Do you remember the movie “He’s Just Not That into You” with Jennifer Aniston? Well, that movie is amazing first of all. Secondly, this movie was full of dating do’s and don’ts. If you want a step-by-step guide to dating, this movie is it, folks. I swear to you, they covered EVERYTHING. Yet, here I sit, writing this feature answering the question about how long should you wait before sex.
How long should you wait before sex?
We’ve been having sex for an awfully long time as a species, so what the heck, guys? Why haven’t we figured it out yet? Not to toot my own horn here, but I think I’ve mastered it. I’ve officially cracked the code to the age-old question: How long should you wait before sex? [Read: The potential consequences of having sex too soon]
#1 Short answer? However long you freaking feel like. I’m not your mom. I’m not going to tell you to remain pure and “make them work for it.” No, if you want to give it up on the first date, then do it. You don’t owe anybody an explanation for how you behave with your own body.
You’re a human being and you have needs. Sometimes those needs consist of your attractive bartender that you only just met. Like I said, I’m not your mom. If that’s your plan of attack, I’ll wait around to give you a hive five afterwards. You do you, man. That’s all I’ve got to say on the subject. [Read: How to pull off that one night stand]
#2 Long answer? Well, I guess the short answer got away on me a bit there. It wasn’t quite as short and calculated as it should have been, but I’m a writer not a mathematician. Basically, I want you to do whatever you feel comfortable doing.
From one stranger to another, you are a temple, you are a beautiful flower, and all of the other incredibly cheesy metaphors you’ve ever heard. You’re in total control of your body, and if you want to wait three months down the road to become intimate with your partner, then do that. If you feel comfortable letting it go on the first date, then do that.
At the end of the day, if you are comfortable with your decision, that is what matters. Nobody gets to decide what you do with your body. I know this is incredibly earth-shattering news to some folks, but it’s true. [Read: How many dates before sex? The complete guide to pull it off]
How to decide how long you should wait before sex
There are loads of factors that determine how long you should wait before sex, and they are different for everybody. You need to really tune into yourself and your feelings to understand when the right time is.
#1 Are you comfortable? This could mean something different for everybody. Maybe this means being comfortable with your partner, but maybe it just means being comfortable with yourself and your body.
Personally, I need to feel comfortable with my partner because, to me, intimacy means more than two bodies touching. I need an emotional connection with someone before I can have a physical connection with them, and many people feel the same. Perhaps this does not relate to you, and you don’t need a connection with your partner, but perhaps you need to be well-connected to yourself in the moment.
Whatever your connection, you need to assess your environment and determine if you are comfortable being intimate. If you aren’t comfortable, the experience will not be enjoyable. [Read: Emotional intimacy or sexual intimacy? The chicken or the egg conundrum]
#2 What are your long-term plans? If you are looking for a relationship with your sexual partner, waiting until you establish an emotional connection would be beneficial. Again, it is different for everybody and every body. *Yes, there is a difference*. If you want a short-term fling then non-committal sex is totally fine. It can work for you and your plans. Tune into yourself, and figure out what you really want.
#3 Long distance relationships. If you only see this person a couple times a month, it is going to drastically affect how long you wait before having sex. And this could honestly go one way or the other. If having an emotional connection is important to you, you may wait longer to become intimate with your partner. However, you may feel like having sex will create an emotional connection between you, and you may choose to do it sooner rather than later.
If an emotional connection is not important to you, then you may have sex early on in the relationship. Especially since you rarely see each other, it may become increasingly important to make use of the time that you do spend together. [Read: Steamy, sex tips to have Skype sex with your lover]
#4 Experience. I’m just going to come right out and say it: If you’ve never had sex before, you’re likely going to be a little hesitant to have sex with your partner. This is by no means a rule or anything, as I know many people that view sex as purely pleasure, and losing their virginity was like going to McDonalds for a burger.
Honestly though, for me it was a huge deal. I had waited until I was 19 because I wanted to share that with somebody who would remain in my life for a long time. I wanted it to be with somebody important, and it was.
It was my boyfriend’s first time too, and so we ended up waiting three months before we became fully intimate. If you are like us, and you want sex to be more than just physical pleasure then you may choose to wait longer than others. [Read: Should you follow the 90 day rule before having sex?]
#5 Living arrangements. If you have children, a roommate, or perhaps still live with your parents, this severely impacts how long you wait before having sex with your partner. Let’s just face facts, this can be a huge BLOCK in the sex department.
It’s hard to get in the mood when your baby is crying in the next room or your mom is watching Supernatural upstairs. [Read: What are the biggest sex buzzkills?]
#6 At the end of the day, it’s your body. While we could give you an extensive list of rules and guidelines to how long you should wait before sex, none of it really matters. Do what feels right for you, and forget the rest.
Seriously, life is way too short to live by some made up rules that are supposed to make somebody interested in you or make them stick around. If they stick around, great, if not, see yah later alligator *yes, always say goodbye like this, please*.
[Read: 15 ways to seduce and let someone know you want sex without words]
The only real answer to how long should you wait before sex is this: Whenever feels right.
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