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When You’re Socially Inept: 15 Ways to Find Your Confidence Again

Being socially inept is a lot harder than you might think, and finding confidence if you’re like this is even harder. Here’s how to make it easier.

Socially Inept

Our social lives are important. They help us connect with people, build friendships, and even introduce us to new opportunities that we wouldn’t have otherwise. So, if you’re socially inept and not into socializing, or aren’t very good at it, you can run into a few problems.

People who are socially inept – those who are particularly awkward when it comes to socializing – run into the most issues. They don’t like socializing, and therefore, they miss out on many different aspects of getting together with other people. The main issue they may suffer from is finding confidence.

How is confidence related to being social

You may not think that your self-confidence stems from socializing with others at all, but it’s far more connected than you realize. Those who social less with others due to being socially inept usually suffer from low self-esteem – which actually makes socializing even harder.

When you’re surrounded by other people who are laughing and conversing with you, it’s possible to gain a sense of comfort and happiness about yourself. Those people all choose to be there with you and talk with you, and that can make you feel really great about who you are. [Read: 13 advantages of being a social butterfly who’s outgoing and friendly]

How to find confidence when you’re socially inept

Due to the cycle of being socially inept and lacking confidence, and then needing confidence in order to be social, it’s extremely hard for socially inept people to feel good about themselves. Many don’t know how to regain their confidence so they can go out and socialize normally.

If you feel like you fit this description, there is hope for you. You don’t have to suffer through social situations anymore. Here are some of the best ways to find confidence when you’re socially inept so you can get out there and enjoy time with your friends. [Read: 16 easy hacks to stop feeling socially awkward and loosen up]

Signs that you’re socially inept

If you’re not sure whether or not your awkwardness can be categorized as socially inept, here are a few ways to tell.

#1 You hate going out to socialize. A lot of people who aren’t socially inept dislike socializing. However, if you really hate socializing because you feel that you’re not good at it, or you’ll make a fool of yourself, you may be socially inept.

#2 You get anxious when you have to talk to people. Everyone gets nervous talking to a new crush, but that’s different than having to converse with friends of yours and being anxious about it. If you get nervous to talk to your friends, then you may be socially inept.

#3 You have no idea how to start a conversation. If you really have no clue how to start a conversation in an appropriate manner for any occasion, you might be socially inept without even realizing. If your brain goes blank when someone tries talking to you, it may be for this reason. [Read: How to make small talk without feeling awkward]

#4 You end up embarrassing yourself when you do talk to people. This is one of the biggest indicators that you’re socially inept. If whenever you talk you end up saying or doing things that just embarrass the hell out of you, it’s definitely a sign.

#5 Things never come out the way you intended. When you talk, do things get jumbled and you have a hard time explaining yourself? Well, that’s a sign of being socially inept. And while it does suck, it is fixable.

How to find confidence and feel great about yourself

Now that we know just where you fall on the socially inept meter, it’s time to figure out how to fix this. Finding confidence when you’re like this can be difficult, but not impossible.

#1 Practice as often as you can. Get out and practice socializing as much as you can. Nothing is going to make you feel more comfortable than being out there and making it a norm. You can even practice what you’re going to say and everything so you’ll be prepared. [Read: 12 ways to be more outgoing and step out of the comfort zone]

#2 Stick with a socially savvy person. If you have a friend or two who are great at socializing, stick by their side. Not only will you learn a lot from having them around, but they’ll be able to easily insert you into conversations to help you out a little.

#3 Ask your friends for help. Your friends want to help you – especially if they know how bad you are at being social. Ask them what areas you fall flat in, and then practice conversations with them in private so you can get better at it when you finally do go out.

#4 Prepare to go socialize. Get ready, and mentally prepare yourself. Knowing that you’ll be socializing can help calm your mind once you actually get there. You can also go over certain topics you want to talk about and make sure you have something to say to get into that specific conversation. [Read: How to be more social – 19 ways to genuinely connect with others]

#5 Frequency is your friend. I know it’s really hard to go out a lot when you really don’t like it, but the more you socialize, the easier it will become. You’ll pick up on cues and hints other people give you, and you’ll be able to figure out what to say in different situations.

#6 Don’t give up just because one thing went wrong. If you say something embarrassing or feel really awkward around someone, don’t just give up. Excuse yourself to freshen up in the bathroom or to get some air and collect your thoughts. Pull yourself together and get back to socializing. You’ll find that this can help you remain calm when you get nervous in the future.

#7 Just be yourself. That sounds cliché, but it’s also very true. Many socially inept people have trouble because they feel as though they’ll be judged for speaking how they want to, so they say what they think people want to hear. Only, it comes across as not genuine, and people can tell they’re trying too hard. [Read: How to network at a party like a social butterfly]

#8 Let other people do the talking. If you’re not very good at adding to conversations, be the person to ask questions. Ask someone about certain things and keep the topic on them or things they’re good at talking about. This can make you seem like a fantastic listener, and it’ll still be socializing with minimal effort.

#9 Find confidence elsewhere, too. Don’t just seek confidence through socializing. Go get your hair cut, go to the gym and get really fit, and wear something you feel great in. Being confident in other aspects of your life can help make socializing so much easier, and you’ll feel much more confident doing it. [Read: 19 ways to genuinely connect with others and be more social]

#10 Go out with the intention to just have fun – not be great at socializing. Instead of going out in order to socialize, just go out to have fun! Go to a bar where there’s a lot of dancing and less talking. If you focus on having fun, you’ll look and feel much better about yourself – even if you do end up socializing with people.

[Read: 13 steps to stop being socially awkward and change yourself for good]

Being socially inept is difficult. You lack confidence, and you don’t really get to know people because of your lack of ability to keep calm when you meet them. These tips can help you find that confidence and make the most of socializing.

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Bella Pope LovePanky
Annabel Rodgers
Annabel is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog,...