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Guy Best Friends Are Nothing but Trouble

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A guy best friend may seem like perfect company for every girl, but are they worth the effort? Find out why guy best friends are nothing but trouble. By Chester Bloom

guy best friends

Most girls have always wanted a guy best friend.

Having a man who isn’t really your man as your arm candy is fashionable and safe.

Every girl wants one and can’t wait to have one.

Guy best friends may help you understand the world of men better, and may even help you devise the perfect way to snag a smoldering hunk for yourself.

Everything may seem just perfect with a male BFF in your arm, but is it really as simple as it seems or are you just wearing those murky rose tinted glasses again?

Guy best friends and your life

First off, men aren’t built to blend in with women and gossip about last year’s fashion and fancy detox diets. They’re out there in the world to sow their wild oats.

So even if you do find yourself in the company of a great guy who seems to have nothing but squeaky clean intentions in mind, be wary.

It may all have started with a great conversation where both of you suddenly realize that you have a lot in common with each other.

You feel great around him and he seems to like you too. And the funny thing is that neither of you feel anything tingling around the loins. It’s all warm and fuzzy in an extremely platonic way.

It’s not time to celebrate though. You may have found yourself a guy best friend, but in all probability, you could have just found a guy who’s either too timid or confused with his intentions. No guy likes to be in the friend zone with an attractive girl unless he’s swinging the other way.

But nevertheless, even if you did find a straight guy who hasn’t shown any interest in you sexually, there are a few things you need to remember.

Men can’t cuddle without an erection

Girls love a bit of body contact with their friends all the time. Men don’t. You may love to hold your guy best friend’s hands or cuddle in now and then while watching a movie on the couch. Each time a guy does that with any girl, especially if hands are in close proximity to any of your girly parts or his boy parts, it’s hard not to have an erection. Can you handle that? Would you really be comfortable knowing that you’re arousing a best friend each time you get comfy with him?

Love gets into the picture

Love may not blossom on the very first conversation both of you share. But with all the late night conversations and touchy feely time together, love is bound to enter the picture one way or the other.

You may end up falling in love with him, or he may end up falling in love with you. Now it’s not necessary for either of you to reveal any secret attractions to the other person, but when love enters a friendship, could there ever be an easy transition into love unless it’s mutual? [Read: How to date a friend]

If love doesn’t, sex does

If either of you don’t end up falling in love with each other, sex enters the equation. Have you ever caught your guy best friend staring at your cleavage or running his hands way longer than necessary after a hug? He may seem like great company to hang out with while getting drunk on a Saturday night, but if you wake up with his hands inside your bra, odds are it wasn’t placed there by accident!

It’s natural for two people of the opposite sex to get attracted to each other. Sexual attraction is easy to understand, but best friends of the opposite sex, well, that’s the confusing part. [Read: How to have sex with a friend]

New troubles with a new boyfriend

Let me assure you, your new boyfriend will hate your guy best friend right from the start. He may never understand the relationship you and your BFF share. Face it, you don’t understand it yourself. You just think you do.

You may try to convince your new boyfriend that your BFF is not sexually interested in you at all, but there’s no way your new man will ever be convinced of that. And the sneaky part here, your guy best friend may actually start liking the attention he’s getting out of the complication. Your friend’s urge to feel better about himself may even convince him to create scenarios to mess your relationship further, if only to make himself appear like the better man. It’s inevitable, every guy likes to be known as the best man material.

A straight guy isn’t interested in you?

Now you may want your best friend to be just that, but somewhere deep within, you’d know the force of nature. Boys like girls. And they’re supposed to.

So when a man who’s your best friend gets attracted to several other women, some of whom don’t look half as good as you, it’ll always make you wonder why he doesn’t like you in the first place.

You may have wanted a best friend to begin with, but as the relationship grows and he finds himself getting attention from many other women, you’ll start desiring him a lot more, and yes, in ways that are more intense than just friends.

And when you find that he doesn’t show the slightest interest in you, it’ll hit you on your face like an insult. And whether you like it or not, there’s a big chance that it’ll also damage your self esteem and confidence in attracting the opposite sex, especially if he’s a sexy guy who’s obviously straight.

You’ll drive away a lot of guys

No guy likes dating a girl who’s got a guy best friend. A few guys have been there and got burnt. All other guys have heard the story. No guy can ever have a happy and insecurity-free relationship with a girl who has a guy best friend. Confusions, jealousies and hidden feelings always crop up and complicate the relationship. [Read: How to make a jealous boyfriend not-so-jealous]

And what’s worse, some guys may just assume you’re already in a relationship with this guy and avoid even bothering to hit on you. After all, the more single a girl appears to be, the more desirous she becomes in the eyes of all men around her.

Guy best friends are just a complication

A guy best friend may seem like fun to begin with, but the relationship never stays the way you wish it could at the beginning. With so many odds to work with, you may end up falling in love with each other, complicating and worsening relationships with other lovers, or just end up experiencing a painful case of unrequited love. There are many other things that can happen too, and not too many of them are happy endings.

[Read: What is unrequited love?]

So before you grab a guy’s hand and exchange BFF string bracelets, think twice. Do you really want to mess with evolution’s master plan of bringing a man and a woman closer only for sex?

I don’t think so. [Read: Get a guy to kiss you when you want him to!]

Guy best friends could seem like a fancy fashion statement. But at the price they come with, it’s a lot easier to just date them and get them out of your way to happiness.


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  • Katie
    November 10, 2011 | Permalink |

    I do have a guy best friend since many years. We grew up together and we’ve always been close to each other. I even chat with him every evening. I know there’s nothing going on between us. He does say I’m attractive and I think he’s pretty good looking too. But there’s no sexual chemistry between us.

    But while I’ve never had a problem with him, my last three boyfriends always have. Even if my boyfriends have liked him at first, they somehow start finding faults in him or think he’s hitting on me. It’s led to a lot of fights in my love life. I just need a guy who can understand that it’s alright for a girl to have a guy best friend. Do men really have to be so insecure about it really?

    About guy best friends being trouble, I think they’re more trouble for a girl’s boyfriend that the girl herself.

  • Kaila
    December 6, 2011 | Permalink |

    But what if my guy BFF is gay?

  • Mike
    January 14, 2012 | Permalink |

    @ Kaitie. If your guy friend was really just a friend and never wanted to one up your men, then he would understand if you two needed distance and would make an effort to make your guy feel at ease (even if he loses you). Face it: you guy friend doesn’t want a relationship with you, but will always compare himself with the men in your life. Do you really think it is fair for you SO to have to constantly deal with the competition?

    Women do not understand how a man’s brain works and that’s why men are always skeptical and threatened by other men around their women. Men are visual and territorial beings. Even when they are confident in themselves, the fact that women try to choose their male friends over their boyfriends instantly cuts a man down. She basically just said: My guy friend is more important to me and always will be, so take second place buddy! Yeah, like I’m going to want that.

    So they woman may just be friends with the guy, but the real question is: is it worth relationships being lost in order to have this man in your life? Then if he is so important to you, why don’t you date him?

  • Heather
    February 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    I can’t even believe this article got written. I’ve had guy best friends(yes, multiple) my entire life, and it has never been a problem. My best friend and boyfriends always seem to develop an understanding that if I am out with my guy BFF, I’m safe. He is important to me, but we have no sexual chemistry and he does date girls, some of them not as pretty as me, and that’s cool. I mean, I have no interest in dating him, so why would I care what he does? I just want him to be happy. He’s like a brother to me. And ew, who are these people who snuggle with their guy friends? That’s crossing the line, of course it is inappropriate!

