Do you think you’re falling out of love? It’s not a pleasant thing to realize, but sometimes it happens. Learn the signs and prevent ongoing heartache.
We’re taught from an early age to believe in the romantic magic of love. We read fairy tales and watch Disney movies, assuming that love is going to come along and sweep us off our feet. But after a few years, you might realize you’re falling out of love and you didn’t expect it.
The truth is that not every relationship is meant to last. If it were, we would only ever meet one romantic partner and that would be it. Seeing every relationship as an experience and a learning curve is important, giving you the emotional tools to deal with relationship issues when the right one comes along.
It can be difficult to realize what falling out of love feels like, but it’s vital that you take action to either stop the relationship from falling apart or to realize you need to move on. [Read: Tips to find your soulmate the right way]
The first flourishes of love aren’t meant to last
Falling in love with someone is easy, but falling out of it is even easier.
The start of a relationship is always the finest hour of romance. It’s the magic of the first moments, the time when you love every little thing about your partner, including their annoying habits.
Romantic gestures, soft whispers of undying love, and the compelling need to be with each other are all the symptoms.
But it doesn’t last long, and you’re left wondering how it all changed. Where is the love that was once so prominent? Where has it vanished?
The real truth about the first few months of love is that we’re only infatuated with each other. It’s only the first phase of what we identify as love.
While it’s true that the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever, it’s normally replaced by something calmer and deeper. That’s when true love arrives.
However, in some cases, the love simply disappears altogether and you’re left with the sinking feeling that perhaps you’re not meant to be after all. [Read: The real truth about love at first sight]
What does it mean to fall out of love with your partner?
Falling out of love can mean a lot of things. You can fall in and out of love daily.
There are some days you may be angry with your partner and can’t even find the slightest bit of love within you.
But by the next day, it will probably return. It’s just a quick response to heightened emotions and doesn’t mean you don’t love them.
You may feel like you’re falling out of love because you’re in a bad space. Maybe you’re overwhelmed with work or kids and don’t have time to focus on love. That could make you feel like it isn’t there.
In fact, it is. You’re just too distracted and need to reconnect with your partner. [Read: The real facts about relationships and love no one talks about]
Falling out of love doesn’t mean you simply lose all feelings for someone. When you’ve shared moments and memories together, it is difficult to truly lose all the love you have for them. [Read: How to face relationship challenges and overcome them as a couple]
Reasons people fall out of love
There are many reasons why couples don’t stay in love or end up becoming attracted to another person. But almost always, it starts with these reasons:
1. Falling in love too fast
It takes time to fall in love. But some people tend to fall in love too easily. It usually takes less than a minute to determine whether we like a person or not. But a lot more time should be taken to decide whether we truly love a person.
Falling in love should include getting to know the core of the person and building a compatible equation between each other. It shouldn’t involve just the simple act of being attracted to each other.
Just take a look at a few celebrities. True love is announced within days of spending time with each other and a whirlwind romance starts until it ends in divorce, sometimes less than a few months later. [Read: How to have a perfect start to any new relationship]
2. Great expectations
We all desire to find partners with the perfect qualities. But when you seek perfection in a relationship, you’re only building that relationship up to fail. The more we expect, the more we’re disappointed when those unrealistic expectations aren’t met.
It’s human nature to never be satisfied and to want more. Besides the physical quality, there are a whole lot of things we look for in a mate. And when you don’t find those qualities in your partner, you may still love your partner, but just not as much.
But that doesn’t mean you should accept mediocrity. It only means you get what you give. If you expect a perfect partner, you have to be willing to be the perfect partner in all ways too. [Read: 20 healthy expectations in a relationship that define a good love life]
3. Getting back to reality
Once the stage of infatuation is over, you begin to realize that the world isn’t all that rosy and your love isn’t as pretty as it once seemed.
When your intense feelings for the new person begin to wear off, you see what is underneath the façade, and most times, it’s not a pleasant sight.
Besides love, relationships require work, effort, and action. Many people just aren’t prepared for that. [Read: The real truth behind why you’re not finding happy love]
4. When priorities start to change
As time passes by, people in relationships change. In addition, priorities also start to change, and we begin to put other things before love.
When you’re with somebody for a long time and you don’t get the same attention from them as you used to, problems will begin to arise.
