Mean girls are all around us, draining the happiness out of our lives. Use these signs to recognize a mean girl and stay away from her energy-sapping ways.
In an ideal world, there would be no such thing as a mean girl. Every girl would be a girl’s girl—the kind who hypes you up, lets you know when there’s lipstick on your teeth, and makes sure you feel included.
Unfortunately, we don’t live in that perfect reality, and mean girl behavior is something many of us have encountered, whether in school, at work, or even in our social circles. From gossip and exclusion to backhanded compliments, the mean girl persona has caused plenty of damage over the years. [Read: Backhanded compliment: What it is & the best ways to give it back]
Being a Mean Girl Was Once The Thing
Once upon a time, being a mean girl was the thing. Back in the day, we thought sharp comebacks, exclusive cliques, and a little drama were signs of confidence and power.
It wasn’t just in real life—it was everywhere in the media we consumed. Movies like Mean Girls made characters like Regina George and her Burn Book look iconic, while shows like Gossip Girl had us idolizing Georgina Sparks and Blair Waldorf for their clever insults and perfectly calculated schemes.
When we were younger, being the “mean girl” seemed like the ultimate flex. It gave off this illusion of being untouchable, always in control, and at the top of the social food chain.
Let’s be real—at some point, we all thought throwing out a sarcastic one-liner or giving a subtle eye-roll would make us seem cool or important. [Read: 50 smartass & sarcastic quotes to leave anyone speechless & confused]
But then, we grew up. Somewhere along the way, we realized that being a mean girl wasn’t empowering—it was just toxic. The energy it took to tear others down or maintain some “perfect” image wasn’t worth it.
As we started prioritizing real friendships, kindness, and emotional maturity, the whole mean girl vibe started to feel outdated and, frankly, embarrassing.
Looking back, it’s clear that being a mean girl wasn’t cool—it was a defense mechanism. And honestly? Life is so much better without the drama.
The 20 Signs of a Mean Girl
Unlike in movies, a mean girl doesn’t always show up in head-to-toe pink with oversized sunglasses and her squad trailing behind her. In real life, mean girl behavior is often more subtle and harder to spot. [Read: 21 girly stuff stereotypes & typically girly things not all girls like]
It’s not always about dramatic takedowns or public insults—it can be quieter, more calculated, and even disguised as friendliness. Whether it’s through backhanded compliments, exclusion, or constant power plays, mean girls have their own way of making themselves known.
Here’s how to recognize the signs so you can spot a mean girl in any setting.
1. She Always Involves Herself in Drama
Wherever the mean girl goes, drama is likely to follow. Since she has to be the center of attention, she will create a scene or start conflict just to insert herself front and center.
2. She Always Has To Be “Angry” With Someone
If she isn’t angry with someone, then she doesn’t have anything to talk about. Her entire self-esteem relies on being better than you. She only feels good when she makes someone else feel miserable.
3. If You Don’t Do What She Wants, She Taunts You
If you don’t follow what the mean girl wants to do and wants you to do, she keeps at it until she gets what she wants. Taunting, nagging, or just plain coercion are her best friends.
4. She Uses Mind Games to Keep Everyone at Odds to Swoop In And Be The Hero
She loves to pit people against one another. The best way to get in close with someone is to create a rift between two people.
There’s a saying, the enemy of my enemy is my friend or something along those lines. And just to get her way in, the mean girl may even create a rift between you and a good friend. [Read: 25 signs of covert narcissism: a special kind of mind game]
5. She Is Not Above Lying, Manipulating, or Purely Making Things Up
Nothing is out of bounds for the mean girl. She begs, steals, and lies to gain what she wants. Seemingly having no conscience, if the mean girl ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
6. She is Caustic to Everyone Around Her
She injects poison into her group. Everything she touches, she makes more miserable. Negative and overpowering, she turns a fun group into a seething room of unhappy, resentful, and angry women. The only company a mean girl finds comfortable? Misery. [Read: Negative thinking: 32 signs & ways to stop and get rid of negative thoughts]
7. Normally, She Keeps a Cast of Groupies
The mean girl acquires girls to follow her around. Needing people to adore and look up to her, she targets the girls with low self-esteem. She also knows that hanging out with people who she feels are inferior to her; makes her appear stronger.
