It’s hard to admit when your feelings for a good friend have crossed over the line of friendship. But are you really falling in love with your best friend or is it a momentary lapse in your emotions? Being able to tell the difference can be difficult.
Of course, you don’t want to risk losing the friendship over something that could really be nothing, right? It’s hard enough to have those feelings and it can be harder to know what to do about them once they’re confirmed.
Everyone has moments with friends where you bond a lot more than you normally do. You get into a deep conversation and just see more of them. That moment of bonding can increase your feelings for them, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re suddenly interested in them romantically.
It just means your friendship is stronger. It’s easy to mistake those feelings as something more than they really are. That’s why knowing the real signs can help you avoid catastrophe. [Read: What to do when you like a friend]
The eternal question! Falling in love is subjective and that means it’s different for everyone.
For one person, it might be the way their friend supported them through a tough time, and it leads to their feelings deepening. Another might say that a change in their life has suddenly made them look at their friend differently. It can be a million and one different things.
Love is an age-old mystery and it’s had people scratching their heads for centuries. But, when it comes to falling in love with your best friend, it’s probably due to you already being close and a sudden shift for whatever reason. That could be due to a life change or environmental factors. Whatever it is, it’s love. [Read: Love vs. in love – what makes them so different and yet so similar?]
When you first start to wonder if you’re falling in love with your best friend, you’ll probably freak out and panic. But, taking a step back and looking at the signs from a distance might give you the clarity you need. Here’s how to tell if your friend might mean a lot more to you than you previously thought.
You’ll find yourself daydreaming about doing couple-like things with them. Going on dates, snuggling up on the couch, and even doing the physical stuff will start popping up in your mind all the time. That’s a pretty clear sign deeper feelings are at play.
Being best friends, you’ve probably seen just about everything about each other. If you truly have real romantic feelings for them, you might start withholding information or getting shy when they talk to you. This is a major sign you’ve started to develop feelings. [Read: Motivational tips and tricks for shy people and introverts]
You’ve probably talked about people you like before. They’re your best friend, after all. And that actually helps to be able to tell if you’re falling for your best friend.
When you stop telling them about people you find attractive, it’s because you don’t want them to think of you with other people. Even if you don’t realize it, you’re protecting your chances of being romantically involved with them. [Read: Being in love – are you in love with the idea of love?]
This is probably one of the most telling signs you have real feelings for them. If you didn’t, this wouldn’t bother you at all. You’d even be happy for them.
Getting upset when they talk about liking someone is a sure sign you have deeper feelings for them.
Normally you wouldn’t really care about hanging out in a group or alone. But if you have feelings for them, you’ll want to spend more alone time with them. [Read: How to avoid the friend zone and make them desire you]
Basically, if they’re spending more and more time with people who are not you, you’ll get upset. And understandably so. If you have real feelings for someone, you often want them all to yourself.
You’re just overall curious about their life. You want to know what they’re doing in their free time and who they’re with. Basically, you’re worried about them getting close to someone else.
You might not realize that this is the case, but it’s essentially what’s happening. The more you’re curious about what they’re doing when they’re not with you, the more you like them. [Read: Little ways to stop being so jealous]
You’re not going to picture making out with just a friend. Sure, you may have thought about it a time or two before, but now you’re imagining. More importantly, you like it.
You like to think about getting intimate with them. That’s a huge sign you’re romantically interested.
Basically, they’re always on your mind no matter what. You just can’t help but think of them and have to actively shut those thoughts down. [Read: What does love feel like?]
Flirting is a natural thing. As much as you can do it on purpose, you can also do it accidentally. When you find yourself flirting and then catching yourself after, you have feelings for them.
When you just feel like your emotions toward them are different than they used to be, it could be a sign you’re falling for your best friend. Sometimes you just know. [Read: How to know if you like someone]
We’re always told that the best relationships are based on friendship. But that generally means you get to know each other a little and then fall in love. It doesn’t often mean that you’re full-on best friends and then everything changes.
However, it’s not unheard of.
