Men and women are two very different animals – this is something that cannot easily be disputed. In fact, most of the articles you’ll read in any relationship advice columns are focused on these differences, providing advice on how to surmount them, and ensure a positive and healthy relationship despite them.
One of the areas most picked on regarding such differences is the minefield that is foreplay and the differing levels of importance placed upon it by each of the genders. However, post-play can be just as important and especially the humble, but very important, post-coital cuddle.
The male perspective
Men, quite simply, don’t have the same views on intimacy that women usually do. Intimacy is more often than not a means to an end, and little more. As far as most guys are concerned, it isn’t even remotely in the same ball park as the main event, and once sex has been performed, the intimacy doesn’t make much of a show again until the next time he is in need of relief.
What the guy has to realize, though, is that for women, intimacy plays an extremely important part in cementing the relationship, and for things to work out as all concerned would wish them to, then he’s going to have to swallow his pride and commit to a little more than the usual roll off.
What women want in their post-coital cuddle
Women want to feel needed. This can be through the act of sexual intercourse itself or through various other ways and means. Cuddling after sex is definitely one of the most important of these. But for exactly what reasons do women like this particular show of affection? Well, here are five reasons:
#1 It completes the intimacy. Sex is only one part of the intimacy and needs to be completed by post coital contact, which just kind of punctuates the whole thing, and lets her know that you feel the same way about her as she does about you, once it’s all finished.
#2 It comforts her. During the sexual act, she probably abandoned all her vulnerabilities in the heat of passion, but in the moments after the emergence of the big ‘O,’ all those doubts will come flooding back. A quick cuddle puts her immediately at ease again.
#3 It settles her mind. The sex might have been amazing, but she wants to know that she’s more to you than just a quick roll in the hay. The cuddle tells her that this relationship has emotional, as well as physical, foundations.
#4 It opens future possibilities. If someone just walks away from her after sex, then there is no further possibility of sex. Cuddling shows that it wasn’t just a quickie, an “empty” as some crassly name it, and that the attraction is real and lasting.
#5 It validates her behavior. The sex might have got really wild, out of hand almost, which is absolutely fine in a loving and trusting relationship, but she may now be embarrassed about it or even worried she’s gone too far. A quick cuddle shows that it was all gratefully received.
How to get it right
Any time I write an article for guys on any theme, the key points are always the same: use a bit of common sense, pull your head out of your ass, and think about the other person for a change. However, since us guys are a bit dense on the emotional awareness front, here are a few tips to be going on with on the right things to do when attempting a post coital cuddle.
#1 Take your time. A cuddle after sex should be lingering and sensual, not the kind of embrace that you would give to a team mate on the local football side, before running off to do something else on the daily itinerary. Rushing off just makes her think that you have no emotional connection with her, that she is less important than whatever else you have to do, and even that you’ve been thinking of that thing the whole time you’d been having sex. Put some time aside for her, and let her know she’s as special as you tell her she is.
#2 Full contact. A cuddle is more than a palm or forearm precariously balanced on one of her extremities. Make sure that it is delivered body to body, skin to skin, with as much contact between you both as possible – at least to begin with. [Read: Cuddling – a great way to increase intimacy in your relationship]
#3 In the zone. The post coital cuddle needs to carried out when it still is exactly that. Going to the bathroom first to wash up just pours cold water on the whole thing. Make sure the cuddle happens when you are still glowing and puffing from your recent endeavors.
#4 Know when to stop. As it says on the tin, cuddles are great after sex, but there is a time to stop, too. This is usually shortly after she falls asleep, so that she is allowed to take the maximum advantage from her rest, without you pinning her in one position, one which she probably doesn’t usually sleep in.
#5 Hygiene. This is more of a preparation thing, and is as important to sex itself as it is to the post coital cuddle. Especially where armpits are concerned, make sure that they are clean and well-deodorized, because she may just end up during your embrace with her nose stuck somewhere in that vicinity. Less than desirable, if she encounters the kind of smell more at home in a safari park than in a bedroom.
#6 Keep her cozy. You may already have noticed, but women seem to have an almost pathological aversion to the cold. If you have feet or hands that have gotten a bit chilly along the way, then keep them off her, because that’s one part of your body she WON’T thank you for sharing!
#7 Give her some space. Not the relationship kind but the real, physical kind. Yes, a woman tends to be a lot smaller than a man, but the fact she is probably capable of perching on the edge of the bed doesn’t mean that she necessarily wishes to. Limit the sprawl, and share the bed evenly whilst committing to the cuddle.
#8 Go easy on the ribs. A cuddle is never any more than a gentle squeeze. Go easy on the amount of pressure you’re applying, and if you start to hear bones popping out of their joints, then you’re probably being a wee bit heavy handed!
Likewise, don’t place all your body weight on her. She isn’t likely to appreciate being crushed, and even if taking some of the weight means that you yourself aren’t comfortable, then I have just three words of advice – suck it up! You are a man, aren’t you?
#9 Air. Make sure she has some, quite simply. Because she is most likely shorter than you, her face will probably end up somewhere in the vicinity of your shoulder and chest, where there are nook and crannies that almost seem to be designed to cut off her air supply. Take note of where her nose and mouth are, and make sure that she can easily draw breath while snuggled up against you.
# 10 Don’t be a slimer. Drool is never attractive, so if you have a tendency to turn into a slimer in your sleep, then do make sure that your face is at least on a pillow before you go to sleep. On the opposite side of the coin, if she’s the one who’s been doing the drooling, then it might be the gentlemanly thing not to mention it.
[Read: 16 non-sexual touches that make your partner feel loved]
Hugging and snuggling might not be every guy’s idea of fun, but with these few tips and a little awareness, you can ensure that she gets what she needs from the post-coital cuddle, both emotionally and physically.
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