    This culture perpetuates the myth that men and women cannot have platonic relationships as a self-serving justification for their inability to show discretion in their sexual and romantic choices. It is not constructive or helpful to anyone.

    You’ve just given a jealous boyfriend all the ammunition he needs to demand that his girlfriend cut ties to the most important person in her social support system. You are being sexist toward men, as well, by suggesting that they cannot control themselves. This is unacceptable.

    Also, how can we be “messing with evolution’s master plan?” If there are more and more people engaging in these platonic opposite-sex friendships, it sounds like the world is evolving and YOU are the one trying to mess with it.

  • George
    February 15, 2012 | Permalink |

    @heather, well, you seem to have put your best friend on a pedestal here. Look, maybe your best friend is an exception to the rule.

    Attraction between the sexes is pretty simple. At first sight, men want their woman to look good, and women want a man who can appreciate her. If you’re attractive, there’s no way a man’s mind can ever just look at you and say “well, here’s a good friend in the making!” He’s obviously going to hit on you unless he thinks he has no chance with you.

    Maybe friendship can bloom over time because both of you aren’t sexually attracted to each other. But no guy, and I mean no guy, can ever look at a sexy girl and only wish to be a friend. It just doesn’t make sense.

    And secondly, men don’t care about friends, at least the women kind. They have enough male friends already. Men are not social creatures, they bond with men and mate with women. It’s the way the system works. Women like having long conversations where they talk about feelings. Why would any guy want to have a friend who just talks all day long unless he thinks you’re sexually attractive?

    Let me make this straight, guys and girls can be friends, true. But give your best friend a peek of your boobs and trust me,. he WILL get an erection. If that’s not sexual attraction, what the hell is?!

  • Krista
    April 20, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’ve had guy best friends in my life, and I always felt that the relationship was platonic, and that there would be no way that my friends were interested in me. But any guy I dated was uncomfortable with it, and eventually I realize that if they are ALL uncomfortable with it, there must be a reason.

    I can’t help but notice that whenever this topic comes up, it’s always women with a man BFF who will say that it is just platonic, and defend the guy BFF relationship. I’ve never in all my years seen a (straight) man say that he has a great girl for a BFF, they are just platonic, and he has no sexual interest in her. Ever. There must be a reason for this. And looking back, while I certainly may have felt that my relationships with any man BFF I’ve had were platonic, can I really say with certainty that they felt the same way? At the time I would say yes, but now I’m not so sure. Think about it. I think any woman with a man bff is being incredibly naive.

  • Alice
    April 21, 2012 | Permalink |

    My male best friend and I, a while back, had feelings for each other. Because he thought I wasn’t interested, though I was, he asked out one of my best friends that was flirting with him.

    We’re at the point where it’s as if we’re almost a couple, but we are absolutely not. We are both interested in other people, and he is probably my closest friend in the whole world. He isn’t attracted to me at all, and although I think he’s attractive in his own way, I’m not attracted to him. I’ve heard him say, and he is straight, to other people, that I’m a really great platonic friend of his.

    That being said, if we were both single, it wouldn’t surprise me if something did happen, but as he and I are both straight and in such a great, close, platonic relationship, I sincerely doubt that having a guy best friend is trouble. It isn’t, not when done right. People are people; gender doesn’t really make that big of a difference if a friendship is a mature, well-founded one.

  • Natty
    June 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    THE TRUTH HAS BEEN PREACHED. THANK YOU

    This article speaks the truth!. Every single guy i’ve ever been ‘mates’ with has tried it at some point. It is VERY annoying though because there aren’t as many girls that I know who are into music like me, there are some but not as many as guys. I have to keep these relationships strictly about our shared interest and not start sharing my ‘feelings’ etc…because they start thinking I like them.

  • Tia
    June 15, 2012 | Permalink |

    This is true and I agree totally. I too have a good guy friend, but it came up to a point where we started sharing sexual chemistry and get touchy feely and I ended up falling for him.Then surprise he says he can’t ever go for a relationship because we are not compatible, but still he flirts with me, outings and even verbal flirting. He even admitted once that he sexually get aroused when he talks with me, but my question was Hey I’m your good friend how come? but his answer was you are my friend, but you are a GIRL. So I completely agree with this article, we as women don’t realize it but men has no limits in going for their own sexual fantasies, it is on our hands as girls to keep ourselves limited, if we really found them interested in that way. I think the best way to remember your limits always when you’re with him and distant yourself, then the friendship will remain while you will not be constrained by finding a boy friend or man of your life.

  • Cam
    June 26, 2012 | Permalink |

    Hi, I’m a straight female teenager. My best friend is a straight male teenager.

    We are not in love. There has never been anything “sexual” between us, nor do I doubt there ever will be. We flirt, sure, but it’s lighthearted and in the end we both know that we mean nothing from it. Admittedly, there was a point in time where I had a bit of a crush on him, but it faded soon enough and believe it or not, it actually brought us a lot closer. I think and have told him that he’s attractive, and he has told me plenty of times that I’m “pretty” or that I look nice, but I’m not attracted to him in that sort of way, and I know he isn’t either. I actually find it weird to see him without a shirt, or wearing something that makes him look attractive. It’s not something I’m used to; I’m used to liking him for HIM.
    Our friendship is as close as any two girls or two guys could have. Our relationship is purely platonic, and I believe we’re both fine with that. He’s like the brother I never had.

    All in all, I don’t find this article to be completely false. All of the scenarios are definitely options and events that could happen within a platonic relationship between a guy and a girl, but this does not mean everyone will have the same problems. Honestly, if you do it right, you won’t. Me and my best friend are perfectly fine, thank you very much.

  • PJ
    July 7, 2012 | Permalink |

    What a perverted, sexist, homophobic, ignorant article. Enough said.

  • Mariah
    October 4, 2012 | Permalink |

    Everything said is sooooo true and put in a fresh upbeat way. I would know because I’m guilty. I have a guy best friend. And I over time fell for him but he doesnt like me back. What’s wrong with me? :,/

  • Jenna
    October 7, 2012 | Permalink |

    This article is spot on. I’ve had a close guy friend for 7 years now, and have started falling deeply in love with him. The first couple of years I actually thought he was gay, because he is very good looking and would only mention he had a ‘relationship’ and not a girlfriend.

    A few years ago, he finally started mentioning her my name, yet they have never lived together, but are boyfriend and girlfriend, and I know now that she is not happy about our friendship. Further my boyfriends have never liked him either.

    Fast forward to the present where I have had to move 2000 miles away for my job. Now when he says he misses me –it is with more urgency. He now sends me expensive bottles of wine and mentions wanting to share them with me in a tub with wine and candles…..

    I’ve fallen hard man….I wish now I had never met him or trusted our friendship all these years.

    The truth is that I think an affair would be easy, but I gave him my heart (as a trusted friend) years ago, and losing his friendship will be as devastating as anything I’ve ever experienced.

    He knows everything about me and has always been the only one to listen without judgment and is always patient and kind.

    Now that we have both crossed the line to romance in our conversations, the friendship is already notably strained. No longer are either of us comfortable on the phone. We both act very nervous and choose our words carefully.

    Warning to all women! Don’t do it unless he is gay!!!!

