Having a boyfriend is great. Having a boyfriend whose best friend is a girl can also be great. But wondering what to do when his best friend is a girl… is also normal.
Whether you have been cheated on in the past and carry trust issues with you, or not, we all get jealous once in a while.
It’s normal to have questions or even doubt when your beau is spending so much time with another girl. Before you go overanalyzing every moment between them, find out if your concerns are based in reality. [Read: How to learn to let go of your relationship insecurity and learn to love more]
Is it a problem that his best friend is a girl?
When your boyfriend’s best friend is a girl, your first feeling may be jealousy. But before you jump to conclusions, consider if this is really a bad thing or if you’re just overreacting.
Reading too far into this type of situation, especially when your distrust is unfounded can negatively impact your relationship. It prevents you from trusting him, having a friendship with her, and can even drive you crazy or lead to a breakup if you let it.
Wondering what to do when his best friend is a girl could actually be meaningless. There may be nothing to do. You don’t need to end their friendship or drive a wedge between them.
You may just need to see the situation from another perspective. [Read: Does your boyfriend have a very flirty girl best friend? Read this now!]
What to do when his best friend is a girl
Before accusing anyone of anything or giving your boyfriend an ultimatum to choose between you and her, take these steps to prevent some serious jealously induced problems…
#1 Get an outsider’s opinion. Ask a mutual friend that you trust to give you their point of view. Do they see a spark?
Being in a relationship with him clouds your judgment of her. There could be zero reason to think anything suspicious is going on, but your desire to maintain your relationship is creating problems that don’t exist. Ask someone you trust what they think. [Read: How to show respect and better love in your relationship]
#2 Do they have a romantic history? If so, how long ago did it end? Have either one of them given you a real reason to question their loyalty?
Did they break up 10 years ago? Did they have one drunken night together? Even if they did, is there any actual reason to suspect they aren’t being forthcoming with you?
#3 Would you be friends with her in another situation? I know it can be difficult to remove yourself from the situation you’re in, but try. Do you get along with her? If you weren’t worried about something happening, would you be friends?
There is a reason why your guy is close with her. If you look for those things, which probably include loyalty and kindness, you may realize you were just worrying for nothing.
#4 Is he honest with you about her? Is there an actual reason for you to be worried? Has he lied to you about her before? Did you find out they had a romantic history after he told you they didn’t?
If he has been nothing but honest with you about their friendship and history, you may not have any reason to doubt him. [Read: How to live your best love life with healthy relationship boundaries]
#5 Does he share your intimate details with her? This could be something that makes you uncomfortable. If they have been best friends for a long time, it may come naturally to him to ask her for advice on your relationship.
It may have been okay before a first date, but if she has mentioned that she gave him the idea for your birthday gift or advice on how to handle a fight, you may want to talk to him.
Whether you are just a private person or feel uncomfortable knowing that she knows so much about you, that can make you uneasy. Do try to think of it from his perspective. You have friends you go to with personal details and this is to whom he goes.
Just because she is a girl, it can feel like a competition. Really he just wants to make sure you’re happy. Think about why this makes you uncomfortable. Do you want to ask him to hold back with her or do you need to reconsider your discomfort? [Read: What do guys think of their female friends? 15 secrets revealed]
#6 Do you all hang out together? If he invites you to hang out with her, that is a great sign. He wants her to get to know you and vice versa. He isn’t hiding her from you nor you from her.
If he only hangs out with her alone in private that could be worrisome, but if he wants all three of you to be friends that could be a great thing. You would have someone to go to for gift ideas and advice on him as well.
#7 Have you shared your worries? Bottling this jealousy up is not a good idea. If it was fleeting and you let it go on your own that is great, but if it has been bothering you for a while now, let him know how you feel.
Don’t tell him he needs to stop seeing her. Just let him know how you feel about it especially if you can’t give a logical reason for your unease. You may just need his reassurance to relax.
Based on the answers to these questions you may have come to the conclusion that your jealousy wasn’t exactly rational.
Once you make peace with this friendship not only will you feel at ease, but you’ll likely come to realize that having a boyfriend that can maintain platonic relationships with females is an advantage.
He may be more in tune with his feelings, be more mature, and even be more prone to having important discussions about your relationship. Not to mention, if they get along so well it’s almost guaranteed you two will too. There’s another girlfriend to split the bill at brunch with. [Read: 11 strategies to stop overanalyzing and find more peace]
Should you be worried his best friend is a girl?
If your concerns haven’t faded after answering these questions, its time for a straight-forward yet delicate conversation with your boyfriend.
Don’t accuse them of anything, just calmly voice your concerns. Tell him you want to trust him completely but them spending so much time together makes you feel uneasy. [Read: 18 emotional affair signs you probably haven’t noticed yet]
Don’t ask him to cut back on their friendship, but ask him to be honest with you about their past and if they’ve ever had feelings for each other so that he can help to put your mind at ease. Even tell him you’d like to get to know her better. If the three of you spend some time together, you’ll likely see that there is nothing to worry about.
If after all of this, you still feel uncomfortable with their friendship, and there’s no rational reason to be, this could be a sign of a bigger problem. It may be time for you to consider that you could have some insecurities and trust issues of your own to address.
[Read: 19 signs of emotional damage and ways to get past them]
Hopefully, this gave you some useful advice on what to do when his best friend is a girl. Happy trusting!
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