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13 Clingy Girlfriend Signs and How to Avoid It

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Clingy girlfriends aren’t born, they’re made that way. Read these 13 revealing clingy girlfriend signs and find out how to avoid it the right way. By Jessica Dawson

clingy girlfriend signs

There’s a thin line between a clingy girlfriend and a loving one.

But at times, even the best of us can end up becoming a clingy girlfriend without really realizing it.

Being a clingy girlfriend isn’t a bad thing, just as long as you know where to draw the line.

The most confusing part about the clingy persona is that it’s subjective.

An old boyfriend may think you were clingy, while a new boyfriend may think you’re too distant!

Who is a clingy girlfriend?

First of all, a clingy girlfriend isn’t a bad girlfriend. Let me clear that up right away.

[Read: 10 perfect traits of a good girlfriend]

Clingy lovers are lovers who don’t feel appreciated or loved in a relationship. This lack of love turns into insecurity, which can eventually turn into a plea for attention and love.

And that is the real true definition of a clingy girlfriend.

A clingy girlfriend is a great girlfriend who either hasn’t got enough love or just wants more love from her boyfriend. Now is that really a bad thing?

Well, sometimes, it can be.

13 clingy girlfriend habits and how to avoid it

One boyfriend may absolutely love being attached at your hip while another boyfriend may just want to hold hands for five seconds in a day.

Does that mean one boyfriend is better than the other? Well, it all depends on your perspective of love and what you expect out of it.

When you enter a new relationship, it’s not easy to know how clingy you have to be. So follow the new relationship rules and you’ll be all great. [Read: New relationship rules for happy love]

If you’ve ever had one of those conversations with your guy where he thinks you’re too clingy, don’t panic. Give it a thought, and use these clingy girlfriend signs to find out if you’re overstepping the line anywhere.

#1 Space in a relationship

This is the biggest clingy girlfriend trait that most guys despise. Do you give your boyfriend enough time to do his own thing? Guys love their space and they need some time by themselves, even if they’re doing nothing. It’s their way to unwind after a long day. [Read: How to give space in a relationship the right way]

#2 You want to talk for hours and he doesn’t

You may love snuggling up in bed and speak to him over the phone for hours every night. Your guy may love doing that at the start of the relationship, but as the relationship’s novelty starts to wear off and the love settles into a mature and happy zone, he may want to cut down on the duration of the call. It doesn’t mean he loves you less. It just means he’s ready to get back to his normal life when he had other things to do at night.

If your boyfriend hints about wanting to spend less time talking over the phone, don’t force him to talk to you. Instead, keep your calls short for a few days and hang up even before he wants to hang up. It’ll make him miss you more! [Read: Why do men hate talking on the phone?]

#3 You don’t have a life of your own and hate that he has a life

Go out with your own friends. Don’t always be waiting for him to make plans and take you out. Respect yourself and don’t be available at his beck and call. If you want to avoid getting a tag of the clingy girlfriend, make your boyfriend a part of your life. Don’t ever make him your whole life. At least, not until you know he thinks you’re his whole life!

#4 You genuinely think everyone else but you are a bad influence on him

Admit it, your boyfriend got along just fine with his own life until you came into it. You fell in love with him for the person he is before he met you. Yes, he may have a few bad friends. But instead of asking him to avoid his friends, help him learn from his mistakes by subtly revealing the flaws of a few friends when he’s bitching about them.

#5 Don’t always be the damsel

Guys love to play the part of the protector in the relationship. Ask for help and he’ll feel manly. But ask for too much, and he’ll just get annoyed. Learn to ask for help in the right way, and he’ll love you more. [Read: How to be the perfect damsel in distress]

#6 You’re insecure when he meets an attractive girl

Do you ever feel insecure when he spends time with an attractive girl? Why? Are you afraid he’ll fall in love with her and leave you? You may be low on self esteem because you’re not talking to any sexy guys yourself.

Go out there with your own friends and meet hot looking guys and have a flirty conversation with them when your boyfriend isn’t around. You’ll soon realize that just talking to a sexy guy doesn’t mean you want to have sex with him. And you’ll probably start trusting your boyfriend more.

#7 You don’t like it when he spends time with his friends

So your man prefers to spend time with his own friends instead of you? Why do you think he does that?

# He may be spending enough time with you already. *or*

# He may think you’re easily available for him whenever he wants you.

The only reason you feel lonely without him is because you don’t have anything to do besides hanging out with your boyfriend. Don’t be that girl. Have your own life and make him want to spend more time with you. Turn the tables around and he’ll trail you like a lost puppy. [Read: How to keep a guy interested in you in 30 sexy ways]

#8 You think your relationship needs to be improved

Guess what? Most relationships aren’t perfect. If you aren’t happy in a relationship, walk out of it. Don’t try to change someone to suit your needs because that’s not going to happen.

