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How to Start Swinging with your Partner

How to Start Swinging with your Partner

Interested in knowing more about swinging and the swingers lifestyle? Find out about the different types of couple swinging and everything else that you should know about how to start swinging  with your partner.

How to start swinging

Do couples actually swing in real life? Why do couples swing in the first place?

As complex as our anatomical set up and mind, our nature, characteristics, lifestyle and social behaviors are unique phenomena too.

We have an insatiable appetite for at least one thing in life, be it food or intimacy, as examples.

Leaving food on the table, we stray into a familiar territory to take a dig on an act of physical intimacy. Intimacy is a term stretched to every direction and now it’s slanting towards swingers and couples that want to start swinging.

Swinging is a non-monogamous activity of physical intimacy treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple. It has a recreational perspective. Swingers indulge in intimate acts with someone other than one’s spouse/primary partner, with the full knowledge and consent of that person.

Swingers have been thriving since the beginning of recorded time. In the era of flower power, swinging was a very “in-thing” and among the most popular “culture”. It has had different social standings through time, of course! The phenomenon of swinging may be seen as part of the revolution of recent decades.

Swinging is like a sport for people who believe physical attraction is part of human nature and should be openly enjoyed by a committed or married couple.

Typically, swinging activities occur when a married or otherwise committed couple engages in carnal activities with another couple, multiple couples, or a single individual. The most common method is an adult male and female couple, meeting other pairs for lovemaking and physical intimacy, and sometimes ongoing intimate relationships. The activity may occur at a swing party, a couple-to-couple encounter, a liaison, or with a third person in a threesome.

How to start swinging – The different types of swinging couples

During these events, swingers acknowledge lovemaking as a game and participants as team-mates. There are few ground rules, but none etched in stone. The prominent carnal activities, but definitely not limited to, are several to mention, but a few of the most popular ones include:


It is the form of pleasure which involves making out with a partner while being watched by at least one other person.


Watching others doing or performing the big bang. It is acceptable in the group event, but not in private areas.

Soft Swap

It involves kissing and stroking and the basics in blowing a guy or tickling a girl down south, with multiple partners. This can be indulged during the threesome, group romp, or while swapping partners.

Peak Swap

This is to have penetrative physical sex with someone other than one’s partner. The idea is almost the definition of swinging, but not necessarily the same.

Group Game

This term signifies the activities involving multiple players in the same lay-out. It usually defines a group of four or more people interacting physically. The most common is two couples, although it can be any gender of four or more people.

Ménage a Trios

Also known as threesomes, this is one of the most common methods of starting in the swinging lifestyle for beginners. A lot of couples will carry on with threesomes long after they become an integral part in swinging. In this, all three involved people interact with each other in bed.

Extreme Measures

These include things such as spanking, bondage, and water sports. The majority of these are very uncommon at most swingers’ parties unless the hosts have chosen a theme for the night, in which case you will be notified well before the night of the party.


People of the same gender interacting with each other sexually. This is much more common between women than men, but it doesn’t mean every woman will indulge in it. Bisexuality between men is extremely rare in the swinging community, and is usually frowned upon if not organized prior, and is usually preferred in a separate area.

Now that you know how to start swinging and also the different types of swinging, click here to continue reading about the rules of swinging.

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133 thoughts on “How to Start Swinging with your Partner”

  1. Dan says:

    I think swinging is an awesome opportunity for many people to enjoy sex openly and without headgames. I have participated in the lifestyle a few times and I will continue as soon as I find another partner.

  2. Alexia says:

    If you truly love someone, I would not advise this. It is a sure fire way to detract attention from each other and instead onto other people. men get too caught up in the thrill of a new partner, women will eventually be left feeling not enough. Feelings get hurt, and many relationships including mine absolutely destroyed. If you need to have sex with multiple people, i don’t think you are ready for a long term relationship.

  3. John Anderson says:

    My wife and I are very interested in the lifestyle. We are very in love and extremely happy, but are looking to spice it up. We have 2 children and are in our late 20s. Problem is we live in a very small town(one red light) and know everyone. We basically don’t know how to get started, what web sites are real, etc. that being said, we also want input on if this is a good idea or just leave it at a fantasy? It seems so much fun and we are extremely confident in our marriage. Any advice is appreciated!?!?

