Whether it is alone time, time with friends, we all need our space in a relationship. Learn how to give your girlfriend her space without being distant.
Just like you need your space from your girlfriend, she needs her space from you. And whether she asks for it or not, part of being a good boyfriend is knowing how to give your girlfriend her space.
But with that comes a few hurdles. You may give her too much space and seem distant or not give her enough space and seem clingy. It is possible to find that happy medium though.
Why your girlfriend needs her space
Whether spending too much time together as a couple or you prefer to do specific activities without your girlfriend, she needs the same consideration from you. Maybe you would rather play Fortnite with the bros. Well, she may prefer to go shopping or out for drinks with the girls.
Your girlfriend’s need for space may very well have nothing to do with you. You could be perfectly happy together, but part of a healthy relationship is spending time apart. She needs to maintain her friendships and identity without you.
And that is a good thing. When you give your girlfriend her space, she has time to recharge and can bring even more to the relationship, as can you.
There is no step-by-step process when it comes to learning how to give your girlfriend her space. Each relationship and every woman is different. But these tips on how to give your girlfriend her space should guide you in the right direction. It will make giving your girlfriend her space easier all around.
#1 Read between the lines.As much as I like to boast about how women are so good at communication, sometimes we are just as clueless as guys. We may need space but not know how to ask for it or even know that we need it.
If your girlfriend mentioned wanting to go out with the girls or to a concert you have no interest in, but hasn’t made the plans, give her a little push. Remind her she mentioned a girls night out. Sometimes subtlety is the best way to go. [Read: The biggest traits of what makes a great boyfriend!]
#2 Communicate. If the subtle move isn’t working, just talk to your girlfriend. Let her know you’ve noticed she is a little off lately and wonder if she could use a change of pace by doing something just for her.
#3 Take your space. If you don’t want to rock the boat too much or put words in her mouth, let her know you want to go out with your friends or have plans of your own. Taking time for yourself may just inspire her to do the same.
And even if the thought doesn’t cross her mind, your busyness will give her space without her even knowing.
#4 Get her a gift. A spa certificate, a massage, tickets for her and her friends to see a show are all great ways to give your girlfriend her space. You aren’t being bitter or pushy about it. You are offering her a getaway and being classy about it.
Sometimes when things are going well we are afraid space will ruin things, but offering an incentive can do the trick.
#5 Be considerate. Don’t force her to take space or be upset that she needs time away. Whether she wants a night on the town or a cozy night in, just let her be. It can be hard to admit she needs time away from you but consider her side.
#6 Respect her time. Don’t judge whatever her plans are. You may have gone in thinking she would go drink wine at her girlfriend’s house and vent about you, but maybe she wanted to get dressed up and hit the club.
If you trust her, there is no problem with that. Let her do what she wants. It is her space.
#7 Be patient. She may need more than a night out here or there. Maybe she needs a weekend away. Or maybe she needs to cut off communication for a few days. Be patient with what she needs.
As long as you talk about the plan first so you aren’t just sitting around wondering what’s going on, this space will strengthen your relationship.
#8 Enjoy your time. Yes, the main goal here is to give your girlfriend her space. Don’t forget to enjoy your space too. This is your time to enjoy as well. Do something you never do while she is around or that you prefer to do alone or with your friends.
#9 Be there if she needs you. Space is not black and white. Just because you’re giving her space doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t speaking or she is on her own until midnight. This isn’t a fairytale.
Before she heads out, remind her to have a good time. Let her know you’ll be there to pick her up if she needs you. Giving her space is important. But remember this is not a break or a breakup. Just a little breather. Remind her when she needs you, you will be there.
#10 Remember this is good. You may have gone in thinking this was a great idea. Now she is out and about, and you’re worried. I get it. But remember, understanding how to give your girlfriend her space is beneficial to both of you.
Your time together means more, and you both bring more to the table when you nurture your independence.
How NOT to give your girlfriend her space
If you aren’t great at communication or bringing up new topics, these may be your go-to ways to give your girlfriend her space. They are just a disaster waiting to happen. So before you try out these failed methods, don’t.
#1 Ghost her.Giving her the space she needs is healthy, but just going silent and cutting her off for hours to days is cruel. Space is not helpful if she doesn’t know that what this is.
In fact, if you just stop talking to her to give her space, you will likely be making her think even more about you. She’ll wonder what is going on, which is not space at all. So please, talk to her before giving her her space. [Read: How to be masculine without being a jerk]
#2 Shut down. Similarly to ghosting, growing distant to let her have time alone is no use. If she reaches out via text or in person, and you just keep things on the surface level, you once again make things worse.
Giving her space without telling her that is what you’re doing is a surefire way to make things a hell of a lot worse.
#3 Cancel plans. This is one I have had my experience with. I had a boyfriend once told me he canceled plans last minute because he knew I wouldn’t have plans and would have my space to work on me. Yes, that very well could have been an excuse. It was also mean and didn’t let me decide on my space.
Her time is her’s not yours. You cannot decide when or where she takes her space. If you have plans she most likely wants you to keep them, so don’t give her her space spur of the moment like that.
#4 Start a fight. Maybe you want to give your girlfriend her space so you can have your space, so you start a fight. That sounds healthy, right? WRONG!
#5 Ask her when she’s had enough. Say you gave your girlfriend her space. You agreed she would go out with her friends once a week. Yes, you can let her know you’ll be there when she no longer needs said space, but do not reach out all night.
Do not ask what she’s doing or constantly remind her to be safe or ask her how to boil water or work the DVR. If you are giving her her space, just do it.