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Right Person, Wrong Time? How to Learn to Time Things Right in Love

right person wrong time

There is such a thing as the right person, wrong time. Relationships are all about timing. So, focus on what is important and wait if it is worth it.

When it comes to love, timing is almost always everything! Coincidence? Divine intervention? Who knows! But the whole idea of the right person, wrong time, dilemma, it’s what makes life so interesting and yet, excruciatingly painful.

Thoughts of the right person at the wrong time, and the wrong person at the right time, are the ones that haunt us for years, if not forever. It always makes us wonder about the what-ifs, the possibilities and the crossroads we come across in life.

But if you think about it, if you’re truly happy in life, either alone or with a perfect significant other, would you still wonder about this whole right person at the wrong time conundrum? Or would you just be happy with the way your life has turned out?

So that’s key in understanding the whole reason why you’re even contemplating over this. Could it be possible that you’re not entirely happy with the way your life or relationship status has turned out? Or have you met someone recently who seems to just be perfect for you BUT one of you are in a relationship with someone else?

[Read: How to know if someone is right for you – 15 signs to look out for]

The right person, the wrong time and the crossroads of life

The truth is that you will probably meet several people throughout your lifetime that may be “the one.” Sometimes, you date them and realize they’re the wrong ones. And other times, you just never ever get to find out.

The problem is that they may not be “the one for now.” We can all admit that we aren’t the same person from one stage to the next. Sometimes we meet the right person at the wrong time. We do what we do, we are who we are, and then we learn from our mistakes and move on. [Read: How to make the right decision when you’re torn between two lovers]

The right person at the wrong time – 18 scenarios when you may feel this way

What ifs are the worst. But yet, that’s exactly what we feel when you’re hit with the right person at the wrong time scenario. Here’s a list of 18 circumstances that describe some of the worst times to meet “the right person.”

#1 You like your single life. Maybe it’s because you’ve recently broken up with someone, or just that you’re in that particular mindset, but the thought of giving up your single life leaves you cold. It doesn’t matter that you’ve met your potential life mate; you want to have a bit of fun, and that’s that. On this occasion, the decision is quite plainly yours.

#2 You’re not feeling your best. It could be a very serious sickness that you’re dealing with when you meet the right person, affecting your ability to act on it, or it could be a simple cold. If you only have one chance to impress, and your nose is running like a tap, then that might well be enough to scupper your chances. [Read: The importance of first impressions and secrets to make sure you leave a great one]

#3 Your education gets in the way. You’re in the middle of some important university or work-related study/exams, and the love of your life walks into the room. Are you prepared to sacrifice one for the other?

#4 You’re too drunk to converse coherently. You meet them in a club or pub, just as you’ve downed three times your weekly alcohol limit. You’re unlikely to make a good impression, and unlikely to pull it back on the night, but it’s worth a go once you’ve sobered up a little.

#5 You’re a single parent. Single parenthood is a very demanding situation to be in, and unless the right person is so right that they can see through that, you’re unlikely to find the time to commit to their pursuit. With a little help from family and friends, though, you might just be able to make enough time.

#6 Light in the pocket. There’s nothing worse than wanting to impress, while your bank balance is plainly not up to the task. Not to despair on this one, though, as there are cheap date ideas that can impress, as well. [Read: How to plan a romantic date even when you’re flat broke]

#7 They’re dating someone already. If the apple of your eye turns out to be already attached, then you really are in a minefield. There are two ways to go, and either you or someone else is going to get hurt. Tread carefully!

#8 You’re dating someone already. The converse of the last point: you’re the one who is attached. Time to do an in-depth analysis of your relationship to see if it’s worth keeping before you make the plunge into uncharted waters. [Read: Love triangles and how it can end up hurting you]

#9 A tale of two eras. You meet your soul mate, you text, you get on like a house on fire, you find them incredibly attractive… just one problem: there’s a huge age gap and you feel like it’s too inappropriate. Generation gaps can work in a relationship, but there are many obstacles to get over first.

