Sometimes, holding your tongue and being nice to others is difficult to do. So, if you’re looking for some creative insults to use, we have you covered.
If you think creative insults are a relatively modern invention, try visiting an ancient Roman ruin. You’ll be surprised at what some of the graffiti there has to say about Lucius’ poor mother.
Insults go way back. Most of these usually involve rude comments toward certain female relatives and anatomical parts of the insulted. As you see, little has changed with insults from back then, like our “Yo’ Momma” quips which are getting a little too old.
To stay ahead of the conflict-escalating banter, fire wittier, and more creative comebacks sure to bring on the hurt. Good thing the English language provides.
Warning: You should not use the words and phrases listed below in polite conversation.
[Read: 101 savage comebacks for every rude, witty or funny comment]
Why use creative insults
We never want to encourage rudeness, pettiness, or disrespect, but sometimes a creative insult here or there is necessary. Whether it is for the sake of banter, a true argument, or jokes, being unique with your taunts raises the bar.
You don’t just want to put the other person down. You want to show your cleverness too. Instead of things like, “I’m rubber. You’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you,” try something with a bit more shock factor.
Go with sarcasm, go with things that are almost over the top, they are so ridiculous, or just be smart. Using creative insults is the best way to poke fun. Just try to keep these little jabs above the belt, if you know what I mean. [Read: How to be witty – 25 ways to win over everyone with your charm]
Creative insults for insulting someone’s intelligence
Because dropping “stupid” or “idiot” is way too bland. Plus, that sort of insult doesn’t make you seem any more bright. Here are some longer versions of “you’re dumb” to call someone with perceived inferior mental capacity.
1. “You lack so much brain matter that you’d float on water.”
Not only does it rhyme, but it also means you’ve got an empty space somewhere between the ears enough to gain buoyancy.
2. “I’d insult you, but then I’ll have to explain it afterward, so never mind.”
A meta-insult is implying the insultee’s incapacity to understand insults.
3. “I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain it to you.”
This can be used in place of “We don’t accept resumes written in crayon.”
4. “In what way are your parents related to each other?”
Okay, making fun of incest might be a little juvenile, but it is clever.
5. “You know nothing. In fact, you know less than nothing because if you knew that you knew nothing, that would be something.”
Good luck getting them to understand this. [Read: 20 Smart Medieval insults in English that should make a comeback]
6. “I expected an intellectual conversation, but it seems there’s no one around to have that with.”
This creative insult is just stating a fact.
7. “How can your IQ be in single numbers?”
While this is near impossible, it sure gets the point across about their stupidity.
8. “I’d have to understand this for you. Explaining won’t help you either.”
This implies that they are so dumb that even explaining something to them won’t help.
9. “I’m jealous of how you can be so dumb.”
This is a funny version of a “backhanded compliment” by starting off saying you’re jealous of them, but you’re really giving them an insult. [Read: Backhanded compliments and the best ways to give it back in style]
10. “If they ask for a Dr. on board, you should whip out your math degree and start solving for resuscitation.”
This gets across the point that the other person thinks they are smart and educated – when they really are not.
[Read: 12 types of humor and how it affects the people around you]
Insults for another person’s appearance
Probably the oldest inspiration for insults is to poke fun at the other person’s unfortunate physical appearance. But, the best time to use a creative insult for someone’s looks is when they aren’t actually unfortunate looking.
Make fun of things that won’t really hurt them but shock them or make them laugh. It is a much better way to insult someone than being cruel.
11. “Don’t ever wear a burlap sack on your head. People won’t be able to tell where the sack started and where your face ended.”
A regular insult to someone’s appearance would be telling them to wear a sack over their head. This goes even deeper.
12. “You won’t be able to get a dime as a prostitute on a half-price day.”
This is harsh but is a creative insult nonetheless.
13. “Nice face. I bet you’d look good on the radio.”
This is a burn if we’ve ever heard one.
14. “What contraceptive do you use? Your face?”
Saying they are so ugly that their face prevents them from getting pregnant or impregnating someone is pure gold when it comes to creative insults.
15. “When God rained beauty all over his creations, you were probably holding an umbrella.”
This is just straight-up clever. Religious or not, this hits on your intelligence and their gnarly looks. [Read: 33 signs you are unattractive and all the ugly fixes to get way hotter]
16. “Did you use a mud puddle for a mirror this morning?”
Ouch! This can be truly mean if they did put effort into their appearance today, but hey, you wanted some creative insults.
17. “It would help if you sued your parents for looking like that.”
This is funny because you’re implying that they could actually do that. Obviously, that’s not possible!
18. “Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone.”
A little technological humor with this one.
19. “You’re so skinny; I hear the sound of bone on wood when you sit.”
This is another backhanded compliment. While most people think being skinny is good, you’re implying here that it isn’t.
20. “You need to try clothes at the store and look in the mirror before you wear things like this.”
In this one, you are criticizing the way someone dresses here. Don’t forget that can use this with sarcasm as a compliment or as an actual insult.
[Read: Smartass quotes – 48 smart and sarcastic lines that kick ass]
Creative insults when you hate someone
Sometimes keeping your insults PG-13 just isn’t a possibility. These are meant for people whose existence gives you the urge to commit homicide or at least get really creatively foul-mouthed.
21. “You are the poster child for the importance of keeping abortion legal.”
This is super harsh. You may want to step away after blurting this out just in case they get violent.
22. “Your birth certificate is a letter of apology from a condom manufacturer.”
HAHA!
23. “I’d call you a cunt, but you lack warmth and depth.”