  4. Helene says:

    John Anderson: try adultfriendfinder.com

    Ignore what mainstream people say.. The lifestyle is definitely worth getting into, you meet some of the most open-minded and interesting people. Trust has to be solid between your partner and makes sure that if your partner is not comfortable with anything, stop at once. Also, remember just because you swing doesn’t mean it’s the same having sex behind your partner’s back! It’s not! Good luck! The world will look like a better place once you’re in the club!

  5. John Anderson says:


    Thanks for the advice!! I was thinking that the people whom are so “negative” and against it are basically ones who get into it for the wrong reasons or who have never tried it. Again, thank you. Like I said my wife and I are very attractive and extremely comfortable with our marriage, we just wanted to know how to go about the process!!

  6. Brittany says:

    My partner and I feel the same as John and his wife. Although we are not married we are very much in love and trust each other immensely but we have no idea how to get started.
    We live in a small city in the country so we thought it would be easier but it’s not.
    Can somebody please tell me how to get a foot into the club?

  7. John Anderson says:

    Brittany, where are you guys from? (Not exact location, but what part of what state) We are from the Florida panhandle and live in a one red light town. It is extremely hard to do this and craigslist is crock, no one is real!! I have found that most other sites designed for the lifestyle are also a joke. We just wanna have a good time and meet some new friends along the way. The sites such as adult friend finder, etc are all people from big city’s. I’m not sure where to look. Best of luck to you, I hope it all works out for y’all. Let us know what you find.

  8. Jennifer says:

    John and Brittany…it took me and my husband a great deal of searching..craigslist sucks, okcupid sucks. We didnt want to go to any parties, but I think we had the wrong idea of what a party was. We recently joined swinglifestyle.com you can be a free member but it does have limited use, or be paid member and have full acess. We are free members, every one on here is real and so welcoming and friendly. There has never been any pressure. We are going to our first party this weekend, super excited but nervous. You would not believe the amount of mail we have recieved telling us not to be nervous and welcoming us into the lifestyle. Try it out hope I helped!!!Good luck, and the key here is honesty and communication.

  9. alan says:

    My gf and I have a very unusual relationship. She brings home her little girl friends and we share them often. In addition, there are times when she is too tired and wants to go to sleep so she calls her friend up and the friend comes over for me to play with. The thing is I am not allowed to bring anyone home, nor suggest a girl in particular. I love my girl and we have been together for almost 5 years:)

  10. Frank Hall says:

    OneShe wants to be with another girl. Never done it before. Dont nohow to find. The. One

  11. hellen says:

    i’m black african girl who cares for her husband in a wheelchair, who ihave sex with all of his friends which he places adds online for me to get pregnant,
    so far i only have 1 child from husband i make love to complete strangers who i realy enjoy , i’m slim build size 16 aged 30 yrs old, i have &only have sex in missionary position because my husband told me to take full controll,

  12. patriciagilligan62@yahoo.co.uk says:

    Hi Hellen my GF and i could help you i love missionary position and can plant my seed in your beautiful body ,we are a loving couple and would love to help xxx

  13. unversial says:

    i think its somthing would be wild crazy but over hot,never tried it, cuz we donot have it in my city

  14. TRISH ROGERSON says:

    I met my husband as a swinger and that was 13 years ago. I must say I didnt know much about the lifestyle then but as time past I slowly started experiencing with him and we’ve had some fun times but there are times when I don’t feel like I fit in as far as sex clubs are concerned. I do know that I still have a lot more that I need to learn and the more I learn the more I enjoy myself when swinging with my husband… My husband and I are very much inlove, he treats me like a princess and puts me and my feelings first no matter what and that tells me a lot. He suggest that if we meet other couples to spend more time with than I will have a lot more fun learning as I go. I haven’t met to many females that are as nice to me as I am to others so that kind of bums me out a little. But hay !!!!!!! I am having fun and as long as we keep it respectful then I don’t see any harm in our lifestyle. 😉 anyone have any advise for me or anything ? Lol it sure would help me

  15. angela says:

    ok im new , but me and my husband have reached a level where we don’t enjoy sex with eachother so now like to try something new, because we both are to young to not have sex anymore so this is something we both have wanted to do for some years, whats next

  16. The O Zone says:

    If you are going to get involved in the swingers lifestyle, the first thing that you need to do is set some ground rules with your partner. Being on the same page is important and will help you both enjoy the experience together.