    This is something I feel I will never get over ….and unless we ended up actually together as a couple…there will be no easy road…whether we stay friends or not…

  • Les
    October 14, 2012 | Permalink |

    Guys and girls cant be friends. Unless one or the other is really ugly. That kills any chance for sexual attraction. Then it will work. If one or both is good looking then it wont work. Because one will eventually fall for the other. When they talk to each other and share details about their lives. One or both will start to think that their friend is actually a suitable love partner. Then sex gets in the way. If both think so then it might be a happy ending. If only one thinks so it will be misery for that person. The friendship will end as a result.

  • Hanna
    October 24, 2012 | Permalink |

    Come on! This is just embarrassing for everyone… 4 of my absolutely best friends is guys, and they are like brothers to me. We have discussed this with eachother, and we all feel the same. I known them since we were 6 years old, and we are now 27. Non of my ex-boyfriends has had any problems with tem, they just take me for who I am and accept that I like guys better as friends than girls. If the boyfriend can’t I reject him, cus I would accept if his best friend was a girl. Come on grow up people, some persons really need a lesson in biology I hear

  • Lily
    October 30, 2012 | Permalink |

    This article is seriously true. And more so if the girl is attractive. I’ve had a lot of guy friends, and somehow or the other, I find out at some point that they’ve had a crush on me. One guy who was my best friend for several years even took advantage of me when I was drunk and alone in his place by trying to make out with me. I barely managed to push him away and call another girl friend to pick me up.

    @Hanna, It’s true, if you know a guy from childhood, things may be different. And I must say this, some persons don’t need a lesson in biology, they need a lesson is human psychology. ;)

    Studies have shown that if a guy and a girl are friends from when they were very young, they don’t get sexually attracted when they grow up because the relationship is imprinted in their brain. That’s why siblings who spend a lot of time together during their infantile years don’t get sexually attracted to each other (I know, sounds gross). But on the other hands, siblings who never lived together during their formative years may at times end up getting sexually attracted to each other if they meet during adulthood.

    The article is true, and I’ve experienced it first hand and have even researched it because I just couldn’t understand why none of my guy friends could ever just stay friends!

  • tony
    October 30, 2012 | Permalink |

    i think women and men can be freinds with boundaries.i also think that if a women or man has a certain bond or connection with the opposite sex while their having a serious relationship it will eventually cause problems .People need to ask themselves sometings that are in relationships and have best freinds of the opposite sex..is their certain aspects of that freindship hidden from your significant other?? If so would your significant other be comfortable if He or She knew about them? It kills me how some women say that some men are insecure or jealous when if the shoe was on the other foot they would feel the sameway. Personally it would kill my feelings eventually for the women and i would have to move on and let them enjoy their “Freindship” .Lke Mike said i would feel like im being cut down especially if certain boundaries are being crossed and there is a certain Bond betweem them

  • Mickey
    November 5, 2012 | Permalink |

    @Ellen, your comment is just uncalled for. The whole page is about male and female friendship. So when the author says that a man can’t cuddle, it’s with respect to this aspect of a man’s side.

    More specifically, this is what the author says “Each time a guy does that with any girl, especially if hands are in close proximity to any of your girly parts or his boy parts, it’s hard not to have an erection.”

    So how can you even compare the above statement to getting an erection while cuddling kids or family members. The way your mind works disgusts me!!

    You say you’re not physical with your male friends, which means you’re intentionally trying to keep some distance, so how does that make any of those guys your best friend? Best friends are people who feel comfortable cuddling under a blanket while watching a movie, or they’re two people who can just hug for a long time without realizing they’ve got sexual body parts pressed against each other. There’s no sexual awkwardness between best friends because they’re so comfortable around each other.

    Probably, in your case, you’re talking about a guy friend, not a guy best friend.

    I’m a guy and I can completely assure you, hands down, (you can ask any other male in the world), if a guy thinks you look good, there’s no way he can ever just stay friends with you. If you have had close male friends in your lifetime, and none of them were attracted to you at any point in time, well, they probably didn’t find you attractive enough. Sorry to sound rude, can’t help it if it’s probably true.

    THIS SHOULD JUSTIFY IT…

    The most important aspect I notice here, it seems like the people who are disagreeing with this article are women. And every guy has said that he can’t be friends with an attractive girl!!!That makes the fact clear, doesn’t it?

    The girls who are being naive here can assume their best guy friend will never want to get sexual. But if you are truly attractive, your best guy friend is probably beating himself off now and then thinking and fantasizing about you sexually! ;-)

  • Claussy
    November 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    Ok, I have to agree with SOME things written in this article, but in general I don’t think it could be taken as a general rule. Although I am only speaking from my own, personal experience.

    I’ve had a guy best friend since I was in Elementary School… we are very close and we have been through a lot of things together. He got married, then divorced (and he was only 22 yrs old!) and I have been always by his side.

    Important note: He has NEVER tried anything else with me and neither have I… We care for each other, and we love each other in a fraternal way.

    It’s because he says I’m like his best friend/brother but with the girly sixth-sense (LOL!)
    We play xbox, go to some concerts, watch action movies, play rock songs at his garage, drink beer together… but we also talk about our feelings and our current relationships every time.

    We give each other advice every once in a while and neither his girlfriend or my boyfriend are jealous of each other.

    So, come on! It IS possible to be BFF with a person from the opposite gender, you just have to be INTELLIGENT and know how to handle things. But mainly, you need to be 100% HONEST with each other from the start.

    XOXO

  • Jahaira
    November 10, 2012 | Permalink |

    Okay Ive heard opinions and I have a full understanding of most of your prespectives.
    I believe that when a person has a best friend thats the opposite sex before dating a partner isnt a problem. Thats where your partner has to accept that they came first.If your partner starts to feel a way on why you talk so much with your Bff and do stuff with them that you cant do with your partner then you’re a creating a scenario in their head making them jealous.My thing is if you are dating the person first and then you meet someone and becomes your bestfriend then something is wrong. Having good friends thats the opposites sex its no biggie. Best friend is more of a closer connection.

  • roxanne
    November 12, 2012 | Permalink |

    I had a guy best friend and yes, they are nothing but trouble. Although sex, love or attraction didn’t enter into things, he did end up treating me like a baby sister and being seriously overprotective which got on my nerves, and then when he started dating and was an arse to these poor other women, i started to see a change in him i really didn’t like. Men will screw anyone over to get laid, and just because your ‘his best friend’ he’ll either try and boink you, or try and get you to help him boink your other girlfriends. We don’t even speak now because he was such a douche to the women he dated.

  • Derek
    November 12, 2012 | Permalink |

    Guy best friends are the worst idea ever because it’s not a two way street. If your boyfriend had a smoking hot friend named Alexis, you would surely experience jealousy as well. You’re screwing with nature having a best friend of the opposite sex. The ONLY way it works is if the guy is gay, has someone hotter than you already, or he’s not attracted to you at all. Those are the *only* three scenarios where it works, and even then you’re screwing with nature. Here is why. If a guy does not fall into one of those three categories, he wants to have sex with you, no questions asked. Stop fooling yourself if you think otherwise. You don’t understand men.

  • Kathleen
    November 18, 2012 | Permalink |

    I have 3 very close guy friends and i completely disagree with this article! The only time theyve ever been a “problem” was when i was dating a very insecure guy. They are my best friends and i dont know what id do without them. Not all girls want to gossip and talk aboit detox diets…how superficial! Guy best friends are only an issue when the friendship isnt mutual…if they want in your pants of course its an issue, but thats not the case with me and my guys.im attractive, they are too, theres no sexual tension in the mix at all.

