Home  >  My Life  >  Reflections

40 Painful Signs & Reasons Your Friends Are Growing Apart & What to Do

You may have once been attached at the hip, but are things looking different now? Here are signs of friends growing apart.

signs you're growing apart

Have you noticed that you and your friend, who once seemed almost like the same person, are now finding yourselves at odds more often than not? This shift of friends growing apart is a common yet unsettling experience in many friendships.

The hard truth about life is that people evolve over time. Research suggests that the average person undergoes a significant personality change roughly every seven years. In many cases, these changes are gradual and barely noticeable.

However, there are instances when these shifts can be more pronounced, dramatically altering the dynamics of a friendship.

Fortunately, drastic changes leading to friends growing apart are not the norm. More often than not, the drifting apart of friends occurs after a major disagreement, a significant falling out, or a profound life event. But it’s also possible for friends to gradually grow apart without a singular defining moment.

Before you know it, the person who was once your closest confidante becomes someone you barely converse with. Understanding this process is crucial in navigating the evolving landscape of friendships. [Read: 12 reasons why so many romantic relationships drift apart over time]

What’s Really Going On in Our Brains When Friends Drift Apart

Ever had that rock-solid friendship where you thought, “Yep, this is it. We’re basically the Batman and Robin of friendships”? Then, out of the blue, things shift. Maybe the conversations aren’t as easy, or the laughs don’t come as frequently.

Let’s start with the fact that friendships are like rivers – they’re always moving, changing, and sometimes, finding new paths. It’s normal, no river flows straight forever, right? This fluid nature of friendships is where psychology wades in with some interesting explanations.

Take attachment theory, for example. It’s not just about clingy toddlers; it plays a role in our adult friendships too.

This theory suggests that our early relationships set the stage for how we connect with friends later in life. So, as we grow and our attachment styles evolve, it’s no surprise that our friendships might shift as well.

Then there’s the social exchange theory. Think of it like a friendly barter system. We’re in friendships for the mutual give and take. When that balance tips – maybe one friend is always giving advice, but never taking any – the friendship can start to feel a bit off. [Read: Bad friendships: 45 signs you have bad friends & need to get new ones ASAP!]

And don’t forget about good old developmental psychology. It tells us that as we waddle through different life stages – from wild college days to maybe more buttoned-up middle age – our friendships often morph to reflect these changes. It’s like your friendship is growing up and sometimes growing in different directions.

Now, the role of individual personality changes? That’s a biggie. Remember the ‘changing every seven years’ thing? As we each evolve, our interests, values, and life goals can start to diverge. It’s like if you started off loving horror movies and your friend was all about rom-coms, but over time, you find yourself more into documentaries while your friend’s now all about sci-fi. These personal shifts can gently nudge friends onto different paths.

You’ve Grown Apart From Someone in Your Life Before

You probably don’t have to think very hard about growing apart from someone in your life. It usually happens between grade school and middle school, and then again transitioning into high school. This is mainly because puberty does a lot to your personality and maturity level.

1. Your Desire to Talk to Them Dwindles

If you’re finding that you don’t really care to talk to them that much anymore, it could be a sign you’re growing apart. This could be for a lot of reasons. Maybe you can’t muster the effort. Maybe you’re worried they wouldn’t care about what you have to say, or find it interesting.

When you’re attached at the hip or really close with someone, you tell them just about everything. If that has changed, it means you’re no longer as close as you once were. [Read: Why you lose friends or just drift apart over time]

2. Their Opinions Don’t Match Yours Most of the Time

One of the main reasons you get so close to someone in the first place is that you share opinions and beliefs. When those start shifting in a different direction, it can cause you to move in a different direction, too.

Some of those beliefs are what you base your life on and if theirs differ from yours, it may cause you to spend less time with them.

3. Your Interests Don’t Match Up Anymore

Just like with opinions and beliefs, your interests are a bridge that keeps the two of you connected. When that bridge is severed, do you really think you’ll be walking across it as much as you used to?

If you start liking a different kind of music, movie, or even lifestyle and they like the opposite, there’s less opportunity for the two of you to spend time together or discuss your favorite reads—which means you will, inevitably, grow apart.

4. You Made New Friends Who Don’t Care For Them

A lot of the time, new friends can throw a wedge between old ones. If you’re finding new friends to hang out with more often than your old ones, it’s a sign you’re growing apart.

What’s more is that your new friends might not like your old friends. So you don’t invite them along with you, because it would be weird for them. That can really tear relationships apart… without you even realizing it. [Read: 14 clear signs your best friend isn’t your best friend anymore]

5. They’re Not the First Person You Want to Invite to Events

You know that best friend who would always be your #1 choice for those “trip for two” radio contests to someplace amazing. But then, one day, you’re asked who you would take on such a trip, and surprisingly, it’s not them.

