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How to Forgive Yourself for Cheating and Stop Beating Yourself Up

We all make mistakes. If you cheated, there’s no turning back time, but this is how to forgive yourself for cheating and learn from your mistakes.

how to forgive yourself for cheating

Once a cheater, always a cheater. You’ve heard that phrase, I mean, we’ve all heard that phrase. But honestly, that’s not true. Sure, there are some people who cheat whenever they get the chance, just because they’re horny and the opportunity is there for them to grab. I’ve cheated before. This wasn’t because I was an opportunist, it was because I was unhappy in my relationship. If you’ve cheated, this is how to forgive yourself for cheating.

How to forgive yourself for cheating

Does it feel shitty to cheat? Absolutely, especially when you tell your partner. But listen, it’s okay. I mean, I’m not saying it’s good to cheat because it’s not, but you did it. So, now that it’s done, it’s time to let go of the guilt.

You can’t hold onto this guilt until you die, you need to forgive yourself for cheating. If you don’t, you won’t be able to grow and enter another relationship. I forgave myself and really looked at why I cheated. That way, I knew what I needed to work on.

It’s time to let go. You don’t have to be known as the cheater.

#1 Accept what you did. Okay, so you cheated. It’s not the best thing you can do on a Tuesday, but you did it. Now, you accept what you did. Openly say to yourself, “I cheated.” [Read: 16 powerful secrets of self-improvement]

#2 Don’t deny till you die. If your partner is suspicious, do not pull the “deny till you die” card. I thought you wanted to forgive yourself? Well, you can’t be lying to your partner about it if that’s the case.

You just can’t forgive yourself while playing stupid with your partner. Just admit it. Listen, you cheated, so whatever happens, well, you can’t be too surprised.

#3 Don’t demonize yourself. Again, you cheated, I know. You’re also not a bad person. If that was the case, I would be the devil. Mistakes happen, so you don’t have to take this as something so evil, you cannot live with yourself. Understanding how to forgive yourself for cheating means you let go of the idea that you’re a horrible human being. You’re going to make mistakes, that’s life.

#4 Why did you cheat? Why did you really cheat? You already know the answer, you have it deep inside you, you must accept the truth.

If you’re not into your partner, then you know what you should do. Forgiving yourself means doing what is right. It doesn’t mean it won’t hurt you or the other person, but it’s what needs to be done. [Read: Why do people in happy relationships still cheat?]

#5 What do you want? Now, what do you really want from your life? Do you want to be with your partner? If that’s the case and you want to be guilt-free, admit what you did, and then see if they’re willing to work it out with you.

If you want to no longer be with your partner, well, admit what you did and then take the steps needed to move on. Either way, it’s what you need to do to forgive yourself. [Read: The practical ways to rebuild trust after you’ve cheated]

#6 Don’t expect your partner to forgive you. Don’t expect anything. I know you probably think by admitting what you did, you’re entitled that your partner forgives you. But they don’t owe you shit.

They don’t have to forgive you, they don’t have to stay in a relationship with you, they don’t have to comfort you while you get emotional. You’re not supposed to admit what you did so you can be excused.

#7 Don’t make excuses for yourself. Oh, I was forced to sleep with her, she grabbed my arm at the bar and dragged me to the bathroom, I was defenseless. Yeah, yeah, and you accidentally fell inside of her as well. Give me a break.

Listen, if you want, you have an excuse for everything. So, it’s time you grew up and laid off with the lame excuses. [Read: 7 reasons why playing victim makes your life worse]

#8 Acknowledge the pointlessness of your excuses. Excuses don’t actually help you. Sure, you have a reason why you cheated, probably a shitty reason, but all it does is cover you up until you cheat again. You need to acknowledge the fact that your excuses are just bullshit and if you want to forgive yourself, cut the crap.

#9 No more self-punishment. Self-punishment doesn’t mean that you stop cheating. If you ate a doughnut and punish yourself by not eating the next day, you’re not doing anything. If anything, you make yourself even more hungry. Are you getting where I’m going with this?

You preventing yourself from masturbating the day after you cheat doesn’t mean anything. You actually avoid the root problem of your need to cheat. [Read: 15 ways to discover self-love and happiness]

#10 Focus on learning from your mistakes. If you feel guilty after cheating, it’s time you tried to learn from your mistakes. This isn’t going to be easy. You’re going to need to sit down with yourself and start becoming self-aware with what you’re doing. History doesn’t repeat itself, rather, people repeat history.

[Read: You only cheated once – Should you tell or should you just shut up?]

Just because you cheated, it doesn’t mean you’ll cheat again. Focus on learning from your mistake and self-forgiveness naturally happens.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
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