You may think that bringing up problems in the relationship all the time will make him a better man who can love you in a better way. Be frank and explain what you feel without losing your cool. Mention it in a clear manner without any frustrations. But don’t force him to become your idea of a perfect man by drilling him into submission.

#9 You’re very suspicious

Just because he’s out with his friends or working late doesn’t mean he’s sowing his wild oats. Do you really think you can stop a guy from having an affair if he really wants to?

Men and women have affairs because they want to, and if they really do want to have an affair, they’ll find ways to do just that. Your boyfriend loves you for who you are. Meeting one new sexy girl won’t make him think less of you. If there’s love in the air with you, he’ll know the right thing to do. He really doesn’t need a suspicious girl sniffing his underwear each time he comes home. And guess what, the more suspicious you are, the more he’d want to cheat.

After all, you’re already certain that he’ll cheat on you, so he might as well get it done with and prove your point for you! [Read: Affairs in a relationship and the games your egos play]

#10 You want to stay in touch all the time

Let’s face it. All of us are different. You may want him to keep you updated on his life every hour or so, but does he want to do the same? Don’t push someone to do what you want.

You can call him every hour or so and tell him what you’re up to if you want. Call to keep him updated if you’re stepping out of the office to have coffee with a friend. But don’t ask him what he’s doing. Hang up within a minute or two.

If he gets the hint and likes these short calls to keep each other updated now and then, he’ll start doing the same too. If he’s not that kind of a guy, tell him a few times that it would feel nice to know what he’s up to now and then. If he doesn’t like it, love him for who he is or meet someone else.

#11 You want his attention all the time

Do you feel like you deserve his attention all the time, even if he’s busy talking to someone else, working on something or just relaxing by himself? Of course, you are his girlfriend. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his own interests.

Remember that both of you are two individuals who are in love with each other. You don’t own each other. Do you ever feel like you’re the only one making all the plans or trying to hold the relationship together? You may think you’re the savior, while he may think you’re a clingy annoying girlfriend. [Read: 10 annoying girlfriend habits guys hate]

Keep yourself busy doing what you love and make him come to you. Be that perfect woman in his eyes and make him realize how much of a catch you are!

#12 You can’t accept the fact that his life doesn’t revolve around you.

Love makes the whole world go round. It can be frustrating to see that you are not the center of the universe in your man’s eyes. Instead of nagging about it, learn to make him want you more.

Do you get pissed off if he’s watching a movie and wants to call you back in a while? That’s probably because you’re too jobless. Make him miss you by keeping yourself busy. If he sees that you’re not easily available for him, he’ll appreciate you and love you more.

#13 You think he doesn’t love you half as much as you love him

If you ever feel that way, you’re already being clingy. Unless you’re in a relationship where both of you want to spend every minute together, you need to take a step back and let him live his own life.

What makes you think he doesn’t love you enough? Talk to him about it and hear his reasoning for it with an open mind. If you feel like both of you have different priorities in love, rethink the status of the relationship. [Read: Conversation tips to end a relationship the perfect way]

While it’s a good thing to give him some space, don’t ever let him throw you around or make you feel second best. If he makes a date with you and breaks the date to go out with his friends, throw him out on the streets. If you truly respect yourself for who you are, you’ll never hear your boyfriend calling you a clingy girlfriend. It’s time you learn that it’s easier to dump a boyfriend who thinks you’re clingy than try to change him.

How to avoid being a clingy girlfriend

# Know you’re hot stuff. Believe in yourself and respect yourself.

# Don’t have low self esteem. You definitely deserve him.

# Be independent and make him want your attention. Play the damsel in distress only when necessary. [Read: What guys like in girls more than anything else!]

# Be mysterious. Don’t be predictable and easy to read. An open book is boring. A sealed book with a sneak peek is always exciting.

# Always make him want more. Never smother him or give him too much, too early.

# Awe him. Let him see you’re hot stuff and he’ll want you more.

# Read his behavior and try to understand him before he calls you a clingy girlfriend.

# Respect yourself. No one has the right to treat you badly.

[Read: How to make him miss you all the time]

If you’ve ever been called a clingy girlfriend by your boyfriend, give these signs a serious thought. It’ll help you have a better relationship, make your boyfriend desire you more, and give you a life you’ll love!


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Have your say!
  • Dumb women
    December 9, 2011 | Permalink |

    The stupidest thing about clingy girls is that they have no idea they’re clingy. They just think they’re normal and innocent. Is asking a guy to call at least ten times a day normal? Really!! Gosh, my ex girlfriend really should get a life.