#10 Wherever life takes you. Highly typically in this area of issues, you meet the right person just as long-term life plans are about to spring into action. Perhaps it is a new job, a new home, a new life in a new country; again, you have some real thinking to do if you’re going to give up your plans for someone you don’t really know. But then again, that’s love.

#11 The holiday fling that turns into love. There are lots of reasons why a holiday romance can work, but usually, once the fun is over, it means a long-distance separation. Not many couples survive the distance, but some definitely can. [Read: Holiday flings – The best ways to find one on your next holiday]

#12 This person is your friend. This one refers not to the state of meeting the right person, but realizing they’re already there, and you’re firmly in the friend zone. This situation has its own issues, but there is a possibility that you can swing them round to your way of thinking with a little persistence.

#13 You’re in a mess. When life problems arise—and let’s face it: the list of such problems is large—you may find yourself entirely unable to focus on other matters. It depends heavily upon what these are, of course, but there may be some room to maneuver.

#14 The missed connection. Like something from a movie, for no reason whatsoever, you completely fall for a stranger passing you in the street or on a train/bus. The stuff that rom-coms are made of, definitely, but be careful of pressing the question TOO firmly. What might seem like persistence to you may come across as a bit stalkerish to the object of your affections. [Read: 10 romantic and exciting ways to find that missed connection again]

#15 You’re not at your best at the moment. You’ve let yourself go a bit and have hit the worse shape of your life when Mr. or Miss Perfect walks into your life. Awkward, yes. Difficult, yes. But if they are the kind of person you think they are, then a little persistence should show them the true you that lies behind the less-than-perfect physical frame.

#16 The rebound relationship. A rebound relationship isn’t the best one to be using as a test round for your future husband or wife. You may think that’s what they are, but it could just be your emotions fooling you. Take things slowly until you know for sure. [Read: 15 signs you think it’s love when it’s only a rebound relationship]

#17 Third party problems. Nothing is worse than trying to impress that special someone when a recent ex is stalking your every move. This doesn’t make a good impression, and you need to get everything out in the open with your new flame before the situation is ruined by outside influences.

#18 A somber occasion. A funeral is not the best time or place to make designs on someone. If, however, you manage to pull it off without seeming creepy, then well done, you!

Life can be a cruel joke sometimes, especially when you think you’ve met the right person at the wrong time and missed your opportunity.

But then again, there are a few things you need to ask yourself honestly to overcome this confusion.

Are they the right person, wrong time… or wrong person, wrong time?

But if you aren’t on the same track, the same time frame, or generally in the same emotionally mature place in life, then no matter how compatible you are, it isn’t meant to be. And so it isn’t the right relationship at the right time.

Even if you think this person is perfect for you at that moment, they may not be right for you a few years down the line. Or you may even realize they’re not your ideal mate once you turn your life around just to date them. [Read: 14 common reasons why relationships fail so often]

Here is a breakdown of the right person, wrong time and how they conflict

Believe it or not, sometimes people don’t even know who is right for them. Unfortunately, we occasionally grab whoever is near, and then hope it works out with them. If it’s not the right person, then it won’t. Here are some qualities of someone who is the right person for you.

Right person

#1 You get each other. Whether you are 2 or 82, kindred spirits just have that ability to get one another. It’s like you speak the same language that no one else gets – it just feels comfortable and right to be together.

The right person is like finding the other sock that is missing in the laundry. The perfectly matched pair, and you feel lucky that it made its way home.

#2 They care more about you then they do about themselves. The right person for you is the person who cares more about how you are than they care about themselves. That doesn’t mean that they sacrifice for you, it just means that your happiness is right up there with theirs.

They know that in order to be happy, it takes two. You and them. An extension of who they believe themselves to be, they want the best for you – sometimes more than they want it for themselves. This would definitely be right person, wrong time. [Read: 50 Relationship questions to test your compatibility]

#3 Protect and defend. The right person is someone who will defend you to the death, or at least to their own uncomfortableness. Chivalry is not dead, nor is fighting for your man. Sure, they can fight their own battles, but the best part about finding the right person is that there is no such thing as “their own battles.”

