You’re in a tricky spot. You’re looking to hookup with someone—without worrying about feelings. Fear not, here are 15 ways for how not to catch feelings.
Hooking up with different people is one way to learn more about yourself. Plus, you can experiment with your sexuality. I’m a supporter of soul searching. The thing is, no one tells you that hookups can also cause feelings to emerge, ruining your entire plan of living young, wild, and free. What you have to do is learn how not to catch feelings.
This is why I’m here—someone has to let you know! And I’ve had my fair share of hookups. Typically, they all ended up with me liking the person. Of course, they were only hookups, so I ended up momentarily broken hearted.
You probably thought that I wouldn’t be an advocate of hookups. But I am. By doing everything wrong, I figured out what you need to do in order to keep yourself from catching feelings.
Now, I don’t know you personally, we’re all different when it comes to emotions. Some people are more emotional than others. And if you’re an emotional type, like me, you’ll need to be stricter with yourself. It may result with hookups not being for you and that’s also okay.
Damn those feelings.
#1 Be real with yourself. I was trying to play like a tough girl, giving the impression that no one can hurt me, blah blah blah. I’m an emotional person though. I accept that now. Are you an emotional person? Of course, you are. You’re human, but if you’re someone who catches feelings easily, hookups may not be the best option for you. [Read: 13 hookup and rebound sex questions to know if you’re ready for it]
#2 Expect nothing. This is the problem with people who catch feelings. They say they expect nothing, but in reality, they went into the hookup hoping for a wedding ring and a lifelong commitment.
#3 Keep seeing other people. Don’t get attached to one person. Keep your options open. If not, you’ll start to feel settled with the person and that can only lead to disaster. Date other people in the meantime, you don’t need to promise commitment. You need to have backups ready and waiting for you.
#4 Don’t start texting each other. Unless it’s about sex. If it’s about sex, then yes. If it’s not about sex, then don’t text each other. There’s no need to have in-depth conversations, you’re not together. Once you start to open up, feelings come into play. Don’t be friends on Facebook, don’t follow each other on Instagram. Nothing.
#5 Limit your time together. This isn’t your boyfriend or girlfriend, this is just someone you have casual sex with. Refrain from spending all your time with them. Only see them when you’re wanting sex. It’s the best way to keep your feelings at bay. If not, you’ll start to feel like it’s a relationship. [Read: Dating material vs hookup – how to know who fits in each]
#6 Put yourself first. Once you start to put their needs over your needs, they need to go. Casual sex is about your needs being fulfilled, not waiting hand and foot on them. But once you start doing things only to make them happy, well, you’re catching feelings. You’re not trying to impress them, your goal is to feel satisfied.
#7 Create boundaries. Sit down with them and tell them what you’re looking for and what the rules are. Yes, you need to establish rules, you’re not special and it’s the best way to avoid catching feelings. No sleepovers, multiple partners, no daytime dates, these type of rules. Though they sound like a buzz kill, so is having your heart broken.
#8 Invest very little into the relationship. You cannot expect anything nor should you go above and beyond for this person. It’s a hookup, so you have no obligation to them. Of course, basic respect is a must, but other than that, you don’t need to do favors for them or cancel plans to see them. Live your life and squeeze them into your schedule when you can.
#9 No gifts. No. No. No. Did I say no? No! No gifts. You aren’t dating. This isn’t a serious relationship. Gifts mean there’s an emotional connection, and it’s crossing the line. Your gift to them is letting them have sex with you. It’s more than enough. If they give you a gift, give it back. [Read: 15 signs you’re more than friends with benefits and getting attached]
#10 Always ask yourself one question. Have my feelings changed for them? This is something you should be asking yourself constantly. You need to always check in with yourself and reflect on your feelings. If not, you may be blindly walking into a trap you could have avoided.
#11 No PDA. Again, you’re not in a relationship with this person. If you want to know how not to catch feelings for someone, completely avoid any kind of public display of affection. No hand holding, no kisses, nothing. If they start touching you in public, this will certainly make you start second-guessing their actions and have you questioning your own feelings. This is where things get messy. Don’t touch each other unless it’s in the bedroom.
#12 Don’t introduce them to your friends. Yeah, they may get along with the people you hang with, but they don’t need to meet your friends. It’s a bad idea. If you have feelings for someone, then you can introduce them to your friends. This is a step that should only be made if you want it to become a serious relationship. And if that’s the case, they wouldn’t be someone you’re just hooking up with. [Read: 15 easy ways to ask a guy to be your friend with benefits]
#13 Make sure you don’t already like them. If you have a crush on this person and you want to hook up, expect to catch feelings. This isn’t rocket science. You like the person and now you’re going to sleep with them. This, usually, only makes the feelings stronger. Unless the sex isn’t good. If you already like them, don’t hook up with them.
#14 Don’t talk daily. There’s no need to talk with them every day. You won’t be seeing them every day. So, only talk to them when you want to arrange to see them. If you start to talk every day, you’ll catch feelings quickly. Keep the talking to a minimum. [Read: The 11 must-know steps for the perfect hookup]
#15 End it when you feel the feels. If you’re starting to have feelings for them, you need to cut it. I know it sounds harsh, but it’ll save you from heartbreak. There’s a high chance you will catch feelings, but the important part is to stop hooking up with them when you feel it.
It’s hard, I know, but it’s what needs to be done. Unless… you want something serious with them. Then, you’ll need to confront them about it.