in the book. If you notice you never actually see him when the sun is out, he’s either a vampire or is looking for a booty call. Opt for the latter.

If you’re not sure, you can always test this out by asking him to hang out during the day. And be sure it’s a day he’s off of work so you and he can’t use that as an excuse. Does he still say he’s busy? Of course, he does.

He doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t want to get to know your personality, he doesn’t want to meet your friends. He wants the booty and only the booty—come on girl, he’s just using you. [Read: 17 sordid signs you’re just a hookup and nothing more to the guy you like]

2. He doesn’t take you out on an actual date

Has he ever asked you out for ice cream or taken you out for dinner? No? If a guy likes you, he takes you out and spends some quality time with you.

This doesn’t mean he takes you out to a five-star restaurant, the point is, he wants to spend time with you outside of the bedroom. If he doesn’t take you out on a date, then this guy doesn’t want to invest any time getting to know you unless it gets him off.

Guys who want more than sex will put the effort in. They will want you to like them and be impressed by them. Guys who are using you put in the absolute least amount of work they can. [Read: 15 things to do on a first date to make your date fall for you]

3. He’s a Monday to Thursday kinda guy

Is he always busy on the weekends? Unable to ever hang out on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays? Yeah, that’s because he is busy finding other girls and has what he considers to be a better plan than seeing you. Ouch!

If he only wants to hang out with you during the week, it’s because he’s just using you and isn’t looking at you as a viable option for a relationship. To him, you’re better than sitting at home watching porn but not worth canceling other plans for.

Do you want to be with a guy who sees you as only a step up from porn? No. No, you don’t. This isn’t the guy for you. [Read: We accept the love we deserve – Why aren’t you worthy?]

4. He doesn’t reply to your texts

He doesn’t reply to any texts that don’t start with, “What are you doing later?” It’s not because his phone is dead or that he’s busy at work. It’s that he doesn’t want to talk. He doesn’t care what memes you find hilarious or how your day is.

If you’re wondering, is he using me, well, honestly, he’s just using you! And putting in the effort to make chit-chat throughout the day is not something he’s interested in.

If he does respond to your text about the TV show you watched last night or the annoying co-worker you have that won’t stop inviting you out, it will likely be a one-word answer to give you just enough to hold onto hope.

He wants to know when you two can have sex. And if he’s not willing to text you back for anything but making plans, then he can find someone else to have sex with. You deserve better. [Read: 15 signs he just wants sex and is only using you for his sexual pleasure]

5. He avoids serious discussions

Asking “what are we?” is a stressful conversation for anyone, but if he has any intention of this becoming more than sex, he will suck it up and talk. If you’ve brought up your feelings or his intentions multiple times and it always ends with him being evasive and you feeling like crap, you have your answer.

Remember this: if a guy wants something, he’ll go and get it. If he wants to date you, he will make sure you know that and will make that happen. [Read: How to tell if a guy likes you – 75 HUGE signs you just can’t miss]

So, if you’re wondering “is he using me” and asking him the “where is this going” question, and he’s avoiding it like a professional dodgeball player, then you know he’s not interested in anything more than what you two already have.

If he starts with, “I’m not sure exactly what I want,” that’s a lie. He’s just using you and trying to stay in your pants while he keeps you on your toes.

A guy who is using you wants to keep using you. He wants you to think there is hope so he likely won’t come right out and say he doesn’t want more than sex because that will make you end things.

Instead, he will beat around the bush so you stick around hoping for more. What a top-notch guy, right? [Read: What are we? Getting your crush to label your relationship]

6. You don’t know his friends

Do you know his group of friends? Have you ever seen them? If he doesn’t introduce you to his friends, that’s not a good sign.

Think about it, when you really like a guy, you introduce them to your friends for approval. It’s the same with guys. They want to show their new girlfriend off and get the “okay” from the guys.

Sure, some guys may take things slow, but not even meeting his roommates would be a major red flag. If he was interested in more than sex with you, he would want his friends to get to know you. It is that crystal clear.

