When a Woman Pulls Away: Why Girls Do It & What You MUST Do ASAP

When a woman pulls away there is usually a very good reason behind it. How to get her to come back is complicated. Learning why girls pull away is key. 

when a woman pulls away

One of the most widely searched questions about relationships on the internet is why men pull away, but women pull away in relationships just as often. When a woman pulls away, she does it for different reasons.

If you have a woman in your life who pulls away, the first step is to try and work out the cause. By doing that, you can identify the issue and work to resolve it. However, figuring out why girls pull away isn’t always easy. Every woman is different, after all.

However, you know the woman in your life better than we do, so with a little insider knowledge, you’ll be able to find the cause and work out what to do about it. [Read: 20 relationship problems that push a couple apart or bring them closer]

The signs a woman is pulling away from you

Before we figure out why she’s pulling away from you, you need to spot the signs it’s actually happening. It’s very easy is mistake a few days of feeling stressed and being distant because of it, with actual pulling away.

If you see many of these signs, it could be that the woman in your life is trying to put some serious distance between the two of you.

1. She’s non-committal when you try to make plans

We can’t speak for all woman, but most enjoy making plans and going out to do something different with their significant other. When a woman pulls away, she will become very unbothered about making plans, especially those that are too far in the distance. [Read: 12 life questions to help you visualize your future]

2. She’s not as interested in sex

Dips in libido happen sometimes so don’t panic if your partner has suddenly become a little less interested in sex. Stress can play a drastic role in how often someone feels like getting it on. However, if she’s constantly uninterested, it may be one of the signs she’s pulling away from you.

3. She seems to be secretive and preoccupied

This isn’t a good thing. She isn’t trying to keep a bit of mystery going on, this means she’s probably giving her attention to someone else.

If she’s preoccupied with work, that’s fair enough, but if she’s acting a little strange and being secretive, she’s pulling away from you and possibly trying to move toward someone else. [Read: What is cheating in a relationship? The truth most people ignore]

4. Her texts and calls are becoming less frequent

And, it takes her longer to reply. This is one of the major signs a woman is pulling away from you because it means she’s not that interested in communicating.

Now, if this happens once or twice, don’t panic; she may just be busy at work. But, if it’s a regular thing, you may want to question what’s going on.

5. She doesn’t seem interested in conversations or what you have to say

At the start, things were great. You had a real connection and you could have great conversations. Now, everything seems cold and it’s as though she’s put a huge brick wall between the two of you.

She’s not interested because she’s all in her head. Finding out why girls pull away is one thing but seeing this as a major sign should come first. [Read: Lack of communication in a relationship and why it signals the end]

6. She seems to be hanging around with different people

Do you have a mutual group of friends and she seems to be spending less and less time with the group? She’s pulling away and moving toward another group, finding fun and conversation elsewhere.

This doesn’t have to mean she’s cheating or looking for someone else, it simply means she’s finding social stimulation in other places – away from you.

7. They’re not interested in what’s going on in your life

This doesn’t mean she doesn’t care, it simply means she’s totally preoccupied with whatever is going on in her head. But, it could also mean that she’s pulling away from you to the point where she doesn’t actually care, too.

Learning why girls pull away is complicated but if she’s suddenly stopped being interested in what you’re doing at work or how your day went, that’s a pretty damning thing. [Read: 10 communication techniques to finally get them to open up to you]

8. They’re very distrustful of you

Maybe you’ve done nothing wrong and they have no reason not to trust you, but you get the feeling they don’t anyway. one of the reasons why girls pull away is because they’ve been cheated on before and the thought of it happening again is terrifying.

If she’s always questioning you about where you’ve been, this could be the reason behind it. It’s not that she wants to pull away, but she’s scared.

9. You sense that they’re not really there

This one might be confusing – they’re there with you, like in person, but you feel like their mind is totally elsewhere. They’re not listening to you, they’re off in their own world, and they’re not connected at all.

There could be reasons behind this, so again, if it’s the only sign you’re seeing it could be that she’s stressed or worried about something. Ask her, see what she says. But, don’t discount the possibility that it’s because she’s pulling away too. [Read: How to recognize an emotionally distant partner and deal with them]

10. She seems irritated with you all the time

Can you never do anything right? Does she seem annoyed with you for no reason? She’s too busy trying to figure out how she feels and any interruption to that thought process is met with annoyance.

Give her some space if this is the case. Trying to ask her what is wrong all the time will only make matters worse.