  • yada
    November 20, 2012 | Permalink |

    I agree with a number of points made in this post, but from personal experience this post is questionable. Society has this ingrained perception that when males are associated with females there MUST be some form of romantic attraction. This is ridiculously atrocious. It’s bias to say that all girls like shopping and cooking all day .. because clearly there are females that feel these tasks fuel little of personal interest. I consider my male best friend as a brother to me.

  • Laura
    November 23, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’ve had a male best friend for nearly 14-15 years of my life. (I’m 21 now) There has never been an attraction between either of us and there has never been situations where anything sexual has ever happened. Perhaps its because we grew up together and dating him would be like dating a brother. Just… Wrong. But having a male friend is great. When I’m in troubled situations he’s always the first I go to. He never tries to sugar coat the problem and makes me work to find a solution. He also lets me see things from a male point of view which I think gives me a rich look at relationships or other scenarios where my girlfriends can’t help me out. And for the record … Being comfortable with a BFF (male or female) has NOTHING to do with cuddling under a blanket watching a movie or hugging. Being comfortable should be trusting each other with our problems, respecting differences and knowing that person won’t judge us for who we are but accept us just as we are. No blankets necessary.
    On a negative side… Boys I’ve dated have had issues. But once they realize he’s like a brother they are usually fine with it.
    To think that males and female cant be just friends makes us sound like animals. As if we’re slaves to our sex drive. I believe that as an evolved creature we can be civilized and self aware to realize that we can be better than just male+female= must have sex/must be sexually attracted. Glad to see there are male/female relationships out there based on nothing more than solid friendship, beers at the pub and comradery. Perhaps there is hope for our species after all.

  • Kirito
    December 2, 2012 | Permalink |

    I have a best girl friend and everything was okay all jolly and happy. Her boyfriends have always hated me. We had feelings for each other but promised that we will never take that path to ensure we don’t lose each other. She has fought for me so many times with her boy friends. I have made the sacrifice to be friends with her instead of lovers but the person will never know how much it truly hurts to see the person you love be with someone else. She still expects me to be her friend but i have had enough. Guy and Girls sure can be best friends but its really naive if one think you can be best friends for life cause eventually someday sooner or later either of you is going to start feeling the other way and then there is no coming back.

  • December 3, 2012 | Permalink |

    I think a lot of this is bull, well for me it is. This might be true for some people, but I have never intended to do sexual stuff with my guy best friend, and I have never cuddled with my guy best friend either – that is something I will only do with the person I love.

    I have never ever had romantic feelings for my guy bestfriend, the only sad part is that he had for me once, but it was solved, and now he has a girlfiend he really likes. We are like brother and sister, and no romantic feelings will grow. The only true part in your article is that the boyfriend.. Will be really jealous, no matter what.. That’s my case here.. And I just can’t convince him that I will never have romantic feelings for my guy best friend.. It’s sad. I wish those two could get along. Well ofcourse I would be jealouse too if he had a girl best friend.. But that’s because he isn’t my boyfriend.. Even though I really want to be his girlfriend :( and we do seem like we are dating.. Oh well it’s complicated.. The problem is that he is too jealous, and I really can’t do anything to stop him from being jealous, other than boycut my friendship with my guy best friend.. But i’m not like that..

  • jane
    December 7, 2012 | Permalink |

    You know, I’ve read all your comments some i agree with and some i’m not so sure about. I would like to share my thoughts on having ‘guy best friend’. I have just had my heart broken from someone who i considered to be my ‘good/best friend’. We have known each all our lives but lived quite a distance from each other so only saw each other during family get togetheres etc… During our adult life we lost touch for about 15 years. Over the the last 4/5 years we cuaght up but only in passing. However, in the past 12/15 months we strated chatting online (we’re both married have kids etc… he’s marriage was on the rocks). Although we both knew nothing can ever happen, we were both aware that there was a strong spark,a connection between us. I know that providing ‘a listening ear’ was not going to achieve anything but we were really enjoying each others company.we talked about anything and everything. He never made direct references to me and neither did i to him but we both knew how to read between the lines. Over the months we confided in each other. And the more we talked the more I wanted to be near him. I felt like a teenager again.
    However, just in the the last few weeks i noticed a change in him. He was becoming more and more distant and i was getting more and more desperate to hang on to him. He eventually told me he had another woman outside his marriage that he has known and been in a relationship for many years whom he had a break from and now has started to see again. This obviously has completely crushed me and has left me wondering why he never mentioned this to me over the past year? I don’t know if it is true…i just keep asking myself why he would keep such a thing from me? It wasn’t like we were in a physical relationship that we had a hold over each other? Or was this whole ‘friendship’ thing just a big joke to him…to boost his ego further? Or did he just pull away because we had no future together? And i also wonder if he had feelings for me?
    To sum up, i guess from my own personal experience, you can never be ‘best friend’ with the opposite sex because attraction gets in the way…
    Although we decided to remain amicable to each other since both our families are socially connected…I miss his company dearly….

  • James
    December 8, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’ll admit, I tend to like girls that I’ve become close friends with. However, with my three best female friends, that hasn’t seemed to ruin our friendships. Maybe it’s because I’m willing to accept the situation as it is when I decide that it’s not going to happen and work on eliminating any extra feelings I have for her. Or maybe it’s because I make it clear that our friendship is truly important to me and that I’m not going to terminate it because of any extra feelings that I have. Either way, I haven’t had a problem with maintaining any of these friendships.

    And how does having sexual attraction for someone instantly lead to fondling them when drunk? I’ve done quite a bit of drinking with one of my best female friends and we’ve never engaged in a sexual activity when drunk. And that’s because of me, not her, mind you. I can remember at least twice that she was pretty straightforward about wanting to have sex during the period that I liked her, twice beforehand, and once afterwards. But I turned her down (even when I was just flat out hammered and in the mood) because I’d never take advantage of her like that. In fact, there was one time that after a few drinks, I was giving her a back massage and afterwards she said that I was the one guy she knew that wouldn’t try to turn it into sex, even if we were drinking. So, all in all, sexual attraction does not mean that anything is actually going to happen.

    As for boyfriend problems, I can see where that might enter in the mix. I’ve seen it both ways, where they’ve had no problems with me and where they haven’t enjoyed that I’m one of their girlfriend’s top friends (I’m in the top two with all of my female friends). I’ve had it where I’ve hung out with their boyfriends on my own volition because I’ve enjoyed their company, just invited them over when my female friend was coming because I was more of friendly acquaintances with their boyfriend, and where I’ve only invited them over because it’s courteous (and where I don’t like them). Essentially, I try to remain polite (as I would with any of my guy friends’ girlfriends) even if I don’t like them. However, if my friend asks me what i think of their boyfriend, I’ll tell them the truth, be it nice or not. And being honest has never hurt my friendship with any of them, and I’ve told all three of them negative things about a boyfriend of theirs at one point or another (I recall saying one was an ass, one a douche, and another a piece of shit). On a side note, two of the three best female friends of mine have stood up for me at some point with a boyfriend of theirs and essentially said that, as their best friend, our friendship is going to come before their relationship (and none of those relationships that they’re had to say that have worked out, whereas my longest friendship with one of these friends is on the seven year mark).