  • Leandra
    December 9, 2011 | Permalink |

    Jessica, you make a good point. Clinginess is a state of mind. What one lover considers clingy may not really be clingy. It’s best if both lovers can set a good foundation and understand each other better before calling each other names.

    Relationships can be so much better if only lovers communicate. There would never be a phrase called a clingy girlfriend if lovers communicated and understand each other better.

  • Patrick
    December 11, 2011 | Permalink |

    #6
    Go out there with your own friends and meet hot looking guys and have a flirty conversation with them when your boyfriend isn’t around.

    That is such bad advice.
    If I have a clingy, insecure girlfriend and I find out she’s flirting with other guys behind my back, I’ll dump her.

  • Ninie
    May 6, 2012 | Permalink |

    I don’t think I’m clingy at all. My boyfriend spend over two weeks without calling or texting me, and over three months without seeing each other when we live 30 min away from each other. Around those times, I was the one initiating the calls, the text, not everyday but at least once or twice a week. He’s a very busy business man and I really want to be a supporter instead of a nagger. Some people keep telling me that he’s not that into me. I actually thought about walking away, but his mother just pass away and i fell like it would be the worse move to do this while he’s mourning the loss. We’ve been dating for 6months. I do feel a little distance because it was never like that in the beginning but I’m gonna give it another month or two and see where it goes.

  • .
    May 20, 2012 | Permalink |

    Are you kidding me? “have a flirty conversation with them when your boyfriend isn’t around.” chances are if you’re doing something just while your boyfriend isn’t around, you shouldn’t be doing it! I don’t flirt with girls when my girlfriend isn’t around… This is not good advice at all in my opinion.
    And this: “And guess what, the more suspicious you are, the more he’d want to cheat.” that’s not true at all (for me anyways) that seems more of an opinion based statement and seems like you’re trying to scare the reader… this is not a good article…

  • Natty
    June 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    I agree with the comments about flirting with other people – but whats very annoying is when the guy is all over contacting you like calling every day etc then he stops – its cool a few times I’ve thought hey you don’t need to call me all the times, its nice but I’m cool….
    then suddenly he stops and I’m all like – ‘oh this is cool, I’m cool – then BAM I’m all ‘what if he’s lost interest?’ this has happened to me a few times and I’ve fell right into it.
    I just want to communicate to all guys that in the beginning when your all excited at your new interest you don’t need to call me or contact me every day or multiple times. Its just very annoying when your interest wanes because I’ve either got used to it and then I’m thinking whats happened>?
    Now I’m not a teenager, I’m 25 but it still annoys me – guys you can contact a girl and show her how your interested say with 2 phone calls a week plus texts or whatever not 2 phones calls and a text every day. Urgh.

  • Kristian
    June 16, 2012 | Permalink |

    When it says that some guys may want you at THEIR side all the time… that’s annoying when you don’t want to be with him like that, and while other guys think you need to lay off just cause you sit next to him everyday on the bus… so difficult to read their minds! (:

  • The Thong
    July 13, 2012 | Permalink |

    I always look for clingy women, but they do not seem to exist, ¿where can you find these? seriously. I have been looking for 20 years, and I have NEVER seen a single of them, I am a VERY clingy male, yet I never see a clingy female, maybe all these women are after are Alpha, or Beta males, and not Omega males like me :(

  • Michell
    July 30, 2012 | Permalink |

    The only thing I do not agree with in this article is the ”go flirt with other guys ” statement. While in a relationship you shouldn’t e doing that, that is not respecting your partner. I wouldnt want my bf to be doing the same, so why should I? but other than that, I found it too be really effective advice.

  • Kylee
    July 30, 2012 | Permalink |

    @Patrick – You said “If I have a clingy, insecure girlfriend and I find out she’s flirting with other guys behind my back, I’ll dump her.”

    You THINK you’ll do that. But in reality, you’ll just get scared! If you truly love your girlfriend and she flirts with another guy, you may get annoyed with her for a moment. But for the first time in a long time, you’ll actually realize how important she is. And for the first time in a long time, you’ll stop taking her for granted, and shower her with more love and affection to win her back.

    Sometimes, the fear of failing or losing something is the only motivation to stop taking things for granted. It happens with your job, your college examinations, a silly game you play, and most definitely, your relationships.

    Most people don’t understand this because they’re too scared to test this. But think about this, if your partner dumps you because you were taking them for granted, and starts dating someone else, wouldn’t you go crawling back for a second chance?

    Well, you should be happy it’s just a little harmless flirting in this case.

