Help! I Like My Boyfriend’s Best Friend!

If you’re suddenly thinking, I like my boyfriend’s best friend, you have a major problem. It means you’re harboring feelings for someone you mustn’t have!

i like my boyfriend's best friend

So you’ve been flirting with your boyfriend’s homeboy and you think there may be something more than just a spark between the two of you. You suddenly can’t get the thought, I like my boyfriend’s best friend, out of your head – and that’s where you’re in deep trouble.

Your mind is likely racing with a million questions: is he right for you, is it worth the risk, what’s ailing your current relationship to have let feelings for someone else slip in, can your boyfriend pick up on your subtle flirtatious hints? Yikes! A ton of questions with some potentially exciting, potentially scary answers!

Before you do anything you might likely regret, it’s essential to read this feature first. If you’re seriously thinking of running off with your boyfriend’s bestie, there may be a couple of points worth considering before you do.

Things can get especially tricky if you’ve been with your current boyfriend for a long time. When it comes to situations like these, it’s always best to be practical and avoid making such impulsive decisions. [Read: What to do when you like someone else?]

What to do when you like someone else – while you’re in a relationship

While you’re committed to your current partner, that doesn’t mean you won’t have feelings for anyone else. You can’t always control your emotions. A long as you don’t act on your feelings, then that isn’t considered cheating. When you realize you’re falling for someone, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

But you do have to think about your feelings carefully. Especially if your partner has been your partner for so long now, you need to really think this through. For all you know, this is just a phase, and it will eventually fade.

Your crush could be a temporary thing, so acting on your feelings and leaving your boyfriend behind might be a decision you end up regretting. A relationship is such a significant and intimate part of your life that you can’t just act impulsively and spontaneously on it.

You really need to think this one through and take a few days or weeks to sort your feelings and thoughts out. So if the thought, I like my boyfriend’s best friend, doesn’t leave your side, sit it through. [Read: Married but in love with someone else? Here’s what you need to do]

So what do you do when you like your boyfriend’s best friend?

You know from the start that this will be a complicated scenario. But it will be even worse if you do absolutely nothing and let your crush turn into something more. So what’s the right course of action? [Read: Does everyone get sexually attracted to someone else: Is it normal?]

1. Can you outlast your crush?

Take some time to consider whether this is just a crush, or if you have genuine feelings for this person. People in long-term relationships tend to get bored around the 2 or 3 year mark. This is completely normal, and in most relationships this boredom will fade, and you’ll head back to being smitten as a kitten with your beau.

Remember that love is more of a choice rather than a feeling, so what you feel right now could be temporary. It might just be because it brings the excitement you seek in your relationship and has absolutely nothing to do with them altogether.

However, if you think you have genuine feelings for this person and see a future with them, or you feel truly dissatisfied with your current relationship, you should seriously consider dropping out with your long-term partner and exploring some new options. [Read: How to get over a crush and have fun doing it]

2. Identify your relationship woes

If you’re having feelings for someone else, you need to take a deep look at why. When you love someone, there is usually a connection that’s formed that makes you want to be exclusive, or feel the slightest bit of healthy attachment to them.

There could be a deeper routed issue in your relationship that you aren’t facing. The fact that you’re too easy to catch feelings means something is going on.

Are you simply attracted to the friend more than your partner? Is your current sex life dwindling or leaving you unfulfilled? Have you and your partner stopped communicating with one another? If you keep thinking, I like my boyfriend’s best friend, take a closer look at your relationship. [Read: 10 common relationship woes and how to deal with them]

3. Can you really leave your mate?

You need to make a weighty pro/con list about your mate. If you’re entertaining the idea of taking up with his best friend, you need to view it as more than just a fantasy.

Remember that while this person may seem alluring or ideal right now, sooner or later reality will set in and you’ll come to know his flaws and weaknesses just as you did with your current boyfriend. Look back on your relationship with your current partner.

If you feel even the slightest regret to leave them, breaking up with them might not be the right thing to do. Especially if you’ve been together for so long, imagine the time you can’t get back.

You should never stay with someone if you are living in perpetual unhappiness, but always remember that if he made you happy once, odds are he can do it again, if you share the load of working on your relationship. [Read: When to leave a relationship: 15 subtle signs that say right now!]

4. Break it to the friend

Odds are if you have a crush on the best friend, he’s probably aware of it. In fact, he’s probably flirted back and entertained thoughts of you in ways that should only be reserved for your boyfriend. At some point or another, it’s best if you talk openly with the bestie about how you feel.

If the thoughts of, I like my boyfriend’s best friend, are consuming you and you don’t want to feel that way any longer, talk to them about it. Ask him how he feels about you and if he wants to be with you beyond just having the fantasy. If you leave your mate, you need to know that he’s going to be there for you.

If you aren’t planning on leaving your boyfriend, and don’t wish to hurt anyone’s feelings, you may simply want to approach the best friend and say that you feel like a flirtatious vibe has been going around. Tell him you want to work on your relationship and won’t be engaging in any flirtation with him any longer.

Practice your charm and good use of feminine wiles to get out of this conversation casually and without any awkward tension afterwards.