They aren’t the first—or even the only—person you’d think of bringing along anymore. You might not have realized it until that moment, but in the past few months, you’ve grown apart significantly.

6. You Ignore Their Calls

And you do so without feeling guilty. You notice that you just don’t feel the urge to pick up the phone when they call. It might seem trivial, as people often find excuses for not answering.

You tell yourself you’re “busy,” can’t talk at the moment, or even claim you “didn’t see the call.” But deep down, you know there’s a real reason you’re not picking up, unlike before when you would’ve answered immediately.

Back when things were solid between you, you were always eager to hear what they had to say. Whether it was the latest gossip about their love life or just a rant about their boss who couldn’t get things right, you were there for it all, hanging on to every word. Now, that eagerness has faded, a clear sign of how the dynamics have shifted.

7. Your Friend Group Has Shifted

You more than likely had a certain friend group with this person. The two of you hung out with them all the time and they might have been the glue that really kept the two of you together.

But now you hang out with one group while they hang out with another, and don’t see each other too often. Getting into a new group of friends that they don’t share with you is a sign you’re growing apart.

8. You Find Them Annoying

This is also a very subtle sign that you’re growing apart because, honestly, you can get annoyed by anybody. However, if you’re always irritated with someone when they don’t really do anything to spark it, it could mean that you’re growing apart. [Read: How to not be annoying and be everyone’s best friend]

Imagine you and a roommate of yours, who started out as friends – that’s obvious, since you decided to move in together. But after a while, just having them in the same room starts to irk you immensely. You’re growing apart without even realizing it at the time. The subtle shift from companionship to irritation sneaks up on you, changing the dynamic of your living situation and your relationship.

9 You Go Longer Periods of Time Without Seeing Them— and You Don’t Care

You haven’t seen this person in two weeks and you couldn’t really care less. That’s how you know that you’ve really grown apart. [Read: Long-distance friendship: What makes it work & ways to stay connected]

When you’re close to someone, you want to see them as often as you can. When you’ve grown apart from someone, the desire to see their face and interact with them just isn’t there anymore.

10. You Can Think of People More Important to You

When your newest friends rank above the person who used to be #1 on all your lists, you’ve begun to grow apart. When there are more important people that keep sliding in spots above them, you’ve already grown apart.

11. You’re Both Always “Too Busy”

Suddenly, it seems like both of you have the world’s busiest schedules. Even when there’s a bit of free time, hanging out isn’t top of the list.

But it’s not just about being busy, it’s more like you’re not making each other a priority anymore. Friends growing apart often find excuses in their schedules. It’s like both of you are saying, “Let’s catch up soon!” but that ‘soon’ never comes. [Read: Ways to stop glorifying busy and start living instead!]

12. Your Conversations Feel Superficial

Remember those deep, 3 AM heart-to-hearts? Now, it’s just surface-level chit-chat. When friends start growing apart, conversations can feel forced or just stick to safe, shallow topics. You’re no longer diving into those meaningful talks about hopes, dreams, or what you had for lunch.

If your conversations have dwindled down to a routine exchange of “Hi, how are you?” it’s like you’re interacting with someone you just matched with on Bumble BFF, not a long-time friend.

13. You Don’t Share Inside Jokes Anymore

Inside jokes are like the secret handshake of friendship. But if you’ve stopped referencing that hilarious thing that happened five years ago, it’s a sign.

It’s like the shared language you had is fading away. Friends growing apart often lose these small, yet significant, connections. You might even start feeling like you’re speaking different languages.

14. Different Life Goals and Values

You know when you used to dream about creating a bridge connecting your houses and wearing matching granny outfits in the future?

Well, as you both grow, your ambitions and values might start to diverge. Maybe one of you dreams of a nomadic lifestyle while the other craves stability. When your core values and life paths start taking different directions, it can create a gap in the friendship.

15. You Feel Relieved After Canceling Plans

That feeling of relief when plans get canceled? If that’s how you feel about hanging out with your friend, take note. It’s a pretty clear sign that you’re not as into the friendship as you used to be.

The thought of hanging out doesn’t excite you anymore. You might find yourself making excuses just to avoid making plans.

16. Your Social Media Interactions Have Cooled Off

Remember when your chat thread was a bustling marketplace of memes, each one perfectly relatable to the both of you? Your notifications were almost always buzzing with their tags and mentions.

But now, if you notice that these vibrant social media interactions have simmered down to the occasional like or a sporadic comment, it’s a telling sign.

The eagerness to share a laugh over a meme or to engage actively on each other’s posts seems to have waned. As friends grow apart, this cooling off of digital interactions mirrors the changes happening in your real-life relationship. [Read: The art of a social media detox, what it is & 29 secrets to wean yourself off]

17. You Don’t Miss Them When They’re Not Around

There was a time when going a week without seeing each other felt like an eternity. But now, weeks or even months can pass by, and it doesn’t really bother you.