  • Austin
    August 14, 2012 | Permalink |

    Kylee, I disagree with you! It’s never right in any situation to flirt with another guy when you are in a relationship. I never flirt with other females, but that doesn’t mean I don’t find them attractive that’s human nature. Anyways my point is I’m in a relationship and I value my relationship. I would not for a second think that cheat or even flirting with another girl is worth losing my current relationship. Even if there girl is more beautiful then my girlfriend, because it happens, I still wouldn’t even make an attempt. I don’t want me girl to feel likes she has to compete. I just want her to lead a normal lifestyle. I feel receiving 3-5 text a day and 2-3 calls a week is more than enough, but she has complained about that hence the reason I am here, because I would rather make things work since I sincerely care for her. She just needs to have more confidence and she needs to “Do Her”, while I “Do Me” and help her at the same time…. I have so much more to say, but would rather not waste the time typing it.

  • August 23, 2012 | Permalink |

    Why did everyone miss the part in #6 that says “You’ll soon realize that just talking to a sexy guy doesn’t mean you want to have sex with him. And you’ll probably start trusting your boyfriend more”?

    I don’t think it’s being suggested that this becomes a habit, but more of an experiment. Plus there are subtle ways of flirting that MANY people use and some do them without even noticing. I think the point is if she can realize that a conversation with a good looking guy is just that then maybe she can understand when he says “We were just talking”.

  • Lai
    September 7, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’m a clingy girlfriend myself, I admit that. And this article is very right. A woman would become clingy once she feel that she’s being rejected in a relationship, unloved and unappreciated. Just last month I confronted my fiance about this issue in a ‘calm’ way. I’m a type of woman who really wants to talk about things I find unstable. I told him that I felt a gap in our relationship and that I felt lonely most of the time. I also asked him if I smothered him and that am willing to give a space. But he told me that these ideas I have on my head are all wrong. He loves me so much and wants me to be his wife. It’s just that he is so busy with his job and sometimes wants to have some time with his friends. I guess he just didn’t realized the difference between man and woman. Women are different, we want to feel wanted all the time. That’s our nature. And no, I don’t feel insecure when he’s talking with attractive woman. I’m not a jealous type, just don’t hide something from me and I’ll never be a suspicious girlfriend. Good thing we worked through it. COMMUNICATION is the key. :)

    Karla & Steven

  • Chad
    September 7, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’m a guy, and I can say this, this article really hits the nail on the head. If all the clingy girls can stop getting defensive and start listening to what the author has to say, perhaps their life wouldn’t be so messed up in the first place.

    About the #6 point, flirting with other guys, yes, go do that!! The author asks you girls to flirt with other guys not to go sleep with them. She’s saying flirt with guys, so you can realize that flirting is harmless. By doing that, you’ll get over your insecurities each time your boyfriend talks to another girl.

    And on a whole different thing, if your boyfriend takes you for granted, I think flirting with another guy totally helps. When I saw my girlfriend flirting with another guy as I walked into a room sometime ago, I was pissed off. But as soon as I came close to her, she completely ignored the other guy and started clinging to me. It made me feel so good, and at the same time, made me realize how awesome my girlfriend was, and how many guys were actually trying to hit on her.

    Over the course of a relationship, sometimes, its natural to take each other for granted. By flirting harmlessly with others, you can retain your sex appeal and feel good about yourself, and remind your partner now and then that you’re still hot stuff that’s worth wooing and loving.

    This is just my view, but if you test it, you’ll see it’s true. Sweet talk with a guy at a party when your boyfriend walks in. You’ll notice that he’ll instinctively get more closer and cling on to you the whole night. It’s an instinctive thing. And he’ll compliment you a lot too!

  • vickytroy10@gmail.comvicky
    September 24, 2012 | Permalink |

    this article is such a pile of rubbish!!!! Although it stated right that a clingy girlfriend is ” Clingy lovers are lovers who don’t feel appreciated or loved in a relationship. This lack of love turns to insecurity, which can eventually turn into a plea for attention and love”!!!! So in such cases the best thing to do is to dump the jerk who makes you feel insecure and bad about yourself and blame it on you AND find a boyfriend who makes you feel loved and appreciated!!!!! Life is just way too short to waste yourself and your time on immature guys who “need space” !!!!! Every girl deserves someone who she feels secure, valued, loved, with no emotional drama, no playing games and being happy to be an “open book” with a guy. And a jerk is well capable turning a very secure happy girl into a “clingy” one with his manipulations just to get away with a nasty things he does to the girl!!! So if you feel unappreciated and down, and the boyfriend tries to persuade you that you are so ” jealous and insecure” trust me it will never improve and will always feel that way with that person! it is a warning sign that the guy is not right for you!