11. You can feel a distance

Never ignore your gut feeling. If you feel there’s a growing chasm opening up between you, it’s probably because there is. [Read: Should you trust your gut? How to choose to listen or ignore it]

What is the cause when a woman pulls away?

Women typically pull away in a relationship because of inequity, trust issues, or doubting their feelings, but those aren’t the only reasons. Learning why girls pull away is a step in the right direction because it gives you important information to go on.

The problem? There are all sorts of reasons why women pull back in a relationship. These are the most common ones. [Read: How to tell if a girl doesn’t like you – 25 signs she’s rejected you]

1. You aren’t giving her enough attention

If you don’t give a woman enough attention, her first reaction might be to withdraw all the attention that she throws your way.

If she constantly dotes over you and you make her feel insignificant, she likely is tired of your noncommittal behavior and pulls away to find out if you notice or care. [Read: How to successfully pass a shit test from a woman]

2. She is afraid of commitment

If she isn’t ready to make a major life commitment and feels it’s heading that way, then she might just want to take a step back and examine what it is that she wants out of the relationship.

Contrary to what guys typically think, not every girl is worried about her biological clock or looking for the white picket fence and 2.5 kids. If she just isn’t quite ready to make it a “thing,” she might try and create distance to figure things out in her head.

3. You are coming on too strong

If you move too fast for her comfort, she may pull back. Women need to be wanted and needed. But, if you act like you can’t exist without her, cling on too tightly, or just act way too obsessive, then she might be trying to put some distance between the two of you.

If you notice you might be moving too fast, slow down and let her catch up. Otherwise, you risk watching her walk away. That’s one of the main reasons why girls pull away. [Read: Annoying ways guys come on too strong]

4. She has been hurt in the past

The fear of loss and hurt are two very powerful motivators that drive relationship behavior. If she has been hurt in the past, then it is likely she won’t be too eager to jump right back into heartache.

No matter the reason, if she felt the sting of loss in her past, she pulls back out of panic. Or, there might be a little voice inside of her that sends a caution signal to scare her off.

5. You send her mixed messages

If you are totally into her one minute but not the next, you send her mixed messages. Perhaps you pull back from her and don’t even recognize it.

Sometimes we pull back from people without even knowing until they do the same. It doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end. So, when a woman pulls back, examine the way you behave to ensure you show her how you feel or you might just lose her. [Read: 25 biggest dating deal breakers for women]

6. She is unsure of her feelings

Don’t freak out. She might be unsure of how she feels about you and a future with you. When things get serious, it is not that uncommon for people to second guess what they feel and take some time to sort things out in their heads.

If she pulls back, give her the space to find out what it is she wants. You don’t want to force her to decide or put pressure on her. The only way to make sure things will work out the way they should, is to give her the breathing room to gain some perspective. [Read: 11 signs you spend way too much time together]

7. She doesn’t trust you

If you are a Romeo who can’t stop following or being followed by your harem of women on social media, she probably doesn’t trust you.

Whether you cheated on an ex, can’t let go of your ex, or can’t stop flirting with other girls, something tells her not to get too invested.

This is one of the main reasons why girls pull away so examine what you do that may push her from you. [Read: How to get over trust issues in your relationship and move forward]

8. She doesn’t think you’re into her

No one wants to be rejected. If you act way less into her than she is into you, or pretend not to be that invested, then she will follow suit.

Playing hard to get only works initially, and after a while, it becomes your relationship’s worst enemy.

At some point, let your guard down and leave yourself vulnerable. If not, there is a likelihood she’ll pull back and stop trying to like you more than she thinks you like her. [Read: Enough is enough! How to stop playing relationship games]

9. She isn’t over a previous relationship

If she started dating you too quickly after the breakup from someone significant in her life, she isn’t over her previous relationship.

Sometimes there are residual feelings that you don’t even recognize until you get close to someone else. At that point, you realize that it isn’t quite right.

If she hasn’t let go of someone in her past, she pulls back to figure out which relationship is real and what it is that she wants before she is all in. [Read: 15 rebound relationships to watch out for]

10. Something just doesn’t feel right

There are times in a relationship when things just don’t feel right. No matter the reason, if that inner voice tells her things are amiss, she’s taking the time to step back and find the cause of her anxiety and angst in your relationship.

Give her time to figure out why she doesn’t feel as if it is a match made in heaven for both your sakes.

