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21 BIG Secrets to Get Over a Crush on Someone and Feel Desirable Again!

Do you have a crush on someone you rather wouldn’t have? Or, faced rejection and you’re keen to move on? Learning how to over a crush is your next step. 

how to get over a crush

Let’s be honest; crushes are amazing! You jump out of bed because you’re so excited, and you go about your day wondering when you’re going to bump into them again. You don’t care about how to get over a crush when you start crushing on someone. All you care about is just how soon you can see them again!

But when you realize that your crush doesn’t like you back, that hope and excitement give way to rejection and that’s when everything starts to go downhill.

Food doesn’t taste as good anymore, life is suddenly mundane, and you feel like a philosopher or a poet the way you’re agonizing over your crush. Every day is torture until you finally get over them. [Read: How to know if you’re lovesick and 20 ways to get out of it]

Are you ready to give up hope on dating your crush?

Let’s backtrack for just a minute here. What happened really? Where did you go wrong? Do they even know you have a crush on them? Did they reject you? Why did you give up?

We hope you have all these answers before deciding to give up. Don’t ever just back out of letting someone know you like them, assuming they don’t like you back.

Before you start learning how to get over a crush, you need to make sure you’re doing it for all the right reasons and not worrying prematurely. [Read: How to lose feelings for someone and let go of the might-have-beens]

How long does a crush last?

If you’ve decided to give up on a crush, you obviously want to know the timeline. How soon can you forget your crush? How soon can you feel normal again? Can you ever get over this person?

The truth is, yes, you will get over your crush. You will forget them soon enough. But how long does it take? Most studies say it takes an average of four months to get over a crush.

That’s just 12 weeks. And it may seem like a long time, but if you use the steps we’ve mentioned here, you WILL be able to get over your crush much faster, maybe even in a few weeks!

There will be some days when you miss them more, and other days when you don’t care for them. But all said and done, you will forget them sooner than you think. [Read: How to get someone off your mind – The 3 stages and steps to master getting over someone]

Does your crush know you like them?

If you haven’t yet told your crush that you like them, maybe pump the breaks on this moving-on idea.

All of us have crushes all the time. If we didn’t have crushes, we would never fall in love or get into a relationship!

Having a crush on someone is never bad, it’s one of the most natural parts of being human *unless there’s a moral reason why you shouldn’t be having that crush in the first place!*.

So don’t feel embarrassed to tell your crush how you feel! If you haven’t tried to get their attention so far, use this guide on how to get your crush to notice you and like you before you even talk to them

What have you got to lose?

The honest truth: A crush is not love

It feels so much like it, but it’s not. Most people assume that they’re in love with their crush. But it’s nothing more than giddy infatuation. [Read: A crush vs love: how you can tell the difference between them]

And the pain you’re feeling right now? That’s the pain of rejection or unreciprocated infatuation, not the heartbreak of losing a loved one.

But honestly, sometimes, giving up on a crush can feel even worse than giving up on love!

No matter what your age, you’re definitely going to get a crush on many more people in your life. If you interact with new interesting people, you may even have a new crush every week. And guess what, people in relationships get crushes too!

A crush is nothing but an appreciation of beauty or certain traits that you admire in someone else. So you can see that getting a crush on someone is easy. But getting over a crush, well, that’s a whole new story. [Read: 16 psychological facts about crushes to decode what you’re really feeling]

How to get over a crush ASAP: The steps you need to remember

For some people, getting over a crush is easy. They like someone, and then they forget all about it. This happens because they don’t assign their crushes as much importance or thought.

But for many people, a crush is more serious and anxiety-inducing. You may like someone and see them now and then.

But because you have feelings for them, you assign so much more importance to your occasional bump-ins, to the point where a brief moment of eye contact is dizzyingly exciting and nerve-wracking!

If you’re one of those people that have a crush on someone and it actually feels like true love, and now you want to get over it, it’s painful and hard. But it’s fixable too!

Give these steps a try, and you WILL get over your crush sooner than you can imagine. [Read: The mere exposure effect and how you like someone more when you see them often]

1. Realize it’s a crush

Yes, you have a crush. It’s not the end of the world. It’s probably the chance for something wonderful. But if it doesn’t work out, that’s okay.

If you don’t think this infatuation is going to turn into a few dates or more, accept that. And realize that if you can get a crush on someone, you can always get a crush on someone else again. It’s just a matter of time. [Read: What does it mean when you dream about your crush? 14 explanations to decode your dreams]

2. Don’t fantasize more than your actions in real life

When you’re crushing on someone, it’s inevitable that you’ll fantasize about them and imagine scenarios where you’re both hanging out together. That’s completely fine. But try to avoid fantasizing and building long-term stories in your mind.

