We all want to believe sex isn’t an important part of a relationship, but it’s time to get real about how to become sexually active in a relationship.
Here’s the thing, when it comes to sex, almost every animal, including us, has or will have it. Isn’t that amazing? Every animal on earth had and will have sex. And you’re not much different. At some point, you’ll learn how to become sexually active. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a year, or in ten years. Nevertheless, sex is in your cards.
But, you want more than just sex. You want to have a real intimate experience with your partner. Now, that’s different. You may be wondering how that’s going to happen. How are you going to have an amazing sexual experience? Well, it’s not as hard as you think.
How to become sexually active and enjoy the experience
Becoming sexually active is all about you and your partner. It’s not about what you’re going to have for dinner or what you need to do at work tomorrow. Sex is all about the moment.
If you want to become sexually active, learn how to appreciate yourself, your partner, and the experience. There’s no need to pressure yourself. I wrote down a list of ways of how to become sexually active, other than the most obvious way: to have sex.
Let’s talk about sex and how to make it happen, baby.
#1 Don’t pressure yourself. You want to be sexually active; I get it. Whether you’ve already had sex or not with your partner, there’s one thing you need to do: relax. I know it’s easier said than done, but the one thing sex doesn’t need is pressure. There’s enough pressure going on in your life. Intimacy is supposed to be the one thing you enjoy and gives a release. [Read: How to be more sexual and fall in love with the sexier side of you]
#2 Do you want to have sex? If you’ve already had sex, then you can skip this one. But if you haven’t had sex yet, think about whether or not this is something you’re ready for. Sometimes, we feel we need to have sex, but we’re just not ready. And that’s really okay. This is your life, so do what feels right for you. [Read: First time sex and the virgin’s guide to nailing it]
#3 Accept yourself. Being naked in front of someone can feel daunting. I mean, not many people will see you naked. So, stripping down in front of someone you like can be overwhelming. You want to perform amazingly, you want to have a sexy body, and have your partner mesmerized by you. But if you want to enjoy the experience, accept and love yourself first. [Read: How to feel sexy and desirable all the time]
#4 Experiment with yourself first. If you want to become sexually active or have more sex, then why not start with yourself? I know it sounds a bit weird, but you should learn about what you like and don’t like. Experiment with different toys, watch different types of porn, and see what truly arouses you. Once you know yourself, you’ll be able to have better sex.
#5 Talk to your partner. Do you have a partner? If so, why not talk to them about your sexual activity? If neither of you have had sex, sit down and discuss it. Is it something you both want to do? Do you want to wait? If you are having sex and you want more, talk to your partner and let them know how you feel.
#6 Work your way up. If you haven’t had sex yet, then you may not need to jump right into having sex. Why not work your way up? If you have a partner, talk to them about it. There’s no need to avoid communication. If you can’t talk to your partner about sex, then you’re not ready for it. You and your partner can start off with foreplay and oral sex before intercourse. [Read: How to make sex with a new partner the first time less awkward]
#7 Don’t force the moment. You want more sex, right? Naturally, you want more sex, but you can’t force the moment on your partner. The worst thing you can do is pressure yourself and your partner to do something that isn’t feeling in the moment, and frankly, right. If you’re not feeling in the mood, then don’t have sex.
#8 Find the positions that work for you. You don’t need to learn every position of the kamasutra. Why don’t you focus on some basic positions, like missionary, cowgirl, and the spoon? Get comfortable with basic positions before exploring further. These are the most commonly used positions anyways. It’s always good to have a solid base before experimenting. [Read: 7 sex positions that’ll make you feel like a pro in no time]
#9 Listen to your partner. Being sexually active isn’t hard. All you need is a penis or vagina. But that’s not what you want. You want more than just sex; you want a real intimate experience. So, listen to your partner. Listen to their breathing, facial expressions, and moans. If they’re silent, switch something up. If they’re grabbing the bed and screaming… good sign.
#10 Find your sexual rhythm. In the movies, they always portray people as being hyper sexually active, but that’s not always the case. Everyone has different sexual levels, and you may not have the same sexual drive as your partner. This doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you; it just means you have different sexual drives. Go with your body’s flow. [Read: Dry humping and the virgin’s guide to real orgasms]
#11 Wear protection. I don’t want to sound like your mother, but if you’re having sex, wear protection. I know people’s feelings towards wearing protection or taking contraception, but do you want an unexpected pregnancy? Yeah, I didn’t think so. So, talk to your partner and decide how you will be safe. Google gonorrhea. You’ll never not wear a condom ever again. [Read: Pulling out is completely safe and other bad sex advice]
#12 Talk to your partner after. If you’re having sex with someone you trust, after sex, why don’t you talk to them about the experience? How was it for them? What did they like? What do they think could have been done differently? If you want to improve on your sexual experiences, you’ll need feedback.