  • kim
    December 14, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am a little bit clingy, i just like to know where he is and what he is doing… We meet in the begininng of the summer and feel in love right away. We spent everyday together even in september and partly october, even though the school has already started. He liked my clinginess and he was like that too, but suddenly everything started to change. Sure we had our little fights before every once a while, but those fights became more and more often. He used to give all attention to me, he loved spending time with me always no matter how tired he was and always showed me that he loved me… But out of nothing he said i need to be less clingy and i try really hard and try to do everything perfect, always look and smell good for him. everyone says i have became a perfect girlfriend… But it’s like he isn’t apreciating it, he doesn’t show me love anymore, he lives very close to me and can’t come, he spends more time out partying and putting his friend above me… We see eachother just not so often, and when we do nothing is the way it was… I thought that he m,ight be chating but when i asked him he said no and he never showed signs that he is so i trust his words. I tried being perfect, talking to him and everything but nothing works for more than a week. I’m really getting desperate, because i don’t want to end this relationship. Please i need some good advices :)

  • Cheyenne
    December 17, 2012 | Permalink |

    I understand and I relate to most of these signs but its not my fault. Im always getting hurt in relationships :( smh. I’m trying to change for our relationship, and for the first time in a long time, this might be, MIGHT BE something real with him, unless he wants otherwise and unless he isn’t ready because I’m ready.

  • Nicholas
    January 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have mixed feelings about this article. Some things you said makes sense and I think is good advice. On the other hand, there’s stuff like this:

    #6
    Go out there with your own friends and meet hot looking guys and have a flirty conversation with them when your boyfriend isn’t around.

    So they should have flirty conversations with hot guys just because their boyfriend is spending time with an attractive woman? You never specified what kind of time or who this attractive woman may be. Does this advice still stand if the boyfriend goes to a business lunch with a colleague who happens to be attractive? Either way, if my girlfriend went out to have flirty conversations with a hot guy, I’d furious with her because she’s most likely doing it out of spite and I don’t have time for games. So along with that, I saw a few places here you make all guys out to be these heartless, spiteful monsters and that’s just isn’t true for all of them, which makes it a pretty ignorant thing to say. Another thing, I get the impression from this article that you’re saying, “if you have a problem, don’t work it out, run.”

    Anyways, that’s just my thoughts on it. I think I saw another comment or two that might even agree.

  • webi
    January 18, 2013 | Permalink |

    Be mysterious and unpredictable.
    Its always bad when a woman is advicing other women.
    Now a man will find that manipulative.
    I wonder why wonen never ask me,the man, or any othet man
    For the petfect advice which is this:
    Be well groomed as a lady.embrace your feminine side like
    wear nice skirt opppsed to jeans,let ur hair fall,paint ur nails
    and get your ears perforated
    What about behsviour?stop the bar trips.invite him for ahome
    meal.or take a home cooked meal to his work place.
    Finally just mind your manners. Be the nyce person you can be
    Now what is so hard about that.

  • Aaron
    March 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    #3
    You have no life of your own and hate that he does.

    OOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMFFFFFFFFGGG -DEAD-
    THAT’S PERF.

  • Anon
    March 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    u know its not jus women who do this …. >:/

  • WoW
    March 25, 2013 | Permalink |

    Well jeez I wish I had a girlfriend that wanted to be by my side all the time. >.<

  • tomboy
    April 5, 2013 | Permalink |

    All this stuff is still so confusing to me! and I’m in my early 30′s!! I have a guy I adore, and at first he was all over me, and me all over him. I know things settle, and him spending time with his buddies warms my heart cuz he’s in a good mood after, and always runs to me haha. He says he misses me when he is with the boys.
    But…..why no more sexy texts? Why no more talking about us and our future? Why no more hickeys? Why no more interest in me and my life? I’m a catch, he knows it, but the bare minimal effort is crushing me. It’s only been 6 months. I got enough heat to last like 10 years with this guy. I could do him twice a day and still want to hang out.
    Any advice girls? guys?
    I don’t have the need to flirt with other guys, cuz i think about him too much. I only have eyes for him. I’m hit on all the time and yes its funny and feels good, but what feels better is HIM coming on to me. Fucking porn, it ruins everything.