You don’t want to imagine getting married to them or having babies together. Try to bring yourself back to reality every time your mind wanders too far into the future.

Imagine scenarios in your mind if you must, but try to keep it very real. Focus on talking to them, or asking them out. Nothing more. [Read: How to get your life together – 30 ways to live your best life]

3. Speak to them

The most painful of crushes are the ones that are never spoken about. If you want your feelings to wane away, be brave and strike up a conversation with your crush.

When you start talking to your crush, you may start to realize that they aren’t such a fine catch anyway! [Read: How to start a conversation with your crush in a way you find most comfortable]

4. Ask them out on a date

If your crush shows interest in dating you, it’s even better. If they decline, you can force yourself to move on.

Crushes are little fantasies that we create in our heads to make ourselves happy. When you do ask a crush out, you’ll be forced to face reality and ask yourself if you really do want to date them after all.

5. Stare at other attractive people

A crush is your way of appreciating someone. If they aren’t interested, that’s okay. Honestly, it’s not like they’re the only person in the world with those traits. [Read: Science of attraction – 17 things that are far sexier than looks]

Scroll through Instagram and drool over hotties that catch your eye. Force yourself to appreciate beauty when you see it.

At first, you may feel weird about this. But soon enough, you’ll realize that even staring at other attractive people can make you happier. You trick your mind into realizing that there are plenty of fish in the sea!

6. Talk about your crush with your friends

Sometimes, addiction can be overcome when you fill yourself up to the brim and feel sick about it. It’s like getting drunk and suffering a hangover the next morning.

Instead, talk about it like it’s a funny and trivial affair so you start to treat it like it’s nothing more than a little, harmless crush.

When you joke about it with your friends, your mind will trick itself into believing it’s a brief moment of infatuation, and not some forlorn love story. [Read: How to stop having a crush on someone and find your heart again]

7. Distract yourself from your crush

Talk about your crush with your friends, but don’t think of this person when you’re alone. Spending hours fantasizing about your hopeless romance will take you nowhere.

If you find yourself getting distracted by thoughts of your crush, occupy yourself with a good game or a new Netflix series. [Read: The best ways to stop thinking about someone you really like]

8. Get a rebound crush

The easiest way to get over a crush on someone? Get a crush on someone else! After all, crushes are nothing but temporary moments of mad infatuation.

Just start finding someone else attractive and desirable and you’ll completely overcome your earlier crush. [Read: How a rebound relationship can be good for you]

Anyone with a bit of experience with getting over crushes will tell you that the easiest way to get over an infatuation for one person is to become infatuated with another. Pretty soon, you’ll just get over any crush you have, whenever you want to. [Read: 15 very effective rules to forget someone you once cared a lot about]

9. Accept that getting over someone takes time

When it comes to understanding how to get over someone, this is the annoying part. You know you will eventually get over this person, maybe in a few months or even faster, if you pay attention to these steps.

But unless you accept that you have to move on, you won’t. So accept that this will take some time and stick with it.

10. Make a list of their bad traits

This is something that always helps when you want to get over a crush. Take a good look at them, or stare at one of their photos. And make a list of all the things about them that you find less-than-appealing.

If you look deeper at their behavior, maybe you’ll see that they take people for granted, they’re mean, they make fun of people, or something else.

Everyone has bad traits, so all you have to do is focus on what makes your perfect crush, bad. [Read: How to not get attached to someone who will never be good for you]

11. Don’t stalk them online

Social media is so much fun! You can sit behind your screen and find out everything about your crush in no time.

All the way from their special days, their daily lifestyle, their vacations, likes and dislikes, hangouts, and everything else. But as exciting as it is to learn all this information about them, how does it help you?

If you want to get over your crush, start by getting them out of your social media feeds. Seeing constant reminders of them won’t do you any good. [Read: Obsessive love and 15 signs to know if what you’re doing is unhealthy]

12. Flirt with someone else

Start flirting with someone else, in person or online. You don’t have to go on a date with them. You just need to start feeling excited about talking to someone else other than your crush.

Honestly, you’ll almost always forget about your crush as soon as you start having a good time with someone else, even if it is just innocent flirting.

13. Don’t revolve your world around your crush

Would they like the new clothes you’re picking out? Would they like your new hairstyle?

Seriously, stop obsessing about your crush and revolving your world around their likes and dislikes. You don’t need to worship this person when you’re trying to get them out of your life.

If you’re making plans or life decisions based on your crush’s lifestyle, you’re overstepping the line and crossing into dangerous territory. It’s really time you stop caring so much about them and love yourself instead. [Read: How to stop loving someone else… and love yourself more]

14. Accept that being friends isn’t a bad thing

Can you be friends with your crush? Is it worth it? Now, if they’re is a good person, and you can put the awkward crush part in the past, it’s not so bad to stay friends. After all, their friendship is not a consolation prize. 