8. If She Feels Threatened, She Will Take You Down
Everyone is so damn afraid of the mean girl, giving her the popularity she craves. People pretend to like her. They go along with her, give whatever they have to her, and agree with whatever she says, all in the hope of protecting themselves from being caught in her mean path.
9. She Claims Parking Spots, Boys, or People
She deserves the best. If she can’t have it, no one can. If you cross her stake of claim, you better watch out. She’ll never let you forget it.
10. Although Not The Most Attractive, She Normally Has The Best Looking Guy
Mediocre at best, she doesn’t get the guy by being sweet or pretty, she gets him by making him feel powerful. If a guy can date the girl everyone seemingly wants to follow, it makes him the leader of the pack. [Read: Good looking girls: Why guys think she’s mean & 26 struggles of a hot girl]
11. She Makes You Uncomfortable in Her Presence
The mean girl makes you nervous just being around her. Since you know she always prowls about looking for the next girl to take down, you don’t want to inadvertently say something wrong to put you in that position.
12. Normally, She Uses Scare Tactics to Control People
Knowing you fear her meanness, she uses whatever she has over you as a tool to control you. If she knows a secret about you, knows something you did, or can use anything against you, she will. [Read: Questions to reveal a controlling personality]
13. Her Tone is Authoritative and Often Mean
You do what she tells you to, because you know she doesn’t mince words. Her mean tone is not just a tone. Her bark is as bad as her bite.
14 There is Nothing Out of Bounds
You know that little red guy who sits on one shoulder and the white one who tames the red one on the other? A mean girl is void of the white. Rarely having a conscience, she does whatever it takes to get her way.
15. Cruelty is Totally Acceptable
Everyone around a mean girl knows what she is saying and doing is not cool and is stunned by her cruelty. And yet, she won’t bat an eye at her own destructive way.
16. She Uses Others to Get What She Wants
A mean girl sees everyone as a means to get what she wants. She isn’t surrounded by people. Everyone is a disposable tool to her wants and desires. [Read: Be careful who you trust: how to beware of backstabbers]
17. Whatever You Have is What She Wants
If you have something and love it, she wants it too. No one is allowed to have something greater than her greatest thing.
18. If She is Mean to You Consider That a Compliment
The mean girl picks on anyone who is well-liked, pretty, or nice. If you gain your friendships through merit, that is a means to take you down.
If she picks on you, and you haven’t done anything, it means you possess something good and of value. Being driven by jealousy, if she targets you, it means you are someone to admire.
19. The Harder You Try to Please Her, The More She Abuses You
The more you try to appease her, the more she will pick on you. Like a wild animal smelling weakness, your niceness or need to please is sniffed out by her immediately. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and just don’t realize it]
Wanting to always feel superior, the nicer you become, the more she exerts her authority over you. You can’t play nice with a mean girl unless you are beneath her, in her mind.
20. She is Normally the Center of Her Parent’s Attention
Mean girls typically become the way they are because they get what they want when they want it.
She assumes she deserves all the attention, praise, and things her parents supply her. She doesn’t understand the rest of the world who don’t think she is all that fantastic or that she has to earn things.
Alternatively, she is maltreated or ignored by her family, making her crave respect and attention from others around her. [Read: Emotionally damaged: How people get that way, 26 signs & how to heal from it]
Why Mean Girls Become Mean
We also have to understand why mean girls act the way they do. They’re not always bad people—sometimes their behavior stems from deeper issues they might not even realize. Let’s break down some of the real reasons someone might take on the mean girl persona:
1. Insecurity Masked by Arrogance
Many mean girls are deeply insecure. They don’t feel good about themselves, so they project that negativity onto others to boost their own image.