  • Herrera
    May 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hello there… I have to admit I am a super clingy girlfriend. He is my first boyfriend and we have been dating over a year now. I just miss the times when we have just started dating and he will text me every night saying “Good Night Dream with me because I will dream with you”… or every morning the “Have a Great day” text. The I love you’s… :( and then I feel like always telling him how much I care about him, and he just doesnt. He says that if he says I love you too much it’ll lose its meaning and I agree.. I now I am clingy but I cant help it.. I am trying to stop because I cant see my boyfriend is getting kinda tired of it. I will follow all these steps and tips, but I am afraid of one thing: Once I stop calling him, texting him, once I try to make him miss me, I am afraid he will actually forget me, or get use to not seeing me, I am afraid he will not come back at me like a puppy.. I am really really afraid he will just… not care… He has always been a cold boyfriend but when he does states his love is really special and in a really beautiful way.. I just need advice about the part of my fear :(

  • elizabeth
    June 1, 2013 | Permalink |

    I used to text my bf two or three times a week. Whenever I asked if he wanted to go out he always said he was busy. He never took me out either, I always took him out and paid for him too a lot. Whenever I wanted to talk to him about important stuff he would say he ‘wasn’t in the mood to have a deep conversation.’ It bothered me for months and I believed that I was being clingy. Took me a long time to realize that I wasn’t even in real relationship and he didn’t love or care for me at all, even though I was in love with him because I thought he was so handsome and smart and funny and nice and all that crap that girls always fall for in guys. Guys can be really good at hiding who they really are sometimes. I broke it off with him and am now single. Because of him I get cold feet around guys and don’t expect a lot from them now. Sometimes you feel like you’re being clingy, but in reality you’re not, you’re just the only one putting in the effort to support the relationship. Calling or texting a few times a day and a date every other weekend isn’t clingy, is it?

  • Michael
    June 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    This entire article is seems like the formula of a clingy girlfriend. Each example ends up being a way to manipulate the guy into doing what the girl wants through subversive measures. That is the sign of a CONTROLLING BITCHY girlfriend. The reason I googled and found this article is because my girlfriend is complaining that we dont stay in touch enough when we both work opposite schedules and I try my VERY best to talk as much as possible. But if I ever found out she was using any of these methods to GET BACK at me I would think its SUPER controlling and break up with her. I pray for the guys who date you

  • Tyleshia
    July 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    im in the same situation. It hurt so much to feel like the one you love & care about doesn’t appreciate you. Like in the beginning everything was good. We didn’t argue at all. He used to text me first all the time. He used to call me bae or baby. He used show that he was interested in me. It’s like the second month we started arguing then that’s when he started acting all distant. I feel like if Im absence I feel he wouldn’t miss me or want me more. Idk what to do but he’s the one that made me smile, mad, sad & happy. I don’t want to give up. We’re trying to change our ways but if he not willing to change for the better then I’m done. It’s right for me to change for the better if he’s not willing to change. Help me!

  • Aughsome
    July 31, 2013 | Permalink |

    Tomboy – the reason he’s stopped doing all those “romantic new datingisms” is because he’s bored. He has grown so comfortable in the relationship that he no longer feels like he has to try. Men like and need to be challenged. If they no longer have to work for your affection and attention then you simply become the routine. Yes you feel like giving him your body and soul out of “love” but this is worst thing you can do if you want to keep him around. It is the same concept as having to eat your favourite food at every meal, sure you love it but it will getting boring after a while.

    My advice (as a male who has ended a number of relationships with great women because if this) is to insert some space between you and him and DON’T make him know or feel like he is your world. Make sure he knows that YOU are more important to yourself and that he should be lucky to have you AND that you don’t NEED him, but like having him. Now don’t take this to mean you need to be a selfish controlling bitch, but by being an independent ice queen on occasion (notice I said ‘on occasion’) where he is never quite sure of just where he stands (total security like you’ve given him is a cause of his complacency) with you.

    Great guys (this excludes the whiny betas who are oft clingy and codependent, blech) love what they can’t have and the thrill of the chase and despite what people say, ‘playing games’ is what keeps the passion in a relationship. (Note: by playing games I mean in a flirty/romantic/fun way, not in a manipulative or sadistic way. If you are doing it just for the sake of playing with someone and not in a loving way to enjoy each other then you are doing it wrong).

  • gold4u
    August 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    umm I’m a girl and I think I am the complete opposite to a clingy girlfriend. Usually it’s the guy who calls me and hounds the heck out of me to get together, talk on the phone, text and message. seriously they get mad at me because I’m just kinda very busy with work and friends and other commitments. honestly don’t have a ton of time. It’s actually really hard to deal with because I think a lot of men are used to clingy girlfriends and I think they actually like them because they don’t have to work too hard to get sex or attention or know they are loved. with me, they kind of have to work at it, and a lot get really mad at me about it. but I like being independent very much so I have no desire to be a clingy girlfriend or to have my life revolve around a guy who may be gone tomorrow. but I do get a lot of men making a lot of effort for me and honestly most of the time they are the clingy ones.