When you resent change, you start to resent your partner. And ultimately, the love starts to crumble away.
5. Loss of chemistry
Chemistry is what makes a relationship so exciting. In the beginning, every relationship is full of creative chemistry! Work and other commitments sometimes take a backseat at this time, and you have a hard time thinking of anything other than your sweetheart.
But this doesn’t always last forever. As chemistry fizzles out, the good feelings start to fade, and most relationships follow suit too. [Read: When should you take a break in the relationship to make it better?]
Signs you’ve stopped loving someone
Are you confused about whether you’re in love or falling out of love?
Sometimes, you may assume your partner is falling out of love when they really aren’t. And at other times, you may need a few signs to realize that you’re not in love anymore.
1. An outside force is causing constant problems
An outside force can be a problematic issue. This can cause you to argue and resent one another. It could be a frustrating mother-in-law, an ex, a stressful job, or issues with money.
These things can arise without any input from either of you. They can also overwhelm you as a couple and take your attention away from focusing on the relationship.
That said, these things may be temporary. Is your mother-in-law staying with you to recover from surgery for a few weeks? Is your partner up for a promotion?
If these things are temporary, you can find ways to work through them. But if they aren’t, it could be a sign things aren’t working out. [Read: The right priority in your relationship – how to find and focus on it]
2. You feel bored a lot of the time
In most long-term relationships, the excitement fizzles out, and security and safety take over. But that doesn’t mean all the passion is lost.
If you feel like you are more like roommates than a couple and don’t spend much quality time together anymore, you could be in a rut. This feeling is very normal, regardless of how madly in love you were in the beginning.
It doesn’t mean things are doomed, just that you two must make an active decision to reignite the excitement in your relationship. [Read: 15 common reasons why you’re getting bored with your relationship]
3. You don’t really think about them when you’re apart
When you first start dating someone, you tend to wonder what they’re doing when you’re not together.
As you develop your bond, you think of them while you’re at the store and wonder what they’d like. Or you send them funny memes throughout the day because they’re always on your mind.
But when you don’t let them know what you’re up to, you don’t miss them when you’re apart, and find that your mind never wanders to them or how they’re doing, it could be a sign you’re falling out of love [Read: How to recognize the signs a relationship is over and move on]
4. Intimacy is dwindling
Physical intimacy is very important in romantic relationships. Not just sex, but cuddling, kissing, and gentle touches to show affection.
It is one thing to go through a rut where you don’t have sex for a while, but if you’ve lost intimacy, that is a step toward falling out of love.
You can come back from this with a lot of open communication, but it can be a sign that things aren’t going in the right direction. If you don’t touch when watching TV, if you don’t hold hands or kiss goodbye in the morning, something is off. [Read: How to fix a relationship that’s falling apart and rebuild it again]
5. You’re not sure what you want
Look at your future to find out if you’re falling out of love. If you no longer picture your future with your partner one year, two years, or five years from now, you could be falling out of love with them.
This shows that you aren’t calculating them into your plans nor do you know where the relationship is going. [Read: Problems that will make your relationship stronger]
6. You don’t trust them
Trust and love go hand in hand. When one lessens, the other cracks. If you have lost trust in your partner, your love is going to weaken.
If you really don’t trust them, ask yourself why. Is it something they’ve done, or are you carrying baggage from a previous relationship? If you need to work on something, do it.
But, if you still feel the same after that, you’ve lost trust, which is a sign of something more serious in your relationship. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and make it last]
7. You’re tired of not receiving love back from them
If you don’t feel real love from your partner, your love for them will dwindle over time. It’s perfectly natural to fall out of love if you don’t feel like they love you.
When one partner in a relationship is losing love, the other will eventually catch up. For instance, if you’re doing all the giving and they’re just taking, you will eventually feel taken for granted. [Read: What is one-sided love? How to cope when you’re not loved back]
8. You’re always upset
Whether your partner is causing you pain or your feelings for them are causing you pain, you can only sustain so much.
When you’re struggling with your emotions, whether it be sadness, anger, or contempt, it can be hard to continue loving someone through that.
If your relationship is filled with pain, it’s likely that the loss of love isn’t far behind. In the end, you’ll realize that taking a step back for your peace is far more important than constant emotional agony. [Read: Why does love hurt when it goes bad? The truth you need to hear]
9. You don’t feel excited to see them
Even if your partner has been gone for a couple of days, there’s no sense of anticipation for the moment when you finally reunite. If you love the person, absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say.
