Does Anal Sex Hurt? 31 Secrets to Make Anal Sex Less Painful & More Fun
Wondering, “does anal sex hurt?” It doesn’t have to. These 31 real, expert-backed tips will help you make anal sex way less painful, and way more fun.
Does anal sex hurt the first time? It definitely can, but it doesn’t have to. Most people are curious about anal sex at some point, whether it’s because of the taboo, the trust it takes, or just hearing how some folks swear it’s their favorite kind of O.
But if you’ve ever tried it and thought, “I never want to feel that again,” you’re not alone. Most bad anal experiences come down to one thing: lack of prep. Anal sex isn’t supposed to hurt, but it will if you don’t know what you’re doing.
That’s why this guide exists. We’re here for pain-free bums and truly hot backdoor adventures. From mindset and anatomy to the exact kind of lube to buy, these tips will get you fully ready to do anal right.
[Read: The dirty truth – Is it possible to have an anal orgasm?]
Why is there such a fascination with anal?
Let’s be honest, whether you want it or not, you’re probably at least curious. Anal sex is one of those taboo topics that never really disappears from the cultural conversation, and there’s a reason why it stirs up both nerves and desire.
Psychologically, taboo = thrill.
Our brains are wired to get a little dopamine kick from doing something slightly forbidden, especially in a sexual context. That’s why anal sex often carries this spicy, off-limits allure, even if it’s perfectly consensual and common.
There’s also the element of trust. Anal sex requires a level of vulnerability and communication that makes it feel more intimate for many people.
And biologically? The anus has a ton of nerve endings. We’re talking over 1,000 sensitive spots that can send intense pleasure signals to the brain when stimulated correctly. [Read: 31 New Things to Try in Bed at Least Once with Your Lover]
That said, it’s not for everyone. If you’re not into the idea, that’s 100% okay. Your sex life is valid without it.
But if you are curious and you want to try it safely, learning how to make anal sex less painful is key.
And yes, while guys may talk about it more openly, many women are curious too, and those who enjoy it often say it’s not about being kinky, it’s about learning how to truly relax and connect. The experience is part physical, part psychological.
📚 Source: Breanne Fahs, 2014, Navigating coercion and pleasure in women’s anal sex experiences
[Read: How to have anal sex and 51 must-know secrets to prepare for your first time]
Is painful anal sex an inevitability?
Does anal sex have to hurt? Not at all. While it’s true that the first few times can feel intense, really awkward or even uncomfortable, pain isn’t a guaranteed part of the experience, especially if you’re doing things right.
Most of the discomfort people feel comes from fear, tension, and not being fully prepared.
According to research, psychological distress and anxiety directly increase physical pain sensitivity, especially in intimate contexts. So if you’re nervous, rushed, or ashamed, your body tightens up, making things way less fun.
The key to avoiding painful anal sex is to go slow, relax your mind and body, and communicate openly with your partner.
That weird “I’m not sure how I feel about this” sensation? Totally normal. But for many people, it shifts into surprising pleasure with enough time, trust, and lube.
📚 Source: Psychological predictors of pain sensitivity, Edwards et al., 2006
What no one tells you about the first time
Let’s get real: the first time you try anal, whether it’s a finger, a toy, or your partner’s actual penis, your body might freak out a little. You could feel like you’re going to poop.
Your sphincter might clamp shut like it’s sealed shut. You might get sweaty, lose your nerve, or overthink the smell situation.
None of this means you’re broken or not “ready.” It just means your nervous system is doing its job: protecting you from something unfamiliar. [Read: Anal Orgasm: How It Works, Feels & 34 Must-Knows to Help You Experience It]
In fact, the anal sphincter is part of the pelvic floor muscle group, and it tightens automatically when you’re anxious or afraid.
It’s a classic fight-or-flight response, and it’s why trying to force things can feel impossible (and painful). So even just putting in a finger can cause that clench-and-sweat reaction, especially if your brain is going “wait, what if I poop right now?”
Here’s the truth: if you’ve douched, pooped recently, or even just cleaned up normally, the odds of any embarrassing moment are super low.
The feeling of “needing to go” is usually just pressure on the rectal walls, which your brain interprets as poop panic.
So instead of powering through, pause. Breathe. Joke about it if you need to.
Your body just needs time to get used to being stimulated in a very private place. And once it does? That sensation often fades and is replaced by something totally different, actual pleasure.