7. He doesn’t kiss you outside the bedroom

Of course, he kisses you romantically and sensually when you two are in the bedroom. How else would he keep you interested?

However, what happens when the lights are turned on and you’re in public? Does he kiss you sweetly on the cheek? Show any form of affection? No?

If he won’t touch or kiss you in public, it’s because he doesn’t want to appear as if he’s taken. He wants to look single. Why? So he can still get other girls or worse… He’s already taken by someone else. Unless he doesn’t like PDA; however, I would be leery of that excuse. [Read: The science behind craving them more when you feel ignored]

8. He doesn’t talk about anything personal

Does he know what classes you’re taking in school? Does he know your favorite color is magenta? Probably not. Because he doesn’t care. And the odds are you don’t know much about him either.

He doesn’t need to know this information, what for, right? The guy already has what he wants from you, so there is no need for him to do anymore. He also won’t provide you with much information about himself because he wants to keep himself closed off too.

Personal information is useless in the bedroom, unless it’s sexually related. If he doesn’t want to get to know you, he’s not interested in being with you. [Read: Why do guys only want to hook up with me? And all you want is a real boyfriend!]

9. He never pays

Okay, the guy doesn’t have to pay for everything. This isn’t 1950, but usually, when a guy is interested in you, they’ll treat you to a movie or dinner. Sure, he might have a tight budget, but a guy who really likes you will eat PB&J sandwiches every night for a week in order to treat you. If he’s always making you pay, something’s definitely wrong there.

People who double-dutch everything are friends. Strictly friends. But in this case, he got off lucky—he doesn’t have to pay for anything and he still gets booty. He’s just using you and he gets a pretty good deal at the same time, eh? [Read: Is he stringing you along or taking it slow? How to read his mind]

10. He’s always on his phone

When you’re with him and he’s running off to get his incoming call or answer texts, that’s a big sign you’re not the only one. He’s using dating apps, talking to his girlfriend, or another booty call.

Isn’t it odd that he’s always on his phone around you, but never answers your texts or calls? If he’s interested in you, he’d put his phone away and give you undivided attention. Instead, he’s busy arranging his next hook up, which isn’t cool.

Also, if he’s always on his phone, this just shows how much he respects you—which isn’t much. [Read: The pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back]

11. Your friends don’t trust him

When you’re with a guy who likes you, your friends will be eager to hear about it. If you tell your friends about this guy and they roll their eyes or are worried you’ll get hurt, hear them out. They know you. If they question his intentions, it is a sign they are seeing something you’re not.

Not only have they not met him, but they see how you talk about him and how he makes you feel. They know if you’re happy and feel respected and appreciated. If they don’t trust him, you shouldn’t either.

12. You have a gut feeling

Ladies, you already know. We can show you all the signs, and you can pick and analyze through it but in your gut, you know the truth. You know what your relationship status is and you know exactly what he wants.

When you’re unsure there is a reason for it. If a guy likes you, he wants you to know it. So, we’re sorry, but no matter how much you may like him, the feeling isn’t mutual. [Read: Are you being ignored after sex? The truth behind ghosting after sex]

13. He’s nice when he wants to be

In the beginning, he was super nice, but now, he’s only nice when he needs something. If he only treats you nicely and with respect when he feels like it, he’s using you.

Relationships don’t work like that, you either respect the person or you don’t. If you notice him being super nice right before asking for a favor, he’s using you.

14. You have a hard time saying “no”

You usually don’t have a problem, but when you’re around him, you have a hard time saying no. When you’re being used by someone, they use all the tricks in the book to manipulate you.

If you find yourself falling for their tactics and end up doing everything they want, that’s a problem. Still asking “is he using me?” He probably is. [Read: 15 signs of manipulation you should never ignore]

15. He loves asking for favors

It’s the only thing you really get to talk to him about. He doesn’t call for anything else unless it’s about sex or favors.

We know you want to help him because you like him, but if he’s constantly asking favors from you, he’s just using you. All you need to do is stop feeling guilty and say no.