If you’re completely apathetic about your partner’s return, it probably means that you have lost most, if not all of, your passion for this person. [Read: Top 20 reasons for divorce most couples overlook]
10. Your partner annoys you a lot
When you are really in love, the little annoying things that your partner does tend not to bother you as much. So if you find yourself being more and more annoyed by them, it’s a warning sign that something is going wrong.
Most likely, it means that their positive aspects have stopped canceling out the negative aspects. Perhaps you once thought that their humor was endearing or that their little quirks were cute, but you now think they’re extremely irritating. [Read: 16 practical tips for how to save your relationship]
11. You don’t feel attracted to them anymore
It could be because your partner has gotten out of shape or gained a lot of weight. Perhaps your tastes have just changed or your partner underwent an entire overhaul of their entire personal style.
Whatever the case may be, a loss of attraction is definitely a warning sign. [Read: How to tell your partner they’re gaining weight]
12. You’re interested in other people
If you can’t stop checking out other people wherever you go and don’t feel guilty about it, it could definitely be because your partner just isn’t cutting it for you anymore.
When you once had eyes only for your partner, you’re now looking at a bunch of other people to give you that spark.
While it’s normal to appreciate when someone is attractive, it’s not normal to think about acting upon it or even fantasizing.
13. You’re arguing a lot
If you are arguing all the time with your partner, it may actually mean that there is a deeper problem. A certain amount of arguing is normal.
But, if you find that you start to get into petty fights that blow out of proportion, it could mean that everything your partner does irks you. [Read: Are relationship fights normal? 15 signs you’re fighting too often]
14. Your gut is telling you something isn’t right
It can be difficult to fully accept it if you are falling out of love. After all, it could mean that a lot of changes are potentially going to come into your life. It could also mean that you may devastate your partner if you tell them.
Your mind may be trying to push the problem out of your focus. And as a result, you may just have a general feeling that something is off. If you do, you may want to pay attention and try to get to the bottom of it, even if it’s difficult. [Read: How to listen to your gut and give strength to your inner voice]
15. You’re not fully happy
If your relationship started really well, then it was probably making you happy. Sometimes, happiness can act as a barometer for how in love you feel.
Suppose you notice that you can’t find happiness in the relationship anymore.
Even though there aren’t any major issues in your relationship, pay attention. It may be because you feel like you’re being tied down to a partner you no longer love. [Read: Steps to tell your partner that you’re unhappy]
16. You look for things to distract you
It’s not necessarily bad to spend a ton of time on your hobbies, it’s healthy to have activities you can do without your partner. But if you spend all your time on your hobbies, even when your partner wants to hang out, it may be time to rethink your relationship.
If you use your hobbies to avoid dealing with your relationship problems, you should be honest with your partner about how you feel.
17. You don’t feel the urge to keep yourself attractive for your partner
Keeping yourself in top shape is a great way to help maintain your partner’s interest in you over the long term. And even if you are already in shape, there should still be that desire to dress up and look nice for your partner every once in a while.
If you suddenly stop feeling the need to do this, it could be because you no longer care if they desire you on a physical level. [Read: How to look fabulous and appealing when trying to get attention]
18. You don’t really care if they flirt with other people
If you are at a party and you see your partner flirting with someone, and it just doesn’t bother you at all, something is probably not right.
A little bit of jealousy lets you know that you still value your partner’s attention. Not getting jealous at all means you’ve stopped caring if someone snatches your partner away. [Read: Could it just be one of the relationship stages couples go through?]
19. You’re only interested in yourself
One of the signs of a happy relationship is the unconditional love that both lovers have for each other.
But as the relationship starts to lose its romance, both partners start to become selfish, be it about sharing food, dressing up well, or helping each other grow.
When you start to fall out of love, you won’t mind letting your partner suffer as long as it can be advantageous to you. [Read: The clearest signs you’re being really selfish in your relationship]
20. You feel you deserve better
You may like your partner and have a great time with them, but deep within, do you truly believe you deserve better?
