31 Secrets to Get a Blowjob, Why Girls Refuse & How to Ensure She Enjoys It
Want to know how to get a blowjob and make her enjoy giving it? These honest, playful, and proven tips will change the game in your bedroom.
Let’s be real, you want to know how to get a blowjob from her. Not just any kind, but the kind she actually wants to give you. You’ve tried being nice, showering before bed, even pretending you watched that show she likes. Still, nada.
The truth? Most guys try the wrong things, or worse, push too hard and kill the mood entirely. But getting her to go down on you isn’t about tricks or guilt trips. It’s about knowing what turns her on, what turns her off, and what makes the whole act something she wants to do again.
So if you want to get more oral action, and get it the right way, here’s your no-BS, psychology-backed, pleasure-focused guide to making it happen.
[Read: What do women really think of your penis and what kind do they prefer?]
How to get a blowjob and get a girl to enjoy giving it
All of that being said, there is still a chance to get a blowjob from the woman in your life if you’re having no luck. To do so, you’ll need to be able to communicate honestly and approach the topic in the right way.
That means you need to know what to do or say to make it happen. If you have horrible luck getting your girl to go down on you, these are some tips to help.
Start With the Right Mindset
Before you even think about asking her to go down on you, check your mindset. A blowjob isn’t a prize you win, it’s something she gives because she wants to. And for that to happen, you need to approach it with respect, understanding, and a bit of emotional intelligence.
Women don’t respond to pressure the way guys think they do. If anything, pressure pushes her further away. So instead of thinking “How do I get her to do it?”, ask yourself, “How do I make her want to do it?”
Here’s how to mentally set the stage before anything else.
1. Talk to her
If your girl isn’t giving you head, and you’ve never actually talked to her about it, that’s the first place to start. Not mid-sex. Not while you’re hinting at it. A real, relaxed conversation. Ask her how she feels about it. Tell her what you enjoy and why. And listen without interrupting or pushing.
You’d be surprised how far clear, pressure-free communication can go, especially when she feels safe sharing what turns her on or off. [Read: How to talk about sex with your girlfriend without sounding like a pervert]
2. Don’t expect it
Entitlement is a huge mood killer. She doesn’t owe you anything sexually, even if you’ve been together for months, even if you just gave her a full body massage. Expecting a blowjob makes it feel like a chore, not a turn-on.
If she senses you’re only being nice to “get something,” she’ll smell it a mile away and shut it down. Drop the pressure, and watch her interest slowly rise instead.
3. Say thank you
Seriously, say it. Out loud. Sincerely.
If she goes down on you, appreciate her for it. A simple “That felt amazing,” or “I love it when you do that,” can go a long way in reinforcing her confidence and making her want to do it again. It’s not just good manners, it’s good sex psychology.
Praise turns her on way more than silence ever will. [Read: Sex Buzzkill: 23 Remarks that Will Kill the Mood for Sex]
4. Be gentle and read the room
Every woman’s comfort level with oral sex is different, and that includes what she’s okay with during the act. Don’t assume roughness is welcome. Don’t treat it like a porn scene unless she’s really into that.
Pay attention to her cues. Is she tense? Does she pause? Does she look uncertain? Ease off. Ask her what she likes. Stay present. A girl who feels respected during a blowjob is far more likely to want to do it again.
Turn Her On, Not Just Yourself
If you’re only focused on getting a blowjob without turning her on first, you’re already doing it wrong. The more turned on she is, the more open she’ll be to trying new things, including giving you head.
Women aren’t light switches. You can’t just flip a button and expect her to dive in mouth-first. You’ve got to build the mood for her, not just for you.
Here’s how to prime her desire before you ever bring up anything about your dick.
5. Clean up
Nobody wants a sweaty, stale-smelling crotch anywhere near their face, especially not a woman who’s already unsure about giving head. So take a shower. Use soap. Get behind the balls. Rinse. Repeat.
Bonus points if you smell good and taste neutral. This alone can make or break the entire experience for her. [Read: 7 Smelly Body Parts that Can Ruin Great Sex!]
6. Trim or shave
Pubic hair in the teeth? Not exactly erotic. You don’t need to be bald down there (unless she likes that), but keeping things neat makes it easier for her to feel comfortable, and for her mouth to move more freely.
