Are you confused over your feelings towards a friend? Do you think you like a good friend in a manner that’s more than just friends? And most importantly, do you want to know how to ask a friend out without losing them forever, or your friendship with them?
So what do you do when you like a friend? Here’s a complete guide on dealing with the confusing dilemma of liking a friend.
What to do when you like a friend
Perhaps you’ve loved this friend since the very first time you set your eyes on them, or perhaps “true love” blossomed out of your long friendship.
Now do you tell your friend about your crush, or do you just hold it in your gut, while another person whisks them away from right under your nose?
But even if you have to blurt it out, how are you supposed to know if the feeling will be mutual?
Or would you just turn invisible in this person’s life all said and done?
You reminded yourself that you’re just a friend every day, but at night, you could never fall asleep without kissing your pillow with this person’s name on your mind, and a limp smile on your lips. How touching, isn’t it? It seems straight out of a page of an old romantic novel.
Understanding what you feel
Sometimes, your affection towards a friend could be obvious from the start. Many people actually try to become a friend with someone they like only because they’re attracted to them in the first place. So are you one of them?
If this is the case, you’re obviously not being a friend to lend a shoulder. You just like all the touching!
But either way, you have to understand that both of you have developed a friendship now. And your friend may never even have assumed that you like them. So this whole love thing could turn out to be a betrayal of friendship rather than a declaration of love.
Before you dive in head first, give your feelings a serious thought and ask yourself if you really need to turn your friendship into romance.
Do you really like your friend?
Think long and hard before you profess your undying love since last week or last year, to this friend of yours. Make sure it isn’t just a crush, or a fling thing that you’re looking for with your friend. [Read: How to text flirt with a friend]
Take a weekend or a few days and ask yourself if you like your friend. If you’re still not sure, it’s better you go clubbing and hook up with someone for a fling, rather than damage a good friendship. Sometimes, we end up assuming we’ve fallen in love with a friend just because of all the attention they’re getting from the opposite sex.
When this friend of yours speaks well with you and hangs out with you all the time, while spurning all the other prospective dating materials away, it’s easy to confuse this sexual attraction with with feelings of love and affection.
And you obviously like the attention. At times like these, it’s very easy to start looking at your friend more like an attractive member of the opposite sex than a good friend who likes your company. This is one of the biggest reasons why many people fall for a friend. [Read: How to have sex with a friend]
Are you ready to take the next step?
If you’re really sure that you’re madly in love with your friend, is your friend single? If your pal is already happy in a good relationship, it’s probably better to just drop the thought than to split a couple just to satisfy your needs. And you’ve got to realize that if you’re good enough to break the couple’s love, why isn’t this crush of yours with you already? [Read: How to get a girl with a boyfriend]
One fine day, you probably decide that it’s time to blurt out the truth, that you’re madly in love with your friend, and you can’t imagine living your life without them. You sum up all your courage, and with a big lump in your throat and a stutter almost perfectly replicated to that of Hugh Grant, you bumble away and profess your undying love.
Most of the men would have been in this situation and well, the answer was lurking in the shadows even before one could pop the question out! A big resounding NO! And a cold shoulder for the rest of eternity. Seriously now, what’s wrong in confessing the hidden love for a friend?
It isn’t very different when a girl confesses her love for a guy either. The guy would just stare at her with those dazed eyes, similar to the ones trapped in front of a speeding train, and when you’re done, he would wiggle his toes and blush, but there’s nothing more you could get as a reply? That’s it? Seriously, what the hell?!
When you start to like a friend, you have to be willing to suffer the consequences and the embarrassment. But it doesn’t really have to end in a negative way. Just be sure you know why you like a friend, and we’ll show you what you have to do.
How to ask a friend out
Figuring the exact way on how to ask a friend out can be tricky and confusing.
After all, the repercussions of asking a friend out can be quite unpredictable, and can change the relationship forever.
So how do you ask a friend out on a date? You may have had a crush on a friend for a long time, but unless you really know how to tell your friend that you like them, don’t tell them.