If you’re in a relationship knowing full well that you’d leave your partner if someone better walked into your life, really, is that even love? [Read: The love lessons you can learn only from experience]
21. You don’t spend time together anymore
One of the main links that hold a relationship together is communication and togetherness. Sometimes, as love starts to fade away, both of you may start to spend less time with each other.
And eventually, before you know it, weekends and holidays may pass without either of you taking the initiative to spend time with each other.
If you can’t spend a few hours with each other and don’t really care about communication and togetherness, there’s no hope for the relationship to survive. [Read: The signs of indifference in a relationship that predict a real drift]
22. You’re jealous of your partner
Are you secretly jealous of your partner? A teensy bit of envy is certainly acceptable. After all, if you are going out with an attractive and charming person, you are going to be awed by them now and then.
But when the awe and envy turn to green-eyed jealousy, the relationship starts to get shaky.
But if you do take that a step further and try to secretly jeopardize their success, it’s better to end the relationship rather than face the bitter consequences. [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship and overcome it]
23. You have no respect for your partner
When you lose respect for your partner, you wouldn’t think twice about yelling at them or even scorning them for a small mistake, even when there are others around to bear eyewitness.
When you think your partner’s a loser, a worthless slob, or a despicable human, you definitely can’t be in love with them. You’re probably putting up with them only because you don’t want a drastic change in your lifestyle.
You can’t really be in love with someone you don’t respect. It’s as simple as that. [Read: 15 signs of a lack of respect in a relationship that proves you don’t love each other]
24. You spend more time with others when you go out
When you go out, does your partner spend less time talking with you and more time with other people, or on their phone?
While this may seem like a sign of falling out of love, your partner may just be excited to socialize with others or may assume they have nothing interesting to say. But if this does bother you, make the effort to take the first initiative.
Sometimes, both partners end up slacking because neither one sees the other partner making the effort! [Read: The sign it’s time to break up even if it’s the hardest thing to do]
What to do when you fall out of love with your partner
If you really think that you’ve fallen out of love, you have a decision to make.
Are you going to try and fight for it, or will you call it quits and call for a breakup? It’s certainly worthwhile trying to fix things if you can.
That way, you can be sure that your relationship didn’t just fall into a rut when you look back in a few years. There’s nothing worse than regret.
Here are a few ways you can identify the problem and try to fix it.
1. Journal and keep track
Keeping a journal will help you work out your true feelings over a period of time. We all go through rough patches and sometimes that affects how we feel temporarily. But a journal will give you the bigger picture. [Read: 28 self-improvement secrets to improve yourself and transform into your best self]
2. Identify what you want in your future
What do you really want? Can you see this person beside you in your days ahead?
Spend some time thinking about your future and what you definitely want to achieve. If this person doesn’t fit in with your plan, maybe it’s time to part ways.
3. Tackle resentment quickly
Resentment is like a virus, it grows and infects everything and everyone around it. If you feel like you resent your partner, it’s time to work out why and try to fix it.
Communicate and try to spend more time doing things you love together. Maybe it’s just a phase. [Read: 25 ways to let go of resentment, stop feeling bitter, and start living]
4. Discuss and reinvest in your shared values
Sit down and talk about the things that are important to both of you. What can you do to keep you both moving toward those values and to bring more excitement into your relationship?
5. Ask for outside help
Some couples find therapy a really helpful tool to help them move away from difficult situations in their relationship. If this is something you feel would help, don’t be afraid to reach out. [Read: Relationship therapy – 25 clues to know if it’ll help your romance]
6. Don’t force it
In the end, if it’s just not working, you shouldn’t force it. In these cases, it’s best to walk away.
Not everyone is meant to be.
Can you stop yourself from falling out of love?
You can do your best to try and instill excitement and happiness into your relationship, but if there is a deeper issue, there’s not a whole lot you can do about it.
Communication is vital when dealing with problems like this. Your partner has to be as willing as you are to try and work through your issues.
Identify what the problem is and why you feel like the love is dwindling. Sometimes, awareness is all it takes to put the wheels of healing in motion.
However, if you try many things and it just doesn’t work, there’s not a lot you can do to stop the love from drifting away. In that case, accept the relationship isn’t meant to be and move on.
[Read: How to have a long term relationship that lasts]
Falling out of love is natural and something all of us may come to face. But it’s still a choice. You can choose to save your relationship, or give it up and move on in the hope of greener pastures.
