Home  >  Sensual Tease  >  Fantasies

Having Painful Anal Sex? 12 Mistakes You’re Probably Making

Many people are terrified of having anal sex. However, painful anal sex shouldn’t happen. Well, not if you know how to do it properly.

Painful Anal Sex

Fear or experienced painful anal sex? For sure, but it shouldn’t be like that. There’s this misconception about anal sex being this traumatic and painful experience. Sadly, that’s because no one knows what they’re doing.

When I first had anal sex, it was the worst experience. I swore I would never do it again. It was like shoving a hot dog into a dry bun. Enjoy that visual.

How to not have painful anal sex

But when I tried it again with someone experienced, I really enjoyed it. So, this myth of anal sex being painful needs to stop. You should at least give it a try and see what it’s like for yourself.

If you follow these tips, you won’t experience painful anal sex. Instead, you may end up developing a love for anal sex. No one needs to have a painful first time anal experience. [Read: What does anal sex feel like, physically and mentally?]

#1 Do it with someone you trust. I mean, sure you can have anal sex on a random one-night stand, I’m not saying not to do it. Just make sure this person knows what they’re doing.

If you trust them, then you’ll have a great experience. If you’re not sure that they know what they’re doing, do your research so at least you know what you need to do and not do. [Read: 10 misconceptions about anal sex]

#2 Lube it up. This is no time to be cheap and try to save lube. The more the better. So, use as much lube as you want because you’re going to need it. The anus is dry, it’s not like the vagina. It isn’t a self-lubricant. So, it’ll be very painful if you try to have anal sex without lube. If you don’t have lube on you, use your spit—just know that you’re going to need a lot of spit.

#3 Use the right lube. Now, you know that lube is a must but you also must pick the right lube. For anal sex, use silicone-based lubricant or water-based lubricant. The only lubricant you don’t want to use is oil-based lube. Oil-based lube breaks the condom. [Read: How to use lubricants to liven up your sex life instantly]

#4 Relax mentally. If you’re nervous and tense, your anus is going to be tight. This could be a reason as to why it’s painful. A tight anus isn’t going to allow a penis to gently slide in. So, if you’re very nervous, then maybe don’t have anal sex right away. If you’re not comfortable, you won’t have a positive experience.

#5 Focus on foreplay before anal. You just can’t jump into anal sex. Approach anal sex the same way vaginal sex is approached. You need to mentally and physically warm up. This means put some time into foreplay. This helps you mentally relax making the experience much more pleasurable.

#6 The position is everything. The position you’re in makes or breaks your anal sex experience, especially for your first time. You want a position where it’s easy to insert the penis and also a position that allows you to control the pace.

Doggy style is a great position for anal sex since it’s the easiest position for the penis to enter the anus. You can also do a “lap dance” position where you sit on your partner. That way, you have complete control. [Read: 12 anal sex positions that make backdoor sex feel so darn good]

#7 Use your fingers first. If you want to relax your anus, use your fingers first. This is the best way to relax your anus and get it used to having something in it. Plus, your fingers are much smaller, so it’s not a big shock as compared to a penis. Make sure your fingers are a little wet and then rub your anus to warm it up.

#8 Take it in nice and slow. There’s no need to ram a dick in your ass. You want to take it nice and easy. What’s the rush? Your partner is probably really horny, so they’re going to try to rush it but you have to know that you’re in control of this. It’s your asshole, so you pick the pace.

Once your partner’s inside, then they can increase speed. But in the beginning, it’s important that you let the penis enter into you slowly. [Read: The curious guy’s and gal’s guide to first time anal sex]

#9 Double the pleasure with your clit. If you’re female and receiving, you can use your clitoris to give yourself more pleasure. Insert a sex toy into your vagina as well. You experience a stronger orgasm if you rub your clitoris or finger yourself. You have a vagina, might as well use it.

#10 Use sex toys. Now, you don’t have to use sex toys for your first time, but after a couple rounds of anal sex, if you want to amp up the sensation, use a sex toy. Make sure you pick the right sex toys as picking the wrong one could make it an unpleasant experience. With that being said, try using a vibrating penis ring or anal beads.

#11 You don’t have to love anal. Some women really love anal while others don’t. If you gave it a try and realize it’s not for you, that’s cool. Just because you tried anal doesn’t mean you have to be an anal queen. Whether you feel pain or not, it’s your choice to either continue having anal sex or not. [Read: Why do guys like anal sex and should I give it a try?]

#12 Yes, it feels like you’re going to poop. If you feel like you’re going to poop, well, that’s completely normal. It’s going to feel a little uncomfortable, I mean, feeling like you’re going to poop but not actually pooping is a weird feeling.

But, this just takes some time for you to get used to. Though, you should know that feeling like you’re going to poop and feeling pain are two different things. Poop feeling=normal.

[Read: A beginner’s fantasy guidebook for anal sex]

If you’ve had painful anal sex before, you probably were able to spot out the problem as to what caused you pain. If you’re having anal sex for the first time, if you have these bases covered, it won’t be painful.

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.

Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
Follow Natasha on