We can’t help who we like, and we can’t help it if we like more than one person. As much as you wished that one person embodied everything you’re looking for, it just isn’t possible.
Sometimes, the traits you want in one person can be seen in different types of people. That’s probably why it takes some individuals a long time to find a person that they like and that they’re compatible with.
When we do find someone whom we feel is perfect for us, we can still discover that there are some aspects about their character, appearance, and personality that we don’t like.
Some people find those missing pieces in others, while some end up finding two or more people who have everything they want and need. The problem then becomes choosing who to be with, despite knowing that the other one still stands a chance.
Facts about liking two people at the same time
Attraction is a tough concept to analyze objectively. So let us tell you what goes on when you’re equally attracted to two different people.
#1 Liking two people at the same time is not a crime. When they both ask for exclusivity or a commitment, and you agree to both, that’s when the line between right and wrong starts to get blurry. [Read: How to get over a crush and have fun doing it]
#2 When you like two people at the same time, you will start to compare them. When it turns out that you can’t find anything wrong with either of them, you might start to consider staying with both of them just to satisfy your need for their affection.
#3 If you’re not committed to either of them, you’ll find yourself seeking both of their attention. The problem with this is that it can be exhausting, since you’re trying to attract the attention of two people who may want completely different things.
#4 You’ll get confused about what you really want in a person. It’s confusing when you find yourself attracted to two people who are complete opposites. It can start to make you wonder which traits you’re genuinely attracted to, and which traits you’re just tolerating in favor of other traits.
#5 You might crave the other person’s presence when you and your current partner encounter problems. That sort of thinking is what leads to cheating.
Despite the potential problems posed by the issues above, there are still advantages to liking two people at the same time. If you’re not dating both of them, you still have two choices. Not many people can say the same for themselves. Having choices means that you can make an informed decision about who is worth pursuing.
By taking your time, you can choose which one makes you happier, so you can set the other free. That way, you won’t hurt anybody as much as you would have if you decided to date them both at the same time. [Read: Love triangles and its confusing complications]
What do I do if I can’t choose?
No one can tell you who to like or love, and that’s what makes choosing so complicated. If you don’t make a decision as soon as possible, there’s a chance that these people will make the choice for you. They will either fight for you or leave you. It depends on how they perceive your worth.
If you’re the type of person who will cheat just so you can date both of them, don’t be surprised if they figure out that you’re that kind of person, and thus, leave you. If, however, you made no promises and are planning on choosing just one, you have to do it soon because some people aren’t willing to wait for those who can’t see their worth.
The importance of choosing one over the other
Being attracted to two people and having them be attracted to you may seem flattering, but the truth is, you need to choose just one of them to ensure that no one’s feelings get hurt. If you’re still unsure of how to go about the situation, these questions may help guide your decision.
#1 Do you think you can be truly happy if you don’t choose one of them? If your answer is, “I’ll find a way.” Then, you’re asking the wrong questions here. If you never plan on choosing just because you think you can control the situation, then good luck with that!
Dating two people at the same time is only okay if everyone agrees to it, but that never lasts. Sooner or later, everyone’s instincts will kick in, and you’ll see that seeing other people is simply a temporary fix to a bigger problem – your indecisiveness.
#2 What’s stopping you from choosing? Are you afraid to lose one of them forever? Are you scared that you might be making the wrong choice? Are you being fair to both of them? Do you want them both, regardless of the consequences?
Whatever it is that’s stopping you, always remember that your decision affects everyone. You’re not just hurting one person. You’re actually hurting three, and that includes yourself.
#3 What would you do if you weren’t afraid or reluctant to choose one? What if there were no consequences? What if the relationship you chose was perfect, and the other person became a good friend of yours? Who would you choose?
Sometimes, the answers will come to you when you remove all of the fears and the negative assumptions that are crowding your mind.
#4 Do you think they’re happy with your situation? When all you do is think of how your decision affects yourself, you start to forget that there are two other people involved. Have you considered what they want and need? What if they’re tired of waiting and are too hurt to understand why you keep holding them at arm’s length?
If you’re dating both of them, don’t you think one or both of them will wonder if they’re not good enough for you? The worst that could happen is when they both realize that you’re just treating them like options.
#5 Are you selfless enough to let go of one of them? It’s difficult for a relationship to grow when one of you is not fully invested. Neither of them will be happy with a long-term arrangement wherein they’re keeping themselves exclusively for you, but you’re free to date others.
When you continue to date both of them at the same time, you’ll end up fueling conflicts and jealousy on both sides. However, if you choose just one, you may only end up temporarily hurting one of them with your honesty, while the one you chose will end up being happy with you. Isn’t the latter situation a lot less complicated, and ultimately, more favorable?
#6 Do you want to see them happy? If you can admit that you’re too selfish to let either of them go, you need to ask yourself if their happiness is just as important as yours. It’s understandable that you might want to put yourself first, but it’s not reasonable for you to do that at the cost of someone else’s joy.
Think carefully about the kind of person you want to be: do you want to be the selfish person who wants to bask in the attention of two different people, or do you want to be the person who’s strong enough to let someone go to prevent further pain?
[Read: Help! I’m in love with my boyfriend’s best friend]
When you’ve found that you’re attracted to two different people, you either end up dating one of them or neither of them. No matter how badly you want to date them both at the same time, in the end, one or both of them may end up being wise enough to sever ties with someone who can’t make up their mind.
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