📚 Source: Pelvic floor hypertonicity and sexual function, Reissing et al., 2005
Anal pain red flag: When to stop immediately
Even with great prep, some sensations aren’t normal. If you feel sharp pain, burning that doesn’t ease up, or nausea/dizziness, pause everything.
Your body could be signaling a tear, excessive pressure, or a vasovagal reaction (a fainting response).
Always listen to your body. Pain during anal sex should never be “pushed through.” If anything feels off, stop, breathe, and check in. You can always try again another day.
📚 Source: Pleasurable receptive anal intercourse and rectal trauma risk, Dickstein et al., 2024
How to make anal sex less painful
When it comes to sex, it’s supposed to make you feel good. You’re supposed to feel relaxed and connected to your partner while having your mind blown away.
When it comes to anal sex, people automatically become uncomfortable with the idea of having a penis in their bum. Understandable. Now, the question is, why? It’s because of the association we’ve made in our heads about anal sex.
In reality, anal sex is a lot of fun and can certainly hit the spot, which is what you want.
But we get it, many people have been traumatized by not being prepared for anal sex, and it’s a real shame. Because anal sex is a lot of fun when done correctly. So, how to make anal sex less painful? Let’s explore. [Read: 17 surprising benefits of anal sex your bum would be happy to hear]
1. Be prepared
We can’t stress this enough. If you’re on the receiving end of anal sex, you need to prepare your body. Sure, you can go from never having anal sex to having a large penis in your anus, but that’s going to be traumatizing.
You need to work your way up. Start off with trying a finger, then a sex toy, slowly working your way up. Don’t expect to just get straight into it.
2. Learn about the anus
Hey, it’s your bum. You need to know how everything works down there. Go on Google, get an anatomy book, and learn what the anus is about.
There are a lot of nerve endings centered around the anus, which is why anal sex can be such a strong experience for people. When you learn why it may feel good, you can overcome the possible stigma in your mind. [Read: The embarrassing sex questions most of us are too shy to ask]
3. Talk to your partner
If you’re new to anal sex, this is something you should share with your partner. You’re going to be nervous and your partner should know.
That way, they take more time and are more aware of how you’re feeling and reacting during the experience. Plus, who knows how they’re feeling about it as well.
4. Spend some one-on-one time with your tushy
If you decide you’re going to go for the whole anal sex thing, as the recipient, then it might be an idea to get a little more acquainted with that part of your body, if you haven’t already, that is.
Once you’ve experienced the delights of anal, in the gentle manner that only you, yourself, can provide, you might surprise yourself with how pleasurable it can be. [Read: How do you masturbate? 13 different ways to be a hands-on pro]
5. Get the hose out
A delicate point, but it has to be pointed out that sex isn’t the usual purpose of that particular part of the body. Hence, a little bit of cleaning needs to be done beforehand via enema or douching.
Failing to do so is not guaranteed to cause any pain, but it’s all about being relaxed. It’s about peace of mind and feeling less awkward, and that will help you to be more chilled out.
If, mid-act, you suddenly become conscious of maybe being a little less clean than you’re comfortable with, that might cause you to tense up considerably. And tension is not something you want during anal!
6. Mow the back lawn
The same principle as the last point – the anal area might need a bit of a shave to make sure it is as pleasurable to look at as possible, and save you a sudden doubt that could end up leading to discomfort and pain. [Read: Trim, shave or natural? The real score on what’s perfect down there]
7. Diet planning
In the preceding 12 hours before engaging in anal sex for the first few times, make sure your diet is sparse and healthy. A sudden glut of intestinal gases during anal is not only sensually unpleasant, it can also cause a lot of pain in the intestines.
8. Eau de toilette is a no-no
t’s very tempting to apply some scent or deodorant to the anal region before sex, especially if you’re sensitive to the possibility of producing an unexpected and undesired scent.
However, the alcohol content in these can burn what is a very sensitive place. Just use a bar of regular soap, instead.
9. Dutch courage?
Alcohol is not normally advised as an important part of lovemaking, but in anal sex, it plays a great role in relaxing you mentally, and in relaxing the muscles that are most at risk of distress.
But, that doesn’t mean you should get drunk! If a glass of wine helps you chill out, that’s fine, but stick to one or two at most. [Read: What does anal sex feel like – both mentally and physically?]
10. Chill out
If you’re tense, so is your anus. We know having a penis inside of your anus may sound like a big thing, but it’s not.
Of course, you’re going to be a bit nervous on your first try, but if you follow these tips, you shouldn’t have any problems.