We’re not a fan of this word, but using it sure does get the point across, doesn’t it? [Read: 23 signs of a mean person, why they’re bitter, and how to deal with them]
24. “The best part of you ran down your mother’s leg.”
This takes creative insults to a whole new gross level.
25. “There are a million words in the English language, and there’s no such way to combine them to describe how much I want to beat you with a chair.”
This is a little barbaric, but hey, if that’s how you really feel.
26. “Your asshole must be so jealous of your mouth from all the shit it’s been spewing.”
Another visual we may not need, but if you really hate this person, go for it.
[Read: 20 smart medieval insults that should really make a comeback]
Insults from pop culture
If you can’t make up your own, it won’t hurt to borrow from fiction. TV and movies are chock full of creative insults. They are just asking you to quote them.
27. “You’re an inanimate, f*cking object!” – In Bruges (2008)
28. “You’re just the afterbirth, Eli, slithered out on your mother’s filth. They should have put you in a glass jar on a mantelpiece.” – There Will Be Blood (2007)
29. “Even if I were blind, desperate, starved and begging for it on a desert island, you’d be the last thing I’d f*ck ever.” – Scarface (1983)
30. “You’re somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you’re really thirsty. But, in your case, I’ll make an exception.” – Con-Air (1997)
31. “You know what, Mom, you know what I’m going to get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross, so every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.” – The Ref (1994)
32. “You’re a cunt. You’re a cunt now, you’ve always been a cunt, and the only thing that’s gonna change is you’re gonna become an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.” – In Bruges (2008)
33. “Jesus Christ, see you… You’re a f*cking omnishambles. That’s what you are. You’re like that coffee machine, you know: from bean to cup, you f*ck up.” – Malcolm Tucker, The Thick of It
34. “He’s absolutely useless. He’s as useless as a marzipan dildo.” – In the Loop (2009)
35. “I’d love to stop and chat to you, but I’d rather have Type 2 diabetes.” – In the Loop (2009)
36. “The guy is an epic f*ck-up. He’s so dense that light bends around him.” – Malcolm Tucker, The Thick of It
37. “You’re about as funny as a blind toddler in a f*cking minefield.” – In the Loop (2009)
38. “Your brain, for example–is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough to cover a small water biscuit.” – Blackadder
39. “The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed, hasn’t he, Perce?” – Blackadder
40. “It’s so dirty, it would be unacceptable to a dung beetle who had lost interest in its career and really let itself go.” – Blackadder
41. “Now, the sort of person we’re looking for is an aggressive lout with the intelligence of a four-year-old and the sexual sophistication of a donkey.” – Blackadder
42. “Hey, where’d you get those clothes, the toilet store?” – Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
43. “Well, you look like a bag of d***s” – Bad Moms (2016)
44. “If staying here means working within 10 yards of you, frankly, I’d rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein’s arse.” – Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)
45. “You’re a virgin and you can’t drive.” – Clueless (1995)
46. “You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.” – Toy Story (1995)
47. “What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul.” – Billy Madison (1995)
48. “That’s what I thought. You’re a gutless turd.” – The Breakfast Club (1985)
[Read: Dry sense of humor – What it is and 20 signs you really have it]
General creative insults
If you don’t need to insult anything specific about a person, you can try these general creative insults.
49. “Your mouth should be as silent as the ‘p’ in psychology.”
You are telling the person that you don’t value what they are saying, and that you want them to stop talking.
50. “You do realize we tolerate you.”
This is a generalized insult because it tells them that you aren’t very fond of them and they should feel lucky that you let them hang around.
51. “I did not pick up the phone because I’m ignoring you.”
This insult can get across a strong point if you are angry with someone. It says you’re not willing to listen to them. [Read: 134 smart and very funny would you rather questions to leave anyone ROFL]
52. “Call me back when you’re ready to be an adult.”
If someone is acting immaturely, then this is the perfect creative insult.
53. “I am only friends with you for the drama.”
Maybe one of your friends is overly dramatic but doesn’t know it. This is the perfect way to let them know.
54. “Calling you is a waste of time.”
If you’re frustrated that they don’t answer their phone or only talk about themselves when they do, then try this one.
55. “I’d be happy to hear from you if you were actually important.”
This is another good insult if you are angry at someone. You are telling them that they don’t matter to you.
56. “My headaches left immediately I left your presence.”
When someone is making you feel frustrated and insane, then you can get this point across by saying that they cause you to have headaches. [Read: When people hurt you – how to deal with the pain and respond to them]
57. “I’m smart, and I know you’re only benefitting from my wealth of knowledge.”
A great way to simultaneously compliment yourself while insulting them is by telling them this.
58. “When the sanitation worker came, he forgot to take you along.”
If you think someone is garbage or trash, this one will definitely get the point across.
59. “If we continue talking to each other, I might end up dead.”
When a conversation or a disagreement is not going well, this is a good one to try.
60. “I have to teach myself not to trust your stupid decisions.”
If you are being affected by the bad decisions someone is making, this will drop a truth bomb on them.
[Read: 70 hilariously cheezy pick up lines to leave anyone laughing]
Final thoughts
While you shouldn’t ever really insult someone, these creative insults can also be used with humor. That’s actually the best way to do it. Because we all know that cutting someone down doesn’t just say something about them – it also says a lot about your character too.
[Read: How to be funny – 28 must-know tips to make everyone love your humor]
Creative insults can be funny and, at times, worthy of admiration. Of course, as long as the insult isn’t for you. Use it wisely.