Obviously, when you don’t miss someone, it shows that your emotional connection has shifted. It means that their presence, which once filled a huge chunk of your life and brought joy, no longer holds the same importance.

18. Your Humors Don’t Match

Laughing together is a huge part of friendship. But if you find that their jokes don’t make you laugh anymore, or vice versa, it’s yet another sign.

Your sense of humor might be evolving in different directions. It might sound shallow but is definitely one of the signs that your friendship is growing apart. [Read: Dry sense of humor: What it is & 20 signs you’re deadpan dry and funny]

19. Feeling Like You’ve Outgrown Them

There are times when it feels like you’re on a bit of a roll, moving forward, while your friend seems to be chilling in the same spot. Maybe you’ve decided to pack up and move to a new city, or you’re diving headfirst into a totally different lifestyle – kale smoothies, yoga at dawn, the works. Meanwhile, your friend is more about the comfort of the familiar, sticking to the same old routines.

This sense that you’ve outgrown them, that your paths are diverging, can be a subtle yet clear sign that the friendship is evolving, or maybe, taking a backseat.

20. Lack of Emotional Support

In a strong friendship, you’re usually each other’s go-to cheerleaders and the first line of defense when things get tough. It’s like, whenever stuff hits the fan, you want to be the one with the broom, ready to help clean up the mess.

But if you start noticing that this isn’t the case anymore, it’s a big red flag. If you’re no longer the first person they call for advice, or you find yourself hesitating to share your own ups and downs, it’s a shift from being each other’s emotional pillar to more of an acquaintance-like support.

Common Reasons for Friends Growing Apart

Let’s talk about why sometimes even the strongest friendships, the ones with matching bracelets and all, can end up drifting apart.

1. Moving to a New City

When one of you packs up and moves to a new city, keeping the friendship alive gets trickier. You’re not just dealing with physical distance, but also the hassle of different time zones or busy schedules.

It’s tough to maintain the same level of closeness when you’re not sharing the same local coffee shop or jogging paths. Long-distance friendships need extra effort, and sometimes, life gets in the way. [Read: Secrets to make friends in a new city & spark small talk with people you like]

2. Climbing the Career Ladder

Career changes can mean less time for hanging out. Maybe one of you landed a dream job that demands crazy hours or constant travel.

When your 9-to-5 becomes a 9-to-9, it’s hard to sync up schedules for a quick catch-up, let alone a weekend getaway. Prioritizing careers is important, but it can put a strain on friendships.

3. Tying the Knot or Starting a Family

Major life milestones like getting married or having kids can redefine your priorities and available time. Suddenly, your world revolves around diapers or date nights, and the weekly hangouts with friends might take a backseat.

It’s not that the friendship isn’t valued, but new responsibilities and time constraints play a big part in friends growing apart. [Read: Family oriented: The meaning & what it means to be this person]

4. Developing New Hobbies and Interests

As time rolls on, you might find yourself getting really into lifting, hitting the gym like it’s your second home, while your friend dives deep into the gaming world, battling it out in virtual realms.

While it could be interesting to chat about these new passions, there’s a hitch – you just can’t relate to each other’s newfound interests. It’s like they’re speaking Klingon while you’re trying to converse in Dothraki.

Sure, you can nod and smile when they talk about their epic win in a game, and they might politely listen to your gym routine, but the genuine enthusiasm to understand each other isn’t quite there.

5. A Shift in Social Circles

Sometimes, you just end up clicking with a new group of people. Maybe it’s through work, a new hobby, or even your kids’ playdates.

As you spend more time with these new friends, you might find yourself drifting from your old ones. It’s not intentional; it’s just how social dynamics can shift.

6. Letting Conflicts Fester

That one argument over something silly can turn into a lingering issue if not addressed. When conflicts aren’t resolved, they create an invisible wall between friends. It’s like having an elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about, and over time, it just gets awkward.

7. Evolving Beliefs and Values

What if you start feeling strongly about environmental issues, but your friend doesn’t see the big deal? Over time, differences in opinions and values can create a gap. It’s challenging when the core beliefs that maybe once aligned start to diverge.

8. Life Throws a Curveball

Sometimes, unexpected life events like a family crisis or personal challenges can monopolize your time and energy.

During these times, keeping up with friendships might take a back seat. It’s not like your friendship isn’t important, it’s just that life sometimes demands all your focus elsewhere. [Read: 26 deep daily reminders to fix your life forever & go forward]

9. Financial Differences

When one friend is splurging on fancy dinners and the other is on a tight budget, it can create awkwardness.

Financial disparities can limit the activities you can do together, and sometimes, it leads to friends growing apart. It’s tough when you can’t enjoy the same things as you used to.