Acting arrogant or putting others down becomes a way to cover up those feelings of inadequacy. Studies in psychology show that this behavior is often a defense mechanism, where people lash out to protect their fragile self-esteem.
2. The Need to Control Others to Feel Powerful
For some, being a mean girl is about maintaining control in their social circle. They might thrive on manipulating friendships or setting the “rules” in a group because it gives them a sense of power.
This kind of behavior is tied to a fear of losing status or influence, especially in competitive environments like high school or the workplace. [Read: Questions to reveal a controlling personality instantly]
3. Pressure to Fit Into Social Hierarchies
Sometimes, mean girl behavior is less about who someone really is and more about where they think they need to fit in.
Social hierarchies, especially during adolescence, often push people to act a certain way to maintain popularity or status. If being cruel or exclusive is rewarded, some might adopt those behaviors to stay “on top.” [Read: The toxic dangers of social media & signs and ways it makes you insecure]
Media plays a huge role in shaping how people—especially young girls—view themselves and others. Pop culture glorified the mean girl for decades, portraying her as glamorous, powerful, and untouchable.
This made it easy for impressionable people to internalize those traits as aspirational. Seeing these characters constantly praised for their behavior sends the wrong message, even if we later learn to see through it.
5. A Learned Behavior From Personal Experiences or Role Models
Many mean girls aren’t born mean—it’s something they pick up over time. If they grow up in an environment where cruelty or manipulation is normalized *like from parents, siblings, or other authority figures,* it becomes part of their behavior.
A child raised in a highly critical household may internalize those patterns and carry them into their social interactions.
6. Fear of Vulnerability or Being Excluded Themselves
Sometimes, mean girl behavior is purely defensive. It can come from a fear of being hurt, rejected, or excluded. By striking first—through sarcasm, gossip, or judgment—they protect themselves from being the target.
Essentially, their cruelty is a way to ensure they stay on the “inside” of the social circle, even if it’s at someone else’s expense. [Read: Reasons why we’re afraid to open up to people & steps to overcome it]
7. Craving Attention or Validation
Some mean girls thrive on attention, whether it’s from their peers, authority figures, or even people they don’t like. By being outspoken, dramatic, or cruel, they ensure that all eyes are on them.
For some, negative attention is better than no attention at all. This is often tied to a deeper need for external validation because they may not feel worthy or noticed otherwise.
8. Group Mentality and Peer Pressure
People are often influenced by the behavior of the group they associate with. In some cases, someone might adopt mean girl tendencies because they want to fit in with a clique that thrives on exclusivity or gossip. [Read: Toxic friends: 22 types, 54 signs & ways to end friendships that hurt you]
Peer pressure is powerful, especially during adolescence, when the desire for belonging is at its peak. They may act mean to “go along with the crowd,” even if it doesn’t align with their true personality.
9. Competitive Environments That Reward Aggression
Certain environments—like schools, workplaces, or social settings—can foster competition over collaboration. If someone feels like they need to outshine others to succeed or gain recognition, they might resort to mean girl tactics, such as undermining others or spreading rumors.
Acting mean can be a product of environments where people are pitted against each other, whether it’s for popularity, grades, or professional advancement.
10. Past Experiences as a Victim of Bullying
Ironically, some mean girls were once on the receiving end of cruelty or bullying themselves. After experiencing what it’s like to be excluded or humiliated, they might become mean as a way of reclaiming power or avoiding being a target again.
It can stem from unresolved trauma, where they replicate the dynamics they once suffered from in an attempt to protect themselves or feel in control. [Read: Emotional bullying: How to recognize a bully & stand your ground]
The Dark Side of the Mean Girl Persona
Being around a mean girl—or even being the mean girl herself—comes with its not-so-glamorous effects. Whether you’re their target, their so-called friend, or the one dishing out the cruelty, the consequences can be heavier than most people realize.
1. The Effects of Being a Victim
Being a victim of a mean girl can leave lasting scars. Constant criticism, exclusion, or gossip can crush your self-esteem, making you question your worth. It can also lead to anxiety, especially in social situations, because you’re constantly second-guessing yourself or fearing judgment.