A clean, smooth setup also makes things look bigger and more inviting. Just saying. [Read: How to Manscape: 43 Manscaping Tips Most Guys Don’t Know But Girls Like]
7. Be affectionate
Emotional arousal is just as important as physical arousal for most women. Before she’s ever in the mood to do anything sexual, she has to feel wanted, not just used.
So touch her, cuddle her, kiss her neck. Whisper something flirty in her ear. Create connection. Women want to feel like they’re part of the experience, not just playing a role in yours. [Read: How to Initiate Sex & 25 Seductive Ways to Take the Lead in Bed]
8. Boost her confidence
Make her feel sexy before she even gets near your pants. Compliment her body, tell her how hot she looks, remind her of the last time she blew your mind (and your… you know).
A woman who feels desirable is way more likely to act on that feeling. Your words, especially the ones you say when you’re not trying to get something, matter more than you think.
9. Use praise, not pressure
No one likes to be guilt-tripped into sex. If you keep bringing up how long it’s been, or “joking” about how other girls used to do it more often, you’re basically putting up a flashing neon sign that says “selfish.”
Instead, use praise. When she does something that feels good, even something small, let her know. Positive feedback builds positive association. And when she feels good about making you feel good, she’ll want to do it more.
Make It Fun For Her Too
Let’s be honest: most guys want a blowjob because it feels good. But for her, it needs to be more than just a favor or a routine. The secret sauce? Making it fun, playful, and something she can actually enjoy too, not just endure.
If she starts to associate going down on you with feeling sexy, powerful, or turned on herself, you’re going to see her enthusiasm skyrocket. These next tips help turn the experience into something she wants, not just something you want.
10. Try 69 or mutual oral
This is the most obvious way to make oral feel less one-sided. When she’s getting pleasure too, she’s far more likely to associate giving with receivin, and enjoy the whole thing more.
If she’s a little shy about giving you head, suggesting a 69 can take the pressure off and make it a shared experience. [Read: 69 Sex Position: 26 Best Positions, Ways to Do It, Tips & Most Common Mistakes!]
11. Roleplay it out
Roleplaying can break down all kinds of mental blocks. When she’s playing a naughty teacher, a bossy nurse, or a seductive stranger, she gets to become someone who gives incredible head, without the awkwardness of “herself” doing it.
Letting her explore fantasies or dirty alter-egos can shift her mindset from nervous to naughty in seconds. [Read: Sexual Role Play: How to Try It & the 35 Best Roleplay Ideas for Couples]
12. Add foreplay games
Turning the whole build-up into a flirty game, like strip poker, truth or dare, or dice sex games, makes things feel spontaneous and fun, not planned or expected.
If “go down on me” is part of the game and she’s in the mood, it becomes a playful act instead of a pressured one. [Read: 27 Foreplay Sex Games for Couples to Get Naughty & Horny in Minutes]
13. Let her take the lead
Give her control. Let her set the pace, decide when and how it happens. Some women get massively turned on by being the one in control, especially if you tell her how sexy she looks when she takes charge.
When she feels empowered rather than obligated, she’s more likely to take initiative (and maybe even surprise you with a spontaneous session).
14. Playfully “reward” each other
This one’s cheeky, but it works: “If you do this, I’ll do that…” only if it’s flirty and fun, not transactional or pushy.
Use sexy bets or promises like, “If you make me moan tonight, I’m giving you a full body massage tomorrow.” Keep it light, mutual, and suggestive. It keeps the energy playful and exciting, not pressure-filled.
Convince Her Without Pressure
Okay, now let’s get into the real magic, how to gently, cleverly, and respectfully nudge her toward wanting to give you head, without ever making her feel cornered. This isn’t about manipulation. It’s about influence. It’s about planting the idea in her mind so it feels like her idea, not yours.
If you’ve already worked on trust, hygiene, and emotional connection, this is where you upgrade your game with subtle, psychology-backed ways to open her up to the idea.
15. Introduce the idea during sexting
Sexting is low-risk, high-reward. When you’re both in a flirty mood, bringing up oral in a cheeky, indirect way can get her mentally and emotionally warmed up to the idea, without the pressure of it being right now.
