The after sex text is the prerequisite acknowledgment of the fact that you “did it,” and whether or not you and your partner will agree to a repeat. It can sometimes start off as a “thank you for last night” and end with “So, when am I seeing you again?”
It can also be the text that will determine whether or not you still have a chance at a relationship or not.
Sex can sometimes complicate the flow of a budding relationship. If it happens too early, there’s a chance that the offer of a relationship is taken off the table. But for some of the lucky ones, sex can actually solidify the start of a relationship. [Read: How long should you wait before having sex? A guide on timings and the number of dates]
The after sex text will tell you a lot about the person you slept with, and it will even allow you to discover some truths about yourself and how you feel about the situation.
All in all, this is the text that will make or break your sanity, in terms of the intimate night you just had!
For one-night stands, after sex texts are unnecessary and usually frowned upon. If the fact that it was a one night stand isn’t clear, you can use the after sex text to confirm whether or not there will be a repeat of the night before.
It is necessary because not knowing where you stand can make you feel anxious about how your night went.
No matter how great a time you had, you’ll never know how a person will feel about you the next day, especially after you’ve had sex.
If you don’t care about that, the after sex text or conversation can serve as an indicator of whether the night before was the last time you’ll see each other, or if it was the first of many dates or booty texts to come. [Read: The perfect tease – How to keep a guy interested after having sex with him]
We recommend making the after sex text the night after you’ve been together. It will give you enough time to recover and have something else to talk about besides what happened on your date.
Aside from that, it will give you and your partner a little time to miss each other.
Texting right after you get home or after your partner leaves is only okay if you feel comfortable about it. You had a blast and you’re excited to talk to the person you like. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
If, however, you’re texting to see if everything’s still good, then you’re only going to seem desperate and pathetic – not in their eyes, but in yours. Texting for validation never ends well, and it probably means that you’re not okay with what you did last night. [Read: Having sex with someone for the first time? 17 rules you MUST follow]
If you’ve never made an after sex text, we are envious of you. But more importantly, your first after sex text can be scary, because you have no idea how it will go. It’s okay to be nervous about it because it’s usually more awkward than endearing.
For those of you who’ve made your fair share of after sex texts, this can also be a wake-up text for you to stop doing the same crap that never gets you anywhere with your dates.
Below are some of the things you should be doing before, during, and after the dreaded after sex text.
The after sex text is not an excuse for you to chat with the person you slept with. Consider it a “business” text. Therefore it should be done when you are both available and when your partner is likely to answer their phone.
Before you make that text, prepare what you’re going to say. We’re not saying you should write a speech down. Just make sure that you know what you’re going to say or ask before you make the text.
Be polite. That’s all we’re saying.
Don’t hem and haw. You have to talk about what’s next for you guys.
If you want a relationship, tell them that you’re not interested in being f*ck buddies. If you want to sleep around with them, ask them if they want to have a repeat of the night before sometime this week. It’s that easy. [Read: Casual relationship – What it is, why people love it and 20 firm rules]
The situation is not just about you. You should listen to your partner’s side as well. That way, you can end the conversation knowing what their reasons are for choosing to continue or end your relationship.
There will be times when you and your partner don’t see eye to eye. Most men aren’t interested in relationships if they made an effort to sleep with you as soon as possible.
On the other hand, most women agree to sleep with men early on, because of various reasons, most of which are alluded to self-esteem issues or just a need to relieve the horniness. [Read: 10 worst people to have a one night stand with]
Here are some things that you shouldn’t even think of doing if you want your after sex text to work out.
You just had sex. Whether or not you’ve been seeing each other for a while, this is not the time to talk about it.
It’s possible that your judgment could be impaired from the mind-blowing sex, and you’re not being objective about the situation. That goes the same for your partner.
Why are you being so clingy? Is their reply going to save you from a peril worse than death? If they’re not replying, they’re busy.
Twice is enough for one day, and thrice is enough for a week. After that, just stop, because it means that they will never reply or they will only text you when they have an itch they need to scratch. [Read: Am I being ghosted? 25 signs you’re on the verge of being ghosted]
Use your gut. If it feels like there won’t be a next time, act accordingly. The answer is obvious if the person didn’t text you within a few days, or if they don’t reply to any of your texts.
Common sense can save us all a lot of trouble if we knew how to use it.
Yes, it sucks. And it makes you mad. But that isn’t enough of a reason for you to go down to their level and end up being humiliated more than you already have.
Control yourself. Breathe. Let it go. [Read: Being left on read – What it means when they don’t text back]
Make them work for it if they texted back within a few days. It’s common courtesy to return a text within 24 hours.