11. You’re too aggressive

You’re too much and not in a good way. You’re too much in her face, too lovey dovey, just too much. This isn’t bad, but for her, it’s overwhelming.

Take it easy, cowboy. Your aggressiveness is causing her to freak out and retreat. If you want her, it’s cool, but don’t make her feel like she’s being hunted. [Read: 7 unnervingly annoying ways guys come on too strong]

12. She’s scared

Falling in love is a big deal. It’s terrifying. People fall in love and get rejected and that could be weighing heavily on her mind.

Some people take longer to process their feelings and really decide if it’s for them or not. So, maybe she really likes you, but she’s scared right now.

Don’t pressure her, give her space, and talk to her. If she’s scared, she’ll tell you what she needs from you. [Read: 10 clearest signs you should back off when pursuing a girl]

13. She’s not that into you

She went on a couple dates with you, tried it out, but she’s not into you like that. Sure, she thinks you’re nice and a good person, but for her, you’re missing something. You’re just not for her and that’s why she’s pulling away. [Read: Is she flirting or just being friendly? The real differences]

14. You’re impatient and not enjoying the moment

One of the biggest reasons why girls pull away is because you’re rushing things too quickly. She likes you, you like her, but you’re already looking for the ring, and it’s only the second date. You need to slow it down and take a breath.

If you’re too impatient, she’ll feel it and that makes a woman uncomfortable very easily. So, just try to enjoy the moment; even though you want a future with her, don’t make it so obvious just yet. [Read: 8 signs you’re coming on way too strong]

15. She’s suffering from FOMO

Or, also known as the “fear of missing out.” Listen, she likes you, but she’s also interested in the guy that works at Starbucks. Do you get what we mean? She doesn’t want to commit to you because she’s not fully ready to stop seeing other people.

You’re too serious for her, and she still wants to play the field. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you, she does, but not enough. [Read: 15 signs she’s leading you on and taking you nowhere]

16. You’ve become “soft”

Now, we don’t think you should become an asshole to try to keep her, this isn’t what it’s about. But she liked the chase and she liked that you didn’t always give her what she wanted.

Now, you’re in love with her and you want to do nothing more than shower her with gifts, we get it. But don’t do it. Treat her well and treat her with respect but don’t throw in the towel and surrender yourself to her. She may be bored now that she’s getting her way all the time. [Read: Women’s relationships issues that all men must know]

17. You’re not giving her the space she needs

You clearly see that she’s pulling away. Instead of communicating with her or giving her space, you suffocate her.

Look, we get it. You’re scared of losing her so you try to pull her back to you. But, by suffocating her, you won’t get her back.

You need to give her the space she needs since she’s clearly already in her head with thought. Instead of being in her face, talk to her. [Read: How to give space in a relationship and not drift apart]

What should you do when a woman pulls away from you?

You know the signs and you know the reasons why girls pull away, but what should you do about it?

The bottom line is that you can’t force someone to stick around just because you want them to. That’s the biggest issue with love – we can’t always have what, and who, we want. But, if you’re noticing that she’s pulling away from you, don’t despair just yet. There could still be hope.

The first thing to do is make sure that this is actually happening. Are you putting two and two together and getting twenty? Check through our list of signs and see how many you can nod along to. If you have many, it’s pretty likely you have a problem. If it’s just one or two and it’s only occasionally, chill a little. [Read: 12 quick tips to make your relationship a little better]

The next thing is to try and talk to her. Don’t make this a huge, formal conversation. Just say something like, “is everything okay? I’ve just noticed you’ve been distant lately.” It could be that she’s desperate to talk about it but she’s scared to make the first move.

If she says everything is fine, give her some space. Allow her the time she needs to figure things out. It could be that it’s all she really wants. But if nothing changes, you have to look toward the possibility that maybe she doesn’t want to be in this relationship after all. [Read: How to stop overthinking in a relationship and calm your mind down]

Nobody said love was easy

Typically, when a guy pulls back, it is because he doesn’t know what he feels. When a woman pulls back, she probably does and tries to reconcile what bothers her or what she wants to do going forward. Learning why girls pull away can help you to an extent.

The worst thing to do in any relationship when someone pulls away is to force them to make a decision quickly. Give them breathing room to decide what they want. If you don’t, you run the real risk of losing them.

[Read: 9 reasons why relationships are such hard work]

Don’t ever chase anyone who isn’t playing tag. When a woman pulls away, she will tell you what’s going on when she is ready. Give her the time to communicate. 

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Julie_Keating
Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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