  17. bllu says:

    i am and my wife is intrasted group sex and wife chang

  18. Don Dressel says:

    I do not believe in this lifestyle as I think it will eventually ruin your relationship. Sex is private and if you really love someone you should not want sex from someone else. I am not judging anyone else and it is just what I believe. What is good for some people is not always good for others. Maybe I am just jealous?

  19. DJ Bones says:

    Don you need to be able to separate the enjoyment of sex from the emotional part of sex… my wife and I make love every night… we have sex with others in the life style. I met her threw the life style I proposed to her at a swingers club and her baby shower was there too. we have made such wonderful life long friends from this. and our bond is stronger than ever. We have the best relationship because there is no secrets and no cheating. we don’t have to….. If she sees a hot guy and wants him all she has to do is ask me…. there is no secret longing no resentment that I don’t look as good as him… she just wants his body not his heart… and same goes for me… how many people cheat on their spouses and get emotionally involved… we don’t get emotions mixed up in the sex… and for us we don’t kiss our playmates we find that to bee too personal… just our rule and the other thing we do is make love after playing to re affirm our bond too.. some say they have found the only one they ever want… okay think of it like this… your partner is your favorite soda…. are you only ever going to drink that one soda forever? Coke will always be my favorite but if I drank it everyday it would loose it’s appeal.. so I’ll grab a Pepsi … tastes good for that one time but reminds me just how much I love that Coke and cleanses the pallet a bit so that coke tastes so good when I go back to it… reminds me why I like it so much…..

  20. raul says:

    I cant see my wife getting nailed by some other guy…i dont know how you guys manage that , sexfor me too intimate to share with anybody else besides my wife…and some things you just love for life..its not like coke..your parents your kids you never love them less..you never feel like borrowing kids from somebody..so why your partner

  21. budman says:

    Please bare with me here, my story: So, we’ve been married 25yrs – and my wife just admitted to having an affair. A one time event that made her feel so guilty that she came to me admitting everything. The big question is Why? Well, we are currently in counseling looking for all of the reasons. But, she did say that the sex wasn’t all that – what she fantizied it would be like, but it was more of the game or sneakiness that really turned her on. She said that she left immediately feeling guilty and asked that the person never to contact her and that she made a mistake.

    Watching her, listening to her tell me about this affair – everything she said was believable, I believe her. She said its over then its over. Now, we are trying to fix us, understand the why’s – Right…

    It has been only 3 weeks and 3 sessions with a lady that will potentially help us save our marriage.

    My wife expected me to go ballestic, off the hook after telling me that she had cheated, heck I’ve always said that I would kick someone’s A$$ including hers if she ever cheated AND LEAVE – but actually I’m surprised at how I took the news. My first thoughts were at least she didn’t tell me that she was dying or that she was in love with HIM not me. This has kept me sane…I truly love my wife. I’m 50% at fault here, why she decided to have an affair, I have a few ideas what drove her away….any rate she just recently shared a fantasy with me…

    My wife says that she would enjoy watching a sex show, two people having sex. So I started looking around and stumbled on to the life style of swingers. Wow! Never even read or thought about this – swinging. I mention this to my wife, sent her some material to read and asked her – let’s sign up and go to a club, check it out ya know…she seems into it but wants to read up a little. Familiarize ourselves…

    During our phone conversation, I explained to her what little I know about swinging, but mostly what I would want , my thoughts – that I would want to share her with another man – but be there with her. I told her that I believe I would be OK watching her have sex with another man – actually its always been a fantasy of mine and join in with her( not the man) of course I didn’t tell her this.

    And what she said to me disturbed me, bothered me and really just turn me complety off – she says NO way could she have sex with another man while I’m there! That she would want to go off alone. That she doesn’t think she could let her self GO and enjoy herself.

    My reply was that I would want to take this journey together, her and I. Be there with each other, as a couple. Meet other couples – Not separately, like an affair, like cheating – I mean really!! Total TURN OFF.

    I told her no way, that I wouldn’t even go to a party or try it unless we could agree to my terms. Am I wrong here? Is there a compromise? I feel cheated. Your thoughts??

    She says that I’m taking it the wrong way and a said to her that I want this to be an US thing, a couple thing, not a individual FLING…

  22. Phil&Deb says:

    We swing and have been in the lifestle for over 18 years. we have loved every minue of it. We started out just swapping with other couples, then went to some parties, and then evolved into 3somes. We do all of this still. We both are usually together but at times have met others separately. We hve both dated and have had regular lovers. Have made great friends with several couples also. Deb has been to swing parties alone, and has been with several all male groups. Phil is not the jealous type so he loves knowing and seeing her pleasured. This lifestyle has worked for us and we know it is only sex and when we are together, it is love.