If it takes longer than that, they either died or they’re avoiding you. It is that simple.
If the after sex text only left you dazed and confused about what to do next, here are a few more things to keep in mind.
You deserve better than a guy who only wants you for sex.
Don’t lull yourself into thinking otherwise, especially if the signs are there: No after-texts/texts. He sends late-night “Still up?” messages. He never takes you out on a legitimate date ever again. The McDonald’s drive-thru doesn’t count. [Read: How to set personal boundaries and guide other people to respect it]
The problem with people who put a lot of value on sex is that they can’t wrap their minds around the fact that some people don’t give a damn about it.
You need to accept what comes your way, and let it go, especially if it’s not an ideal situation.
If you and your partner’s goals are completely different, i.e. sex versus relationship, don’t agree to whatever they want, just because you want to please them.
It’s okay to make some adjustments, but it’s not okay to settle for something you don’t believe in.
Now that you know the general guidelines to follow when you text someone after sex, you are probably wondering exactly what you should text someone after having sex. Well, we have some great examples for you to try. [Read: How to stop texting someone when that’s all you want to do]
This is a simple message to send anyone after sex. It’s not deep, but it’s flirty and direct. It shows that you’re being friendly and asking a generic question. Also, and most importantly, it makes it clear you’re looking for something casual.
This is another simple message to send. It’s basically just saying “hi” and nothing else. If you’re confused about what text to send after sex, then it’s just a way to get their attention and open the conversation in a casual way. [Read: 25 fun and cute ways to say hi in a text message without saying hi]
If you really liked the sex, and you think your partner did too, then go ahead and give them a huge compliment on their sexual prowess.
This will boost their ego and make them feel good. Plus, it will make them want to do it with you again. [Read: 22 signs she enjoys having sex with you and thinks you’re good in bed]
This message doesn’t beat around the bush. It gets straight to the point and shows them that you know what you want, and you’re not afraid to ask for it. It also shows confidence.
If one or both of you are feeling uncomfortable, then being direct and flirty can make things more comfortable.
If the situation isn’t clear, you can initiate small talk about what happened or how you feel.
If you had a great time, then why not be honest about it? It’s a great way to start a conversation post-sex. Plus, it sets the mood and gives the intention of possibly meeting up again.
It’s a great blend of “hookup” and “let’s see where this goes.” [Read: Am I texting too much? 16 signs they think you’re a clingy texter]
This is also quite direct and to the point. You are texting them because you enjoyed the sex and are hoping it could happen again. Your intentions are clear, and there is no room for a misunderstanding.
This message also compliments them on their sexual skills and gets across your enthusiasm. You will make the person feel special and excited. And when they feel that way, they’ll want to meet up for sex again.
This is a bold and daring text message. It’s assuming that the other person thought the same thing and wants to do it all over again.
The best part about it is that you refer to how good it was. It will make them feel good about themselves. [Read: Double texting – What it is, how to avoid it and 15 must-follow rules]
Maybe you’re already dating, and so you want to convey your feelings. If you can’t stop thinking about them, then don’t be shy about telling them. You never know – they could be feeling the same way about you.
This text message is another way to compliment their sexual skills. It’s also fun and flirty while keeping it light-hearted.
If you want to be casual and flirty yet show that you like the person for more than just sex, then this is a good text message to send. You’re telling them that you actually like them as a person too. [Read: How to make your hookup miss you – 26 pros, cons, and ways to hook them hard]
This is another flirty and fun text message. If you want to meet up again, this shows that you’re not afraid to ask for it.
It’s also daring and bold, and it will hopefully get you a positive response. [Read: The best dirty, sexy texting games to get naughty with one text]
You might not need actual words after the first time you have sex, depending on the relationship between the two of you. So, you can send a GIF or emoji that is naughty and conveys your sexual thoughts about them.
Okay, so you texted them, but you haven’t heard back from them. Does that mean you’re being ghosted? Well, maybe, but maybe not. It just depends on the situation.
The key is to wait it out. Don’t double text or text them again. Just wait until they contact you.
If it takes them a long time to get back to you – like more than a couple of hours – then that is not a good sign. And if they never text back, well, now you have your answer.
[Read: 21 reasons and what to do if you’re being ignored after sex]
While handling the after sex text may sometimes feel awkward, it’s crucial that you clarify things with your partner. If it turns out that your partner no longer shows interest after sleeping with you, just move on. There’s no sense in wallowing in misery over a single night of sex.
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