Instead, warm your friend up into love the right way, and before you know it, your friend might just fall in love with you!
In almost four cases out of five, when you ask a friend out, it is turned down. It’s not because you’re not attractive or fun to be with, it’s just that there was no reason for your friend to look at you as a potential date.
And when that happens, it can be very embarrassing and painful, and at the same time, your relationship with your friend can never stay the same.
It wasn’t like you asked someone out and then became friends with them.
In this case, you actually asked a friend out. And it’s a big difference.
So really, you’ve created a major flaw in this whole scenario. You never really did let your friend know you’ve got more than friends on your mind. Had you made that clear, perhaps, your friend would be able to give you a thought as a potential mate. [Read: How to talk to a guy and make him like you]
So what happens then?
There you are, lost in the buzzing of surprise, frustration and sadness spinning within your head. This doesn’t make any sense, does it? Both of you have always shared the best moments together, and have loved all the times you’ve shared with each other… Now what was the need for your friend to respond in this manner, you ask yourself.
You know what you remind me of?
You remind me of one of the hundred sky divers who jumped off the airplane, and you were the only one who’s never done this before! That’s not stupid enough? Well, consider this, you’ve forgotten to strap on your parachute! Freaky, don’t you think? Well, a sudden, unexpected proposal of love feels just as shocking.
There are a few better ways to let your crush know you like them. Ways that are a lot safer and have fewer odds against you. And something that won’t leave you broken hearted in the end.
Never use the stupidest and most common ploy, which is getting psychotically drunk, and either grabbing them and groping everywhere, or droning on about how much you love them, and since how long, and how you want to get married and have babies together. That will most likely make your friend run away screaming. Or you’ll find them back again, this time with a chainsaw! And all this even if they ever fancied you in the first place. You might call this an act of punch drunk love, but everyone else calls it the evidence for a restraining order!
Creating the perfect setting for love
If you want to let your friend know what’s on your mind, let them know, but do it in a very subtle manner. To begin with, flirt a bit. See if you get anything reciprocating back towards you. It’s hard to judge these things because we all know that flirting between friends can be cute at times. [Read: How to flirt by touching]
So look for those signs to see if they are genuinely flirting back with you. Accept it that there is no sure shot sign to know that your friend is getting infatuated by you unless they grab you near the corner and start cuddling you, but you could at least let them know that they are looking at a new side of you, something that they hopefully, will like.
Don’t ever behave like a doormat when this friend is around, and don’t throw yourself at their feet. Have fun when the both of you are together, and make sure you give your crush a lot of space. Let your friend miss you once in a while, let them know that being with you is fun and something that they enjoy. This is probably the best way to get your crush to like you.
Once you think the time is right and you feel that your friend has got enough of a hint to wonder if there’s something more than just friendship brewing between the both of you, get your moves right. Be brave, find the perfect time, and a quiet moment, and ask them if they want to go out with you sometime. Yes, as more-than-just-friends. Let your friend know that there’s no pressure, and if they don’t want to, it’s alright and you’d be happy to remain good friends. Be prepared for a knock back, and hope for the best. [Quiz: Going from friend to lover]
If it doesn’t work out…
You’ve tried your best, you’ve got your message across and there’s nothing more you can do. But be nice, however disappointed you feel. You may have built things up in your head, but it’s not your fault that your friend didn’t see things the way you wanted them to see it. Make it a point to keep in touch, but don’t trail along like you’ve got no one else or nothing better to do. And stop whining about the great love that never was.
Scrap it down as an experience. Make sure your life doesn’t revolve around this friend, however hard it might seem. This would only make things harder for you as well for your friend. Have fun with other people and try finding someone who fancies you just as much as you fancy them.
If your friend accepts…
Lucky you! Told ya it’ll work! Good for you!
[Read: Going from friend to lover – The complete guide]
So now that you know how to ask a friend out, keep these pointers in mind and always remember to play it cautious. Send out a few signals and try to find out what your friend thinks of you before you pop the question.
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