    All in all, I believe that if you are committed to making the friendship work, it will. But if either of you two aren’t, then it will most likely lead to problems. My general philosophy towards opposite sex best friends has been 1) friendship comes first, 2) treat them in the same manner I would a guy friend of equal standing, 3) if I end up liking them and nothing’s going to come of it, just move on, 4) never do anything when drunk that wouldn’t happen when sober, and 5) just be honest, as I would with any other friendship. And, with this philosophy, I’ve never lost a best female friend of mine.

  • Hmmm
    December 10, 2012 | Permalink |

    This is one of the articles on a topic that I’ve been struggling with that has more recent comments…thank GOD! I have had male best friends both gay and straight and I say that it can work if you just stay in your lane(s). One of the guys (admittedly was a douche to women), so it was fairly easy to stay out of the attraction zone, even though he was cute as a frickin button. All I had to do was imagine myself as one of the many women he toyed with and instantly, I knew that I didn’t even want him anywhere NEAR my private parts. Another one was gay and had some sort of weird attraction to me (this happens alot with gay guys though lol). We shopped and even planned a wedding together and then he moved out of town before that situation could get any weirder.

    Anywho, fast forward, I have a HUGE problem on my hands that will hopefully be all straightened out soon and that is, I decided that it would be a good (honestly bad) idea to have an affair with a male friend. Now mind you, this was a close circle of friends and not a 1:1 close friendship. His brother and my bestie seemed to pull it off effortlessly and though they still have an attraction between them, have managed to go on to have real feelings for other people AND remain platonic/flirtatious friends. Ummmm…it didn’t quite work out that way for us. LMBO!!!

    He was single and I was single and we hooked up and developed “feelings” for eachother. He thought if we stopped hooking up, the feelings would go away and I thought so too. Well, he kinda lost his s*** trying to control his emotions, which made me lose my s***, because I felt like I was dealing with a crazy person. He tried being with someone during all of this and she hate me, because all he talked about was me, me, me. He admitted it to me. He calls me “his best female friend”. I called him “a whatever this is” for a long time, because I really didn’t understand what was going on. Not together, but always together. Not a couple, but dang if it we don’t act like it…and I mean down to doing things like, “OMG, you need me? Let me move around my entire life to accommodate you, because I just love you soooooo much.” Not just one, but BOTH of us. Yes, the love sentiments are there and all. The ONLY thing missing is that we don’t go out on dates or have sex or kiss on a regular basis. It’s now to the point that we have both stopped seeing other people. Now we both use “working too much and trying to focus on being a better peson” as an excuse not to have a relationship with other people, but we still manage to find time for eachother. Regular phone calls, texts, arguments, visits, etc…the whole nine yards…well, except for sex and other physical coupl-ish stuff. I finally flat out asked a month ago if he’d ever thought about us being a couple, because I wanted to know what the heck was going on. He said “NO”…emphatically, “No!”, but get this…he can’t keep his hands off of me, he stalks my Facebook page, leaving me voicemails about my status, brings me whatever in the world I ask for, and doesn’t dare mention another female around me. I even hinted that he had strong feelings for a co-worker. Out of blue, two weeks later, he says to me, “I passed right by her and didn’t even speak.” Admittedly, she’s a pain in the neck and I’m not just saying that, because she likes him. I’m saying that, because she really IS a pain in the neck and kinda ignorant. He’s always had some kind of relationship with her, though, because he likes “broken women”. He’s admitted that to me…I’m his bestie remember? I know these things. lol However, I am not broken and nor will I lay aside all of the inner work that I’ve done throughout the years of brokeness (before I ever knew him).

    To top everything else off, it’s a May-December situation. I am more than 10 years older than him. Thank GOD! Because life experience is paying off big time in that I’m not possessive or insecure where he is concerned. If another woman is better for him, that would be a wonderful blessing. If not, then let the church say, ‘Amen’. I refuse to stoop to manipulation tactics, like wearing sexy clothing around him. Sometimes, I don’t even comb my hair. These seem to be the days though when he’s most attracted to me. LMBO!!! He found me on the couch bumming this weekend, from working long hours at work and stopped in briefly to drop something off…that young son of a angel bit my neck. OUCH!

    So this is my solution, for any woman who has a similar issue. He can’t commit, but he won’t stay out of your space? Don’t ignore your feelings, don’t play games, don’t treat him like he’s a leper, but just live and enjoy your life to the fullest. I live for me and the thrill of life, making time for him due to our friendship and nothing else. When he’s touchy feely (c’mon now…he’s young!), I don’t respond. However, when he makes demands on my time, like getting upset, because I’m not answering the phone, but then doesn’t call when he says he’s going to…I read him the riot act. That way, IF and I do mean huge IF he ever comes around and decides that we should have a relationship, at least he’ll know what I expect. LMBO!!!!

    While he’s your friend who’s acting like he wants more, but says that he doesn’t, demonstrate your expectations of him as a parter…as if he’s a potential, but live your life. That way, if you guys DO get together, he’ll be good to you both as a friend and as a partner. If it never does come together, you’ll have a friend for life who can tell your boyfriend/husband how to get his act together. This one though, he IS a keeper. He’s not a playboy. He’s not selfish. He’s not arrogant. I say that if ANY guy is any of those things (especially to the extreme) you shouldn’t consider him as a potential partner anyways…unless you feel that’s what you deserve.

    THAT’S how I’m handling the situation. Oh and by the way…if he’s doing little flirtatious things and making your heart flutter…it’s fair game for you to do the same. I just wrote mine a 4 page love letter…what’s good for a guy in the situation is fair game for the female. After I mail it and he reads it, I’m going to act like it neve happened. Lol ha ha ha ha ha

    FYI-the VERY interesting thing in my story is that while I have had an ex lover pop up one day just as the male bestie was leaving my house (he asked if I planned that on purpose lol), I’ve sat through a love interest saga of his, but haven’t honestly had one of my own. Everyone around is waiting on pins and needles to see what happens when I DO meet someone else I’m genuinely interested in. Ever since my male bestie has been acting kinda territorial, I haven’t met ANYONE! We don’t even go out together and I STILL can’t seem to meet anyone. This was NOT the case before he entered the picture in THIS way. That’s primarily what’s confusing to me.

  • Lucas
    December 20, 2012 | Permalink |

    What if your gf best friend is her ex and they’ve been friends for more than 10 years.
    Mind you they were just dating earlier this year.
    And the douche still calls her babe….

  • December 22, 2012 | Permalink |

    This is so stereotypical, sexist,and just dumb.just because it happens to some people doesn’t mean it happens to everyone and some of the stuff mention meybe true for sometimes but if ur nf can’t understand who ur freinds are forget them .why not become freinds ..smh dumb

  • Adrienne
    January 1, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have almost always had more guy friends than girl friends, which I attribute to my complete inability to have any interest in gossip and girly things. I like sports, cars and beer. So do most guys. Voila! I have had many different experiences-sometimes it leads to feelings and sexual encounters amd sometimes it doesn’t. And to the commenter above that says it’s weird to cuddle with an opposite sex friend-I’ve been there too. Not weird at all in my experience as we are both cuddly people. (Though I’ve been known to be a little cuddly with girl friends too.) I can see how opposite sex friends could be trouble in the long run though. I’m living that right now-we’ve known each other for about 8 1/2 years. He’s considerably older (I’m 29, he’s 41) and we’ve been there for each other through it all-my crazy “I just turned 21″ drinking days, his messy divorce, my abusive ex, and his current verbally and emotionally abusive girlfriend. He knows that he is going through now, what I was going through in recent history. I know exactly how he’s feeling, and my heart is broken for him. I currently have an amazing boyfriend who I love very much, but I feel so drawn to my bff. We relate to each other, we know each other better than anybody else on the planet and we have a shared experience. It takes everything in me to ignore it sometimes, and I’m starting to get the hint that he struggles with the same thing. It’s weird to me, considering I have successfully “friend zoned” so many times before. Anyway, my point is-sometimes it’s no problem, but once in awhile-it is.