10. Burnout and Personal Struggles

Dealing with personal issues like burnout or depression can make maintaining friendships hard. When you’re struggling, it’s tough to be a good friend, and sometimes you end up pulling away. It’s not about the friendship, it’s more about dealing with your own stuff, and that’s okay. [Read: Millennial burnout: Are you suffering from wanting to do too much?]

11. Getting Comfortable with Solitude

As you grow older, you might find comfort in spending time alone. When your idea of a perfect evening shifts from partying with friends to a quiet night in, it affects your social life. It’s a natural part of growing and changing as a person.

12. Feeling Judged or Unsupported

If you start feeling like your friend is more of a critic than a supporter, it’s a problem. Constant negativity or judgment from a friend can push you away. It’s like you’re looking for a cheerleader, but all you get is a critic. [Read: 17 bad friends you need to unfriend from your life]

13. Changes in Communication Style

Picture this: you’re all about shooting quick texts throughout the day, but your friend is old school – they prefer a good, long phone call. Over time, these mismatched communication styles can start to create a bit of a rift. Maybe one of you needs constant updates, like a play-by-play of the day, while the other is more about that low-maintenance, once-in-a-blue-moon kind of catch-up.

When these communication preferences don’t align, it often leads to fewer interactions, and gradually, it becomes one of those things contributing to friends growing apart.

14. Different Parenting Styles

If you’re both parents, differing parenting philosophies can drive a wedge. Maybe your ideas on discipline or schooling are worlds apart.

It’s tricky navigating a friendship when your fundamental approaches to something as crucial as parenting don’t align.

How To Deal When Your Friends Are Growing Apart

It’s like one day you wake up, and whoosh, you realize you and your friend aren’t the dynamic duo you used to be. So, what’s next? Whether you’re thinking about rekindling that friendship or moving on, here are six ways to handle friends growing apart:

1. Reflect on the Friendship

Take a moment to really think about your friendship. What did it mean to you? What changed? Understanding the dynamics of your friendship helps in figuring out your next move. [Read: Types of friendships, benefits & how many you need to be happy in life]

2. Open Communication is Key

If you’re leaning towards fixing things, start with an honest conversation. Reach out and suggest a meet-up to talk things over. It’s important to express how you feel without placing blame.

Remember, it’s not about pointing fingers but understanding each other’s perspectives. Who knows, a good heart-to-heart might just bridge the gap.

3. Give It Time and Space

Sometimes, a little distance can actually be healthy. It gives both of you time to grow and maybe even miss each other’s company. Think of it as pressing the pause button, not the stop one. Giving each other some space might bring back the appreciation and fondness you once shared.

4. Explore New Friendships and Interests

While you’re dealing with the drift, dive into new hobbies or social circles. It’s an opportunity to grow and meet new people. Expanding your social horizons can be refreshing and empowering.

Plus, making new friends doesn’t mean you value the old ones any less; it’s just adding more awesome people to your life.

5. Seek Closure if Needed

If rekindling doesn’t seem right and the drift is more like a chasm, seeking closure might be healthy. It’s okay to acknowledge that some friendships are meant for a season.

Having a final, respectful conversation to close that chapter can be liberating. It’s like tidying up your emotional closet – it can bring a sense of peace and clarity.

6. Focus on Personal Growth

Whether you rekindle your friendship or move on, use this time to focus on yourself. Engage in activities that make you happy and help you grow.

It’s a chance to rediscover aspects of yourself that you might have overlooked. Remember, growing apart from a friend doesn’t mean you stop growing as a person. It’s just another part of your journey, filled with lessons and opportunities for self-discovery. [Read: Self-improvement secrets to improve yourself & transform into your best self]

Friendships, Like Everything Else, Evolve

Growing apart from a friend isn’t usually something that happens overnight. More often, friends growing apart is a gradual shift, where the closeness you once shared slowly fades into something more distant. It can take years, and sometimes, you don’t even notice how far you’ve drifted until a significant moment makes it clear. The realization can be tough, a mix of nostalgia, regret, and maybe a bit of relief.

Realizing that you’ve grown apart from someone can stir up a whirlwind of emotions. It can be painful to acknowledge that the person who was once a major part of your life is no longer playing that role. Yet, it’s also a natural part of life’s journey.

[Read: When you miss someone: 36 signs & things you MUST do to learn from it]

Friendships, like everything else, evolve. The key is to embrace these changes, learn from them, and carry the good memories with you. It’s okay to cherish the past, be present in the now, and look forward to new relationships in the future. This acceptance and understanding of friends growing apart can lead to a healthier and more positive outlook on personal growth and future connections.

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. And while you’re at it, check out MIRL, a cool new social networking app that connects experts and seekers!

Natasha_Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer, and the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degr...
Follow Natasha on