Research has linked bullying to mental health issues like depression and even physical symptoms like headaches or stomach problems. Victims may withdraw from social activities, friendships, or opportunities to avoid the pain.
The worst part is that it can sometimes feel impossible to stand up for yourself, especially if you’re outnumbered or feel isolated. These experiences can stick with you into adulthood, affecting how you see yourself and how you trust others. [Read: 34 steps to stop being sad & break out of the comfortable misery of sadness]
2. The Effects of Being “Friends” With a Mean Girl
If you’re friends with a mean girl, it’s not as glamorous as it might look from the outside. Being close to someone who thrives on drama, gossip, or power plays can feel like walking on eggshells. You might constantly wonder if you’re next on their list of targets or worry that they’re talking behind your back.
Mean girls can also create an unhealthy dynamic where you feel like you’re competing for their approval or trying to stay in their “inner circle.” It’s emotionally exhausting to maintain a friendship that’s more about control and loyalty tests than genuine connection. [Read: Emotional connection: 38 signs, secrets & ways to build a real bond]
Over time, you might notice how this friendship pulls you into toxic habits, like gossiping or excluding others, just to stay on their good side. It’s easy to lose yourself in the process, and the longer you stay, the harder it feels to break away.
3. The Effects of Being the Mean Girl
Being the mean girl might feel empowering in the moment, but it often comes with hidden consequences. For starters, constantly tearing others down or trying to maintain control over your social circle is exhausting. It can lead to a cycle of insecurity because your self-worth becomes tied to how much power you think you have.
Deep down, many mean girls struggle with loneliness because they’ve pushed away genuine friendships in favor of surface-level connections. Over time, the reputation of being a mean girl can follow you, and people may avoid or mistrust you.
According to research, people who engage in bullying behavior can experience guilt or regret later in life, especially when they reflect on the harm they caused. The worst part? Mean girls often lose touch with their authentic selves, sacrificing personal growth and healthy relationships to keep up the façade.
4. The Ripple Effect on the Larger Group
When a mean girl is present, the entire social dynamic can shift—and not in a good way. For example, her behavior can create a toxic culture of gossip, competition, and fear within a friend group or workplace. [Read: Workplace harassment: 35 things you need to know to stand for yourself]
Others might feel pressured to act in ways that go against their values just to avoid being targeted or excluded. Friendships within the group can become strained as people start picking sides or distancing themselves to avoid drama.
It’s also harder to build trust in these settings because everyone is constantly questioning motives or fearing betrayal. Over time, this environment can drain emotional energy, leaving people feeling tense, anxious, or outright miserable. A mean girl doesn’t just hurt individuals—she can poison the atmosphere for everyone around her.
How to Steer Clear of the Mean Girl
There really is no good way to deal with a mean girl. If you don’t feed into her need to be the center of the attention, then you become the target of her anger. If you do feed into it, then you aren’t being true to yourself. The best way to handle her remains to steer clear of her, but how do you do that?
These are the ways to stay away.
1. Stay Neutral
If you don’t feed into it and don’t challenge her, you usually stay in the safe zone.
2. Hit a Bully Where It Hurts
A mean girl senses weakness and picks on someone. The minute you call them out or make a mockery of whatever they are trying to bully you into is the last time they mess with you.
Bullies like to go against people whom they know they can beat. If you show them you can’t be beaten, they move along to the next insecure person they find. [Read: Signs of attention-seeking behavior that masks their insecurity]
3. Be True to Yourself
Don’t change who you are in the face of a mean girl. She is going to try to put you into a box so that you never get above her.
Don’t let her tell you who you are or get you to do something you either aren’t comfortable with or that you know you are better than her. [Read: 10 self-reflective questions to help stay true to yourself]
Seeking her approval never works. If you are secure with who you are, then you have just to learn to ignore her. You may be her target today, but, the good news, if she can’t get a rise out of you or get you to do her bidding, she moves onto someone else soon enough.