  • Trick
    January 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve been a “guy friend” quite a bit in my early twenties, was awesome going out with a bunch of good looking girls is awesome for a guy even if there’s “nothing there” what ended up putting the kybosh on the whole deal was when I ended up in world war 3 with a lady who was actually mutual in her attraction, and as we were obviously more and more hitting it off as the night wore on, suddenly one of my “lady friends” got extremely negative confrontational and though I don’t like to use the word “bitchy” with the girl I liked, this escalated and the poor dear “the girl I was attracted to and was mutual” was suddenly set upon with much vehemence, I was shocked not just at the randomness and violence but also at the fact that not 3 months prior I had brooked the topic of me been interested in been more than friends with my lady friend and been politely but firmly rebuffed, the whole fiasco made me not go out to anything not football related for the entire football season.

  • A girl
    January 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    I hate to say it but I have to agree with this article, although just because there’s an attraction to a lady friend doesn’t necessarily mean he’s spending his time plotting how to pursue that attraction. Anyways, with me it was my looooong time best friend from when we were kids. We’re both 23 now and have kept in touch all that time, hanging out when we’re both back in our home town etc etc. Well, we’re both living back in our hometown at the moment and I was just caught off guard with the most unexpected confession. I’m sure you already know where I’m going with this—he’s in love with me and has been for a very long time. This came as a shock to me not only because I didn’t realize he felt this way but because I’ve felt the exact same way for a while now too but kept it to myself because I didn’t want to screw up our friendship. The feeling being mutual is great but scary at the same time because I want him to always be in my life so this is a delicate situation.
    We agreed not to jump the gun and remain friends for now and see where everything goes in the future.

  • Help me
    February 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    Could someone help me out on this? Ive always been the type of girl to have more guy friends than girl friends. I’ve also had a complicated physical past with most of them. Particularly, I have always had two close male friends. One straight and one gay. They have always been great. With these particular guy friends, the straight guy I have never been with intimately and he is still a virgin, but we have crossed the line on dirty grinding dancing and feeling up.

    Well, I went to school with this straight friend for years and I developed feelings for him. He is a virgin and he never felt the connect back for me. Told me our personalities were better off as friends, since i was the wild one and he was an innocent one. So, we maintained friends and eventually grew into good friends.

  • HELP ME PLEASE
    February 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    Please help me. I’m seriously confused on some thing:

    I have always been the type of girl to have more guy friends than girlfriends and also end up being friends still with guys who I have passed the physical zone on.

    Well, this particular straight guy I went to high school with. We were always slightly flirtly and I eventually developed feelings for him. He told me he did not feel the same towards me and felt like we were better off as friends because of our personalities, how i was the wild one and he was the innocent one. (he was and still is a virgin)

    Well, years pass, college passes, and we still end up being really close flirty friends who have never physically done anything, even kiss. Well, since I also have a good gay friend who would do random physical stuff with me, like touch my breasts (anyone that has gay guy friends knows how that is, most of the time anyhow) so this straight guy would join in on it. I always thought it was weird so I started to think maybe he was gay himself. He had never had any known girlfriends and still says he is a virgin.

    Well, i love to dance and we would all go out dancing. Eventually, my straight guy friend and i took it to another level, with alcohol involved, where we did some extremely heavily grinding and feeling. But no kissing or sex. Eventually I asked him if there was something between us and he said no he still felt like we were just two good friends. Then months later we all went to a club again and we got slightly dirty dancing, but sober.

    This male friend was so amazing. He was my shoulder to cry on; the guy who wanted to punch other guys’ hearts if they cheated on me or broke my heart.

    Now, I have been involved in a relationship with a different guy for a few yrs. We are eventually happy and my boyfriend respected that i had male friends in my life.

    What I am confused about is this……ever since I entered a relationship, my guy friend started acting different. His would act extremely sarcastic and mean to me for no reason. So i eventually stopped talking to him. When I talked to my bf about this, he thinks my guy friend is jealous and realized he had feelings for me. But for years and i mean 8+ years, he always told me he had no feelings….he never made a move to kiss or sleep with me……and he never asked this way when i was “with” other men he knew about.

    So does anyone have any idea what is going on?

  • HELP ME PLEASE
    February 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    *We are really happy* sorry typo

  • Anthony
    February 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m a guy and 1000% agree with this article. I love women, but admit I think with my penis during most conversations with women. I do have 2 unattrative women that I talk to, but they are into me.

    What wine don’t get is that men don’t always want a relationship with their female friends, many times we just want to be inside you. I don’t pretend to be a guy friend, but have seen to many guys play the game while secretly wanting more from their girl friend.

    I dumped my ex-gf because she hid her sexual past that she had with 2 guy friends. I asked her if there was anything there before me and she lied. When these guys got too flirty, I snooped and got the truth. Men are territorial. They want to know that they are more important than your current man. They’ll flirt and be innapropriate while women will ignore it due to the need for attention.

    I’m ok with guy friends as long as boundaries are there. There will be no male-female trips or late night outs with any partner of mine. Lastly, men should know better. They should know their place and it’s your job ladies to confirm that your boyfriend/husband is number one in your life. If your male friend can accept that, great!! If he becomes standoffish or disappears, you know his true motives. If a guy makes comments about your partner or relationship when you’re happy, let that guy go!! This is not a frien.

  • Anthony
    February 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    To Help Me Please!!!

    Your boyfriend is 100000000% correct. Your guy friend hid his attraction and used to occupy a certain level of attention from you. Now that you focus on your bf, this guy feels left out and his ego is hurt. Screw him. This doesn’t mean this guy friend wanted a relationship with you, but he definitely wanted to get physical.

    We men always have sex on the mind. I control if, but don’t hang out with women that I’m not with unless its a group thing. I don’t hide my intentions.

    Your bothered because you thought this guy was simply a brotherly friend. WRONG! Tell your bf he was right and now you know for the future

  • iwo
    February 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    “more and more people engaging in these platonic opposite-sex friendships, it sounds like the world is evolving”

    STDs and general promiscuity are increasing at the same rate.

  • that guy
    February 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am the worst and best of the guy BFF. My only bestie is smokin hot sexy and so am I. We have known each other for twenty some years. We crossed the line when I split up with my wife 2 years ago but the relationship did not work. We try hard to remain best friends but it’s very difficult. We care for each other deeply and compare everyone else we date to each other and often times we both feel like we will eventually wind up together in the end. When she dates someone they don’t know I exist and vice versa. No significant other would tolerate it for good reason. We try to keep our distance when seeing someone as best as we can. When we both aren’t seeing anyone we have sex, and we share all sorts of things with each other we don’t share with boyfriends or girlfriends. We both rely on each other to fill roles and do things for each other ( including sexually ) that we would not ask our partners to do. Now it’s to the point we have sex even when we have boyfriends or girlfriends behind their backs. we share a connection that is deeper and way more intimate on all levels than anyone we have been with. neither of us can let each other go but we go totally wrong if we try to become a legitimate couple again. it is insane, we literally can’t live with each other as a couple or without each other as friends, and cant be just friends. neither of us care that we break every rule that same sex friends should keep.

