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How to Start a Conversation with a Girl over Text: 23 Smooth Steps

Learning how to start a conversation with a girl over text will improve your  dating game. No more fumbled conversations, just a smooth introduction!

how to start a conversation with a girl over text

You finally asked that cute waitress for her number. Good for you! It takes courage to ask someone for their number, and you mustered up the courage to do it. But you’re only halfway there. Before you can ask her out, learn how to start a conversation with a girl over text.

Now, some girls will go on a date without really talking to a guy beforehand. But in general, women prefer to have a sense of who you are.

Naturally, this depends entirely on the relationship you had before landing her number.

But don’t start freaking out, it’s easy to get negative thoughts in your head and then barf after texting her. You’ve made it this far—there’s no turning back now! You may be a little nervous about texting her first, and don’t worry, being nervous is perfectly normal.

[Read: The rules for texting girls you shouldn’t be ignoring]

How to start a conversation with a girl over text – The must-know tips you need

If you need a helping hand in getting started, we’re here to guide you. We want you to land that date with her, so follow these tips if you want to make your dream a reality. It’s time to get talking. You’ve got this!

1. Get her number

You have her number, right? If not, this is definitely your first step. Ask her for her number. If she offers you her Facebook or Instagram, take it. Not everyone is comfortable giving their number out. [Read: How to ask a girl for her phone number and all the ways to do it right]

2. Don’t send a dick pic

Some guys think it’s okay to send dick pictures as a way to say “hi.” Are you insane?!

Listen, unless she asks for a dick pic or sends you a nude, you keep that dick far away from your camera. If you actually want her to reply, try a different method. You’re more likely to get blocked with this approach! [Read: Important rules to not creeping a girl out when texting her]

3. Start simple

You don’t need to write her something sophisticated or cheesy. Keep it simple.

You should start by saying “hi.”

Yes, it’s simple, but it’s better than a line about her falling from heaven. Then ask her an open-ended question.

For example, “Hi, how’s it going?” or ask her something specific, preferably a *mature* topic. Use things from your previous conversations with her if you’re struggling. [Read: Cute ways to say ‘Hi’ in a text and really stand out]

4. Take your time

You’ll want to text her immediately once you get her number, but don’t do it. By taking even five minutes to text her, you’ll be more relaxed. You don’t need to text her straight away, there’s no real reason. So just take your time before jumping the gun.

If you go straight in there with the text, you’re going going to look too keen and as though you have nothing better to do – you might not have, but you don’t want her to think that! [Read: How to play it cool with a girl and impress her by keeping your calm]

5. Timing matters

You should text her when you think she’ll have some time to talk.

If you know she works 9 to 5, don’t text her during that time. If she takes night classes, text her earlier. You want to give her attention during the conversation, not to see you as a distraction.

6. She will talk to you if she likes you

If you’re wondering how to start a conversation with a girl over text, don’t be too concerned with your opening lines. If she’s into you, she’ll go with the flow and give you a pass.

Focus on topics that you know she’s interested in. Send her a good morning/night text message and see how she responds. [Read: 15 text conversation starters for the shy and socially awkward]

7. Give her space

If the conversation is flowing, then you can keep it going until you feel it’s a good time for a pause. Giving space isn’t a bad move, it shows her that you have a life outside of texting. If you’re too available, it’s not fun. Everyone likes a little chase. So, take a couple of hours in between conversations.

8. How does she respond?

You’re not the only one in the conversation. You may be thinking it’s going great, but she’s only replying to be polite.

Look at her responses. Does she ask questions? Is she engaged? Does she text you first?

If it’s a “yes”, then you’re on the right path. If she’s mostly saying “yes” and “no,” stop texting her because she’s just not into the conversation, or possibly you. [Read: How to not be a boring texter and keep your crush interested]

9. Use what you learn for your future chats

So, the first conversation went okay, but you noticed she didn’t like talking about movies. The next time you talk to her, don’t bring them up. With every conversation, you’ll learn something new about her. Tailor your topics to her interests.

10. Compliment her

We don’t know how you met her, but if you’re unsure if she knows you like her, you need to establish that. Don’t be too aggressive by flirting with her right away.

Give her a genuine compliment about her personality or smile. Let her know, you’re not interested in being just friends. You want more. [Read: The best compliments for girls that work better than you think]

11. Easy with the emojis

Not all girls speak in emojis. Want to know how to start a conversation with a girl over text and actually keep her interested?

Don’t infiltrate her screen with 1,000 smiley faces. Use the same amount of emojis she uses. If she’s never using emojis, then use emojis sparingly. If not, you’ll come across as a little too eager.

12. Feel like she’s not into it? – Stop

When you text her, if she’s not giving you anything back, if she’s just sending one worded texts, you need to pull the plug.