Any battle waged, is a joint endeavor, and their job is to protect you by letting you know that they are always in your corner, and will always be there to keep you safe.

#4 Same interests. We all get old, wrinkly, and don’t look like 20-year-olds forever. If you want a relationship to last, the right person is someone who you have things in common with, you can talk to about anything, and you have fun together. The right person is someone you want to share sunsets with, whether it is in Kilimanjaro or on the deck of your back porch.

#5 They bring out the best in you. The right person for you is not someone who tells you what you want to hear, they are someone who tells you what you need to hear. That includes saying things that are uncomfortable, may feel really wrong, and hurt your feelings. [Read: 50 questions to check if someone’s right for you]

The right person knows that it is their obligation, as someone who loves you, to push you past where you think you can go, love you more than you think capable, and to be your devil’s advocate when you are looking for an angel’s kiss.

Wrong time

#1 Neither one of you is ready for a commitment. The problem is that sometimes when we find the right person, we aren’t in a place in life that makes us a good companion. If you aren’t ready for a long-term relationship or have relationship anxiety, that can lead to resentment down the line.

If you aren’t ready for a commitment, then remain friends and get your playful days behind you, or you could risk losing them for good. But this is a big sing for right person, wrong time.

#2 You are more into your career than a relationship. If you *or the other person* are in a place in your life where you are so into climbing the corporate ladder that you don’t have time for a relationship, then it may be that they are the right person, wrong time. [Read: Love or career? How to make the right choice]

There is nothing more difficult than letting the person of your dreams go to further your plan for the future. But, if you don’t, you could end up resenting them or wishing you didn’t have the distraction later on and went full speed ahead. That can make the right person look like the wrong one when your life is ready to begin.

#3 You don’t have your shit together. If you are in a place in life where you know that you can’t even take care of yourself or your own issues, that may not be the time to take on someone you love and start a future – no matter how perfect they are for you.

If you can’t get your own shit together, having the distraction of someone you love won’t make it any better. It will ensure that you won’t ever put your aim and focus where it needs to be, to get ahead, sober up, or get your ass to school. Sometimes the right person, wrong time can be the anchor that will sink you both. [Read: 60 get to know you questions for a new romance]

#4 You haven’t finished one relationship. It is the absolute worst to meet the right person when you are in the wrong relationship. If you are in a relationship that you have had doubts about, or maybe not even until the right person came into your life, the worst mistake that you can make is to jump ship and think that you can exchange one for the other.

Or worse yet, cheat on one. If you want the right person to grace your life in the right way, then you have to be honest, cut ties, and be done with one before you take on another.

If you don’t have closure and resolution, then even if they are the right person, it is going to be the wrong time. It may feel like someone got cheated and that it wasn’t right.

Make sure to end and finish one relationship before you start another, no matter how “perfect” you think the other person is for you. [Read: Signs you’re compatible with the one you’re dating]

#5 You are just getting over a bad relationship. It is difficult to know whether you have found the right person for you, or if you have found someone to make all the horrible stuff and misery from a bad relationship disappear.

Let’s be honest, when you are in a bad break up, or someone was abusive to you, then anyone is going to look like the “right” person – whether they are or not. The worst time ever to find the right person is right after you have been in a relationship that left you with the need to be fulfilled and loved.

It is hard to know whether they are really the right person or just someone who is human and gives you what you should have had from a “normal” relationship.

[Read: How to find your soulmate – 36 real ways to find your one true love]

Meeting someone that you think is the right person but at the wrong time, would always leave you with what ifs. But if you just accept it, or even really analyze it, even if you do so a couple of years down the line, you’ll realize that sometimes, the right person wrong time scenario could just plain and simply be the wrong person for you.

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