16. He doesn’t fulfill your needs

There are things you’d like to see or places you’d like to go but he doesn’t do anything you want.

He ignores your needs completely and makes you feel like you’re just there to serve him. And that’s because you are. Your needs don’t matter to him, what matters is that you pay attention to his needs. [Read: 27 signs you’re dating a manchild and an immature prick]

17. He gets angry when you don’t fulfill his needs

If you don’t do what he says, he becomes angry. And then he punishes you. He’ll ignore your calls or texts, posts things on social media, and make you feel extremely guilty.

If he’s guilt-tripping you and making you do crazy favors, it’s time to let him go. Again, if you’re still asking “is he using me,” you already know the answer.

18. He blows hot and cold

This is an old trick, yet it works on everyone. It does a great job of emotionally controlling someone as it makes the person work harder for attention and affection.

He’ll ignore your calls and texts, but just when you think it’s over, he’ll text you and ask you to hang out. He doesn’t want to hang out, he’s playing games. [Read: Blowing hot and cold -The 3 stages to explain why someone does this]

19. They’ve used you to get ahead

It could be by flirting with your best friend or stealing your ideas, these are all signs you’re being used by a man and he’s a manipulator. You don’t need a guy like this. He’s only going to get worse with time. He needs to go.

20. He doesn’t give back

You may have cooked him a romantic dinner or bought him a shirt he wanted, but he never does anything back for you.

He never takes you out, buys you anything small. It doesn’t have to be big gestures, even the smallest ones show he cares. [Read: How to pull back in a relationship when you’re giving too much]

21. He shows off what you have

When you’re being introduced to new people, he always introduces you by talking about what you have, not what you are.

You’re kind, funny, and smart… but he doesn’t think about those things. He likes the car you drive, the house you live in, and the people you know.

22. He doesn’t remember the details

Your birthday passed and he didn’t call to give you birthday wishes. He doesn’t remember the dentist appointment you have today or that your mom is sick.

These are small details that people who care would remember. He doesn’t care though, he’s just using you. This isn’t information that gives him anything. [Read: Not wishing someone on their birthday – No big deal or a total power play?]

23. Everything feels one-sided

When you talk to him, he’s there, but he’s not really listening to you.

It feels like you mainly talk to yourself. That’s because you are. He’s not there to solve your problems, he’s there so you can solve his. [Read: The ways guys will manipulate and control their girlfriends]

What to do if he’s using you

Letting go of something is hard, and we know from experience, letting go of someone who isn’t treating you right is surprisingly harder than you’d think.

The best way to step away from this guy you held out hope for, is to really look at him for who he is. Maybe you clung to a few nice things he said, but look back on the relationship as a whole, if you can call it that.

Did he compliment you? Or, did he respect your opinion or your time? Did you share anything in common? Do you have similar outlooks on life?

Our guess is that all those answers are ‘no’, or worse, ‘I don’t know’. Did you really like this guy or was he just there? What did you actually like about him? Maybe he was hot. Well, that is overrated and not enough to really form a connection. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend you should never ignore!]

You may have convinced yourself you liked him a lot more than you actually did because you wanted to. You wanted it to work out. And if you liked him enough, maybe he would like you too?

Once you realize that you don’t actually want to be with a guy like that, it is a lot easier to let go. You deserve a guy who treats you like his queen, not a second or even third choice. So, why are you settling? [Read: He’s not ready for a relationship but he likes me – What you need to do next]

Let us help you out – it isn’t because he is full of potential. It’s because you had hope and letting go of that sucks. It can be easier to live in a fantasy land full of denial than it is to come to terms with the reality that he is just not a good guy.

But, once you accept the truth you can stop wasting your time and meet the great guy you’ve been missing out on.

[Read: 33 traits of a good boyfriend you should always look for in a guy you date]

Accepting the fact the guy you like is using you is hard. When the answer to, “Is he using me?” is yes, it hurts your feelings and ego. Once you see he’s just using you, you’ll be able to end the relationship and find someone who wants to get to know you. You know you can do better.

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...