Having Sex with Your Best Friend: How to Make Up Your Mind


Here, we weigh the pros and cons of having sex with your best friend, and what you should do if you actually wake up in bed naked next to them.

Ever heard a married friend say that she married her best friend? Has this ever made you wonder what it would be like to actually have sex with your best friend?

After all, if there’s one guy who knows you best and whom you know will be loyal to you through and through, it’s your best friend. He knows what you like, you share the same interests, and he can easily tell if you’re having a bad day just by how you walk.

However, just like the movies Friends With Benefits, Harry Met Sally, and My Best Friend’s Wedding, the idea of men and women having great platonic relationships without sexual tension can just be too much. While there are people who are happy to say they are in a relationship with their best friend, there are still those who can’t bear the thought of even just making out with their guy bestie. [Read: How to have a platonic relationship and not ruin it with sex]

So to finally settle the matter, we take a close look at the pros and cons of crossing the line and sleeping with your best friend, and what to do if you really do end up doing the deed.

Sex with your best friend: Reasons to go for it

#1 He knows you best. There’s no better bedroom candidate than your best friend, because he knows you best. You tell him everything, and if there’s anyone who knows what you like, it’s him. The sex will only strengthen your connection even more.

#2 He may already like you a lot. Meeting someone new or starting a relationship with someone new can be a big risk. It’s nerve-wracking. There’s a question of chemistry. With your guy best friend, you already have this bond. And best of all, he may already like you a lot, but is just afraid to make a move. [Read: 17 clear signs you should be dating your best friend already]

#3 He knows how to please you… in bed. Being together all the time, it’s more than likely that feelings will eventually develop. And if they have on his part, he may have already imagined how you are in bed.

The fact that you are so comfortable enough with him that you also tell him bits and pieces of your sex life will also help him in that department. So when you finally do the deed, all the awkwardness will be gone and he may even know how to play you like a guitar.

#4 He knows your family and friends. If having sex with him is a prelude to a romantic relationship, then go for it. Since he knows all your family and friends, it’s more than likely that they will approve of your relationship as compared to with a new prospect, who will have to adjust or find it hard to fit into your circle. [Read: How to ask a friend out without risking your friendship]

#5 He loves you. Despite all your flaws and mistakes, your best friend has proven time and again that he’s there for you. He’s been there for you at your worst and at your best. He loves you and he likely won’t do anything to hurt you—and you feel the same for him, too.

#6 You can always go back to being friends. If the sex isn’t that good or if you really can’t find yourselves in a romantic relationship with each other, then you can make a clean break and just go back to being friends or best friends. Done right, you can always agree to continue the friendship because you know you always have each other’s backs. [Read: 10 clean ways to stay best friends after having sex]

Sex with your best friend: When it’s a terrible idea

#1 When it’s awful, it’s appalling. If the sex is good, then surely you’ll both really get into it. However, there’s still that chance that the sex will be bad. And if it’s bad, then it’s going to be all kinds of awkward and awful. You may not even be able to look him in the eye afterwards.

#2 Too much info. Sex is way more intimate than the talks you have with him, even if those talks involve your sex lives with other partners. When the two of you do the deed, you’ll come off it knowing far too much about each other, and this is a territory that you may or may not be willing and able to cross together.

#3 He may not be ideal after all. You may have fantasized about sleeping with him many times, and maybe he’ll admit to you that he does the same. In your mind, he’s the perfect boyfriend and you think the lay will be awesome. However, once you do it, the ideals might be shattered—if not for you, then maybe even for him. [Read: 16 hush-hush signs your friend definitely wants to have sex with you]

#4 It can get tricky. So you may have sex with each other, and it could just be a one-time thing. Or you may have decided that you will just be friends with benefits *after all, he’s the perfect candidate*. However, one of you may develop feelings for the other, leaving one person wanting to be in a more serious relationship, while the other isn’t ready for that. [Read: 25 friends with benefits rules you just can’t overlook]

#5 The risks. No matter how great you are together as friends and how great he is as your best friend, there’s always a risk that these things might change once you take the friendship to another level. Worst-case scenario: you may even end up losing your friendship.

#6 Maybe it’s a big mistake. Having sex with your best friend is like opening Pandora’s box: out comes a lot of questions and uncertainty, and there’s all the baggage that you both carry and know all too well. In the end, one may just end up getting hurt. [Read: Use these signs of sexual attraction to know if the two of you are really ready for sex]

I had sex with my best friend: Now what?

You two are not the only best friends in history who’ve done the deed, so don’t worry. And don’t panic! Here’s what you should do instead:

#1 Talk about it. If there’s one thing you guys should really talk about, it’s this. Sooner or later, you have to talk about it, especially if you both value your friendship. You can’t just go on ignoring the elephant in the room, so the best way to move on after having sex with your best friend is to talk about it and where the two of you want to go from there.

#2 Was it just sex? Were you just drunk? Was he just lonely? Were you just trying to get over an ex? Why did you sleep with each other? Do you see it as a way to start dating each other, or was it just good old sex? Talk about what you both want to happen and see where that leads. [Read: 20 unmistakable signs your friend is crushing on you]

#3 Give it time. You may both be shocked with what happened, so it’s also best to give it time. Test the waters of this new dimension to your relationship and still keep hanging out together. See how things go. Who knows, there could really be something precious and wonderfully romantic developing.

#4 Decide. Eventually, you guys will have to come to a mutual decision on what you want to happen in your relationship. Are you going to start dating or just become f*ck buddies? You both have to decide. [Read: The f*ck buddy guide – How to subtly convince your friend to be a FWB]

There’s nothing as precious as real, genuine friendship. After all, best friends are hard to come by. Still, there’s also nothing more spectacular and beautiful than a genuine romance between two people who know and love each other a lot.

These are the two sides of the spectrum that you have to seriously weigh if you are thinking of having sex with your guy best friend. So before you take that step, think of the consequences. You of all people know what’s best for you, your best friend, and the friendship that you share.

[Read: 36 random, fun and flirty questions to ask your friend]

Having sex with your best friend is a huge gamble. If you lose, you’ll have to pay a high price of losing your best friend. If you win, the payout makes the risk so much more worth it. So weigh your options before you cross the line and have sex with your best friend.

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Tiffany Reyes
Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...
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