But if the only reason you got close to them or wanted to hang out with them is to date them, now is a good time to back away completely.

Don’t stay friends with someone in the hope of hooking up in the future. Stay friends with them only if they add value and meaning to your life.

15. Get help if you need it

Sometimes, a crush could start out harmless. And before you know it, you’re crushing on them for several years. And feeling miserable every single day.

If you’ve made the mistake of idolizing your crush and made yourself feel like your crush is unattainable, you may need a lot more help.

If this is something you’re going through, maybe the best thing you can do is find a therapist who can work with you, and guide you toward recovery, one slow step at a time. [Read: 15 obsessive signs of limerence that are easily mistaken for love]

16. Be logical

Yes, love is not always logical, but this is not love. It is a crush. That means logic and reason can overrule it. Instead of lusting after this person, remind yourself of why you are trying to stop having a crush on them.

Are they your friend’s ex? Are they your boss? Make sure this reason is always at the forefront of your mind when they are around. [Read: The subtle signs you’re actually feeling lust and not love]

17. Give yourself space

If your crush is someone in your friend group, try to create some space between the two of you. This can be difficult, especially if your crush is someone you work with or see regularly. But until you dissolve your feelings, spending time together could potentially make things worse.

Try to avoid them when possible, but otherwise, keep things professional and light. Avoid flirting, and if you need to, even avoid eye contact because that is where a lot of emotions originate from. [Read: Falling for your best friend? Here’s why it’s best you back away right now]

18. Go out and have a good time

You do not have to go out on dates in order to get over your crush. Instead, go out with friends, try some new activities, and simply see where that takes you.

Moving on too quickly can throw you right back to your crush and be unfair to whoever you’re dating. But being open to meeting new people in a platonic environment is a great way to remind yourself that there are plenty of great people out there. [Read: How to get over someone you see every day without losing your mind]

19. Say “no”

This goes hand in hand with avoiding them, but it can be difficult to decline an invitation from your crush. You don’t want to be rude, but when you still have feelings, this could be a dangerous game.

Politely decline any invitations to spend time together until your feelings are under control.

20. Focus on yourself

Take some time for yourself. Instead of focusing on your crush or even worrying about how to stop having feelings for them, focus on yourself.

Go for a trip to the spa. Go shopping. Do something you love to do. This can be a hobby like fishing or even binging Netflix.

Not only will this give you a little boost of happiness, but it might just help to remind you that you love spending time with yourself. Being single doesn’t have to suck. So enjoy it. [Read: How to focus on yourself – 27 ways to create your own sunshine]

21. Write it all down

If you really can’t shake the last remaining feelings you have for your crush, write them down. Write a letter to them expressing all your feelings. Tell them how hard it has been to get over them and get it all out on paper. 

Then throw it out. You can burn the letter, throw it in the garbage, or keep it in the back of your file cabinet. But do NOT send it.

This exercise is purely to aid in your mental and emotional state. This lets you release all your feelings without fallout or repercussions. [Read: Tips to help you cry it out and release the pain]

Don’t let rejection make you reject yourself

This is the worst thing you can do to yourself when you have a failed crush. Just because someone rejected you *for whatever reason*, it doesn’t have to mean there’s something wrong with you.

Maybe they have a crush on someone else, maybe they’re dating someone else, or perhaps you caught them off guard at the wrong time. 

All it means is that your crush doesn’t like you back. It doesn’t mean anything else.

Let’s look at it this way. If someone had a crush on you, but you don’t like them back, does it mean they’re a bad person? Absolutely not! You probably just felt they weren’t right for you.

It doesn’t make you think lowly of them, nor does it mean they’re ugly or boring. So why should you feel that way when you’re the one being rejected? [Read: How to feel good about yourself and kick ass in all aspects of life]

Learn from your mistakes and you’ll be more desirable than ever

This is the final step you need to remember when you’re trying to understand how to get over a crush. Where do YOU think you went wrong?

Did you hide your feelings for too long? Perhaps you approached them the wrong way? Or maybe you didn’t spend enough time building the sexual chemistry first? [Read: How to stop being shy around your crush and get their full attention]

Of course, it could simply be that they weren’t interested and there’s nothing you can do about that.

Now that you’re on the verge of getting over your crush, it’s time to reflect and ask yourself what you can change the next time around. We all get crushes, and crushes are what turn into love. But just because you’ve been rejected by someone once doesn’t mean it will happen again.

If you want to make sure your crush turns into something more the next time, ask yourself the tough questions and work on fixing those parts of yourself.

[Read: Do you think your crush likes you back? 15 things you MUST do immediately]

So if you’re wondering how to get over a crush, remember these key steps. You’ll definitely feel a lot better about yourself, and become a better version of yourself.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...