  23. Rockin Missie says:

    Hello. We are a couple from a 14yr marriage and we wish to light up the passion again by meeting nice couple who wish to swing. We are socially and physically ok. We are from Mauritius.

  24. Tabatha & Becky says:

    I’m just a curious person my lover and I are looking for a couple to swing with to fufill our fantasy.

  25. Hot Toddy says:

    Specifics please….from a small town on IL/MO border, HOW do you all find the clubs you speak of? What are some reputable websites? We want to indulge but don’t know where to start being from such a small area. Thanks in advance!

  26. christine says:

    My partner and I are very curious we are both divorced and enjoy sex very much and want to try this. He is 46, I am 52 and excited to try as you only live once so thank you everyone for a lot on the comments I feel pretty happy about this decision.

  27. Kay says:

    Me and my partner are interested in becoming swingers? Unsure how we go about starting it?

  28. 20+ years together says:

    I couldn’t agree more. Definitely was not the easiest lifestyle to get ourselves into. But once we found our way in, it’s been an incredible journey my wife and I.

  29. Sean says:

    Me and my partner want to also it’s hard going about it and Finding a couple to enjoy.

  30. Kesha says:

    Me and my husband want a threescore but is very hard to find another female to join in.

  31. bobbertsmithert says:

    What about another male?

  32. Kesha says:

    I’m with that!

  33. bobbertsmithert says:

    Why don’t you ask him? I’m sure you’d get lots of volunteers!

  34. bobbertsmithert says:

    Many people agree that threesomes are easier.

  35. Kesha says:

    I am

  36. Kesha says:

    What are you open to do?

  37. bobbertsmithert says:

    I’d love to have a MFM. I think they’re really hot. Have you ever tried it?

  38. Kesha says:

    No I don’t think I know what that is

  39. Kesha says:

    Is that male female and male

  40. bobbertsmithert says:

    Yes. You and two guys.

  41. Kesha says:

    I have never tried that before. May I ask your age

  42. bobbertsmithert says:

    45 you?

  43. Kesha says:

    Ok good 36

  44. bobbertsmithert says:

    Have you ever done a FMF?

  45. Kesha says:

    Not yet it’s in the process

  46. bobbertsmithert says:

    What sites are you searching?

  47. Kesha says:

    Not yet. I have talked about it, he’s open to anything with me

  48. bobbertsmithert says:

    Are you into girls?

  49. Kesha says:

    More so women

  50. bobbertsmithert says:

    In that case, I think you and your hubby would have a great time playing with an extra female.

  51. Kesha says:

    Yes we’re ready to try it

  52. bobbertsmithert says:

    Most women I’ve talked to say they’d be too jealous to have a FMF, but they’d be up for a MFM.

  53. Kesha says:

    I’m not the jealous type. It’s a turn on

  54. bobbertsmithert says:

    Your husband is lucky, I’m looking for someone like you. But that’s pretty hard to find.

  55. Kesha says:

    There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him or with him

  56. bobbertsmithert says:

    Wild orgy?

  57. Kesha says:

    Anything he want

  58. bobbertsmithert says:

    What’s your wildest fantasy?

  59. Kesha says:

    Watching him fuck another woman while I suck her click in front of an audience

  60. bobbertsmithert says:

    I would like to have another guy fuck my girlfriend while I lick her clit! That would be so hot!

  61. Kesha says:

    It would feel so good

  62. bobbertsmithert says:

    My marriage was sexless so I want to do things differently now. I want to find a woman who would try new things. When I even mention swinging to someone I meet online, they run for the hills!

  63. Kesha says:

    I have been looking in to that

  64. bobbertsmithert says:

    I would even be happy without extra women, if she’d let me share her with other men. But the women think that I’m crazy.

  65. Kesha says:

    What do you want to do with the man?

  66. bobbertsmithert says:

    Nothing with him directly. I would want him to fuck her doggy while she sucks my cock. Then we could trade places.

  67. Kesha says:

    I like that:)

  68. bobbertsmithert says:

    I’d also like to do double penetration with her.

  69. Kesha says:

    Wow I like

  70. bobbertsmithert says:

    Do you like to get fucked in the ass?