There are pros and cons to deciding to be romantically involved with your best friend, even beyond the possibility of it ruining everything if it doesn’t work out. [Read: 38 small changes to better your love life and improve the relationship ten-fold]
When you were friends, you told them about everything. What you think of this movie, why you went out with this person, that one-night stand you had, why you won’t go to that Chinese restaurant… your best friend knows it all.
In fact, your best friend may know too much about you. This was fine when you were friends. You have kicks at all your quirks and opinions, and your best friend tells you about everything, as well.
However, dynamics change when more-than-platonic love comes into the picture. Your best friend-turned-lover may get paranoid about everyone you meet at the bar or your opposite-gender friends at the office. Meanwhile, you may be worried about their boss, whom they told you they really adore and look up to.
All the things you confided in each other and the crazy secrets you both shared—all of these come to haunt the two of you once you take your friendship to the next level. [Read: Help! How to handle falling in love with your best friend]
Falling for your best friend can also be tricky because they may not feel the same way. Once you open up that dam of emotions and let your heart go to that unknown territory of your relationship, things will pretty much be in turmoil.
No matter how much you know your best friend, you never know how they will react when you tell them you love them.
Although they would do anything to cheer you up when you lost that job, or they dropped everything to take care of you when you sprained your ankle and came down with the flu, they don’t necessarily care enough to see that there could be more to your relationship. [Read: Signs you’re dating your best friend already and just don’t know it]
Perhaps they considered it once or twice before, but can’t really see you becoming more than just their best friend. If this is the case, you’ll end up nursing a wounded heart.
Once you let yourself fall, there’s a big risk they may not be “the one” to catch you. Even though as a friend they have your back. *And yes, it can be twisted like that.* [Read: How to learn from the rejections you’ve faced]
And don’t you forget it. The thing with friendships is, they are not as complicated as a romantic relationship.
Friendship has an easy, hassle-free, no-expectations air to it. But anything more than that turns problematic. There will be expectations and rules and roles. Expectations alone are enough to ruin not just the relationship you’re trying to build, but your friendship, as well.
When you were just friends, being late for a date was received with a few well-placed and good-natured jokes. However, when you become more than friends, they may not take it as lightly anymore.
The reality is, once you become a couple, an invisible line is drawn where there used to be none. You see sides of each other that you have never seen before. This leads to a whole lot of drama you didn’t have when you were just friends. [Read: How to get over someone when your heart does not want to]
When you were just friends and you had a bad day with your partner, your best friend was there to pick you up from work. You cried on their shoulder or bawled your eyes out in your sweats while eating a tub of ice cream and cursing.
If—or when—you take your relationship further with your best friend, things take a very different turn. In fact, the hurt comes much deeper and stronger. Whose shoulder are you going to cry on now? Will anyone out there ever restore your faith? [Read: Are you more than friends or just friends? Find out now]
Once you cross that line to sex and being a couple, there is no going back to being best friends—or even casual acquaintances.
Even confessing your feelings to your best friend may prove to be too much to handle, especially if they don’t feel the same way. Things then turn awkward. They become wary or self-conscious around you and they may even start to distance themselves from you.
No matter how liberating it may seem for you to say what you feel, you risk ruining a perfectly wonderful friendship that you can never have with anyone else. [Read: Signs your best friend isn’t your best friend anymore]
Things are easier when you are friends. When you become more than that, things get messy. There is always that chance the relationship may not work out.
When this happens, you not only lose your lover, but you cannot go back to being best friends again. There will be a dent in that friendship, and it can’t be put back together as perfectly as before.
With this kind of breakup, you lose two people—your love and your best friend. You not only have no one to turn to for comfort, but you have also lost the only person who fills that special place in your heart. This gives you a heartbreak like no other, and the void may never be filled by anyone else. [Read: How to ask a friend out without risking the friendship]
However, it’s not all bad. Warnings aside, there are some very positive elements to dating your best friend, as long as it works out.
In regular relationships, you might spend your time wondering what your partner is thinking. You can’t figure them out and it drives you crazy! When you realize you’re falling in love with your best friend, you don’t have that problem.
You’ll know exactly what they’re thinking because you know them so well.
Oh come on, sex is supposed to be funny as well as amazing! When you have sex with your best friend, it’s sure to be strange the first time or two, but it’ll be funny, for sure.
