Not everything in your relationship is always going to be perfect. There are things it’s okay to hate about your partner.
We are all individuals, every one of us, with our own particular idiosyncrasies and peccadilloes. What this means, with specific regard to any interpersonal relationship, is that we’re never going to be seeing eye-to-eye all the time with everyone around us, and there are certainly things it’s okay to hate about your partner. That’s fine. That’s how civilization works.
However, there are some things that other people do that are more than just in opposition to our own ways of doing things, but really are downright undesirable across the board.
When you’re in a relationship with someone who displays such traits, no matter how stupidly in love with them you are, there is no reason to suck it up and try to learn to accept their poor behavior. Some things are, quite plainly, wrong – and you should never have to put up with them no matter how in love you are. [Read: 24 signs you’re loving someone too much & why being madly in love is bad]
The Ideal vs. Reality in Relationships
At the start of a relationship, it’s like being in a romantic comedy – everything your partner does is endearing. They could chew with the enthusiasm of a beaver, and you’d find it charming. Even their snoring might seem like a quirky melody you could set your watch to.
This phenomenon can be explained by the psychological concept known as the halo effect. The halo effect is a type of cognitive bias where our overall impression of a person, typically a positive one formed early in the relationship, influences how we feel about their specific traits.
During this phase, the thought of there being things it’s okay to hate about your partner seems as far-fetched as finding a unicorn in your backyard. This initial idealization can mask those traits that might later emerge as irritants or genuine concerns. [Read: Dumb things we do in the name of that 4-letter word: Love]
But let’s fast forward a bit. The credits of that rom-com have rolled, and reality has settled in. Suddenly, that once-charming chewing sounds like someone’s doing construction work in your dining room. And the snoring? It’s less like a melody and more like a freight train making unscheduled stops in your bedroom every night.
This is the point where the flawless bubble of love bursts, and you realize that being annoyed doesn’t mean your love is any less real. It just means you’re in a relationship with a human, not a rom-com character.
It turns out, love doesn’t magically zap away personal boundaries and preferences. You’re totally allowed to be irked by the small stuff – like how they never seem to find the laundry basket or their uncanny ability to turn the bathroom into a mini water park.
Recognizing these quirks and dislikes is healthy, and it keeps you grounded in reality. The myth of flawless love doesn’t stand a chance against a partner who thinks onion breath is an acceptable form of romance.
Habits You Shouldn’t Have to Put Up With in Your Partner
Do you ever feel like there are a few traits about your lover that you hate, and just can’t accept, no matter how hard you try? You’re not alone, and you really don’t have to suck it up and assume you’re the only weird one who’s annoyed by these habits.
Following are a list of the top twenty of these easily avoidable behaviors that are perfectly fine to dislike *or hate!*.
1. Dirty Flirty
You may be fairly confident that they’d never cheat on you, but that doesn’t stop them from flirting in every way possible with every member of the opposite sex that they ever come into contact with.
Heavy flirting when you’re in a serious relationship is not acceptable, and you are quite correct to dislike it. [Read: Subtle signs your partner is too flirty with other women]
2. Attention Seeking
Some people just don’t seem to be able to resist an almost Jekyll and Hyde switch in character when flung from relative seclusion into the presence of company.
The urge to show off at a ridiculous volume, pretending to be someone they clearly aren’t, is such an incredible annoyance. Definitely not cool. [Read: Attention whore signs to watch out for]
3. Intoxication
A lot of people get tipsy one way or another from time to time, and it certainly isn’t a crime to do that. Being drunk all the time however, isn’t acceptable and can be downright irritating.
Even if one of the more destructive aspects of drinking isn’t present, it still makes for a pretty boring and annoying person. This is something you never have to like.
4. Rudeness
It doesn’t particularly have to be directed at you, but even if directed at others, and you are in earshot, it is such an embarrassing thing to be around.