  71. Kesha says:


  72. bobbertsmithert says:

    Is that a yes?

  73. Kesha says:

    Yes yes YES

  74. bobbertsmithert says:

    One thing I’ve never tried is double pussy penetration. I’d love to try it if I had a willing partner.

  75. Kesha says:

    Why she not willing

  76. bobbertsmithert says:

    No, I mean that I don’t have a girlfriend. I want to find a girl who will do these things, but I haven’t had any luck.

  77. Kesha says:

    Are you willing to send me a picture

  78. bobbertsmithert says:

    Where do you live?

  79. Kesha says:


  80. Kesha says:

    And you

  81. bobbertsmithert says:


  82. bobbertsmithert says:


  83. Kesha says:

    Good I visit there often I have a sister there

  84. bobbertsmithert says:

    Where do you live? What about your pic?

  85. bobbertsmithert says:

    What city does your sister live?

  86. Kesha says:

    I live in houston. I never received your picture you just blew off my question

  87. bobbertsmithert says:

    I didn’t blow off your question. How can I send the pic?

  88. Kesha says:

    Attached it to the email

  89. bobbertsmithert says:

    Does this go to you privately or can everyone on that forum see it?

  90. bobbertsmithert says:


  91. Kesha says:

    I’m not sure do you have tango on your phone if not download it from the app store and we can text private

  92. bobbertsmithert says:

    Ok I will. I sent you a test pic and it ended up on that pant site for everyone to see. I’m sure the viewers have loved reading our dialog.

  93. bobbertsmithert says:

    I mean love panty site

  94. bobbertsmithert says:


  95. bobbertsmithert says:

    Why does tango need my phone number? Do you have yahoo?

  96. Kesha says:

    No your phone number is for your email

  97. Kesha says:

    It better that this cause I’m going to get off this

  98. bobbertsmithert says:

    Ok I’m on tango

  99. Kesha says:

    What is the Name you are under on there

  100. bobbertsmithert says:

    When you left I deleted tango lol. You got yahoo?

  101. Kesha says:

    No I don’t

  102. bobbertsmithert says:

    Ok I’m on tango.. The same name as here

  103. Kesha says:

    All one word cuz I can’t find you

  104. bobbertsmithert says:

    Yes. What’s your name?

  105. Kesha says:

    Disqus is your name on there

  106. Kesha says:

    Do you have ed at the end

  107. Kesha says:

    I just said hello to you on tango

  108. bobbertsmithert says:

    No. Just like you see here

  109. Kesha says:

    Check your tango I just sent your message

  110. Kesha says:

    Lakesha williams

  111. bobbertsmithert says:

    Got nothing. So you found me? What’s your name, maybe I can find you.

  112. bobbertsmithert says:

    OMG. There are about 50 with your name! Lol

  113. Kesha says:

    Was that you did you get the picture

  114. bobbertsmithert says:

    No luck. Tango is not user friendly

  115. Kesha says:

    Did you get the picture

  116. bobbertsmithert says:

    No. Got nothing. Why don’t you download. Mocospace

  117. Kesha says:

    What is that

  118. bobbertsmithert says:

    Chat app. It actually works!!!

  119. bobbertsmithert says:

    Is this working?

  120. bobbertsmithert says:

    It’s a chat app

  121. Curious George says:

    I want to be in a FMF. Who wants to make my dream come true? I’m the M btw

  122. tired of idiots says:

    people are ridiculous. if you want to swing and sleep around do it BEFORE a relationship. how hard IS that? don’t commit if you aren’t actually willing to. or if you do, make it an open relationship because if he or she can fuck someone in front of you, it shouldn’t make a difference if they do it without you. because there is NO difference. then people break up and whine: “oh what did i do wrong.. i did whatever they wanted..” well they WANTED to sleep around and you gave them permission. once the opportunity opens up, good luck closing it and keeping him or her around.
    they want other people, then you CLEARLY aren’t enough for them,

  123. TiffanyDamien says:

    Then why are you even on this site may I ask? If you are in a committed relationship – soul to soul – but just like sex then this seems ideal to me?

  124. TiffanyDamien says:

    My husband and I have been married for a decade and feel like we’ve transcended to a level where physical love with other partners can be shared and enjoyed together. We have never ‘swung’ but are interested in trying it on our trip to Bethesda next week. Any advice?

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