It gives her space to fantasize about it, ask questions, or admit she’s curious, all from a safe distance. And sometimes, that digital dirty talk turns into real-life action faster than you’d expect. [Read: How to Sext a Girl Right: 74 Naughty Secrets that’ll work on EVERY Girl!]
16. Compliment her mouth often
“You have the sexiest lips.” “Your mouth drives me crazy.” These might seem like throwaway lines, but they’re planting subconscious seeds. Complimenting her mouth can subtly associate it with sexual energy, without being graphic.
It’s like classic behavioral priming, the more you associate something with positive emotion, the more appealing it becomes. Science loves that stuff.
17. Use audio porn or erotica featuring blowjobs
Visual porn can be intimidating or unrealistic, but audio porn? Game-changer. Let her listen to erotica or sexy audio stories where the woman is in control, enjoying herself, and giving a killer blowjob.
She gets to experience the fantasy safely and on her own terms, which helps desensitize any hesitations she might have, or even turn her on to the idea organically.
📚 Source: Prause, Nicole, et al., 2015, Sexual stimuli and audio erotica
18. Talk about your kinks honestly
Don’t hide your oral desires behind jokes or vague hints. Be real. Let her know it turns you on. Say something like, “I have this thing for getting head, not just because it feels amazing, but because it turns me on to see you in control.”
When she understands it’s more than just pleasure for you, it’s intimacy, vulnerability, trust, she’s more likely to meet you there. [Read: 110 Sexy, Dirty and Freaky Questions to Ask a Girl & Make Her Wet and Horny]
19. Let her overhear praise
This one’s sneaky, but it works. If she hears you agree with a friend saying something like, “Blowjobs are the ultimate,” or she sees you casually react positively to the topic (without being a creep), it normalizes it.
It’s called social proof, when something seems popular, people are more likely to adopt it. Think of it like peer pressure… but sexy.
20. Start with what you love giving her
Oral sex goes both ways. If you want more blowjobs, start by enthusiastically going down on her and making it clear that you love it. Not out of obligation, but because her pleasure turns you on. [Read: How to Eat a Girl Out: 81 Oral Sex Tips to Eat Pussy & Tongue Her to Bliss]
Humans tend to mirror behaviors they enjoy receiving. So if you’re consistent about showing up down there, she may start feeling more confident (and curious) about returning the favor.
📚 Source: J Heino, et al., 2000, Healthy reciprocity in sexual interaction
21. Use playful, mutual reward systems
“If you do this… I’ll do that.” It works, but only when it’s mutual and fun, not coercive. Frame it as sexy teasing, not a trade deal. Think: “If you suck me off, I’m giving you a one-hour massage later tonight, your choice of oil.”
When it’s playful and balanced, it builds sexual tension and anticipation, not resentment.
22. Celebrate small steps
She kisses it? Licks it once? Teases with her mouth for five seconds? Praise it like it’s the best thing she’s ever done. Don’t downplay it. Don’t say, “That’s it?”
Positive reinforcement, the kind that makes her feel sexy, appreciated, and safe, is exactly how you encourage her to want to do more next time. [Read: The Most Arousing Erogenous Zones for Women All Men Should Know]
How NOT to get a blowjob from a girl
Even though we just gave you a whole list of ways to actually get a blowjob, we know a few of you will try your other methods, and we would advise that you not do that.
Here are a few ways to ruin your chances of ever getting head again.
1. Push her head down there silently
This is the WORST way of trying to get a blowjob! [Read: The head pusher – why some selfish guys do this and how women handle these men]
If you push her head down, it says that you are selfish and practically degrading her. She has to give you a blowjob of her own free will. So, when you push her head down you, it’s borderline assault. Especially if she resists. This is a big no-no.
2. Expect it
If you remember nothing else about how to get a blowjob, remember this one. Never expect that she’s going to do it. Again, this all goes back to your selfish attitude.
Being selfish is never an attractive thing. You need to be humble and grateful if she decides to give you a blowjob. When you drop your pants and stand there with your hands on your hips waiting, she’ll be annoyed.
3. Ask her why she never does
Don’t just sit there badgering her about why she won’t give you a blowjob.