Also, the fact you know each other so well could make the sex even better. [Read: The tricky pros and cons of dating your best friend]
For you to spend with them. When you’re in love with someone you’re best friends with too, and it’s all working well, life is wonderful. You have a real partner in crime and someone who understands every single part of you.
What could be better?
All those quirky inside jokes take on a new meaning and you’ll spend your days laughing and teasing one another. It’s a new high of fun that will definitely add a new dimension to your relationship. [Read: The flirtiest ways to be a tease]
How many times in the past have you agonized over where to go with your partner for dinner? Most of your time was probably spent debating where and what to eat.
But, because you know this person inside out, you won’t have those struggles and dinner plans will be a breeze!
That’s something weird that’s going to come your way! Before, you didn’t really care whether they saw you in your sweats, not looking your best. But now? Oh no, you’re all done up to your Sunday best!
This phase probably won’t last for long, however, you’ll start to become so comfortable that you’ll be back to wearing whatever you want and neither of you will care much about it either. [Read: How to look fabulous and appealing when trying to get attention]
Despite all the pros and cons, you have to say that if it does work out, it’s a gamble that was more than worthwhile. Despite that, you will probably live with a constant fear that things are going to go wrong for the first few months or even years.
Now we’ve examined whether it’s a good idea or not, and all the ins and outs, what should you do when you realize that you are indeed falling in love with your best friend?
Although it’s often your first reaction, panicking is the exact opposite of what you should do. You can’t freak out about something like this because it’s really not that big of a deal. You already love them in a friend way, so adding romantic love isn’t all that different.
However, there is a certain process that you should follow when you realize you’re falling in love with your best friend. You can’t just hide it, but you can’t just blurt it out, either. [Read: How to tell your crush you like them – the 20 best low-risk methods]
Before you do anything else, take a moment to really think about how you truly feel. Are you just being emotional? Are you jumping to conclusions based on something ridiculous?
Sit back for a week or so and just let your feelings develop and become clearer to ensure that this is really something you want to act upon. [Read: Are you really in love? 21 signs to decode that fuzzy feeling]
Open up to your second best friend and get their opinion.
This can give you an unbiased opinion as to whether or not your feelings are confused or real. And they can offer support and advice that might make a huge difference for you.
Have you ever looked at someone a certain way one night when they’re looking hot, and then you suddenly have feelings for them? But then the next day, they do something and you’re like, “Yeah, that’s why I find you disgusting,” and POOF your feelings are gone?
Well, it could be that type of feeling instead of actual love. So, let it sink in to see if your feelings are fleeting or if they stay pretty constant. You wouldn’t want to tell them that you have feelings for them only to realize a week later that they weren’t real. [Read: 17 clear signs you and your friend should be dating already!]
Now’s the time to do some investigating and decoding of their body language. Find out if they like you, too. Chances are, there’s some kind of chemistry between you if you like them and they’re your best friend.
If they’re getting flirty, looking extra good around you, or even initiating more hangouts, they could be feeling the same way. Take your time determining this though, and don’t jump to conclusions either way. [Read: 20 unmistakable signs your friend is crushing on you too]
You have to make a choice now. Are you going to tell them how you really feel, or do you want to hide it inside forever? After all, you never know what could potentially come of having this conversation.
However, if you feel that you want to protect yourself and keep things the way they are, just keep it to yourself. Be warned, though, if you do keep it to yourself and they get a new partner, it could be painful. [Read: How to tell someone you like them and win them over]
This is a really heavy topic. You can’t expect them to sit and listen at a party or when they’re really busy. The best time for this is when the two of you are alone, spending time together as normal.
During a movie night, a walk, or even at dinner are the best times to do this. Make sure they’re in a good mood and are willing to listen to you fully.
Not everything is going to go your way in life, and this *may* be one of those times. You have to have an open and calm mind when you tell them that you’re in love with them. You should always be prepared for the worst… but also the best.
Don’t forget to hear them out if they have anything to say about it. [Read: How to ask a friend out without risking your friendship]
If you’re falling for your friend, don’t just tell them that you think they’re attractive or leave little hints here and there. This will confuse them and will make them have a harder time understanding what’s going on.