4. Introduce Her to Someone Who Puts Up With Her Shit
Just like a bad boyfriend, set her up with another girl to distract her from wanting to be near you. Steering clear without conflict requires finding someone to take your place. You likely know someone dying to be her number one. Make it happen, and you will all be happier.
5. Find a Group to Take Her Down
Find safety in numbers. There are likely many women who’ve had enough of her shit. If you can find girls to hang out with who have either taken her down themselves or have the confidence she won’t mess with, then you are good by default.
Not that you should run to someone to fight your battles, but why fight a battle when someone else has already done it for you? [Read: Honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]
6. Set Boundaries and Stand Your Ground
The first step in dealing with a mean girl is establishing firm boundaries. If she’s crossing the line, whether it’s through backhanded comments, gossip, or trying to dominate you, make it clear what you will and won’t tolerate.
For example, if she interrupts or talks over you, politely but assertively let her know that you’d like to finish your point. Mean girls often target people they think won’t stand up for themselves, so being firm shows that you’re not an easy target.
The key here is consistency—once you set a boundary, stick to it. This approach sends a clear message that you respect yourself and expect others to do the same.
7. Avoid Playing Into Their Drama or Power Games
Mean girls thrive on drama and control, so refusing to engage takes away their power. If she tries to pull you into gossip, criticize you in front of others, or provoke you, don’t take the bait. Instead, keep your responses calm and neutral—don’t let her see that she’s gotten under your skin. [Read: Drama queen diva: 43 signs she’s one, causes & must-know tips to date her]
Sometimes, walking away or changing the subject can diffuse her attempts to create tension. By not reacting the way she wants, you take away her ability to manipulate the situation. Staying above the drama shows maturity and reinforces that you won’t participate in her games. [Read: How to be funny: 28 must-know tips to make everyone love your humor]
If a mean girl throws out a sarcastic or rude comment, a little humor or confidence can go a long way. For example, if she says something snarky, you can respond with a lighthearted “Wow, thanks for that!” or a confident “Good to know.”
This takes the sting out of her remarks and lets her know that you’re not bothered. Humor can also catch her off guard and make her realize that her attempts to hurt you aren’t working.
The more unshakable you seem, the less likely she’ll be to keep targeting you. Just make sure your response is kind and not passive-aggressive—you don’t want to sink to her level.
9. Resist the Urge to Stoop to Their Level
We know, we know. When a mean girl comes at you, it can be tempting to snap back or try to outdo her with your own mean comments. But fighting fire with fire only escalates the situation—and you don’t want to give her the satisfaction of dragging you into her world. [Read: How to calm your nerves in any situation you’re walking into]
Instead, focus on staying calm, kind, and respectful, even if she doesn’t deserve it. This not only shows that you’re the bigger person, but it also takes away any ammunition she could use against you. Remember, the goal is to protect your peace, not to win an argument or prove a point.
10. Focus on Your Own Goals and Self-Worth
Mean girls often try to make you feel small, but you don’t have to give them that power. One of the most effective ways to rise above their behavior is to focus on yourself. Pour your energy into your goals, passions, and personal growth.
When you’re busy building a life you’re proud of, the mean girl’s opinions start to feel irrelevant. Remind yourself regularly of your strengths, accomplishments, and the things that make you unique. The more confident you are in yourself, the less likely you’ll be to let her words or actions affect you.
11. Confront Them Directly *If Appropriate*
Sometimes, the best way to deal with a mean girl is to call her out on her behavior—calmly and respectfully. If you feel safe and comfortable, you can say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been making comments about me, and I’d like to understand why.”
This can catch her off guard, especially if she’s not used to being challenged. The goal isn’t to argue but to address the situation openly and assertively.