Maybe she has her own reasons for disliking it. Maybe her gag reflex is horrific and she can barely even brush her teeth without an issue.
And maybe she is just grossed out by it. Everyone has their preferences. You only push her away more when you won’t accept that she doesn’t want to give you one. [Read: How to get rid of that sense of entitlement that’s ruining your life]
4. Talk about an ex who “always did”
If you want to not get a blowjob AND end up single, this is how to do it. No girl ever wants to hear about past girls you’ve hooked up with, ESPECIALLY if they did something you liked *and she isn’t*.
Comparing her to other girlfriends is just quite mean. So, remember, even if you’re thinking it, don’t say it. This will make her furious if you do.
5. Ignore her and move on
Yes, guys love blowjobs. And they might just want to get it and then move on to playing video games. But you can’t expect a woman to be your sex slave.
You can’t have her perform on demand without paying some attention to her. So, when you want a blowjob, you better be sure to pay her some attention and reciprocate, even if you don’t want to!
[Read: How to make love to a woman – 21 secrets to leave her moaning for more in bed]
Why do some girls refuse to give blowjobs?
The basic answer to why a girl might refuse a blowjob is that she doesn’t want to, and that’s good enough. However, there may be an underlying reason, and it could mean a multitude of things.
Let’s look at some of the reasons why a girl might refuse to give a blowjob.
1. Intimacy
Virginity means different things to everyone. To some, oral sex is just as intimate as losing their virginity to penetrative sex.
Oral sex may even be considered more intimate to some. So for this reason, a woman might be put off by the idea of giving you a blowjob. [Read: How to have safe sex in every single way it is possible to]
2. Hygiene
A penis is something men use to pee with, everyone is aware of that. A woman might be hesitant about giving a blowjob because of possible urine contamination.
Sometimes, a woman just won’t do it because she is worried about a guy’s approach to hygiene. It might smell bad or even taste bad. If it were the other way around, any man would agree. [Read: The types of penis women love… or laugh at!]
3. Power play
If you are with a narcissist or in a toxic relationship, your partner may be holding off giving you a blowjob as a power play tactic.
This is a mind game where she may use a blowjob against you to get something that she wants. It is a sad fact, but some women do use it as something to hold over a man’s head.
4. Intimidation
Listen, a man’s package can be intimidating for some, especially when they are faced with a penis for the first time.
Sometimes, a girl doesn’t know what to do with it, and she will be too afraid to try. [Read: Sex for the first time – 37 must-knows & secrets about losing your virginity]
5. It’s painful
The mouth and throat are not as versatile as the vagina. Penises can be a pain for some women and they will refuse to put them in their mouths. It can hurt and even cause a woman to gag.
Some women have a very sensitive gag reflex, and it could simply be that she’s worried about being sick during the act. So if a woman thinks she can’t handle a penis that’s too big, she will give up on it altogether.
6. She doesn’t like how it looks
Women look at a penis the way men look at breasts. If it does not appeal to her, she will not want to put it in her mouth.
Therefore if she does not like the way it looks, she may get turned off by the idea of giving you a blowjob. [Read: The perfect cock – a woman’s opinion on how your penis measures up in her mouth]
7. She had a bad experience before
It’s possible that she gave a blowjob in the past and it didn’t go according to plan. Maybe something happened that caused her to have a bad memory attached to the act.
Some guys can be pretty inconsiderate and when they get carried away in the moment, they don’t think about the girl who’s doing all the work.
So she might have bad memories associated with the act and not feel comfortable doing it again. [Read: Do women like to swallow? And 20 other sex questions answered]
8. She really doesn’t like blowjobs at all
Everyone is entitled to their own sexual preference. Some kinks turn you on, and a lot of others likely turn you off. This is the same for everyone when it comes to sexual kinks, positions, and acts.
Perhaps the lady in your life really doesn’t like giving blowjobs and she’s simply vowed not to put herself through it again. It just doesn’t turn her on and that’s completely valid.
9. She’s worried you won’t like it
If she’s never given a blowjob before or had a bad experience in the past, she may refuse because she’s worried you won’t enjoy it. She may become self-conscious about her performance and too nervous to try.