Also, rude partners can offend a larger number of friends in a shorter period of time than any other of the types mentioned. Not only do you not like it, but it can condemn you to immediate and long-lasting social exile. [Read: Simple tips to avoid being rude in any situation]
5. Anti-Santa
Some people aren’t very good at buying gifts. It’s not that they don’t try, it’s just that they struggle to empathize.
Others however, don’t make the slightest effort. If you’re waiting for a dream holiday or a day out driving a super car at a race track, and actually receive a hand blender or a pair of socks, you could be forgiven for not liking this side of them.
6. The Incredible Sulk
Every couple has disagreements and arguments from time to time. It’s fairly natural. However, whereas a sit down together and a mature conversation could have you back to normal in hours, they insist on sulking it out for the next week or so. Silly, immature, and immensely unlikeable. [Read: Most annoying relationship turn offs that can ruin romance]
7. Roll On, Roll Off
If their idea of good sex is to roll on and off again in 30 seconds flat, irrespective of whether you’ve even woken up, never mind taken any pleasure from it, then you can be forgiven for not liking this about them. Time to start a conversation! [Read: 22 common reasons why women fake an orgasm]
8. Selective Deafness
A partner who doesn’t listen to you is revealing a huge amount of disrespect. It’s okay to dislike a habit that indicates you rank somewhere in their immediate range of interests between considering what to have for dinner and that insistent itch on their left butt cheek. [Read: Ways to handle a partner who refuses to listen to you]
9. Slumming it
There comes a time in every relationship where either or both of the couple relax a little on presentation. However, turning into a trailer trash poster boy or girl overnight shows that they not only don’t care about themselves but don’t care much for you either. And why should you like that?
10. Lack of Ambition
Are you attending evening classes five days a week and doing more unpaid hours at work than paid, all in a bid to get a step ahead, whilst your other half spends more time watching cable TV and picking their teeth than anything else?
Not attractive, is it? And definitely not worthy of anything else but a healthy dose of dislike. [Read: Things to do if you have a very lazy partner]
11. Vanity
On a supposed evening out, do you spend more time waiting for them to preen themselves than actually away from the house? If so, you are perfectly justified in not liking this.
12. Jealousy
Is every phone call questioned? Your movements not-so-secretly tracked? Not only is this a distinctly unlikable trait, but is also potentially destructive. Definitely one to address with immediate effect.
13. Hotel Service
Do they treat your shared home like a hotel? Throwing dirty clothes on the floor, turning up when they feel like it, expecting dinner whenever they put in an appearance between doing other things without you? Not only do you not have to like this, you shouldn’t have to put up with it either. [Read: 22 big early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]
14. Make a Decision
If they have next to no respect for any decisions you make or constantly override them as irrelevant, your dislike is entirely justified. It shows disrespect and quite a lot of arrogance. Not the best of combinations.
15. Phone Abuse
Do they never answer when you call, yet when you’re together, they’re never off the phone? Definitely a major thumbs down, and one eminently deserving of being disliked.
16. Looking Down
When they speak to you, it’s almost as if they’re addressing a six-year-old child. You don’t have to like this, and you’re more than justified in giving them a hard time in consequence.
17. Messiness
Sick of wiping up a pool of milk and a not-so-thin trail of cornflakes every breakfast time? Everyone hates being expected to clean up someone else’s mess, and no one will blame you for getting annoyed about it.
18. Smothering
When your other half insists that you spend every second of every day at their side, even following you at work to make sure you spend your lunches together, who could blame you for not liking the situation. Sanctioned stalking is not good. [Read: Reasons why loving someone too much kills the love]
19. Hands Free
You don’t have to commit acts of gross indecency to show physical affection for each other. When, however, all physical contact is strictly reduced to hand-holding in dark rooms behind locked doors, you can be forgiven for being unimpressed.