In some cases, mean girls act out because they assume no one will confront them. While this doesn’t always solve the problem, it can force her to think twice before continuing her behavior. [Read: How to confront someone when you loathe uncomfortable interaction]
12. Know When to Walk Away and Protect Your Peace
Not every battle is worth fighting, and sometimes, the best option is to distance yourself entirely. If a mean girl is draining your energy or making your environment toxic, it’s okay to walk away.
Cut ties with her if she’s in your friend group, limit your interactions if she’s a coworker, or even transfer to a different group or activity if possible.
Protecting your mental health is more important than trying to fix or endure the situation. Walking away isn’t weakness—it’s choosing to prioritize your well-being over unnecessary drama.
If a mean girl’s behavior crosses the line into bullying, harassment, or anything that affects your mental health or safety, don’t hesitate to involve someone in a position of authority.
Whether it’s a teacher, manager, or HR representative, they can help mediate the situation or hold her accountable. This is especially important if the mean girl’s behavior is persistent and escalating. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak—it shows that you’re serious about creating a safe and respectful environment.
14. Practice Self-Care to Stay Grounded
Dealing with a mean girl can be draining, so it’s crucial to take care of yourself. Spend time doing things that make you happy, whether it’s hanging out with close friends, exercising, journaling, or indulging in your favorite hobbies. [Read: Love yourself first: Where people go wrong, 36 whys & how to do this right]
Practicing self-care helps you stay resilient and reminds you that your worth isn’t tied to how someone else treats you. The better you feel about yourself, the less her negativity will affect you. A little extra love for yourself goes a long way when facing challenging situations like this.
Red Flags You’re Becoming the Mean Girl *Without Realizing It*
Becoming a mean girl isn’t something that just happens overnight. It can sneak up on you, especially when you’re dealing with your own insecurities or trying to navigate tricky social situations.
Sometimes, you don’t even realize that your behavior is crossing the line until someone points it out—or until you notice how others start pulling away. Here are some questions to ask yourself to reflect on whether you might be slipping into mean girl territory.
1. Are you gossiping about others unnecessarily?
Gossiping might feel harmless at the moment, but it can quickly turn toxic if it becomes a habit. Ask yourself if you’ve been spreading rumors, sharing private information, or talking negatively about people behind their backs. [Read: Bad friendships: 45 signs you have bad friends & need to get new ones ASAP!]
Is it really necessary, or are you just doing it to feel included or make yourself look better? Gossiping can hurt people more than you realize, especially if it’s untrue or exaggerated.
It also creates a culture of mistrust—if you talk about others, your friends may wonder what you’re saying about them. A good rule of thumb is this: if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t say it at all.
2. Do you feel the need to one-up people constantly?
Take a moment to think about how you respond when someone shares their accomplishments or excitement. Do you always feel the urge to top their story with something bigger or better?
For example, if a friend mentions a win at work, do you immediately jump in with something about your own success? While it’s great to celebrate your achievements, constantly one-upping people can come across as dismissive or competitive. [Read: Envious friends: Signs of friendly envy & what makes them feel it]
It can make others feel like their accomplishments aren’t valid or important. Reflect on whether you’re genuinely celebrating with others or trying to shift the spotlight onto yourself.
3. Are you excluding someone for petty reasons?
Excluding people can seem subtle, but it’s one of the clearest signs of mean girl behavior. Maybe you’re planning events or outings and “forgetting” to invite someone, or maybe you’re intentionally leaving someone out of a conversation.
Ask yourself why. Is there a valid reason, or are you doing it because you don’t like them or feel threatened? Exclusion, even if it’s passive, can hurt more than outright conflict because it makes people feel invisible. Before you decide to leave someone out, think about how you’d feel if the roles were reversed.
4. Are you critical of others’ appearance or choices?
Judging others—whether it’s their outfit, lifestyle, or personal decisions—is a common red flag. Have you found yourself making unnecessary comments about what someone’s wearing or how they live their life? Are you quick to nitpick their choices, even if they don’t affect you at all? [Read: Lessons to deal with judgmental people]
Criticism like this can come off as harsh or mean, even if you think you’re being “honest” or “helpful.” People have the right to live their lives the way they want, and it’s not your job to police them. If you notice yourself being overly critical, take a step back and ask yourself why it bothers you so much.