10. It’s because you don’t go down on her
Relationships are about give and take, and so is sex. If you’re asking for blowjobs but you never go down on her, can you blame her for refusing?
Perhaps you should think about what you do for her and then maybe she’ll reconsider what she does for you. [Read: How to eat a girl out – 16 secrets to make her gasp and squirt]
11. You’re being an ass
If you are not treating her right and dare to ask for a blowjob, this feature won’t do you much good. You need to change your perception of sexual intimacy.
A blowjob is still as intimate as sex itself. It is a gift that should be given to someone who deserves it – a man who knows how to give when it comes to all aspects of a relationship.
What to do if she refuses to give a blowjob
A lot of women do not want to give their partners a blowjob. Regardless of her reasoning, she shouldn’t be shamed for her decision to not go down on you.
She has the right to her own body and her decision should be respected by any man who wants to be with her.
So when a woman refuses to give you a blow job, accept the situation. If it bothers you so much, then discuss it with your partner.
Open and clear communication can help you understand your partner’s stance on blowjobs better. So sit down with her and talk it through.
Be empathetic and understanding, and you might be able to come up with solutions to liven up your sex life that leaves you both satisfied.
There is the chance that she is stern on her reasons to not give a blowjob and will not compromise. In this case, you will need to respect her boundaries and move on.
If you can’t seem to move on, consider finding someone else who shares the same sex priorities as you do. [Read: Being sex positive – why this matters and why you need to get on board]
What Science Says About Oral Sex, Intimacy & Relationship Satisfaction
Let’s step away from the locker room talk for a minute and get into something deeper: the psychology of oral sex. Because, believe it or not, there’s a lot more going on in her head than “Do I feel like giving a blowjob today?” Understanding that, and respecting it, is the real game-changer.
According to several studies, oral sex, especially giving it, is often seen as more emotionally intimate by women than men. One paper found that many women associate giving a blowjob with emotional vulnerability, a sense of performance anxiety, or even feelings of objectification if the relationship lacks trust or warmth. 📚 Source: Fahs, Breanne, 2014, Genital Panic: Young Women’s Accounts of Oral Sex
Here’s what that means for you: if she’s not emotionally connected, doesn’t feel safe, or senses you’re viewing her as a human Fleshlight, she’s far less likely to want to give oral, no matter how clean, nice, or sexy you are that night.
At the same time, research shows that couples who engage in oral sex regularly tend to report higher levels of relationship and sexual satisfaction. One longitudinal study of college-aged couples found that giving oral sex in particular was associated with stronger relationship bonding, especially when it was done in a mutual, consensual, and respectful way. 📚 Source: Giorgio Falgares, et al., 2024, Sexual communication, emotion regulation and sexual functioning in women
Even more interesting? In studies about sexual pleasure and oral sex, men consistently rate receiving oral as one of the most pleasurable acts, but women don’t always enjoy giving it. Only about 28% of women said giving oral was “very pleasurable”, compared to 69% who said receiving it was.
That’s a huge gap, and it tells you this: if she’s giving you a blowjob, it’s not because she enjoys it in the same way. She enjoys the turn-on, the praise, the closeness, or the fact that you made it feel worth it for her. 📚 Source: Sarah A Vannier, et al., 2013, Students’ Perceptions of Oral Sex, Intercourse, and Intimacy
So how do you make her actually want to do it?
- Create emotional safety
- Don’t make it transactional
- Praise, don’t pressure
- Let her take control sometimes
- And genuinely enjoy going down on her too
When she feels like it’s not a one-sided performance, but part of a shared sexual vibe, you flip the script. That’s when it becomes something she wants to do, not something she tolerates to make you happy.
At the end of the day, learning how to get a blowjob isn’t about tricks or games, it’s about making her feel sexy, safe, and turned on. When she wants to do it, when she enjoys doing it, that’s when the magic happens.
So ditch the pressure and earn the pleasure. Be the kind of guy who gets blowjobs because she genuinely can’t wait to give you one.
Ultimately, girls make their own decisions, and if she really doesn’t want to go down on you, that’s up to her. But if you’re sly enough and nice enough, use these techniques for how to get a blowjob, and chances are, she’ll be more than happy to blow you.
