You can’t imagine how many times a jealous boyfriend has messaged me, telling me they have problems controlling their jealousy. Listen, in the movies that make jealousy look innocent and cute, it’s not. In reality, it’s a huge problem for many couples on both sides.
Women can be extremely jealous as well, the only difference is their reaction. But I’m not here to compare the sexes, I’m here to focus on jealous boyfriends and what you can do to reduce your jealousy. Let’s face it, no one wants to be with someone who’s overly jealous. [Read: How to overcome jealousy and walk away from its destructive energy]
How to stop being a jealous boyfriend
Now, jealousy is completely normal to an extent, so don’t think you’re weird for having those feelings. Most of the time, we’re scared about our partner finding someone else. That’s why we feel jealousy—we want them only for us. It’s an insecurity we all share.
However, if you’re feeling extreme jealousy and entering into the overly jealous boyfriend mode, then your insecurity is inflating and taking over your relationship. If you’re prohibiting your partner from talking to other men or wearing certain clothes, that’s a problem, and it only becomes worse with time.
If you’re reading this, you realize you don’t want to be that guy. At the end of the day, he won’t win. If you don’t change, you’ll end up single.
#1 Acknowledge your jealousy. You need to come clean and accept that you’re jealous. There’s no point being in denial. In fact, if you are in denial, then you’re not ready to change. You need to accept your emotions and behavior as that really is the first step in making a change.
Look at how you react when you’re jealous and the behavior you impose on your partner. How do you react when you’re jealous? Do you start fights? Are you passive-aggressive? [Read: How to stop being passive aggressive]
#2 Why are you jealous? Okay, let’s step back and look at the entire picture. What makes you jealous? Is it when your partner wears revealing clothing? Is it when they talk to other people? What is it that drives you insane? Now that you know what it is, look at why it makes you feel jealous.
Naturally, the answer will be because you’re feeling insecure. Now, look deeper as to why you feel insecure. Do you have previous abandonment issues? Cheating parents? [Read: 6 reasons to love yourself first before falling in love]
#3 Change your point of view. So, you’ve figured out what you do when you’re jealous and why you’re jealous, but now it’s time to look at the situation from a different perspective. You see your partner as someone who’s desirable to other people. So, you’re scared that other people will try to take them from you and that they’ll leave you.
But how do they feel? In their eyes, they see you as someone who’s suffocating them and making them walk on a tightrope to not upset you. This is why they’re pushing away from you.
#4 Jealousy doesn’t mean they’re doing anything. When we’re jealous, we feel threatened, but this doesn’t mean that anything is actually happening. Just because someone approached your partner doesn’t mean they’re going to act on it.
In reality, they probably won’t act on it. You assuming that things “might” happen is what’s causing you to freak out and punish your partner. They haven’t done anything wrong and you’re making them feel guilty. [Read: Are you a jealous boyfriend? Look out for these 17 signs]
#5 This relationship isn’t like the others. Sometimes when we experience a traumatic relationship, we tend to bring those traumas into our new relationships. This is a huge problem because we all know that no two relationships are alike. Your partner may be loyal and faithful, however, your last relationship has you on pins and needles about cheating.
Naturally, because of this, you’re extremely paranoid and monitor their behavior like a hawk. You need to let go of the past and focus on the present. [Read: How to let go of the past and look to the future]
#6 Avoid social media stalking. Listen, the more you hunt for something, the more likely you are to find it. Does it mean what you find is true? No, but you’ll connect it so that you make true. You need to avoid social media stalking. In reality, if someone is putting something on social media, the odds are they aren’t doing anything you need to worry about. Leave social media alone, it’ll only drive you nuts.
#7 Focus on your self-esteem. Here’s the thing, you’re acting jealous because you’re insecure and have low self-esteem. But the good thing is that you can change this behavior. You need to focus on working to build your self-esteem because, at the end of the day, your jealous behavior is your problem. Plus, this won’t change unless you change yourself. Confidence is key and you need to build that up in yourself. [Read: 20 signs of insecurity people can’t hide when they feel insecure]
#8 Talk about it with them. If you want to truly work on your jealousy, you need to talk about it with your partner. Don’t let it build up inside of you and don’t argue with them about this. When you’re feeling jealousy, stop and think about it. Then, sit down and talk to them about it. Tell them what you were feeling jealous about and why. By using this approach, your partner will want to help you overcome your jealousy.
#9 Seek therapy. This isn’t an easy thing to overcome and if you can do this on your own, I applaud you. But sometimes we need a helping hand. As a jealous boyfriend, you may not be able to see the root cause of your jealousy, however, by talking to a professional, they’ll be able to help you pinpoint the cause. Then you can truly start your journey in self-recovery. If not, you may end up in circles and give up on helping yourself.
#10 Minimize your reactions. This doesn’t mean you should keep them inside of you, but instead of immediately reacting, take some time to process your emotions and think about the situation. You don’t need to react right away, what’s important is that you first internally process it and then talk to your partner when you’re in a calmer state. [Read: 6 things you should never say in a fight with your girlfriend]
#11 How does your partner feel? In all of this, you probably haven’t thought about how your partner is feeling. Why don’t you ask? You should know how your behavior impacts the people around you. They’re probably feeling stressed, pressured, and suffocated. It’s time to look beyond yourself and accept how your behavior is destroying the relationship.
[Read: How to know when you’re jealous – 25 signs a jealous guy can’t hide]
Everyone can be jealous, however, there’s a line to where it becomes excessive. If you’re not careful in controlling your jealous boyfriend ways, you will end up single.
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