  • that guy
    February 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    ***correction that OPPOSITE sex friends should keep.

  • Sib
    March 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    This article is a load of rubbish. I’m a straight girl with predominantly straight male friends and it’s never been a problem whether they were dating as well or not. My best friend is a guy and him and my ex ended up close friends too. And why is choosing a male best friend over a boyfriend an issue, it wouldn’t be raised if it was a female friend. Boyfriends come and go, friends are there to stay. But the article makes is sound like having a boyfriend should be a womans sole goal. And the assumption the article makes that girls just want to gossip all day and talk about dieting is blatantly sexist rubbish. And saying no guy likes to be in the friend zone is just insulting to men as it implies they’re only motivated by sex.

  • John
    March 15, 2013 | Permalink |

    “Men can’t cuddle without an erection”

    That must be one of the most outrageously sexist and stereotypical comments I have ever seen.

  • makemeunderstand
    April 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    I got one how about if they were boyfriend and girlfriend in high school but never had sex and now live together, party every week come home drunk together, take trips together, cook for each other, and take provocative pictures but nothing is going on with the Bff, really? really?

  • Tarik
    May 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    Interesting article although I do disagree with some of the things that were said notably the fact that “men can’t cuddle without an erection”. That’s just ignorant and judgemental but I’ll leave it at that. From personal experience, I would say it’s totally possible but extremely rare to be just friends with a girl or to have a best female friend if you are a guy. For it to work both parties have to have the same mindsets when it comes to relationships and both have to have clearly set limits on what is acceptable and unacceptable if this friendship is to take place. The problem with modern day society is that most guys only see girls as a good pair of tits which to me is a shame because there is so much more to a girl than just that and this is coming from a 100% straight male. Unfortunately society has perverted young guys into always looking for sex and into thinking that girls are only objects of desire and nothing else.

    For a guy-girl friendship to truly work guys have to understand that there is another side to girls than just the way that is constantly portrayed in the media and society. The reason why it doesn’t work most of the time is that, thanks to the omnipresence of sex, guys tend to think with their penises instead of thinking rationally with their minds thus not they are not even willing to properly give it a chance and try to have girls that are just friends for a change. I think it’s benefic for both men and women to have friends of the opposite sex. Sure it may occur that you fall for each other but it doesn’t absolutely have to happen every single time. Besides, what kind of a guy are you if you can’t even talk to a girl for more than 2 seconds without feeling the sick need to **** her everytime??? Sex isn’t everything and not everything should depend on it. That is what society needs to understand in order for this friendship to even exist.

  • Crushy
    September 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have a crush on a guy but we turned out to be best friends. I kinda want to move out of a friend zone yet I love the fact for having eachother sharing secrets and all the lil details in daily bases!

  • Best friends with a guy
    September 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am a teenage girl who is best friends with a teenage boy. He has never shown any interest in me. We have both dated people. He has dated girls and I have dated guys and we talk about it and sex all the time but has never hit on me. He often tells me I am attractive or look pretty but is not interested in me. This article is not accurate. Men and women can be friends.

  • GoodLife
    October 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    ^^^ to best friends with a guy. ‘N any other chick that don’t know yet. ANY guy would hook up with ANY girl their attracted to, the rest just depends on the circumstances. If he’s not hitting on you then he’s either holding down the urge to or getting his ‘needs’/'fancying a girl’ elsewhere.

  • isthatyou
    October 31, 2013 | Permalink |

    But this is my scenario. My girlfriends best friend is a straight man who has no girlfriend. Is that appropriate. I trust her but should I trust him

  • Sophia
    November 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    I think this is completely wrong! I wouldn’t know about the boyfriend thing since I haven’t been interested in dating, but I have always hung out in a big group of guys since 7th grade! I have slightly thought about kissing one, but honestly, who wouldn’t when they don’t have anyone else to think about? I’m not a girl who talks about diets and annoying stuff like that, however I do have a love for fashion and makeup but I don’t feel the need to converse about that. I play video games and watch action movies and I talk to them about how to talk to girls. They’re not “trouble” and if a future boyfriend has an issue with any one of them, it’s bye bye for him.

  • Help
    November 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    Well, I partially agree with this article. My best guy friend and I have a been friends for quite a while. He tells me everything about him and we have talked about travel to places once we’re older. I know his past relationships, and he knows my past relationships. But recently when I was dating this guy, he’s been acting strange. He’s just not acting his usual self. He still complimented me from time to time. But that’s not the point, so a few days ago, I broke up with this guy, and then my best friend was back to his normal self. Out of no where, he asked me “have you ever thought of us dating,” and I was shocked that he said that. He’s an attractive person, but I really have any feelings feel him in that type of way. So, I asked him why he asked said me that and he said “I thought about it a couple times.” Ever since then, we’ve been talking about it we were like if we should try dating. I’m just afraid to jeperordize our friendship that we have built over the years.. And right now, he lives half way across the country. But he’s coming back Christmas break, and I THINK he asked me out on a date… But in all, what is trying to find out is that does he like me?

  • Your Average Guy
    December 1, 2013 | Permalink |

    As my pseudonym suggests, I’m just an average guy. I’ve had relationships in the past, where my significant other has had a male “best friend”. Turns out it was trouble, and we ended up separating because they wouldn’t maintain their distance (sleeping over at each others’ houses, nothing happening there obviously). I also noticed that girls who have many male friends (implies best friends too) tend to like male attention more than typical women. It’s hard to explain what this demographic is – the masculine female – but not overtly masculine (video games, sports, you name it). It’s like women like to play alpha-female now too, just like some men enjoy seeing how many females they can string along or hook up with (regardless of gender, I think this is wrong and stupid). But more importantly, I now avoid those types of girls. Is that paranoia or precaution? I believe its the latter.

  • Miranda
    December 3, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have a guy best friend and a couple of my friends think he likes me,he puls me close and acts all big and tuff around my other guy friends.Also you’re best friend may not always have a crush on you.Trust me i know. :)

  • kathryn
    December 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    But what do I do if Iv’e been best friends with the same guy for five years and my current boyfriend (of 3 years) like him too but I’m jealous of his new girlfriend? Does that mean I like him? Or am I just jealous because I’ll start to lose contact with him after I’ve worked so hard to keep him in my life?

  • A
    February 12, 2014 | Permalink |

    Worst idea ever. Guy and girl best friends don’t ever work out the way you want them to, my boy best friend has a girlfriend and it kills me. I can’t say anything though because he doesn’t feel the same way, I’m sure of it. Girls avoid this at all costs ????

  • Nick
    February 12, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’m in a relationship right now and my girlfriend has a couple guy friends and she keeps telling me how she will become really close with them and this freaks me out so much. I think partly because I have trust issues and I think something might happen. The other side to it is based on how we met and how our relationship started. We became really good friends and then we decided to date. I’m really happy with her but I can’t help but feel that this might happen with another guy, that she might develop feelings for someone else.

  • smiley
    February 19, 2014 | Permalink |

    Been there, done that, kissed him and ended up seeing his hands inside my bra. Fell in love with him and kaboom!!! He didn’t. A guy (straight) best friend is a mess.