20. Crudeness
Do they talk openly in public about toilet habits, sexual relations, and everything else in between that is supposed to be confined to a very small number of trained professionals? If so, you really don’t have to like this. It’s embarrassing, annoying, and very immature. [Read: Clear signs you’re starting to lose interest in your relationship]
21. Financial Irresponsibility
Money matters in a relationship, and it’s totally valid to be frustrated if your partner is financially irresponsible. This isn’t about how much they earn but how they manage their finances.
Constant overspending, ignoring bills, or having a cavalier attitude toward savings can put a serious strain on your relationship and future plans. It’s okay to expect and encourage financial responsibility, as it’s a significant part of building a stable life together.
22. Chronic Lateness
Always running late might not seem like a big deal, but it can be a sign of disrespect for your time. If your partner is perpetually late, it can make you feel undervalued and frustrated.
It’s more than just a nuisance, it’s about considering and valuing each other’s time. Constant lateness is a habit that can be addressed and improved with effort and respect for the relationship.
23. Negativity
Consistent negativity can be draining. If your partner always sees the glass as half empty, it can start to affect your mood and outlook on life.
Being with someone who rarely sees the positive side of things can be challenging and disheartening. While everyone has their moments, constant negativity can be a heavy weight in a relationship. [Read: Negative Nancy: What Makes one, traits & ways to deal with their attitude]
24. Overly Critical
Constructive criticism is one thing, but if your partner is overly critical about everything you do, it’s a problem. This behavior can chip away at your self-esteem and make you feel constantly under scrutiny.
It’s important for partners to lift each other up, not bring each other down. A relationship should be a source of support, not constant criticism.
25. Inflexibility
Life is about change and compromise, especially in a relationship. If your partner is set in their ways and unwilling to compromise, it can lead to a lot of frustration. Relationships require give and take, and inflexibility can make it feel like you’re hitting a wall every time you need to make decisions together.
26. Disregard for Privacy
Everyone needs a certain level of privacy, even from their partner. If your partner frequently snoops through your messages, emails, or personal belongings, it’s a violation of trust. A healthy relationship is built on trust, and respecting each other’s privacy is a big part of that.
27. Avoidance of Responsibilities
If your partner consistently avoids responsibilities, whether it’s household chores or major life decisions, it can put an unfair burden on you.
Relationships involve teamwork, and shirking responsibilities can leave you feeling more like a caretaker than a partner. It’s okay to expect an adult level of responsibility-sharing in a relationship. [Read: Reasons why relationships are such hard work]
28. Disinterest in Your Life
It’s a problem if your partner shows little to no interest in your personal life, career, hobbies, or passions. A partner should be your cheerleader and take interest in what’s important to you. When this element is missing, it can make you feel lonely and undervalued in the relationship.
29. Inability to Apologize
Everyone makes mistakes, but not being able to apologize for them is a red flag. If your partner can’t own up to their mistakes and say sorry, it prevents growth and resolution in your relationship. An apology demonstrates maturity and the desire to mend and improve things, which are crucial for a healthy partnership.
30. Lack of Emotional Support
In a relationship, emotional support is a cornerstone. If your partner is emotionally unavailable or dismissive of your feelings, it can leave you feeling isolated and unsupported. It’s reasonable to expect and desire emotional connection and support in your partnership.
Minor Annoyances vs Deal Breakers
When considering the things it’s okay to hate about your partner, it’s crucial to differentiate between minor annoyances and potential deal-breakers.
Not all dislikes carry the same weight in a relationship. Understanding what can be overlooked and what should be addressed head-on is essential for maintaining a healthy partnership.
1. Do You Find Their Habit Annoying but Ultimately Harmless?
If a habit is just a minor irritation but doesn’t affect your respect or love for your partner, it’s likely a minor annoyance. These are the quirks that, while frustrating, don’t significantly impact the foundation of your relationship. [Read: Harmless phrases that instantly annoy your partner]
2. Do Their Actions Violate Your Fundamental Values or Beliefs?
If your partner’s behavior goes against your core beliefs, this could be a deal-breaker. For instance, if honesty is a fundamental value for you, but your partner repeatedly lies or withholds information, this challenges the very foundation of trust in your relationship.