Just be honest with your friend and tell them the entire thing. When you realize it, let them know why you like them, what your expectations are, and where you might like to go from here if feelings were to be reciprocated. [Read: 15 very obvious signs of flirting between a guy and a girl]
They’re your best friend. Yes, you’re falling for them, but they know the real you, and that’s the person they like. Don’t start acting differently around them just because you like them.
Sure, you can wear more makeup, shave a little nicer, and put on some actual pants when you hang out, but never change how you act just because you’re falling in love with your best friend. [Read: 15 ways to tell if someone likes you without asking them directly]
Realize that just because you’re falling in love with your best friend, the friendship doesn’t have to be over. You can choose what you do next and move forward with all the information to hand.
Now, with all this talk of falling in love with your best friend, you might want some tips on how to move the scales in your direction. It goes without saying that you should never ask your friend out unless you think they like you back romantically.
Instead, just use these flirty steps to try and convince your best friend to start looking at you in a more-than-just-friends way!
If you find your friend attractive, then you’ll definitely have no problems coming up with lines to compliment them. Don’t overdo it, but every now and then, say something sweet and memorable, so you send out the right signals to let your friend know that you find them attractive. [Read: 25 compliments for guys they’ll never forget]
Be the friend in need. Spend more time with your friend and let them see just how great a person you are. Be a helping hand when you have the time, but don’t be a pushover and be available at your friend’s beck and call all the time.
By helping your friend out with little errands or shopping trips, you can let them see you as someone who’s an important part of their decisions and their life.
Friends are quite touchy-feely, but not in a romantic way. Do you guys hold hands, slap each other, or put your arms around each other all the time? Well, you need to put a stop to that.
Don’t let your friend get too familiar with your touch. Instead, learn to play with lingering touches and soft grazes that’ll make your friend feel a tingle of sexual excitement. [Read: How to flirt sexually with your friend by touching the right way]
By avoiding friendly touches and indulging in sensual, soft touches, you’d be able to build the sexual tension and make your friend fall for you even before you say what’s on your mind.
Both of you may spend hours over the phone every day, and that’s just great. Use these conversations to turn the friendship into romance and sexual excitement.
Start talking naughty, especially late at night. Spend a few days or weeks building the flirty conversations and you’ll see just how sexually attracted both of you can get in no time. [Read: The guide to flirt by texting late at night]
Meet each other often, be it for coffee dates, dinners, or new movies. The more both of you *date* each other exclusively, the closer both of you will start to feel toward each other.
Don’t be obvious about this, but start flirting with your friend at every opportunity you get. And always try to use a double entendre. If your friend says something, try to find a sexual pun to their line and make a joke of it every now and then. [Read: Naughty texting games to play all night long]
If your best friend spends a lot of time with some other person or is already dating someone, don’t be rude or behave possessively. You may end up losing your best friend with your attitude.
Remember, you’re the best friend. You already have an unfair advantage. Just learn to use the closeness you already have to make your friend a lover.
This is the most important thing you need to do. If you can make your friend miss you every time you aren’t around, you’ve worked your magic just fine.
Speak for hours every night of the week and appear busy one night. Try to create a routine and skip the routine now and then. By doing that, you’ll make your best friend realize just how important you are to them. [Read: Ways to build sexual tension with a friend you like]
When you start to realize that you’re falling in love with your best friend, it can seem like your world has been turned upside down. But remember, sometimes these are passing phases that disappear as quickly as they arrived.
It’s true that the best relationships out there are based on friendship, but in this case, you need to be careful. Are you ready to make a move that could potentially change your friendship forever? In some cases, it could possibly ruin it.
Think carefully but always look for signs that maybe your friend feels the same way too. If that’s the case, making a move could turn out to be the single best decision you’ve ever made.
Who said love was easy?
[Read: How to kiss your best friend accidentally and get away with it]
Falling in love with your best friend could be the best thing in the world, but it could also be a nightmare if you are wrong about how you feel. With these signs, you’ll be able to know for sure so you can make the right decision.
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