  • Eric
    March 3, 2014 | Permalink |

    Its a touchy subject. When me and my girlfriend started dating some 3 years ago she had this guy friend she said she would never defriend. He would email her for friendly conversation and always end it with I love you. they had dated long ago. I was never introduced to him and he would email her a point out my flaws and he messaged me to reveal some of her past. I definetly saw an issue. After a few talks and I told her he was in love with her no matter what her intentions are they quit communicating. We broke up for a short while on unrelated issues and poof, she was hanging out with him once again, just as friends. Now we are back together and she explains there is no attraction between them, but when she confides in him about our relationship I do get insecure. I trust her 100% but him I do not.
    I was taught people in couples do not have meals alone with the opposite sex, or any outing. you are only setting up things that you never intended.

    I agree with article in other words

  • Joe
    March 3, 2014 | Permalink |

    I have two sides to the coin. One is that I have had several attractive female friends (wing women) and I was not interested in anything more than a platonic relationship. Why because they were not good dating material. With these girls I’d listen to them complain about their boyfriends but I never took sides. All of their ex BF’s and I remained friends. I’m good at being the male friend because I’ve been on the other side of the coin too many times. I never got too close though and knew to maintain boundaries.
    The second side, I’ve dated several women in the past with the male best friend, who would undermine me constantly and cause drama behind the scenes. 9 times out of 10 I’d break it off and sometime later the girls would tell me their guy pal confessed his love as soon as I was out of the picture, and 10 times out of 10 I’d tell them too bad they blew it. Guys know, period…if you can’t trust my instincts then forget it.

  • Theo
    March 23, 2014 | Permalink |

    I was a guy best friend for a short period of time.

    We were really close, but then she accused me of trying to force her into a relationship. Id never attempted to make a move or anything on her. She was constantly thinking about relationships and i thought i was making a best friend for life.

    I dont know if she liked me, some people told me she did for 2 months, But if she did she should have just fucken told me instead of playing games. I would have totally tried a relationship out with her.

    I really do miss our friendship :( . She changes best friends all the time though, i just told myself we would always be best friends, 5 months later, not anymore.

  • Henry
    March 23, 2014 | Permalink |

    This article is pretty ridiculous! You speak like this is an agenda for every single male to try something on with their girl mates at some point like it’s scientifically certain to happen, yes of course it happens (a lot I would imagine) but that’s hardly the case for everyone, it is possible for girls to have guy friends and vice versa without any kind of sexual attraction or hidden agenda. Hell, I’ve proven that myself. I’m a 19 year old, straight male, and have spent the best part of 6 years being bestfriends with a girl, we became very close very quickly and that’s stayed the same ever since and that’s the way it’s stayed. I trust her implicitly and I’m pretttttty sure I can confirm I do not have any hidden sexual agenda planned haha. I see no real difference between having a guy or a girl best mate, if you find someone and you just click together as friends then gender shouldn’t really matter. I can however sympathise with boyfriends feeling threatened? Or angry at me just being around, I’ve never actually been friends with any boyfriends she’s had in the past, but I do know I’ve apparently been a ‘problem’ before, they’ve all been a** holes anyway but don’t tell her I said that.. Seems to me it’s, sometimes at least, the guy best friend being a trouble for the boyfriend more than the girl herself. Seems a shame that 90% of folks can’t understand that people can actually have close friendships regardless of gender.

  • Amde
    March 28, 2014 | Permalink |

    I can’t remember who said it but he hit the nail on the head, a female would say he’s my best friend but rearly do I hear guys say the same thing, men are men period, yes women who find there best friend Attractive but there’s no sexual chemistry means, the guy is in the FRIEND-ZONE. Also say the women gets married is she going to split the time she has with her husband and best friend 50/50? And vice versa is a dude going to split his time evenly with his female best friend and his wife? Of course not best friend of the opposite sex can happen if the guy doesn’t find her best friend attractive, or the person he’s dating is more good looking, or if he’s married or in a serious relationship.

    Sorry for they typos and gramma :(

  • Kayla
    April 15, 2014 | Permalink |

    This is the most accurate thing I’ve ever read in my life. I wish I would have read this years ago so at least there would have been a chance I would not have fallen into the “‘having a guy best friend is perfect’ mentality then we ended up having sex and ruining everything and now we are awkwardly trying to work things out” situation.

  • Chad
    April 29, 2014 | Permalink |

    These articles should always be prefaced with “I” am not mature enough to sustain a relationship with somebody of the opposite sex. Not everybody else’s thinking is as shallow as yours. I’m a good looking dude who has attractive female friends. We don’t sit around bonding over Bonbons and Gilmore Girls but we might go out for a couple drinks and really the thought never crosses my mind to hit on them. There are so many other woman in the world than your friends and female friends make great wing men.

  • Jessica Emily
    May 18, 2014 | Permalink |

    I don’t have any problems with having guy friends and I’m 23 and I’ve loved having them there for me more than I love having friends that are girls because girls are just drama

  • Jake
    July 17, 2014 | Permalink |

    I can’t help but notice that whenever this topic comes up, it’s always women with a man BFF who will say that it is just platonic, and defend the guy BFF relationship. I’ve never in all my years seen a (straight) man say that he has a great girl for a BFF, they are just platonic, and he has no sexual interest in her.
    ___

    This, a million times THIS. Women are so naive.

  • Kethleen
    August 1, 2014 | Permalink |

    Me & My Best Friend Became Best Friends Cause A Girl Witch Started To Talk Tons Of Shit Of Me My Best Friend Decided To Be My Best Friend Since I Didn’t Have Nobody By My Side With Sucked Trust Me He Was Older Than Me but like it only Tock 5 days to become Bff we started talking because I would mess around with him since his moms a teacher at school I would tell him “oh I’m tell your mom I’m your girlfriend ” but I never did then everyday we would call each other hours Oovoo calls & also hours . Anyways one day he told me he has mix feelings for me I did also but then we ended up dating it was amazing perfect relationship but yes he got mad at me for not stopping to talk to my other Bff anyways since then we talk Everymonth no matter what we say don’t ever wanna know shit about you and he ends up talking again & now he calls me sister & tells me everything . What does it Mean ? I’m lost

  • Just thinking
    August 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    A male best friend does not have a real position as a brother, friend, or a boyfriend, rather he is a mix of all three. Yes complications can arise, but even if complications don’t arise, the female will never be able to have a full healthy relationship with a boyfriend, simple because the male best friend takes over some of the responsibilities that are usually responsibilities of the boyfriend. I noticed how some girls here were talking about the benefits of a male best friend, such as being able to turn to him when upset, sharing relationship details, and getting his advice and help with problems in their lives – well i’m sorry but if you don’t go to your boyfriend for that stuff then you are only in half a relationship. If the only difference between your male best friend and you boyfriend is sex, then you only have a fuck buddy you go out with, not a real boyfriend.

    I am currently in a relationship, with my girlfriend who has a male as a best friend, I have never considered myself a jealous boyfriend and previous relationships, but I have been in this one. My girlfriend didn’t know me before that, so she probably thinks i have always been this jealous. So just think, a girl with a male best friend will never have a completely secure boyfriend. I can act secure sometimes, but either way it is not good for me to feel this way. I want a relationship I can relax in. I don’t want to make her choose between him or me, simply because I think that it is not fair. But I have been considering ending the relationship, or changing the openness of the relationship. The funny thing about this is that I think shes perfect for me, and if I break up with her, I can just see in the future, her getting married to some other guy when she is no longer friends with male best friend- and thinking he is the happiest most secure guy out there!!

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