  • Mia88
    August 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    I had met a guy who was crazy and very clingy I broke things off with him fast. He told me he loved me after only knowing me 3 days. I learned clingy people only think about themselves and no one else. Clingy people need psychiatric help asap. Clingy people need a life of their own and feel like they need validation from people and they don’t. Being clingy is a sin and if your clingy you will never keep anyone.

  • Homura Bakura
    October 3, 2013 | Permalink |

    Don’t think that it’s just the girls…I had a boyfriend who did the constant phone calls thing. I was sick of it after two days…and I hadn’t been able to do any homework, either, because he talked so long. But I will keep these things in mind when I do have another relationship; I would hate to be the clingy girlfriend.

  • FluireBrealse
    November 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    I just found this site…there was a posting from a woman that really grabbed my attention…It was the same man with all the same details albeit a few minor changes. The name was exactly the same Joseph Robert Williams, from Switzerland, father with cleaning business, died in a car crash, moved mother to the states to live with him, she had a jewelry business, he came here at the age of 20 to go to college and stayed…Wife died, raising son on his own. Really pulling at your heart strings…falling in love without meeting the whole nine yards…Then when we are supposed to meet…all of a sudden the trip to Africa is set in motion…he will send me a phone number etc…the only thing that he didn’t get around to was to ask for money…which I don’t have…and I wouldn’t have done it anyhow…Yes we did exchange addresses and phone numbers…big mistake…I have called the bank and credit reporting agencies. I will also be calling the cops…I don’t know if there is anything that they can do but at least if I report it…it is on record…So ladies beware…the picture of the man is extremely good looking…he gets you with…oh I fell in love with your smile…what a crock…if it sounds to good to be true…remember is usually is! Oh and yes he uses yahoo messenger and says he doesn’t like to talk on the phone and wants you to talk to his son…really plays it to the hilt!

  • Meow
    November 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    Honestly, most of this in very untrue. These are all mind-games or being a servant. I mean it keeps saying ‘You want this, but he doesn’t, so don’t do it’. The one and only legit advice that can be given to a girl in a relationship is that she needs to talk to the guy and they should establish each other’s nature BEFORE dating.
    I’m a girl and I’m perfectly happy for 1 year and 7 months with my boyfriend. We hang out whenever we can, and sure, we may not talk on the phone as often or send cute little text messages, but we love each other. If you’re both happy, then who cares what other people think?
    One of the last people that called us clingy and told us we needed more time apart ended up cheating on her boyfriend 5 times with 3 different guys. The last one she cheated with was a foreign exchange student who she’d just met that week. She did everything but sex with him, which is all her and her boyfriend had done. This was the final straw that ended her 1 and 3 months of bullcrap cheating.
    The other couple that told us we were too clingy almost never hung out and ended up breaking up recently. The girl lost interested and took a break once and the guy lost interest, making their final break-up.
    The point to all of this is that you need to find someone who is like you and agrees with how you both should be so that you’re both happy, whether you both like your space, or you both like being cling-wrapped to the other. Communication is the most important thing I could say.
    This article basically says to ignore how you feel and act a certain way, but I can’t say that I can imagine it working that easily for anyone. You’ll still be unhappy and nothing has changed except for the fact that you’re basically trying sneakily get back at him. The best relationship is the one where you know exactly what each other are thinking–without having to use some voodoo magic to summon the knowledge your partner’s thoughts.

  • J-town
    January 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    Although I may not agree with all the advice given, I think the headings are all true. I sadly can tick many of these, and I know that my boyfriend finds it hard to deal with me (lol) because he is a very independent person and was before I met him too. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to be in a relationship when we first started hanging out, but as it goes we found love. And I completely immersed myself in him and still do FIVE years later. and I can see that it is starting to get super boring for both of us, hence why I’m on this page.
    I love my boyfriend very much and I understand how he must feel as I was in his position with my last relationship, it can be suffocating!
    So whether or not others agree with this article, it agrees with me and I with it and I know that I have to calm down a wee bit to get back to the place we use to be, or close to it.
    It’s about becoming free of your insecurities and trusting in your significant other, which I thought I did until I read this article. But I think this is great.

  • Elizabeth
    January 27, 2014 | Permalink |

    So, does that mean that I’m clingy? I reached for my now ex-boyfriend’s hand, and he slapped it away. I asked him why, and he ignored me. Is holding hands REALLY clingy or something?

  • Luke
    February 8, 2014 | Permalink |

    Oh my God this is pretty much a portrayal of my gf

  • X8
    February 8, 2014 | Permalink |

    Some of the things you suggest women do is manipulative and encouraging the habit of being clingy. For example your tips of “How to avoid being clingy” is more like “How to get him to be clingy just like you”. Some of those tips aren’t about how to feel more secure in the relationship, but rather how to pull at a guy’s heartstrings.