A relationship should respect your fundamental values, and any action that consistently undermines these values needs serious consideration.
3. Are You Often Embarrassed By Your Partner’s Behavior in Public?
If you’re regularly feeling embarrassed by your partner’s actions in social situations, this could indicate a deeper issue. For example, maybe it’s totally acceptable for them to loudly express opinions or tell personal stories in public, while you’d rather keep conversations more private than be caught discussing personal matters in front of others.
While occasional social faux pas are normal, consistent embarrassment is a sign of fundamental differences in social values and manners.
4. Does the Issue Affect Your Mental or Physical Well-Being?
If something your partner does is negatively impacting your health, whether mental or physical, it’s a significant concern. Your well-being should always be a priority, and any threat to it within a relationship is a serious matter. [Read: Emotional abuse: What it is & 39 signs this relationship is breaking you]
5. Is the Issue Something That Can be Resolved Through Communication?
Many relationship issues, even those involving things it’s okay to hate about your partner, can be mitigated or resolved through open and honest dialogue.
If a problem related to these dislikes seems solvable through communication, it might be categorized as a minor annoyance. However, if there is a repeated failure to resolve such issues, they can escalate and become deal-breakers.
6. Do They Refuse to Acknowledge or Discuss the Issue?
If your partner tries to avoid discussing or acknowledging issues that are important to you at all costs, it’s definitely one of those things it’s okay to hate about your partner.
This is a red flag. A healthy relationship involves two-way communication and the willingness to address and work through problems. Without this openness, it’s challenging to build trust and mutual respect.
7. Does the Issue Relate to How They Treat Others?
How does your partner treat waitstaff, store clerks, or even animals? Their behavior towards others can be a revealing indicator of their true character. If you find yourself consistently bothered by their treatment of others, it’s worth considering if this behavior is a deal-breaker for you.
How they interact in these situations can show a lot about respect, empathy, and kindness—qualities that are crucial for a healthy relationship.
8. Are You the Only One Making Compromises or Changes?
Relationships are hard work. They involve a nonstop balancing act of give and take, where both partners should be willing to make compromises.
If you find that it’s always you who is bending or changing to accommodate the other, it’s another one of those things it’s okay to hate about your partner. This can be a serious issue, signaling a need for a deeper conversation about fairness and mutual respect in your relationship. [Read: Compromise in a relationship: Ways to give & not feel like you lost]
9. Do They Show Disrespect Toward Your Family or Friends?
This one is a big thing: mutual respect for each other’s loved ones is crucial in a relationship. Are you okay being with someone who shows consistent disrespect towards your family or friends?
It’s worth seriously considering the long-term impact of this behavior. Disrespect in these areas can erode the foundations of trust and support that are essential for any lasting partnership.
10. Is There a Pattern of Dishonesty or Breach of Trust?
You know what they say about trust—once it’s broken, it’s incredibly hard to rebuild. If there’s a pattern of dishonesty or betrayal in your relationship, it’s more than just a minor annoyance, it’s a fundamental issue that needs to be addressed. [Read: Signs of dishonesty in a relationship that push couples apart]
Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship, and without it, maintaining a healthy, sustainable partnership is nearly impossible. Is this one of those things it’s okay to hate about your partner? Absolutely.
It’s Perfectly Normal
It’s perfectly normal and okay to have a list of things it’s okay to hate about your partner. Every relationship is unique, and part of that uniqueness comes from navigating through the quirks and habits that might not be your favorite. The key is open communication and holding onto your personal standards.
[Read: 26 different types of relationships to predict your romantic life & future]
Embracing the things it’s okay to hate about your partner doesn’t mean you love them any less. In fact, it’s a sign of a more honest and grounded relationship. Open communication and maintaining your personal standards are key in navigating these dislikes. Every relationship has its unique set of challenges, but acknowledging these aspects doesn’t detract from your bond; rather, it strengthens it.
