When a Woman Pulls Away: What She’s Really Trying to Tell You

Every woman and every relationship are different. When a woman pulls away, regardless of why, give her breathing room if you want her to come back.

when a woman pulls away

One of the most widely searched questions about relationships on the internet is why men pull away, but women pull away in relationships just as often. When a woman pulls away, she does it for different reasons.

Different genders behave with various coping skills and mechanisms. And, if you have a woman in your life who pulls away and you try to find the cause, the best way to know why is to examine your relationship.

When a woman pulls away

Women typically pull away in a relationship because of inequity, trust issues, or doubting their feelings, but those aren’t the only reasons. When a woman pulls away, it is important to figure out how things are going, how she feels, and if there is something that she holds in.

There are all sorts of reasons why women pull back in a relationship. These are the most common ones.

#1 You aren’t giving her enough attention. If you don’t give a woman enough attention, her first reaction might be to withdraw all the attention that she throws your way.

If she constantly dotes over you and you make her feel insignificant, she likely is tired of your noncommittal behavior and pulls away to find out if you notice or care. It is something close to a shit test, but for real.

If she pulls away because you aren’t treating her the way that she wants to be treated, then you best get on it, or the pull away will be a runaway. [Read: How to successfully pass a shit test from a woman]

#2 She is afraid of a commitment. If she isn’t ready to make a major life commitment and feels as if it is where you are heading, then she might just want to take a step back and examine what it is that she wants out of the relationship.

Contrary to what guys typically think, not every girl is worried about her biological clock or looking for the white picket fence and 2.5 kids. If she just isn’t quite ready to make it a “thing,” she might try and create distance to figure things out in her head.

#3 You are coming on too strong. If you move too fast for her comfort, it is likely that she pulls back. Women want to be wanted and needed. But, if you act like you can’t exist without her, cling on too tightly, or just act way too obsessive, then she might be trying to put some distance between the two of you.

If you notice you might be moving too fast, slow down and let her catch up. Otherwise, you risk watching her walk away. [Read: Annoying ways guys come on too strong]

#4 She has been hurt in the past. The fear of loss and hurt are two very powerful motivators that drive relationship behavior. If she has been hurt in the past, then it is likely she won’t be too eager to jump right back into heartache.

No matter the reason, if she felt the sting of loss in her past, she pulls back out of panic. Or, there might be a little voice inside of her that sends a caution signal that scares her off.

#5 You send her mixed messages. If you are totally into her one minute but not the next, you send her mixed messages. Perhaps you pull back from her and don’t even recognize it.

Sometimes we pull back from people without even knowing until they do the same. It doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end. So, when a woman pulls back, examine the way you behave to ensure you show her how you feel or you might just lose her. [Read: 25 biggest dating deal breakers for women]

#6 She is unsure of her feelings. Don’t freak out. She might be unsure of how she feels about you and a future with you. When things get serious, it is not that uncommon for people to second guess what they feel and take some time to sort things out in their heads.

If she pulls back, give her the space to find out what it is she wants. You don’t want to force her to decide or put pressure on her. The only way to make sure things will work out the way they should, is to give her the breathing room to gain some perspective and make sound choices. [Read: 11 signs you spend way too much time together]

#7 She doesn’t trust you. If you are a Romeo who can’t stop following or being followed by your harem of women on social media, she probably doesn’t trust you.

Whether you cheated on an ex, can’t let go of your ex, or can’t stop flirting with other girls, something tells her not to get too invested.

When a woman pulls back, examine what you do that may drive her away.

#8 She doesn’t think you are into her. No one wants to be rejected. If you act way less into her than she is into you, or pretend not to be that invested, then she will follow suit.

Playing hard to get only works initially, and after a while, it becomes your relationship’s worst enemy.

At some point, let your guard down and leave yourself vulnerable. If not, there is a likelihood she’ll pull back and stop trying to like you more than she thinks you like her. If she pulls back due to you playing games, stop playing games. You could lose this one. [Read: Enough is enough! How to stop playing relationship games]

#9 She hasn’t gotten over a previous relationship. If she started dating you too quickly after the break from someone significant in her life, she isn’t over her previous relationship.

Sometimes there are residual feelings that you don’t even recognize until you get close to someone else and realize that it isn’t quite right. If she hasn’t let go of someone in her past, she pulls back to figure out which relationship is real and what it is that she wants before she is all in. [Read: 15 rebound relationships to watch out for]

#10 Something just doesn’t feel right. There are times in a relationship when things just don’t feel right. No matter the reason, if that inner voice tells her things are amiss, she’s taking the time to step back and find the cause of her anxiety and angst in your relationship.

Give her time to figure out why she doesn’t feel as if it is a match made in heaven for both of your sakes.

Typically, when a guy pulls back, it is because he doesn’t know what he feels. When a woman pulls back, she probably does and tries to reconcile what bothers her or what she wants to do going forward. [Read: 13 hints a woman drops to make a guy realize he’s losing her]

The worst thing to do in any relationship when someone pulls away is to force them to make a decision quickly. Give them breathing room to decide what they want. If you don’t, you run the real risk of losing them.

[Read: Is she being a tease? Signs she wants you to chase her]

Don’t ever chase anyone who isn’t playing tag. All you do is run them off. When a woman pulls away, she will tell you what is going on when she is ready. Give her the time to communicate. 

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Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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