  • preethi
    February 17, 2014 | Permalink |

    Best article i hav ever read..!! Thanks a lot!!!:):)

  • Ken Wood, psychologist
    February 20, 2014 | Permalink |

    Some good points: being too clingy is the first sign of having a borderline personality disorder. If taken to the extreme, it can be pathological for the relationship and worse for the one who is doing the clinging. Some bad points: not being clingy with a healthy balance is probably the best way to lose a relationship. It opens up lots of opportunities for your significant other to begin cheating. I disagree with the author’s points. If you love someone, you better be checking in periodically with him or her; if your partner doesn’t respect that you care, you should dump him/her. When you enter a relationship, it’s about sharing things together and maintaining healthy communication based on trust. If you are making excuses already about one partner being too clingy, then perhaps you aren’t ready to be in a relationship and don’t know the true meaning of what love is. If you feel like you have to create this space, you have your first clue that your partner is not right for you. Communication should be natural, spontaneous, mutual and respectful. If you are having to work at it, worry about it, then your partner is not the one for you and is frankly not ready to be in a relationship with you and is probably just using you as a commodity or accessory like their favorite set of high heeled shoes to try on for when it is convenient or when they want to: that is NOT a relationship! A certain healthy balance of clinginess is necessary to maintain chemistry and mutual attraction. After all, this is what a relationship is about, mutual respect, trust, and caring. If you feel someone is saying you are too clingy, dump them. They are most likely cheating behind your back or not really interested to begin with and looking for the perfect amount of space to begin cheating. The reason you are being clingy in the first place is because you haven’t been respected enough to begin with and all of your hunches about mistrust about your partner have some basis, no matter how small. You should never be told you are being too clingy! It should feel natural with a healthy amount of space. If the space is too great for your level of feeling loved, that’s not the right person for you and you should end it immediately rather than trying to reconcile the relationship because it’s the first clue the relationship is not going to work out and your partner is frankly a disrespectful, sociopathic jerk that deserves to be dropped off in front of the path of a high-speeding train.

  • SadGirl
    June 15, 2014 | Permalink |

    My boyfriend/fiance are dating for last 6 years but since the day of our engagement, he has changed. We are in different countries for work and we are gettin married in the end of the year.
    I am the one who calls him to tell what I am doing and what is he upto. When he is out with his friends, and I don’t call him to give his own space, he would not bother to call me at all.. he does not feel why I am not calling.. He prefers his friends over me. It’s been 4 days and we talked just for 5-10 min.. If I try to talk to him, he says you just want to fight and tries to avoid the conflict that results in no talking at all and we hung up the phone.. and next day he would start behaving as if nothing happened…We are already engaged and marriage preparations are on. I am afraid to get married to him now because he has started taking me for granted. He was not like that before. I am really depressed.. thinking if I should break up with him or take the things as they are..

  • Dana
    July 30, 2014 | Permalink |

    Oh, I’m surprisingly none of these things. But, what if I like constant touching? Does that classify me as clingy in any way (I’m being serious, not coming off as sarcastic)? Example; I haven’t seen him for awhile, due to work or whatever. When I do see him, I want to be held constantly. I just like the feeling of being close. If we go out, I like to hold his hand and get subtle kisses here and there. He hasn’t said anything, and nothings changed between us. I am just curious if wanting to be held or touched by him whenever we’re together classifies me as clingy. I sure hope not…

  • Missy
    August 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    Reading this I want to go over a few things.

    Cheating is never justified. An affair with ex girlfriends an entire relationship??

    It’s not clingy if his friends are addicted to drugs and pulling him into doing it with them. I would consider that a REALLY bad influence.

    Propositioning all your female friends for sex makes you a disgusting pig, and you shouldn’t be looking for LTR’s, which is what he told me he was looking for.
    If he had said he was looking for FWB or casual I may have actually been okay with that. But he lied to get in my pants, moved in with me, and is now this lazy disgusting pig that just sits and plays video games all the time. Makes me sick.

    I’m not clingy, I’m slightly emotionally detached. I was really emotional with him and told him how I felt (in the way that has been described to me by other guys) and when I started crying when he called me a fat pig (I was 7 months pregnant) he called me a stupid wimp and told me to stop crying… or should I say; he yelled at me to stop crying.

    Men who call women clingy, bitch, slut, any demeaning word I find are usually guilty of something. I’m not saying cheating, but guilty of SOMETHING. Maybe he’s using her to get what he wants? Maybe he IS cheating on her? Your actions are your own, you are the owner of what you choose to act upon.

    As for me, I chose to act upon breaking up with my SO over his insensitive childish behavior… he chose to ignore me and stay. So I have chosen to make his living here hell until he gets out of my house.

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