The more relaxed you are, the better experience you’ll have. Plus, your anus will physically relax which is exactly what you need. Painful anal sex happens mostly because of tension.
11. Focus on foreplay
Before having anal sex, you need to be foreplay-focused. Foreplay is essential for preparing the body and mind for sex.
You’ll need at least 20 to 30 minutes of foreplay before engaging in anal sex. Foreplay will allow the body and mind to relax which will physically relax the anus.
Think of it like warming up a car in winter. Except the car is your bum. [Read: How to prepare for anal sex – A beginners’ guidebook]
12. Warm up the ass
Foreplay warms up the mind and body, but it’s time to focus on the ass. You need to externally stimulate the anus.
Get your partner to use their fingers to rub and press against the anus, making it ready for something larger. Make sure they start with the smallest finger, working their way up.
13. Always use lube
We cannot express this any more clearly. You MUST use lube if you want to learn how to make anal sex less painful. It’s like squeezing a wiener into a dry hot dog bun–ouch.
Not using lube will be the biggest mistake in your life and since you’re reading this, you’re not someone who’s into pain for pleasure. Always use lube. Always, always, always. And no, spit isn’t going to be enough. [Read: How to use lubricant to liven up your sex life]
14. Choose the right lube
You know lube is important but choosing the right lube is especially essential. Try to buy lube that focuses on anal sex – they’ll be silicone-based products.
A silicone-based lube will make things extra slippery and won’t break the condom. Oh, and you’re going to be needing a lot of lube for anal sex, so pick a decent brand. Slippy equals better when it comes to anal.
15. Don’t forget the condom
Your partner needs to wear a condom. When it comes to anal, remember, it involves the bum. We all know what comes out of bums. You need to protect yourself and your partner from bacteria and STDs.
If you’re going to be having vaginal sex after anal, they MUST change the condom. No anal bacteria should enter the vagina. [Read: Condom types and how they can improve your sex life]
16. Position is everything
If you choose the wrong position for anal sex, it can be extremely painful for you or your partner. Anal sex isn’t like vaginal sex. You can’t be as creative.
Choose positions that feel comfortable for you. If you’re not sure, always go for doggy style. You can’t go wrong with doggy style. [Read: 12 anal sex positions that make backdoor sex so darn good]
17. If you’re using toys, be careful
If you’re going to be using a toy, you can, but you need to be careful. Picking the wrong toy could lead to you with a sex toy stuck up your ass. That’s definitely a doctor’s trip you don’t want to go on.
Make sure the toys are either wide at the base or have a cable/ring attached to the bottom of them. Also, remember the lube.
18. Never use numbing creams
When it comes to knowing how to make anal sex less painful, you may wrongly assume that numbing creams are the way to go. No! You shouldn’t be using numbing creams when having anal sex.
We know it sounds like a definite way to avoid pain, but you shouldn’t be avoiding pain.
If you can’t feel that something is hurting you, then you can do some real damage to your anus. Pain is your friend and your guide through anal sex.
19. Don’t rush
Anal sex is exciting, but it’s not something to rush through. You need time to get things going. Make sure you spend enough time during foreplay and that your partner slowly works their way up to using their penis or sex toy. Just go slow.
It’s normal to rush something when you’re nervous, but doing so will just make for painful anal sex. Go slowly and your experience is more likely to be enjoyable. [Read: Why do guys like anal sex and should you give the backdoor a try?]
20. Keep communicating throughout
Keep talking to your partner about how it feels and make sure they keep talking to you. Communication throughout anal is key. That doesn’t mean you need to have a running dialogue!
But checking in with each other shows care, and it means that you’re not going to have a bad experience. It also helps to build the trust, which is vital in anal.
21. Remember to breathe!
Holding your breath really makes the body tense up, which will cause considerable pain in the case of anal sex.
The recipient should practice some breathing techniques they can use to maintain the necessary state of muscular relaxation. Plus, deep breathing helps you relax in general too, so you’re more likely to actually enjoy the process overall.
22. Involving the neighbors
Not the actual neighbors, that would be a feature on swinging.
By neighbors, we mean the neighboring erogenous zones which, if not neglected, can turn a perfunctory act into a truly mind-blowing experience. Hands should be kept busy at all times! [Read: The top 10 erogenous zones that every man should focus on during anal sex]
23. Switch positions if necessary
The shape of the inner passage is different for everyone, so different positions also work differently. If you want to know how to make anal sex less painful, pay attention to what works and what doesn’t and choose the position that gives both of you the most collective pleasure.