5. Show him respect

Even if you are 100% positive you’re going to leave your mate, whether you end up with his friend or not, you still need to show him dignity and respect. This means you shouldn’t be flirting with his friend right in front of him. No matter your decision or feelings, at least respect your relationship enough to not flirt right in front of his face.

You need to do all you can to be without reproach, should you break up. You’d never want him to throw in your face that’d you’ve been ungrateful for his love and time, or that you’ve been a liar or a cheat.

You want your relationship to end on a good note, and that will never happen if you treat him with utter disrespect just because you’ve fallen for his best friend.

Also remember that if you cheat on your guy with the best friend, the best friend will likely be suspicious of whether you would do the same to him. This is not a great way to start a foundation of trust in a new relationship. [Read: How to show respect in a relationship and love each other better]

6. Decide how to approach your boyfriend if you want to break up

As mentioned above, ending a relationship on a good note is so crucial. So if you’re thinking, I like my boyfriend’s best friend, and you really want to take your feelings into action, decide how you want to do the breakup.

Is he the type of guy who would respond better to simply never seeing you again? Would he want to hear about the new relationship straight from you, or from his best friend? One of you will need to tell your boyfriend that you’re together. After all, he’s just been dumped.

He will react harshly either way, especially as it will be a breakup he’ll never see coming. But at least end it the best way you can. [Read: How to break up with someone you still love]

7. This will probably ruin their friendship

Odds are your current boyfriend isn’t going to appreciate his best friend, whom he trusted, scooping his girlfriend out from underneath him. There will be hurt feelings and the subject of betrayal will be no stranger to your upcoming conversation.

This can cause an extreme amount of emotional turmoil for all three parties involved, not to mention your collective slew of mutual friends.

This is one thing you can expect when you put your thoughts of I like my boyfriend’s best friend into action and make it into a reality. Your boyfriend will feel so hurt about this and may not be able to stay friends with his best friend, at least not for a while.

8. Bonus tip: Take the high road

If staying with your man is intolerable, while running into the arms of the best friend is too fraught with difficulties, then you can always take the high road and do neither. When your boyfriend no longer fulfills your needs, you have every right to leave. But don’t go running to the best friend either, as this is sure to cause a conflict.

This way, neither party gets you. This is, of course, on the assumption that you’re in an unhappy relationship. This way, you don’t potentially break their friendship and be in another relationship immediately. In this scenario, it may be better off to resist the temptation to even mention that you have a crush on your guy’s best friend.

And in order to keep the entire issue under wraps, put some distance between you and the two guys whom you have conflicting feelings for. [Read: 10 ways to resist the temptation to cheat]

9. Realize the implications

When you like your best friend’s boyfriend, this will have a lot of implications in your life. So before you act on your feelings, decide if it’s worth it. Your crush might just be temporary, so it could not be worth risking your relationship over. [Read: 20 valid reasons to break up with someone]

The moment you choose to break up with your boyfriend for his best friend, you not just break their friendship apart, but this is a choice you need to make. So you can’t be wishy-washy over this kind of decision as this is your relationship we’re talking about.

10. Control your actions

The more you spend time around your boyfriend’s best friend and engage in certain temptations, your feelings will only grow. So if you really want to control how you feel about him, it’s crucial to control your actions. This means don’t be in the same room as him and don’t engage in any flirting with him.

Before you do something you might regret, don’t let yourself be more tempted than usual. So control your actions while you can if you really like your boyfriend’s best friend. [Read: 13 easy ways to avoid falling in love with someone]

11. Make a list

There are situations where writing a list can help you make the right decision. So make a list of the pros and cons of pursuing him versus choosing your boyfriend. Be as detailed as possible with the list, and don’t hold back. By the end of writing it, you should be able to see which decision your gut is telling you to go to.

No matter how much you like your boyfriend’s best friend, there’s always the potential that it’s temporary or that you like him because you’re trying to ignore an issue in your relationship. So making a list really helps put things in perspective.

12. Cut him off

If you keep thinking, I like my boyfriend’s best friend, and you can’t get rid of these thoughts, it’s better to cut him off. That is if you’ve decided to choose your boyfriend. Prevention is better than cure, and if being around him triggers you to cross any lines, then it’s better not to see one another for a while.

At least, until you get over your crush. So if there’s a party or hang out when his best friend is there, best to avoid it for a while. Just tell your boyfriend you have other plans. It’s much better than giving in to your feelings for his best friend that may or may not be serious.

[Read: How to unfriend someone in real life: Cut ties and find your peace]

So, what if you like your boyfriend’s best friend?

This is never an easy scenario to be stuck in. Being attracted to someone else while you’re in a relationship is difficult enough, but for you to fall for your boyfriend’s best friend? That spells trouble.

But it’s always best to think it through first before breaking up with your boyfriend impulsively. You might just end up regretting this decision, especially when you’ve been together for so long!

If you keep thinking, I like my boyfriend’s best friend, think about the most practical steps to take moving forward. Is it just a crush that you get over, or has it become something more? If it’s the latter, is it worth sabotaging your current relationship for a new one?

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Waverly Smith

Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that peo...

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