By carrying on, you’ll look very pathetic and desperate. This isn’t a good look for you. Pull out while you’re still ahead. There are plenty of other women out there. [Read: 18 clear signs to know if a girl likes you over text]

13. Keep your goal in mind

The whole purpose of you texting her is to ask her out. Don’t forget that. You need to remember why you’re texting her. Don’t allow weeks and weeks to pass by. Text her for a couple of days and then ask her out when you feel you comfortable with each other. [Read: How to ask a girl out over text – 7 steps to an instant yes!]

14. Think twice about what you text

Remember, texting doesn’t allow you to hear each other’s voices or faces. So, if you make a joke, make sure it’s not offensive or sexually explicit. You don’t know each other. Before sending a text, make sure your tone matches what’s written, without any room for misunderstanding. [Read: How to make a girl like you without even asking her out]

15. Eventually, call her

Only if the conversation is flowing. If not, she’ll think you’re creepy. If you’ve texted for a bit, call her.

It’s a great way to break the ice and make her feel more comfortable. When you call her, you can ask her out at the end of the conversation.

16. Avoid the late night text

Late night texting is a little contentious. You might have totally innocent thoughts in mind. Perhaps you’ve been busy and this is the first time you’ve sat down with time for yourself.

However, when you send a text late at night, especially to a girl, it can look very much like a booty call. If that’s not your intention, avoid texting too late during the evening. [Read: Booty call or flirty hello? How to respond to late night texts]

17. Don’t try to be smart

Far too many guys think that they can impress a girl by throwing in a few smart-ass remarks here and there. But here’s the truth – on text, it doesn’t translate well.

Remember, there is a huge amount of room for misunderstanding on a text. If you want to know how to start a conversation with a girl over text and lead it to more conversations, just be yourself and don’t try to be sarcastic or something you’re not.

18. Be yourself!

We just mentioned being yourself, but that can be very hard when you’re trying to impress someone. The truth is, if you want to actually date this girl, you need to be yourself form the get-go.

Don’t try and pretend to be someone else because that’s going to be a hard facade to keep up. Be genuine and be interested in what she has to say, that’s enough. [Read: Sense of self: 21 steps to raise it and feel like a million bucks]

19. Don’t turn the conversation into an interview

There is nothing more annoying than having question after question fired at you because the guy can’t come up with anything interesting to say.

Yes, you need to ask questions to have a conversation, but you don’t need to make her feel like she’s being interviewed for a job.

Whenever you ask a question, wait for her answer and then use that to allow the conversation to flow. Give your answer to the question too and that should lead to more conversation. [Read: How to keep a text conversation going when you have nothing left to say]

20. Don’t expect her to lead the conversation

Remember, you texted her. Yes, she has a part to play in the general conversation but she isn’t responsible for keeping it going single-handedly.

If it’s hard work, she’ll just let it go.

If you’re nervous, take a little time between texts *not too much* so you can gather your thoughts. The beauty of doing this over text is so you can think about what you want to say and you’re not stuck in the moment, face to face. [Read: The best flirty texts & sweet messages to make her smile]

21. Don’t wait too long to reply

It’s perfectly fine to wait a short time before replying and in some ways, it’s better. It gives you time to figure out what you want to say.

However, a “short time” shouldn’t translate into hours or even days. She’s going to be pretty annoyed with how slowly the conversation is moving and she’ll probably assume you’re talking to several other girls at the same time.

22. It’s okay to be quirky

You don’t have to be the cool guy! A little quirk is fun, as long as it’s not too out-there or hard to understand on text. If you want to crack the odd joke, go for it.

Girls love a guy with a sense of humor. Just remember that some things don’t always translate that well in the written word. You’ll think you’ve sent something super-funny and she’ll be scratching her head, wondering what you mean. [Read: How to make someone laugh over text and learn to be funny being you!]

23. Don’t work yourself up too much

Texting anxiety is understandable to a degree. However, if you send a text and then walk around with your phone in your hand constantly after that, worrying about why she’s not replied and turning small things into mountains, ask yourself if it’s worth it!

Send the message and then stay busy to keep your mind off it.

If she doesn’t reply, you can send one more text the next day, just a casual, bright and breezy follow up. If nothing after that, let it go. You don’t have to chase and she should have the common decency to at least reply. [Read: Texting anxiety: How to send & receive texts without freaking out]

The great thing about modern technology is that we can save your blushes when it comes to making the first move. Not that long ago, if you wanted to speak to a girl, you had to actually go up to her and have a conversation in person.

Can you imagine the embarrassment if she knocked you back? Thankfully, these days we can all hide behind our cellphones!

[Read: 18 casual things to text a girl and leave her addicted to you]

Understanding how to start a conversation with a girl over text isn’t easy to learn! But if you follow these tips, it’ll help you be more confident and relaxed when it’s time to take the next step.

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...