5. Do you find joy in putting others down?
Be honest with yourself—do you feel a sense of satisfaction when you make someone else feel small? Maybe it’s a sarcastic remark, a public “joke” at their expense, or just being dismissive of their efforts. If you’ve caught yourself doing this, it’s worth reflecting on what’s driving that behavior.
Are you insecure about something, or are you trying to assert control in a social situation? Putting others down might make you feel powerful in the moment, but it damages relationships and creates a negative environment. The best kind of power comes from uplifting others, not tearing them apart.
6. Are you secretly afraid of being judged yourself?
Mean girl behavior often stems from a fear of judgment or rejection. Ask yourself if you’re lashing out or being overly critical because you’re afraid of being criticized first. Do you attack others to protect yourself from feeling vulnerable?
This kind of behavior is common, but it’s also counterproductive. Instead of shielding yourself from judgment, it makes you come across as defensive or hostile.
Addressing your fear of judgment—whether through self-reflection or by opening up to someone you trust—can help you break this cycle. [Read: 25 honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]
7. Do you overuse sarcasm as a defense mechanism?
Sarcasm can be funny in moderation, but if it’s your go-to response in every situation, it might be worth questioning why. Are you using it to mask your true feelings or avoid deeper conversations? Or worse, are you using it to subtly insult others under the guise of “just joking”?
Overusing sarcasm can come across as dismissive or even cruel, especially if the other person doesn’t realize you’re joking. It’s okay to be lighthearted, but balance is key. Pay attention to how your sarcasm lands—if people seem hurt or confused, it might be time to rethink how you communicate.
8. Do you dominate conversations or interrupt others?
Another subtle sign of mean girl behavior is taking over conversations without considering others. Have you noticed that you interrupt people often or steer the discussion back to yourself? This habit can make others feel undervalued or ignored, even if you don’t mean to come off that way.
Conversations should be a two-way street, where everyone feels heard and included. If you’re unsure, try to pause and listen more. Let others finish their thoughts before jumping in—it’s a small change that can make a big difference in how people perceive you. [Read: 84 intellectual, deep conversation starters & topics to bond with anyone]
9. Are you holding grudges or refusing to let things go?
Mean girls are often known for clinging to drama, and holding grudges is a big part of that. Are you bringing up old conflicts or refusing to forgive someone over something minor?
Grudges can make you feel powerful, but they also keep you stuck in negativity. It’s emotionally exhausting, not just for you but for everyone involved.
Letting go doesn’t mean you have to forget or condone bad behavior—it just means you’re choosing to move forward. Holding onto every little slight can turn you into the kind of person you wouldn’t want to be around.
10. Are you focusing too much on competition rather than collaboration?
Finally, think about how you approach your relationships—are you constantly comparing yourself to others and trying to “win”? This can happen in friendships, work dynamics, or even casual social interactions. [Read: Socially inept: What it is, 20 signs & ways to feel confident again]
If you’re always trying to prove that you’re smarter, prettier, or more successful than someone else, it might be time to take a step back. Life isn’t a competition, and relationships thrive on collaboration, not rivalry.
Instead of seeing others as threats, try celebrating their wins alongside your own. Building people up is always more rewarding than tearing them down.
Focus on Those Who Build You Up
At the end of the day, we can’t always understand why people act the way they do. Sometimes their behavior stems from their own insecurities or issues, but trying to figure it out won’t necessarily make it easier to deal with.
What we can control is how we respond to it. Protecting your energy and focusing on your own well-being is far more important than trying to change someone else’s toxic behavior.
[Read: Am I toxic? How to tell if you’re the toxic one & not everyone else]
You can’t change a mean girl, no matter how hard you try or want to. Just let it be, and instead, remember that the best way to deal with a mean girl is to spot her and avoid her as much as you possibly can. Focus on the people who build you up—not the ones who tear you down.