We mentioned the doggy position earlier, and for many, that’s a good starting point because it allows you to control the depth of the strokes. But, if it doesn’t work for you, don’t worry, there are many other positions to try and just go for what works.
Some people like to have anal in a spooning position, others like to go on top. Experiment!
24. The strokes
Deep strokes don’t often work in anal sex, although there’s an exception to every rule, as they can be quite painful.
The best tip is to find a depth that works for the recipient and make the strokes shallow, barely moving an inch either side of the pleasure mark. [Read: She likes anal sex? 15 ways to impress a girl who loves the backdoor]
25. Never go from anus to vagina
Anus to vagina is NEVER a good idea. It can cause serious infections, which can cause pain not only during the event, but for weeks *if not months* afterward.
If you’re both keen to experience both delights, then stop and change condoms. The same goes for fingers – never go back and forth.
26. You must trust your partner
Sure you can have anal sex on a random one-night stand, we’re not saying not to do it. Just make sure this person knows what they’re doing. But, it’s far better to explore anal with someone you trust.
If you trust them, then you’ll have a great experience and you’ll be able to make anal sex way less painful too. If you’re not sure that they know what they’re doing, do your research so at least you know what you need to do and not do.
Anal is such an intimate thing to explore. Of course, any type of sex is intimate, but there’s something so much deeper about anal that a large amount of trust is required. [Read: 10 misconceptions about anal sex you must know before giving it a try]
27. Double the pleasure with your clit
If you’re female and receiving, you can use your clitoris to give yourself more pleasure. Insert a sex toy into your vagina as well.
You experience a stronger orgasm if you rub your clitoris or finger yourself. You have a vagina, might as well use it. By doing this, you might also find that you relax more easily too.
28. Once you feel confident, try sex toys
Now, you don’t have to use sex toys for your first time, but after a couple rounds of anal sex, if you want to amp up the sensation, use a sex toy.
Make sure you pick the right sex toys as picking the wrong one could make it an unpleasant experience. With that being said, try using a vibrating penis ring or anal beads.
29. Remember that you don’t have to love anal
Some women really love anal while others don’t. If you want to learn how to make anal sex less painful and give it a try, that’s great. And if you realize it’s not for you, that’s cool too. Just because you tried anal doesn’t mean you have to be an anal queen.
Whether you feel pain or you don’t, it’s your choice to either continue having anal sex or not. [Read: How to eat ass – The rimming checklist to eating booty like a boss]
30. Yes, feeling like you’re going to poop is normal
If you feel like you’re going to poop, well, that’s completely normal. It’s going to feel a little uncomfortable – feeling like you’re going to poop but not actually pooping is a weird feeling. But, this just takes some time for you to get used to.
Though, you should know that feeling like you’re going to poop and feeling pain are two different things.
Poop feeling=normal. Don’t worry, you’re highly unlikely to actually do it. And normally, once you’re over the initial insertion and you’ve been going at it for a short while, you probably won’t feel any discomfort at all. [Read: What is pegging? All the backdoor facts to penetrate your man]
31. Remember to enjoy!
You should be having a fun and safe time! Don’t get in your head while having anal.
Take the experience for what it is and have some hot and wet anal sex. Make sure you’re having anal for the right reasons and embrace the fact that you’re exploring something special with your partner.
32. Add aftercare to your routine
Once the fun’s over, don’t just roll over and grab your phone. Aftercare is a big part of making anal sex feel safe, satisfying, and emotionally grounding, especially if it’s your first few times.
Check in with each other. Cuddle. Ask how they’re feeling. You could also use a warm compress or soothing wipes if there’s any soreness.
The more emotionally connected you feel afterward, the more likely you are to want to do it again, and associate it with pleasure, not pain.
📚 Source: Sexual Consent Across Diverse Behaviors and Contexts, Malachi Willis et al., 2021
[Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas worth trying at least once in your lifetime]
Anal sex doesn’t have to hurt, and it sure as hell doesn’t have to be scary. With trust, prep, the right mindset, and lots (and lots) of lube, it can be a seriously sexy experience.
So go slow, listen to your body, and don’t be afraid to laugh if things get a little awkward. Pleasure takes practice, and your bum deserves the best.
Poor anal sex, always getting a bad rap where everyone’s wondering, does anal sex hurt?! It’s time to debunk the anal sex myths by following these helpful tips when it comes to knowing how to make anal sex less painful, and more enjoyable!
