When it comes to figuring how to ask a guy to be friends with benefits it is not as hard as you might think. In fact, most guys will be flattered.
The actual act of knowing how to ask a guy to be friends with benefits is not the part you should be worried about. Nowadays texting is usually the way to go, and most guys will be on board.
But what you do have to do is make sure that right off the bat you make the right choices and are open about the situation. Friends with benefits can go south quickly if both parties aren’t on the same page.
Don’t expect a certain answer
Although plenty of guys would be over the moon for this type of offer, it is not for everyone. Before getting into the nitty gritty remember that he can say no or he may want to think about it.
Asking a guy to be friends with benefits is not as nerve-racking as asking a guy out. Rejection will burn less and hopefully your feelings won’t be hurt, maybe just your ego.
So go in with confidence, openness, and make sure you have a game plan.
#1 Think about why you want this. Before getting too far into this situation, think about why you prefer a friends with benefits situation over a relationship. Of course you want sex, so that is why you would rather not be single. If you’re not happy on your own, this situation won’t fix anything.
It is important to remain self aware. If you are too busy with work to commit to a relationship or just want something casual because you’re fresh out of a relationship, great. But this is not a cure all for relationship woes and certainly is not a relationship replacement. [Read: 13 rebound sex questions to know if you’re actually ready for it]
#2 Pick someone you trust. The whole idea of friends with benefits is that you pick someone who is a friend. It does not have to be a close friend or a best friend, but someone that you know you don’t have actual feelings for and vice versa.
#3 Know you get along. Being friends with benefits with someone you don’t get along with is not the best idea. Yes, angry sex can be passionate, but friends with benefits was created to remove the drama and chaos of a relationship, not add to it.
Choose someone you know you don’t lock heads with. Just headboards, LOL.
#4 Avoid anyone you have a past with. Friends with benefits should not be entered into by exes or someone you used to have feelings for. You should also make sure this person never had feelings for you.
Of course being attracted to one another is important, but if actual feelings were on the table before, they are bound to return.
#5 Be straightforward. From the moment you ask this guy if he’s interested in casual sex, you should be straightforward. If you’re wondering how to ask a guy to be friends with benefits, don’t beat around the bush or butter him up with compliments because that might feel like a date.
#6 Keep things drama free. It is a common movie quote. Sex makes things complicated, but it doesn’t have to. You can keep things drama free as long as you tell each other what’s up.
If you are seeing someone else, tell your friends with benefits because drama would be running into your FWB with their date and being caught off guard.
#7 Give a reason. As a part of staying on the same page, you should be able to offer him a reason as to why you want to enter into this and why you picked him.
Tell him that you like him and are attracted to him but just aren’t in the right headspace for a relationship. This seems like the perfect arrangement. This way you both know where the other is coming from.
#8 Set ground rules. This may be the most important part that you need to keep in mind when you’re trying to figure out how to ask a guy to be friends with benefits. Without rules things tend to get messy.
Are you both seeing other people? Are you informing one another if you have sex with someone else? Are you going to share meals or sleep over at each others’ places? What method of birth control are you relying on? These are all things you need to decide on before starting things out.
#9 Maintain the friendship. Your friendship should stay how it was before this. If you hung out once a month in a group, then keep doing that. If you only saw each other a few times a year, stick to those social gatherings.
If too much changes outside of the benefits part of the situation it can be difficult to navigate.
#10 Agree things will end eventually. Friends with benefits is not a marriage, which means it will end eventually. So before starting things make sure you are both verbally aware that this will not be forever.
#11 Talk about what happens afterwards. Ending things will be weird no matter how much you prepare so try to sort things out beforehand. Ask him if after things end you will maintain the friendship as normal or if you will take some time apart.
If you end because one of you got into a new relationship, will you tell that person? Will that makes things weird for your friendship? These are all things you should discuss.
#12 Will you tell people? This is another big thing in any friends with benefits agreement. If you share a friend group, will they be able to tell something is going on? Are you keeping things on the down low?
Do you have roommates? Are you going to sneak around or just tell a couple people that need to know?
#13 What if someone catches feelings? This is always a possibility, no matter how much you or he refuses to believe it. So talk about the possibility.
#14 Set a routine? This may sound boring, but setting a routine can make this even more smooth. Are you going to stick to his place or yours?
Are you avoiding the weekends and just getting together during the week? This will help with making plans and dealing with details later.
#15 What do you like? You are friends with benefits so most likely sex is on the table. And because you probably aren’t as scared to hurt his feelings as someone you would potentially be dating, you can share what you like and what you don’t right from the start.
Let him know what is on and off the table from the start so there are no surprises.