One minute your friend is the same as they’ve always been, just your friend, someone you’ve known for a while. Then suddenly, bam! Almost out of the blue, you’re finding yourself getting sexually attracted to a friend!
You notice that you’re feeling a little bit differently towards them all of a sudden. You start to blush when they walk into a room, you look at their hands and wish they were on you, you look at their lips and wonder what it would be like to kiss them. Then, you catch yourself and panic! “What was I thinking?”
Have you ever been in this situation?
If you have, don’t worry, it’s surprisingly common. Sometimes we develop sexual attraction towards people that we either shouldn’t, or we never looked at that way before. It can be as fleeting as it came, or it can stick around. The problem is, if you attempt to make a move on someone who has been your friend for a long time, how can you be sure that your friendship, the most important thing, is going to remain intact and unaffected?
[Read: What does sexual attraction feel like? How to know exactly]
The bottom line is that you can’t, and that’s why being sexually attracted to a friend can be so different to deal with. Do you do something about it, or do you hope it goes away? Do you say something, or are you worried they will recoil in horror?
It’s very important that you take the time to think carefully before you do anything here. If at any time in your life you decide to be cautious, this should be it!
[Read: Having sex with your best friend and how to make up your mind]
What you need to remember when you’re sexually attracted to a friend
Because this whole deal can be so difficult to handle, check out these points below, helping you to find your way through this sexually charged situation you’ve found yourself in.
#1 Understand that sex is rarely ‘just sex’. For many people, sex turns into something deeper, causing emotions that can be very difficult to handle if the other person doesn’t feel the same way. When you have sex, it’s like you’ve crossed a line that can’t be undone. Are you ready for that?
Are you going to be able to shake off any potential emotions that might occur and simply be friends? Before you decide whether to do something about becoming sexually attracted to a friend, you have to know that sex isn’t just taking your clothes off and doing the deed, it’s an event that once done, will change everything in some way at least. [Read: How to know if the sexual tension is mutual? The clues you need]
#2 Some friendships can handle it, others can’t. If you don’t know your friend that well, if they’ve only been in your life a short while, that could explain why you’ve suddenly found yourself desiring their touch. In that case, a friendship such as this one is more likely to survive a sexual encounter than one which has been established for years.
Sure, some friends end up sleeping together randomly and then go on to get married, but it’s very, very rare. If you’ve been friends for many years and you’re very close, surely the connection you have as friends is more important than a hook up? [Read: 14 rules for sleeping with a best friend you can’t ever ignore]
#3 How will you feel if they move on to someone else? Let’s imagine that this isn’t an emotional connection you have and that it’s a pure sexual attraction. You actually make a move, you end up sleeping together, and that’s it.
By some stroke of luck, you manage to remain friends. How will you feel if they move on to someone else? They’re completely within their rights to do so, but will it hurt you? Will you become jealous? That’s something you have to think about carefully if you begin to feel sexually attracted to a friend. [Read: 15 signs you’re more than friends with benefits and starting to get attached]
#4 Is it just sexual or is it emotional too? Are you sure this is purely sexual or are there lingering romantic feelings under the surface? Take some time to think about this carefully and try and pinpoint exactly what it is that you’re feeling.
If you are developing deeper feelings and the sexual attraction is just masking it, are you able to continue just being friends or do you want to try and see if it could become more? Again, think very carefully indeed, but know what your motivation is and understand where your feelings stem from.
#5 Always proceed with caution! It should go without saying that if you’re sexually attracted to a friend and you do decide to see if they feel the same, you should proceed with extreme caution. There is a high chance they’re going to be shocked, and once that shock dies down they will either be on board with the idea, or they won’t be. If they’re not, will they be able to look at you the same again? How will you feel? [Read: 16 hush-hush signs your friend wants to have sex with you too]
You have to understand that friendship is more valuable than sex. If sex is all you want, surely there is someone out there you can develop a sexual relationship with who doesn’t have the same deep friendship connection you have with this person?
That might end up developing into something deeper, but you won’t be risking a long-standing friendship in the process.
#6 Know that sometimes we become sexually attracted to people but it doesn’t mean anything. Have you ever had a sexy dream about someone you know and then freaked out about it. You start to analyze what it means and panic that your feelings have suddenly gone rogue. Understand that sometimes our feelings just attach themselves to the closest person around, and that it doesn’t necessarily mean anything deep. [Read: Platonic sex – Does having sex with a friend have to ruin the friendship?]
Perhaps you’re just ready to meet someone new, or you’re horny! It could just be that you’re feeling a little sexually charged – in that case, you might be sexually attracted to a friend because you feel safe with them. Don’t panic, it doesn’t necessarily mean that everything has to change. [Read: 14 friendship rules to just be friends without all the drama]
#7 There is no guarantee this is going to go your way. If you do make a move, there is no guarantee they’ll see it the same way as you, and if they don’t, they could react in a myriad of ways.
I mentioned this earlier when I suggested you should proceed with caution, you also have to know that their reaction could be anything from a giggle to full-blown disgust and shock. You can’t control their reaction, so understand that the chances of this going your way are 50/50 at best. Maybe they’ve been suppressing their sexual attraction to you for a while, maybe they’ve never thought about it – you have no way of knowing. [Read: Friendzoned? 13 naughty ways to slide back into the sexual zone]
#8 Sometimes sexual attraction just goes away. The thing with sexual attraction is that it’s very fickle. You can really fancy someone, but then they do something very small and it puts you off completely. So, if you feel sexually attracted to a friend, know that it could pass very quickly and in that case, is it worth risking your friendship for?
If you have deeper emotional feelings towards this person, that’s something else entirely, but if it’s purely sexual, it’s likely to dissipate within a short space of time.
[Read: How to know if someone is thinking of you sexually and desires you]
Here’s something you need to ask yourself. It is worth ruining your friendship for a quick fumble? Sex changes everything, whether you want it to or not.
[Read: Platonic love, sex buddies and all of love’s revealing secrets]
When you feel sexually attracted to a friend, it’s very easy to panic and think that your friendship is ruined. This isn’t the case. We become sexually attracted to random people at the strangest times, and it doesn’t always mean something. However, if you choose to make a move on your friend, you have to be prepared for all eventualities.
Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.
LOVEPANKY IN YOUR INBOX
Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox!